The Hogwarts Express moved slowly along the countryside, struggling with the weight of many children, their crap, and their camping supplies. Every year the load was just the perfect weight for the poor train, but this year was different. This year Dumbledore had sent a letter to the students informing them of their possible participation in survival training. What is survival training you ask? Well, it basically means that the students got to camp out in the Forbidden Forest for a week. Sounds fun, doesn't it? Well, we'll see.
Neville's head peaked out between the branches of a small potted tree that he was holding in his arms. Somehow, he managed to find his friends and get to them without any unfortunate incidences.
"Neville, what's that?" Ron asked, with a horrified expression on his face.
"It's a muggle ficus tree that my grandmother got me for my birthday," he replied, smiling. "I thought it would be perfect for the common room."
"You know what?" Hermione said. "That's sounds like a great idea. I read somewhere..."
The compartment filled with the noise of a collective groan from everyone within hearing distance.
"...that trees are supposed to have a soothing effect on the mind. They also clean the air."
Neville placed the tree down near the window and smiled at Hermione with gratitude before settling down between Ginny and Colin Creevey.
"So Harry, how was your summer?" Colin questioned eagerly.
"It was all right, but I had a real hard time convincing my uncle to sign the permission slip for survival training. It wasn't until I told him how dangerous it was that he agreed to sign it. He's probably hoping I'll die or something."
Ron and Hermione snickered. After knowing Harry for five years they were no longer shocked at his Uncle's dislike of his nephew. The rest chose not to comment.
The train lurched forward, struggling in it's ascent up the hill. Everyone in the compartment shared a nervous look and peered around the ficus tree and out the window. It was a really tall hill. They shared another nervous look, wondering if they would make it.
"I'm sure we'll make it," Hermione assured them, but it was easy to see the doubt in her face. And then, as if to spite her, the train sputtered, groaned, and then stopped all together.
"This is so not good," Ron groaned.
"I'm sorry for the inconvenience," a voice from above announced. "It appears as if the train was unable to handle the extra weight, but don't worry kids, The Ministry is sending someone over to fix the train as we speak. Just sit tight and don't panic."
Hermione began giggling hysterically. "HAHA!" she proclaimed in a loud booming voice. "YOU'VE BEEN BROUGHT DOWN BY THE CURSE! THE PLAGUE OF THE KEYBOARD!"
They all stared at her in wide-eyed concern, convinced that she had finally lost it.
"Are you okay, Hermione?" Harry inquired, nervously.
"It's all those book," Ron muttered. "I knew this would happen one day. All that reading she does can't be good for a person. It's unnatural."
Hermione giggled again. "Sorry," she gasped out. "I've always wanted to say that."
"What's a keyboard?" Neville questioned fearfully.
"Oh," Hermione soothed. "It's nothing dangerous. It's just a device muggles use when they are too lazy to write."
Neville let out a relieved breath. "Is that all?"
Hermione nodded.
"It seems we might be on the train for a long time." Harry glanced at Hermione warily. "Maybe we should think of a way to keep ourselves entertained."
Thoughtful frowns appeared on most everyone's face as they contemplated their current situation.
"We could play wizard's chess," Ron suggested. Everyone groaned.
"It's never fun because you always win," Ginny pouted.
"Well, when I was a kid. The muggle children would sing songs to ease their boredom on a long bus ride," Hermione stated.
Harry gaped at her in disbelief. "So, are you saying we should sing songs in order to keep ourselves entertained? Well count me out."
"I was just saying..."
"Actually," Ginny interrupted, a mad gleam in her eyes. "That sounds like it might just be fun. I've been watching muggle TV at a friend's house, so I actually know some muggle songs."
"Me too," Collin announced, an equally mad gleam in his twitching eyes.
"Does it have to be muggle songs?" Ron whined. "Or can we sing wizarding songs too."
Hermione shrugged. "I don't see why not?"
Harry looked around in shock. "Fumes," he muttered under his breath. "The train must be emitting fumes into the air. That's the only explanation," but no one heard him.
"I'll go first," Ginny cried out gleefully.
"Trees, trees, National Arbor Day Foundation spreads the word across the nation about trees. Trees are delicious," and with that she bit into one of the ficus tree leaves, ripping it from it's stem, and began chewing.
They all stared at her in horror, except Neville; he rushed to his precious plant in order to tend to the damage done by the crazed witch.
She wrinkled her nose in disgust and spit the bits of leaf into her hand. "Gross, now I've got leaf juices in my mouth."
Collin Creevey was the first to overcome his initial shock. "I guess I'll go next," he suggested, his voice quivering nervously.
"This summer I watched the movie Jay and Silent Bob and there was this song in the beginning that my friend taught me," he grinned wolfishly.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Mother mother fuck. Mother mother fuck fuck. Mother fuck mother fuck. Noise noise noise. Noise noise noise. Smokin weed, smokin weed. Doin' coke, drinkin beers. Drinkin beers, beers beers. Rollin' fatties, smokin blunts. Who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts. Rollin' blunts and..."
Hermione gaped at him and shook her head. "Why the hell did you want to learn a song like that?"
"Well," he paused, unsure of what to say. "It's catchy."
"Do you understand what it means?" she asked.
"Not really, but...Why? What does it mean?"
"It's best if you don't know. Just never sing that song in public, OK?"
He nodded a little put out, but before anyone else could comment, the train jerked forward and slowly started moving again.
"Good," Harry said shakily. "The train is moving again." He was relieved that the game of sing-a-long was ending, it was definitely too weird for him.