The Dictionary Game
Chapter Three: Gush
Genre: Humor/Parody
Summary: Elladan and Elrohir become very annoyed when Arwen incessantly gushes over Aragorn
Gush: (verb) When a person gushes, he or she is embarrassingly sentimental or emotional.
Before we begin, I would just like to thank those out there who have given me their support for this story. Thanks for reading, guys, it means a lot to me.
The normal disclaimer found in chapter one still applies.
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To think that such a simple task as accompanying Arwen from Lórien to Imladris could have turned into such a miserable experience, Elrohir mused as he gazed upward at the small patch of bright blue sky that showed between the tops of the towering trees that surrounded him. His chestnut stallion plodded along at an unusually slow pace, probably channeling Elrohir's boredom. There was a strange noise in the background, like the chattering of an annoying bird, but Elrohir was tuning that out to the best of his abilities. He turned to look at his twin brother, Elladan, who rode a horse of similar coloring beside him at the same tedious pace.
Elladan, who usually rode sitting tall and proud on his horse, was now slumped over. His head drooped, his chin propped up on his chest and his neck undoubtedly getting stiff. His grey eyes remained open but were glazed over, as Elrohir guessed his own were. Elladan had been in the same position for approximately four miles. Elrohir envied him for his ability to rest even as they were being tortured.
Suddenly, the background noise, the source of their misery, grew too loud to be ignored. "Is anyone even listening to me? I feel as though I'm speaking to a wall!"
Elrohir glanced over his shoulder at the woman who rode behind him on a white mare. It was his sister, Arwen, who had been living in Lórien with their grandparents for some time. Their father, Elrond, had sent his sons to bring her home, something they agreed to do without hesitation. They loved their sister, of course, but how were they to know she had become this evil sorceress who used her charming beauty to lull her prey into a false sense of security before boring them to their doom?
Elrohir forced his lips to stretch across his face in what he hoped came close to resembling a smile. "Of course I'm listening, dear sister. Do continue, I am ever so curious to hear more about Estel."
Arwen either chose to ignore or didn't even notice the sarcasm dripping from his voice. The chattering restarted and Elrohir turned back around to face the front, his shoulders slumping in defeat. Thinking back, Elrohir realized that Estel was probably the reason Elrond had sent for his daughter to be brought home. He must have known something was brewing between the man and the elleth and he wanted to nip it in the bud.
Too late, Father, Elrohir thought as Arwen continued to gush over Estel's "rugged good looks" and "woodsy, masculine scent." Elrohir thought Estel was always a bit funny looking, rather short and a bit hairy. His smell was another story entirely. Woodsy and masculine? Elrohir struggled to suppress a snort of disbelief.
Arwen had done and gotten herself married while in Lórien. Elrond would know as soon as he laid eyes upon her, but he would not acknowledge the marriage until Estel "fulfilled his destiny" or something like that. Elladan and Elrohir had eavesdropped on a few conversations, but neither twin quite knew what Estel was meant to do. Of course, their sister was only married by the Elvish standard of marriage, not in the traditional way of Men. Elrohir suspected they would not be considered married by anyone until that happened.
"You know, Elrohir." Elrohir jumped when he heard his name and began to listen again. "You really should stop calling him 'Estel.' That's not his real name. He's really Aragorn son of Arathorn. All these different names is just unnecessary confusion."
"I'm sorry, Arwen," Elrohir said through gritted teeth. "It is just that I have known him as Estel for many years. It is habit. But you are right. Aragorn son of Arathorn is far less confusing than Estel."
