(A/N: Interesting bit of trivia here. Turns out Warwick Davis, who plays Flitwick in the movie, also played Wicket, in Return of the Jedi. Did not know that when I started this.)
Seamus, Lavender, Dean and well, various other characters we care very little about, were hanging out in the Great Hall before classes.
Padma had just finished plucking out every last hair from her eye brows and was now attempting to draw them back in. "Bugger!" She said to Pravati. "I can never get mine to look like yours." She now had two black lines pointing to, rather than arching over her eyes (which incidentally no one's ever fallen into or gotten lost in).
Pravati, having had a bit more artistic ability, had drawn in place of the left brow a cabin-by-the-lake landscape in the style of Bob Ross. Hey if people can tell it's not real you might as well go with it.
"How do you get the reflection on the water to look so real?" Padma huffed, throwing down her pencil. Pravati just shrugged and began adding ducks.
"Hey, Padma. Pravati." Dean and Seamus had walked up to them. "Sign our petition?" They offered a clipboard to the girls.
"What's it for."
"We're trying to negotiate larger parts for minor students in the movies."
"Last time I almost got to walk past the camera!" Lee Jordan practically beamed as he spoke. Then crossing his fingers he added "My agent tells me the prospects are good for a spin off series; 'Lee Jordan and the Temple of Broom'."
"Heh." Pravati huffed. "Good luck. Padma and I were promised a larger part in PoA. Spent three months shooting a sequence where we caught the snitch, won the house cup, and foiled Voldemort."
"You're kidding! What happened?"
"Got cut. They claim it didn't test well with the fans. 'Didn't happen in the book' They said. 'Not close enough to canon.' And then they go and read rubbish like this!"
Just then a little ball, about the size of a giant marble, only smaller, but not quite as small as a tiny jawbreaker, came rolling in on the floor. Mrs. Norris came barreling around the corner and pounced on it. As she started up a one cat soccer frenzy, Finch came in behind her.
"'ere!" He growled at the students. "Any-a youz seen 'at little four-eyed woman with the cowlicks?" Everyone looked at each other shaking their heads.
"You mean the cult lady?" Dean asked pulling out some pink pamphlets from his robes. "She gave me these yesterday."
Finch snatched them from the boys hand and read the cover. "Where Does Tonks Fit Into Your Fiction: The ten most common questions about the witch in our own image."
"Low profile!" He shouted "She promised Dumbledor, not to mention the readers. When I find 'at little self-inserting anti-sue..." He crumpled the pamphlets in his fist and grumbled some indiscernible obscenities. Of course I know what they were but I'm not telling.
"Come along Mrs. Norris!" She was still playing with the little ball. "An' leave that be. You don't know where it's been."
On his way out Finch ran into a group of Slytherins causing a mess of high tech equipment to fall out of their robes. He ignored them and walked on.
"Squib." One of them mumbled. "Come on. Better gather it up fast. Vader wants these on his desk by the start of class."
Crunch.
Pansy had stepped on something. "Don't suppose you really need one of these for a death star." She said inspecting the damage. Then she kicked it under a sofa chair and scrambled up a flight of stairs after the others.
The last thing the Gryphindors heard her say was, "Ah well, Vader seems like an understanding fella."
Dean picked up the make shift cat toy. At first it appeared to be only a squishy white ball. Then it spun around and revealed an iris staring straight at him.
"Yiiiiaaahh!" He screamed and dropped it to floor, where it promptly rolled to the wall, peaked around the corner, and made dash to the stairs. "Yeeeuuuhhh." The boy shook all over, having been hit with a mad bout of the screaming-willies.
Aaawooooo!
"Is that a wolf?" Lavender asked. Lupin stumbled into the Great Hall in wolf form. He was circling franticly but seemed to have some control over his actions.
"I think he's trying to tell us something." Lavender said. "What is it, boy? What's wrong?"
"Ra roo-ree rah-ree ree-run rell!" The pooch barked.
"Oh my gosh! Moody's fallen down a well!"
"That's not it." Dean corrected. "What's that? ...Five words. ...Six syllables. ...First word..."
"I know!" Seamus exclaimed. "He's telling us to check 'the booty on Katie Bell'." Whack! Katie slapped him up side the head.
"The moon is making me unwell!" Padma screamed as she jumped up and down shaking her fists.
