We own only Mr. Cactus and Mungo, who may not be appearing no more. Dunno why, just won't.

-In the galley (the ship's food place)

Link: sculpting his mashed potatoes into a sort of plateau This means something... this is important!... begins maliciously pelting it with peas IT'S A SIGN, I TELL YOU! foams at the mouth and falls over, waving at people like the queen of England

Tetra: Okay, who slipped him the freaky fungus?!

Niko: Um... it was Sideburns.

Sideburns: Nuh-uh! It was Niko!

Niko: Nuh-uh!

Sideburns: Yuh-huh!

Niko: Nuh-uh!

Sideburns: Yuh-huh!

Niko: Nuh-uh!

Sideburns: Yuh-huh!

Niko: Nuh-uh!

Sideburns: Yuh-huh!

Niko: Nuh-uh!

Sideburns: Yuh-huh!

Niko: Nuh-uh!

Sideburns: Yuh-huh!

Tetra: You're both guilty.

Niko & Sideburns: Huh?!

Tetra: Gonzo, put them in the laundry brig.

Link: I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal and mineral;
I know the kings of Hyrule, and I quote the fights historical,
From Marathon to Waterloo, it order categorical;

Tetra: Oh crap, he's singing now.

Link: I am very well acquainted too with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news–
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

Link's hands: with little eyes painted on and tiny little hats With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!

Tetra: Someone, fetch me the serum! His hands are starting to talk!

Link: I am very good at integral and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous,
In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General!

Link's hands: In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!

Tetra: loads blowgun and fires

Link: hit in the ass by dart Hyechhh... passes out

Tetra: Someone carry him to his bed. He hasn't finished paying us back yet... speaking of pay, Mr. Cactus, who are we to hit next?

Mr. Cactus: I suggest that we now blackmail that ugly-as-a-freshly-extinguished-piece-of-bloody-peanut-and-corn-dog-dump-that-you-just-scraped-off-your-ass rich guy on Windfall Island.

-The next morning

ugly rich guy: reads letter Oh dear...

letter: Meet us at the pier with 55,000 rupees. OR ELSE!

ugly rich guy: Blackmailers.

-moments later, at the pier...

Link: My ass is numb. And it stings. And itches! scratches ass vigorously and unattractively

Niko: If it's numb, how can you feel that?

Link: now scratching more vigorously I'm magical!

Tetra: Shush, everyone put on your disguises!

all: don Groucho glasses

ugly guy: Are you the blackmailers!

Link: quietly Ugh, I can see his face.

Gonzo: Ug... ug... BAAAAAAAAARF

Niko: Gross.

Tetra: Yeah, you... choke ...got the money?

ugly guy: Yes, it's right here. hands over a big huge bag of loot and walks away

Tetra: Thanks. looks at ugly guy's face and retches

Niko: chucks biscuits

Link: tosses cookies

Gonzo: upchucks

Tetra: Okay, let's leave this horrible place.

Link: What about the pictures?

Tetra: The idiot didn't even take em, so we'll do him again next year.

-later...

Valoo: opens a tiny little envelope and reads it Rrgh?! Grr!

letter: Meet us alone at the Eastern Fairy Island with 100,000 rupees or else!

-later...

Link: He's going to recognize us.

Tetra: No he won't. This time we have wigs as well! all don their disguises

Valoo: wearing a hat, sunglasses, and a coat with the collar up lands nearby and hands over a briefcase in exchange for the pictures Gggrk. flies away

Tetra: All right, this is easier than I thought!

Link: Hey, let's get Beedle now! I HATE that guy! Plus, with his exorbitant prices, he's gotta be freakin' rich.

-oh, you know...

Link: Why isn't that bastitch here yet?!

Tetra: He sails around in a small, overloaded dinghy. Not to mention it has barrels tied to the sides, further slowing his vessel...

Link: Grr, I'm bored. And hungry. chews on a stick

Tetra: No, that stick's got fungus on it!

Link: pupils dilate and mouth foams Phflrrrrrgg!!!! Yar! buries Niko and poops on him

Tetra: Oh, ew!

Gonzo: That's just grody!

Link: starts eating grass Blarghble! projectile-vomits grass clippings at Gonzo

Sideburns: Oh god, he's hosing!

Tetra: Get the serum!

Sideburns: running I got it, I got it! trips and stabs himself through both thumbs and his nose EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!

Tetra: Gimme the box, the box! loads blowgun with several darts fires a spray at Link

Link: catches a dart where a man SHOULD NEVER GET HIT WITH A DART! and crumples over, whimpering

Tetra: Whew, that was close.

Link: whimper

Gonzo: Hey, Beedle's here!

Beedle: Hello, everybody! Say, I've got a special promotion going on now, where if you don't extort money from me, you get a super ultra platinum discount for life, and... this FREE neato rug!

Gonzo: Ooh, a rug!

Tetra: Stuff it, eggplant-nose! I've got a better deal. I'll sell you these fifty pictures for 1,000 rupees each.

Beedle: Ooh, what's on them?

Tetra: shows pictures

Beedle: OH MY GOD! shells out 50,000 rupees

Tetra: Pleasure doing business with you.

Link: wakes up ROOOOGH!!! humps Beedle's neck

Tingle: floating above My, my, is Mr. Fairy that lonesome?

Link: Glargh! Bloogh! leaps up and rips Tingle's face off

Tetra: Hey! How'd the bait escape?!

Sideburns: runs past EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!

-Later, on the boat

Tetra: ...And keep those ropes tight until the fungus works its way out of his system!

Gonzo: Got it. Not til he's normal again.

Link: tied to a chair, and obviously still psycho Of course I'm normal! Tetra, please, untie these ropes and I'll show you how normal I am ;) wiggles eyebrows provocatively

Tetra: clothes somewhat rumpled and hair messy Fool me 3 times, shame on you. Fool me 4 or more times, shame on me.

Sideburns: runs by EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!

Tetra: Somebody hit him over the damn head!

-Review!