A/N: Ok, I know, you're waiting for them to get back together, but not before a little spice of humor comes first! (Happily bounds off barking)
Chapter 8: Meaningful Presents?Harry's thoughts were filled with thoughts of Hermione, who had begun to act strangely ever since school started. Depressed, angry, irritable, then calm and carefree. She was like a different person every five minutes. He cared for her a lot; he would probably die to protect her, as would she, and Ron too. However, these deep thoughts were wiped out when Ron dragged him from his comfortable spot in his favorite armchair to drag him into their dormitory.
"What do you want, Ron?" Harry asked impatiently.
"I want to show you something George and Fred sent me." Harry then mentally braced himself; anything they sent them was a new invention for their joke shop.
"Look at this." Lying on his bed was a broomstick. Not just any broomstick, but a Silverwing 3000, one of the top new brooms of Britain.
"Ron, what is going on? How could they afford this?"
"They didn't." Now Harry was extremely confused.
"It's a new invention of theirs, it's a called the Hex-A-Holic Broomstick. It's supposed to look like one of the best brooms on the market, and when a person receives it, and rides it, will put a lengthy list of hexes on them.
"Um, is this supposed to be a joke?" Harry asked cautiously.
"The only thing that will allow the hexes to be uplifted is if the person who received the broom does something for the gift-giver. No normal anti-hex spells and counter-spells will stop it."
"What are you going to do with it?"
"Let's just say I now have the perfect present for my dear friend Draco."
%%%
Hermione had spent hours thinking of what to give Severus, uh, Professor Snape. She would like to give him a chance to reincarnate himself as a happier and more emotional, but that was never to happen.
What could I possibly get him? I mean, it's not as easy as getting a Muggle-dad a tie or a money clip. What could a Potions-Master want? It was so difficult to think of anything he would enjoy or put to use. Then she had an idea, and she dashed to the library to research.
Professor Snape, on the other hand, also had difficulty finding something to give Hermione Granger. First, he thought of a book, but she had so many, and she'd probably get dozens from other people. Then he thought of giving her a new quill, but that was too dumb. Candy was another idea he had, but that was too cliché romantic for Severus Snape. So he decided on something and drew out a piece of parchment and began to write.
"No way, Ron, you'd get expelled!" Harry argued. "You are not giving that to Draco, his Dad would kill you, unless he did first!"
"Look, this is my one chance to get back at Malfoy. I get to pick the Hexes from the list and besides, they aren't fatal."
"Ron, it would be extremely hilarious, but seriously-"
"Harry, I'm giving it to him. I just have to convince him to ride it, and then I will be repaid for all that he's done to me. Come on, Harry, you know you want me to give it to him. That slimy sinister shithead."
"I know. I do, but I just
don't want us to get in trouble."
"If anything, Dumbledore will congratulate us and laugh right along with
everyone else who hates his guts!"
"Okay, okay. We just have to plan this carefully…"
Days passed quickly, and the anticipated day of the "gift-exchange" was drawing near, and either everyone was nervous or excited, or were dreading it more than anything in the world. For Hermione and Snape, they were feeling all these at once. Both were wondering if the events in the astronomy tower were an indication of something more between them, not to mention the staircase, the drawings, everything. Everything that had happened since the first day of school was swirling around their minds, threatening to spill out in their frustration and confusion. I am an old, hopeless man, what does she see in me? And what do I see in her? Snape thought. Is this really the Professor I have known and despised in my previous years at Hogwarts? Am I crazy? Are we both? Hermione wondered. The gift-exchange could not come any sooner.
It also could not come any sooner for Ron Weasley and Harry Potter. Both wanted to see the outcome of Ron's present to Draco, and Harry could not wait to give his present to Remus Lupin, his friend and returned DADA teacher.
Finally, the fateful Friday came. Everyone was excited, wrapping presents, buying last-minute ones, and all-in-all eager to have Christmas vacation. The usual Christmas feast would take place in the evening, so that the "gift-exchange" would be a daylong event. Once everyone had crowded into the Great Hall and eaten breakfast, Dumbledore rose to speak, and the Hall hushed.
"Good morning, students and teachers. As you all know, this is the special gift-exchange day I proposed. I see that most of you did not bring your presents to the Great Hall, which I am grateful for." Ron and Harry smiled. "Now, I will allow all of you to disperse around the school to meet up with your partner and give them your meaningful presents and spend the day together. You are dismissed." And with a unanimous roar, the students leaped from their tables to dash off to various places of Hogwarts to begin the day.
Draco was waiting for Ron outside the door to the Great Hall, and smirked as Ron walked out with Harry and Lupin behind him.
