Thanks to everyone for the feedback on this. I am at work right now, and I
left Part 10 at home, so I am writing this part, whether its part 10a or
11...who knows lol. Anyway enjoy and thank you again.
PART 10a Cassie's POV
I knew this was going to be rough, I wasn't prepared though.
Sam said I could have some of my close friends join us at the cemetery, which I am glad she did.
As much as I love Sam and Jack, Daniel and everyone else, there are times where I just need to have my friends here.
I think Sam understands too. Which is always a plus. I don't want to complicate things more then they already are.
And any added stress, isn't good for any of us.
While at the SGC, the General was so good. I mean I don't think I could of formed a complete sentence let alone stand up in front of everyone and talk about my mom.
I stood right next to Sam, and she held on to me and Jack like we were the only ones holding her in place.
Of course I did the same thing, and there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
I guess my mom meant a lot more to people then I really knew. I mean there were people lined up in the hallway outside the gateroom, in the control room., you name it.
I was amazed.
You know there are times when you just want to be alone, after the cemetery, all I wanted to do was be alone. My friends came with me to the General's house, but i just want to sit here, and think about mom.
Is that a bad thing, maybe, there are some doctors out there that say well, you should surround yourself with loved ones when a parent dies...yeah yeah yeah
I did that, and i am sure i will do that more this week, so right now, as i sit here on the swing, which is as far away from people as i can get, i want to think of my mom. I wish i could of said goodbye in a more proper way.
And I know I will be asking for a few trips to the cemetery to talk to mom, like i really want to do right now. But i know i just cant sneak off and go. Although it is very tempting.
I hate crowds today. I look over and watch Daniel, he is not doing very well with this. Probably about the same as well actually.
I should probably go and talk to him at some point.
I don't know if I could actually help, but i could try.
Mom always used to say 'you have to try at least.'
He is just sitting there alone in one of the lounge chairs in the yard, suit jacket hanging behind him, tie loosened and the top button of his shirt is unbuttoned.
He looks terrible.
So here goes nothing, i might as well pull up a chair because i have a feeling that i will be there a while. Not that, that is a bad thing.
I just know how he can be when he is upset, sad...whatever.
Sometimes he just babbles, and sometimes he just is quiet. One end of the raindow to the other.
But that's okay, we love him the way he is anyway. Plus you should see me half the time.
No one can usually talk to me without pissing me off in some form or another.
I grab the nearest chair and bring it over to where Daniel sits. He doesnt even look up at me.
Is he even aware that i am here?
"Daniel?" I ask softly, as if not to distrub whatever world he is in right now.
"Hey Cassie." He says plainly.
He is so worse then me. At least I am talking, yelling...anything. This isnt good.
"Daniel, do you want to...i don't know...talk?"
"No."
"Daniel this isn't good. Keeping your feeling and emotions bottled up. You are going to explode."
He just snorts, that what he did, i cant believe it, Daniel snorted. I have to laugh.
"Look at you, i mean it looks like you are coming apart at the seems Daniel. I am worried."
"Don't worry about me."
"To late."
He just looks at me.
"Talk to me Daniel."
"I never told her."
Okay...never told her what?
"I never told her that I loved her, that I wanted to have something more with her."
Hes looking down at his hands now, i know he feels funny talking to me about this, but its obvious he either didnt talk to anyone else, or no one else pushed him hard enough.
"I feel..umm...odd talking to you about this Cassie, i mean shes your mom."
"Daniel if there is one thing I know a lot about, its how my mom felt about you. So please, feel free to talk all you want."
Cassie the expert witness!
He is quiet for a while, like he is trying to gather his thoughts. Gather away Daniel!
"For so long, I have wanted to say something to Janet. When I ascended, god did i miss her."
"They why didnt you?"
"I don't know, I chickened out maybe...who knows."
"She told me that she had feelings for you, loved you..."
I say slowly glancing over at him. "I don't know which is worse, knowing she did and never acting on those feelings, or not knowing at all."
"I don't know Daniel, but I want you to know that she thought you didnt have the same thoughts about her. So she never said anything."
"Oh god."
"Yeah, there were nights after SG-1 would come back from a mission, and one of you was hurt, most of the time it was you, but she would cry herself to sleep that night and usually the following night as well."
"I should of said something, done something."
"Daniel, if there is one thing i learned from her, its don't do this to yourself, you need to let everything out, let it all go. Otherwise guilt and fear are going to eat you alive."
"Yeah, well..."
"No 'yeah, well' Daniel. There are people here who care for you, love you, and who are going through the same thing as you, we want to help you. I don't want to lose you either Daniel."
With that I give him a hug.
"I know Cassie, I don't want to lose you either."
"You wont Daniel, never."
We sit there for a few more minutes.
"Come on lets go get some food, if i am right you havent eaten yet."
