I hadn't been ready to back just yet.
However, I had been out much longer than I really needed to be. A couple of days would have been acceptable, but I hadn't gone back to the Earth Defense Alliance HQ in over a week. Infact, I was surprised it took them this long to contact me.
Of course, it wasn't as though I hadn't been working. While I did fight, one of my main purposes in the Earth Defense Alliance was to create weapons and other useful items. I was both a research scientist and an inventor. I really was turning into my father after all.
This and my injuries gave me wonderful excuses to hide in my study. I didn't leave unless I absolutely needed to. I just worked relentlessly on my newest project, trying to lose myself in my research. At this point, I didn't feel like I could even look at Zim.
Every time I saw him, I couldn't help feeling like I should say something, like I should do something, but I never could. I just stood there helplessly until he noticed I was staring at him.
Sometimes he would stare back though. I'm sure I looked horrible. I slept as little as humanly possible, and when I did it was usually in hourly increments because nightmares plagued my dreamscape.
The dreams varied from night to night and the only constant was that they were never pleasant. Sometimes they would be of my past. Horrid, graphic images of my sister and father, bathed in blood, reaching for my throat. They would beg and plead to me, screeching and crying.
" Why didn't you save us?" They'd cry out, " Why did you leave us here to die?"
On the really bad nights my father's bloodstained lab coat morphs into Zim's uniform. This time, the bloodied, gloved hand would wrap its slim fingers around my neck, squeezing hard.
" Why?" He would ask, echoing my family " Wasn't capturing me enough? Why do you need to constantly push me within an inch of my retched life?"
I could smell and picture the blood covering him very clearly, as I'd been seen it very often in reality. It dripped down onto my own coat, flowing down in rivers.
" You make me sick, you filthy human." He'd continue, " You and your sadistic ways. You are the lowest of the low you horrid stink beast. I hate you with every fiber of my being."
With these words he would squeeze my neck tighter and tighter. I could feel everything he said and did and I was never sure what hurt the most.
" I hate you," He'd say, gripping me so hard that the tips of his fingers would draw blood.
Then Zim would easily lift me into the air and throw me a wide sadistic grin. Suddenly, my face would connect with the ground over and over and over.
" I hate you!"
Smack.
" I HATE YOU!"
Smack.
" I HATE YOU!"
Smack.
He'd pull me back up by the collar after that. I could see blood squeezing its way between the cracks in my glasses.
" Does this all seem familiar, Dib-human?" Zim would ask me, " This is what you've turned my life into! EVERY FILTHY MOMENT of my LIFE is this! This is all I have now, Dib! Are you satisfied now? Does this make you happy? DOES IT?"
He'd kick me and punch me and all I could do is hang limply in his hand because I knew I deserved it all. Usually, I'd wake up before the final blow was struck.
There were other nights though, when I'd dream of people I'd never seen. Things would play in the background, images of me beating Zim, of me screaming and of him looking petrified. These people, whose faces I never remembered when I awoke, would taunt me and ask too many questions. Usually I wound up screaming and crying at them and begging them to leave me in peace. I would wake up with tearstains on my cheeks on those nights.
These are the things that make me wish that I could have just one night where I didn't dream at all. God knows I hadn't had one of those in a while.
I remember Zim had jumped pretty high when he heard a knock on the door. I would have been more concerned if I didn't know who it was already.
" You'd better make yourself scarce," I said to him, my voice cracking from not speaking to him in days.
Zim nodded and scampered into the hallway, much like a rabbit would. Slowly, I headed for the door and opened it to find a comrade of mine.
His name was Hal, I believe. He stood taller than me with dark messy hair. Sporting a grey uniform, he was a messenger boy for the E.D.A.
" Why am I not surprised at all?" I asked sourly.
" Dib…no offense, but you look like shit, sir." Hal said, looking concerned at the bags under my eyes, " Have you been staying up all night working on the project?"
" My sleep habits aren't any of your business," I said, not wishing to have a casual relationship with him at all, " So why are you here?"
" There's an attack scheduled for today. We need you to come to HQ, sir." Hal reported.
" Ah, who is it this time?" I sighed, " Not the Swardins again, I hope."
" No, this is a new race that hasn't attacked us before." Hal said.
As he told me the name of the alien race my eyes went wide in shock. I thanked him for the information as I shooed him away and slammed the door behind him. Allowing myself only a moment to recover from it, I ran past Zim into my study. I threw things over, tore through all my research, rummaged through everything I owned until I found where I'd hidden all of my older notes and weaponry.