"Alright, Weasel, let's get this day over as quick as possible. And he shoves something pink into Ron's hands. It was a traditional looking piggy bank, but there was something funny about it that Ron could not figure out.
"To count all your measly savings to save for a new life, Weasley," Draco sneered.
"Why thank you, Draco, it's very nice," Ron said sarcastically. "My present is behind Hagrid's house, we need to go and get it." Ron stole a secretive wink at Harry and Lupin, wanting them to follow them at a distance.
"Harry, what does Ron have planned for the infamous Draco?" Lupin asked.
"Oh, nothing. Just something that's been coming to him for a long time…"
%%%
Harry gave Lupin his present, which was a photo album he had made himself with pictures of Sirius, with most of them he had found at the Grimmauld Place and in his own album of his parents. Lupin actually cried, and hugged Harry, thanking him for such a nice gift. Then Lupin gave Harry a book called, The World of an Animagus, A How-to Manual, literally a thousand pages long, old and tattered, as if it had been thumbed through lovingly too many times.
"Thank you, Lupin, it's great," Harry said, marveling the old book.
"I trust that you will use it well someday. This is the exact one the Marauder's used to become Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs," Lupin whispered, so as to not let anyone overhear." Harry smiled and they walked towards Hagrid's hut to find out what was in store for Malfoy.
"What is it that you are giving me, Weasel?" Draco said, a little apprehensively.
"Your gift, prat," Ron shot back, enjoying how worried Malfoy looked.
"Hey, shut it, Weasley. What the-" Ron had held up the Silverwing 3000, and Draco stopped talking midsentence, but quickly recovered his smirk.
"Oh dear, for me? I hope you didn't steal it. But it's so expensive, that you must have." Suddenly he shot Ron a look of suspicion, which was returned by a gaze of pure innocence. "Why are you giving this to me?"
"I thought it would be a worthy gift for an asshole such as yourself."
"Well, Weasel, perhaps I should try it out, this broom will help Slytherin in the Quidditch matches," he shouted back as he climbed up on the broom and took off. Hovering ten feet above Ron's head, he laughed, "It was not wise to give the enemy the advantage, now, was it Weasley?
"Oh no, Draco, I think it was the most wise decision I've ever made." And then there was tremendous bang, and Draco shot up and began spinning uncontrollably on the broom. Many people could see him across the front of the school and all stopped what they were doing to watch. The broom then took Draco around the school, sweeping close to the ground at least sixty miles an hour, and people noticed there were things happening to him and pointed in astonishment, then laughter.
He had sprouted branches from his head and was growing boils all over his face and arms, his skin turning numerous colors of rainbow. The broom suddenly tipped him upside down; he was hanging just by his feet hooked over the broom, and in the process his robes fell off, and then his pants disappeared to reveal white briefs with little snitches all over them. People on the ground were rolling in tear-stained laughter as the teachers aimlessly tried to shoot spells at him to bring him down, but to no avail. Harry and Ron were dieing in hopeless laughter and even Lupin was smiling.
Then all hell broke lose when Malfoy's snitch briefs disappeared completely and he began to grow dark, curly hair out of his ears, nostrils, and, well, manly area. People covered their eyes and continued to laugh hysterically as the teachers frantically tried to get Malfoy down, who was still upside down now spiraling downward and upward in rapid speed, flashing everyone in the broom's path. Ron had a smile of grim satisfaction written on his lips and a demeanor of pure delight that looked permanently etched into his face.
Hermione and Severus Snape had walked uncomfortably out of the castle with their wrapped gifts to find Malfoy naked from the waist down spinning upside down from a broom. Hermione covered her mouth in both shock and amusement, Snape looked absentmindedly at the spinning half-naked Slytherin as if that type of thing happened everyday, he was too distracted to really give any thought to this unfortunate student of his house.
"Hermione, would you like to find someplace private to go?" He whispered in her ear as they crossed the grounds toward the lake behind the crowd pointing and laughing at Draco.
"Yes, somewhere on the other side of the lake, maybe?"
"Perhaps," Snape said softly and they began to make their way around the lake, both wondering what the rest of the day would bring.
A/N: Oh I am evvviill! Isn't that funny? It's a long chapter, but amusing if I do say so myself. Hey, can anyone tell me what the names of chapters 2 and 5 have in common? I challenge you! Anyone? Guess when you give me a doggie treat! J Also, the Silverwing 3000 broom name and the invented Hex-A-Holic Broomstick I made up, and same with the Animagus book that Lupin gave to Harry. (hint of a future fanfic…)