I hold out my hand and pull him to his feet.
"Thanks Cassie."
PART 10a Cassie's POV
I knew this was going to be rough, I wasn't prepared though.
Sam said I could have some of my close friends join us at the cemetery, which I am glad she did.
As much as I love Sam and Jack, Daniel and everyone else, there are times where I just need to have my friends here.
I think Sam understands too. Which is always a plus. I don't want to complicate things more then they already are.
And any added stress, isn't good for any of us.
While at the SGC, the General was so good. I mean I don't think I could of formed a complete sentence let alone stand up in front of everyone and talk about my mom.
I stood right next to Sam, and she held on to me and Jack like we were the only ones holding her in place.
Of course I did the same thing, and there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
I guess my mom meant a lot more to people then I really knew. I mean there were people lined up in the hallway outside the gateroom, in the control room., you name it.
I was amazed.
You know there are times when you just want to be alone, after the cemetery, all I wanted to do was be alone. My friends came with me to the General's house, but i just want to sit here, and think about mom.
Is that a bad thing, maybe, there are some doctors out there that say well, you should surround yourself with loved ones when a parent dies...yeah yeah yeah
I did that, and i am sure i will do that more this week, so right now, as i sit here on the swing, which is as far away from people as i can get, i want to think of my mom. I wish i could of said goodbye in a more proper way.
And I know I will be asking for a few trips to the cemetery to talk to mom, like i really want to do right now. But i know i just cant sneak off and go. Although it is very tempting.
I hate crowds today. I look over and watch Daniel, he is not doing very well with this. Probably about the same as well actually.
I should probably go and talk to him at some point.
I don't know if I could actually help, but i could try.
Mom always used to say 'you have to try at least.'
He is just sitting there alone in one of the lounge chairs in the yard, suit jacket hanging behind him, tie loosened and the top button of his shirt is unbuttoned.
He looks terrible.
So here goes nothing, i might as well pull up a chair because i have a feeling that i will be there a while. Not that, that is a bad thing.
I just know how he can be when he is upset, sad...whatever.
Sometimes he just babbles, and sometimes he just is quiet. One end of the raindow to the other.
But that's okay, we love him the way he is anyway. Plus you should see me half the time.
No one can usually talk to me without pissing me off in some form or another.
I grab the nearest chair and bring it over to where Daniel sits. He doesnt even look up at me.
Is he even aware that i am here?
"Daniel?" I ask softly, as if not to distrub whatever world he is in right now.
"Hey Cassie." He says plainly.
He is so worse then me. At least I am talking, yelling...anything. This isnt good.
"Daniel, do you want to...i don't know...talk?"
"No."
"Daniel this isn't good. Keeping your feeling and emotions bottled up. You are going to explode."
He just snorts, that what he did, i cant believe it, Daniel snorted. I have to laugh.
"Look at you, i mean it looks like you are coming apart at the seems Daniel. I am worried."
"Don't worry about me."
"To late."
He just looks at me.
"Talk to me Daniel."
"I never told her."
Okay...never told her what?
"I never told her that I loved her, that I wanted to have something more with her."
Hes looking down at his hands now, i know he feels funny talking to me about this, but its obvious he either didnt talk to anyone else, or no one else pushed him hard enough.
"I feel..umm...odd talking to you about this Cassie, i mean shes your mom."
"Daniel if there is one thing I know a lot about, its how my mom felt about you. So please, feel free to talk all you want."
Cassie the expert witness!
He is quiet for a while, like he is trying to gather his thoughts. Gather away Daniel!
"For so long, I have wanted to say something to Janet. When I ascended, god did i miss her."
"They why didnt you?"
"I don't know, I chickened out maybe...who knows."
"She told me that she had feelings for you, loved you..."
I say slowly glancing over at him. "I don't know which is worse, knowing she did and never acting on those feelings, or not knowing at all."
"I don't know Daniel, but I want you to know that she thought you didnt have the same thoughts about her. So she never said anything."
"Oh god."
"Yeah, there were nights after SG-1 would come back from a mission, and one of you was hurt, most of the time it was you, but she would cry herself to sleep that night and usually the following night as well."
"I should of said something, done something."
"Daniel, if there is one thing i learned from her, its don't do this to yourself, you need to let everything out, let it all go. Otherwise guilt and fear are going to eat you alive."
"Yeah, well..."
"No 'yeah, well' Daniel. There are people here who care for you, love you, and who are going through the same thing as you, we want to help you. I don't want to lose you either Daniel."
With that I give him a hug.
"I know Cassie, I don't want to lose you either."
"You wont Daniel, never."
We sit there for a few more minutes.
"Come on lets go get some food, if i am right you havent eaten yet."
I hold out my hand and pull him to his feet.
"Thanks Cassie."