"Have you ever noticed the way the moon reflects in his eyes when he is being serious?" Arwen asked, sighing. Again, she had ignored Elrohir's sardonic tone. Her fair face, with bright eyes and rosy cheeks, had a nostalgic expression that would have made a fair few of the male Elves stand up straighter and take notice, Elrohir imagined. Particularly Haldir. The Marchwarden of Lórien had apparently taken quite an interest in his sister, Elrohir had noted when he met the Elf in the Golden Wood. Had Arwen not brazenly decided to defy their father and marry that mortal human, Elrohir may have been able to persuade her to take Haldir as her partner. Elrohir scowled and vowed to give dear Estel a good wringing-out the next time he saw her. This little situation was undoubtedly going to create some tensions in the Homely House, tension that could easily have been avoided if Arwen had just married an Elf like all the other elleths did!
Arwen was speaking again, interrupting Elrohir's thoughts for the time being.
"And when the sun first comes up, he always looks towards the West, and the sun makes his hair shine like a raven's feather." Arwen sighed again, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips.
Elrohir resisted the urge to pull out one of his warrior knives and silence his sister once and for all. But only barely.
Beside him, Elladan's horse shied away from a rustling bush, causing his rider to awake with a yelp. Elrohir stifled a laugh as Elladan collected himself, glancing about nervously as if to make sure no one had seen the tiny instant where he had lost composure.
"Are you all right, Elladan?" Arwen asked. Without waiting for an answer, she launched into an exceptionally long story about a time she and Estel –or rather, Aragorn –had been riding through the forest and her horse took off. She made it seem like Aragorn had saved her life, but Elrohir and Elladan both knew their sister was very skilled with horses. They exchanged doubtful looks, something that Arwen's perceptive eyes did not miss.
"Elladan, Elrohir, is something the matter? I feel that you are not interested in what I am saying. Are you not happy for me that I have found love?" Arwen demanded, pretending to look hurt. Her brothers saw right through her act.
"Dear Arwen, you know we are ecstatic about your troth to Aragorn. But that does not mean we must speak of it constantly, day in and day out, all the way from Lórien to Imladris," Elladan explained.
"In fact, I think we have heard enough about dear Estel in these short hours that we needn't speak of him ever again from here on," Elrohir suggested.
"If I'm such a boring person, why don't you just tell me? Don't treat me like a child," Arwen pouted.
"Then don't act like a child, Arwen," Elladan said, sounding almost frighteningly identical to Elrond when he delivered lectures to his children, as he seemed to do fairly regularly, despite the fact that all three of his children had come of age many hundreds of years ago.
"You speak of Aragorn as if you are a small Elfling who has just taken interest in the opposite sex," Elrohir said.
"It is not my fault I am rather excited about falling in love. Don't you remember how you felt when you first fell in love? Oh, wait, that's right, I had quite nearly forgotten. Neither of you have ever been in love, have you?" Arwen asked, sounding rather snide or even snobby as she said it. Elladan and Elrohir looked at each other again, their eyebrows raised so high that they were in danger of disappearing into their hairlines. Simultaneously, they twisted around in their saddles and looked at Arwen incredulously.
"So, dear sister, now that you have fallen in love with this wonderful Man you are suddenly the wisest being in Middle-earth? That is certainly what you seem to be implying," Elladan said.
"Perhaps you have forgotten that Elladan and I have been on this earth far longer than you and have seen much more than you could ever hope to imagine?" Elrohir pointed out.
"I am implying no such thing, nor have I forgotten that you are both older than I. I was simply commenting on the fact that I happen to be wiser in the ways of love," Arwen replied haughtily, tossing her long dark hair over her shoulder. The rays of sun that had found some way to get through the thick branches of the trees made her long, thick mane of hair shine brilliantly, as though she were lighted from within. Such great beauty, all wasted on a mortal man, Elrohir sighed to himself. Why couldn't she have just picked a nice Elf to settle down with, rather than that smelly Man? On top of that, he was her foster brother, for Eru's sake! All right, so she had never actually lived with Estel while he was under Elrond's care, but still, it was rather difficult for Elrohir to accept that one he had grown up considering as his brother was now married to his sister.