I quickly struggled to put it on, inserting my arm into the metallic one and strapping the power supply onto my back. There was also a headset I needed, and as I placed it on my world was tinted green. Then I grabbed a belt with guns in their holsters and realized that maybe I should have put that part on first. I didn't have time to take everything else off so I just struggled trying to slip it under the power supply.
I tore the door open furiously and ran to the living room. Before leaving I turned around and shouted to Zim.
" I'm going out!" I said in a hurried and harsh tone.
" WAIT!" He called out as I reached for the doorknob.
I turned back around to face him. What could he possibly want from me? This was no different from any other time I had left.
" I demand that you let me accompany you on your little "outing"." He said, with a determined face I hadn't seen since we were children.
I wondered vaguely when it had come back, that pure determination and arrogance of his that I thought had beaten down years ago. Realization hit though, that it had always been there, and that I had never rid Zim of it. I had only buried it beneath the surface of a broken green boy.
There, right in front of Zim I burst out laughing. I brought my arms across my stomach and laughed long and hard. I hadn't done so it a long time and it felt pretty good.
" What are you laughing at, Dib-human?" Zim asked harshly, " What is so funny?"
This of course just made me laugh even harder.
" Ha…H-How dare you demand me?" I laughed, even though that wasn't what was so amusing to me, " What…What are you going to do if I don't?"
Zim paused for a moment. I guess he hadn't though of that part yet.
" Take me with you." Zim said finally, boldly taking a step foreword.
I was still snickering a little. I hadn't heard him speak to me like this since we were children, and for some reason I thought it was hysterical. Soon though, I managed to calm myself down enough to talk in an even tone.
" You can't." I said, more serious than before.
" Why not?' He asked, " What is so spooky there? I must know!"
I gave him a blank look. Spooky? What did he mean by that?
" You just can't." I answered.
I was begging him silently with my eyes. Please…please don't push it, Zim…It's not worth it…Of course, he never heard my silent cries.
" TAKE me WITH you!" He shouted at me.
That flame inside me burnt into fiery tornado, ready to rain doom as I pointed my metallic arm at Zim, charging my weapon. I watched carefully as his eyes widened at the blinking red lights. I knew he wouldn't try to pull anything. I knew he wouldn't say I would never fire it. He knew I would if I wanted to.
" You CAN'T come today," I reinforced that point.
Zim looked puzzled over that comment and I grinned at his confusion. I turned back to the door to try and escape again but he spoke again.
" What makes today different from any other day?"
I turned slowly. He was really asking for it now. I marched right up to him and loomed over a little so my face was right in his.
" You know, I really should take you. You would receive more torture there than I could ever dream of give you." I hissed in his face, my mouth seeming to run on its own, " The things I do there would blow your mind, in a most literal sense."
I knew I was confusing him and I knew I wasn't being very clear, but clarity wasn't what was needed now.
" I should let you come and watch as it breaks you. I really should." I said.
I lifted him with my metallic arm into the air, as though I would throw him to the ground as he had done to me in my dreams and as I had done to him many times in the past. Even through the cold metal, I could feel my hand shaking as I stared into Zim's eyes. He was glaring at me, even though I could feel him shivering. I forced myself to let go of him, letting him fall to the ground on his own.
I didn't realize until he began to stare at me bewildered, that I had no reason to spare him like that. I quickly searched my mind for an excuse for my kindness.
" …Of course, I wouldn't be able to do it myself if I allowed that to happen." I finally said to him.
I wasn't stopped this time as I left the apartment, abandoning Zim in that dimly lit room. After shutting and bolting the door behind me, I leaned back against the door and sighed heavily. Normally I wouldn't have bothered to explain any of this to Zim. I would have just slammed him against the wall and made him regret ever 'demanding' me of anything.
Any other day, I may have considered taking him with me. Any other day, I wouldn't have cared whether he was broken or hurt. Somehow though, I knew my mission that day would do him in completely. Whatever was left of his confidence would shatter and he would be reduced to nothing. It would be going too far, I think, to bring Zim that day and the less that he knew about it, the better off he'd be. After all, we weren't fighting just any aliens that day.
No, that was the day the Irken Armada was invading our precious planet Earth.
(A/N: DUN. DUN. DUN. Thanks for the wonderful reviews! There WILL be actual ZADR next chapter, I promise. If I don't follow through, feel free to chase me down with pitchforks and torches. XD Please R&R and the next chapter will be up very soon! )