Title: Alone with no Friends Author: Serendipity Multiple POV Notes: Where do we go after we lose a family member? Dedicated to Kathy and Amy

Sam's POV

God, I thought I was the strong one.

I can't do this anymore, that's it I am done.

Finished

Fineto

Over

Here I sit in my room, door locked. Crying.

Cassie is out there wit Jack, and I am in here.

Aren't I supposed to be the one who is comforting Cassie because she just lost her mother.

God I am an ass.

And what about Jack. He came over here to be near me, and here I sit.

God I miss Janet already.

I am so lost, I don't know what to do.

I crawl over to the door. Yes you heard me right, crawl, I am sitting on the floor in the dark.

I wanted to know what was going on out in my living room. I know Jack didn't leave, I didn't hear his truck.

But I did hear Cassie come out of her room.

The soft whispers drift quietly down my hall to my room.

Cassie is worried about me. Hell I am worried about me.

I hear her say to Jack that she wants him to check on me.

If I cared, I would move from my spot on the floor.

But I don't.

I wonder what Jack and Cassie are talking about.

The door closes to Cassie's room and I move away, for some reason the door hitting me in the head doesn't sound all that inviting.

But I don't want to get off the floor. If anyone wants me they can come to me.

How am I going to make it through all of this?

Am I going to be a good mother to Cassie?

Is she is going to want me?

Is Jack going to want me?

How can we ever have something if when every time we go through the gate, there is a chance I won't come back with them?

I can't let him go through what I am going through right now.

Life is so unfair.

I lost my best friend.

Great here come the tears again.

Why can't I stop crying?

I am not sure how long I have been sitting here or how long it takes for Jack to knock at my door.

I didn't respond to the soft knock... but he slowly opens the door and looks in.

I don't think he can see me, I am sitting on the floor, in the shadows.

"Sam?"

I don't answer him. I know he knows I am in here. He just can't see me.

He walks in and closes the door behind him and he sits on the floor opposite me, leaning on my bed.

No sure how he knew where I was in my room though.

"Are you okay?"

"Do I sound okay?"

"No, no I guess not."

We sit there in silence for a while.

"I needed to see you." He says to me. I almost didn't hear him.

"I know."

"I hope you don't mind me coming over."

"I don't."

"Sam, do you want to talk?"

Why would I want to talk, that just leads back to crying, and guilt... and

"Not right now, no."

He looks down at his hands... I can see him from the moonlight that is streaming through the windows.

I have the advantage.

He looks so tired, sad, worn out.

I know the guilt is eating him alive.

As it is me.

We lost a sister today.

And a mother, a friend....

"That doesn't mean if you need to talk to me Jack, you can...talk...that is...to me."

"I know."

We sit there for a bit longer and I crawl over to him and turn to sit next to him.

I have the over whelming urge to be next to him, to touch him...

There is something about this man, that I just need...does that make sense?

Every time in my life that something has happened...something stressful...he is always there for me. Always giving me silent support.

I am going to be greedy tonight and take whatever I can get from him.

"I know things happen, and we have all come so close to actually..."

I reach over and wrap my fingers around his, giving him a gentle squeeze.

It's ok to continue, I tell him.

"I just wonder, who is next."

"Now that we lost... Janet..."

"I don't want it to be you Sam."

I can hear the sadness in his voice.

I feel it in my heart.

"I don't want it to be me either..." I half smile, trying to add some humor, but failing miserably.

"The Doc, that's one hurt, but if I lost you..."

"Yeah, I know." I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder, "It would be the same for me."

Our fingers intertwine and my tears start to fall again.

I want to yell and scream and fight, but I just don't have it in me anymore.

Jack holds on to me like I am going to float away. He holds me tight and gentle at the same time.

I need this man.

I am starting to fall asleep, thank god!

Whatever he is doing, it's working. I just hope he follows me into the dream world as well.

"Jack?"

I know he knows what I am going to ask. Slowly he stands up and helps me to my feet, well as much as I can.

I think today has finally caught up to me.

I am not sure how exactly I made it into my bed.. but I did. I can feel him moving away.

NO!!! I want to scream.

He tucks me in and turns to leave.

"Please stay." Is all I say to him, as I feel the bed dip a little and the covers move.

Slowly he cradles up to me and wraps his arm around me pulling me even closer.