Elladan chuckled, sounding much like he did when a small Elfling told him a joke that really wasn't very funny, but he still wanted to be polite. He and Elrohir exchanged a look, then turned back towards Arwen again. Still laughing a little bit, Elladan said, "Oh my dear Arwen, I have no doubt that you have much you could teach us about the ways of true love. However, the way you are acting only proves my point; that you are rather immature and don't really know much about anything at all."
Arwen's jaw dropped. Her expression was one of absolute shock and astonishment. Sounding highly affronted, she gasped, "How dare you!"
Elrohir laughed outright. He could not help himself; she looked so funny and her reaction was so exaggerated. Her gaze darkened and he knew he was in trouble. Arwen was usually a very sweet and gentle girl who loved nothing more than playing in the gardens. However, when her ire was raised, whoever her anger was directed towards would do well to run away. Quickly. As Elrohir was seriously considering to do at that moment.
"Elrohir," she began in a sickeningly sweet voice, as if she were speaking to a hurt, frightened animal. "I fail to see what is so funny in this situation. Care to enlighten me?"
Elrohir swallowed hard. "Well I… you see, Arwen, I was… ahem… I was laughing because a deer that just ran by made a very funny face. It really was amusing, you should have seen her, too bad she's long gone now…"
Somehow, Elrohir didn't think Arwen totally bought his story. Her eyes narrowed, and if looks could kill, Elrohir would be halfway to the Halls of Mandos by now. Desperately, he tried to think of a way to rectify his mistakes or else escape the situation, but nothing came to mind. Beside him, Elladan shifted very slightly in his saddle and shook the reins a tiny bit, attracting Elrohir's glance. He looked into Elladan's face, a mirror image of his own, and listened intently. Elladan had a plan, this he knew by the look on Elladan's face. When their eyes met, Elladan could convey to him the details without divulging anything to Arwen.
When I say "now," spur your horse. We will run ahead, and Arwen will be left behind.
It was a desperate plan, not very well thought out and not very efficient. However, Elrohir urgently needed some way to get away from Arwen, at least until she cooled down a little bit or else forgot his blunder entirely, as she was wont to do. Until then, galloping away as quickly as possible was a highly appealing idea.
All right. I'm ready. Give the signal. Elrohir nodded subtly at Elladan and tightened his reins. His horse felt the shift and immediately tensed, waiting for his master's signal.
"Elrohir, Elladan, I cannot believe how rude you are being to me. All I wanted to do was tell you about the single most important thing in my life, is that so wrong? Apparently so, since you've been ignoring me since we left Lórien! It really hurts me that you don't care about Estel –I mean, Aragorn! He is your foster brother, after all, one would think you might be happy for him, but no, as always you just care about yourselves. I am really disappointed, I cannot even–"
"Now, Elrohir, now!" Elladan cried, kicking his horse so that he took off down the wide dirty path. Elrohir soon followed, and his ears were filled with the sound of pounding hooves and wind rushing past his face. The cool wind bit into his face and made his eyes water, but anything was better than listening to Arwen prattle on and on about her precious boyfriend.
Very soon, however, the large, gaping hole in Elladan's otherwise brilliant plan made itself apparent. Although their stallions were highly capable war horses and noble steeds all around, Arwen's mare was bred for speed and agility. Her dainty hooves barely seemed to touch the ground as she flew towards her chestnut brethren, eating up the distance between them in the blink of an eye.
"Last one to Imladris has to tell Father I married Aragorn!" Arwen yelled as she came between her twin brothers and slowly began to inch ahead.
"Noro lim, mellon, noro lim!" Elrohir yelled in his horse's ear, as Elladan kicked his own horse harder, urging him to go faster. Neither wanted to be the one to break this unfortunate piece of news to their stern father and were now that much more eager to get ahead of Arwen.
Arwen chanced a glance over her shoulder and grinned when she saw her brothers neck-and-neck, the hooves of their mounts churning up the dirt and sending pieces of gravel flying behind them. Laughing happily, she urged her mare to run her heart out, confident that she, at least, was safe from Elrond's wrath, at least for the time being.
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End