Lupin touched one paw to his nose and pointed to her with the other. The other kids patted her on the back saying, "Right on. Good guess."
"Shh. Quite. He's trying to say something else." Said Dean.
"Run."
"Hum. Sounds like 'bun'. Or 'fun' perhaps."
"No I think he's saying 'run'." Seamus didn't like the way the older man was staring at them. "As in... RUN!"
Lupin made a grab for Pravati and missed.
"Ahhhhhh!" The students scrambled in every direction, running into each other.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked into their first class of the day, which was divination. Harry had just finished explaining to them what happened in the common room after Ron's little episode.
"Well that is odd." Hermione was pondering this conundrum. "There isn't supposed to be a full moon for another week and a half. And you say he feels compelled to come here?"
"Yes. Well that and to eat me of course, but he was already part wolf by then." Harry suddenly got a sour look on his face. "At least I hope that explains the cravings."
They took their seats and noticed that, for some reason, telephones had been placed at each desk. "You know Tonks can look into it. She's following me around under cover."
"Oh really?" Ron arched two eyebrows.
"Stop that. I'm getting yen for Mc. Nuggets. And yes really. Dumbledor wants her to spy on me for my own protection."
"Ah so we're going with that plot. I like the ones where she has to be your teacher." Ron put one hand on his stomach and did spirit fingers with the other. "Got it bad. Got it bad. Got it bad." He sang. "I'm hot for teacha." Hermione stomped on his foot. "Ow! Baka... Ow!"
"I looked it up." She answered him with a cold glare.
"Any way." Ron continued. "She's alright for you, Harry. Nice enough to look at. But you know sometimes if you squint your eyes..."
"Ya. Ya. I know." Harry tried to cut him off.
"Tilt your head a little..."
"Look that's beside the point!"
At that moment Philosopher bolted into the room and quickly stashed herself behind a curtain. Moody came shortly after and stopped in the doorway. His eye was missing. "Alright. Where've you got to you slytherin dingo's?"
She popped her head out from behind the curtains. Moody started. "Sorry Miss. Thought you were a slytherin." A troop of students in green scarves could be seen behind him in the hall. They were pushing and pulling on a monstrous laser canon. "They're up to something." He mused in a suspicious tone.
"Oh. What a relief." The writer said. "I thought you were Finch. He's after me."
"Why?" Asked Moody, peering at her with his one eye. "You wouldn't happen to be... evil would you."
"Of course not." Philosopher spat, clearly offended. "Why if I'm not the very model of virtue and innocence then by golly my name is not Philosopher A. Devil."
"Moody, really." Hermione chastised him. "You've gone and upset her now."
"Sorry, miss." Moody apologized. "I get carried away sometimes." Another slytherin shuffled past him under the weight of an enormous generator. "But that's just the price one pays for constant vigilance." He added jabbing a finger at her.
"That's quite all right." Philosopher A. Devil spoke curtly. "Apology accepted."
"A. Devil. A. Devil." Moody said under his breath. Which is perhaps more difficult to do then one would think. The trick is to breath and then speak, but you have to be quick about it. "Any relation to Mr. Road A. Devil?"
"Sadly yes. He is my father." There were so many simultaneous gasps that the room depressurized for a moment. She began to leave with Moody in tow. "He sends me post cards you know."
"Does he?"
"Oh yes. Azkaban is lovely this time of year." Just as they were leaving, the teacher walked in.
"Good marnin' ta ya'all." She said. "Mrs. Tralawny woke up dis marnin' wid a bad case of pink-terd-eye, I am sarry ta say. I will be yar teacher until her terd eye has once again de sight of de future."
It took the class a minute to figure out that 'terd' was actually 'third'. "My name," She began to spell it out in little flames with her wand. "....is Miss. Cleo."
The woman sat down at her desk and began to shuffle a deck of Tarot cards. "Now den. Wat you waiting far? Call Miss Cleo now."
Ron got excited and picked up the phone at his desk. "Will Gryphindor make it to the play-offs?"
"Ron!" Hermione grabbed the phone away from him. "There's only four teams and we don't even play against other schools."
"What's your point?"
She shoved the phone into Harry's hand without turning to look at the other boy. "The 'Big Game' is us against Slytherin. It's not exactly the World Cup."
"Allo caller? Ya der?"
"H-Hello?" Harry answered.
"I am seeing a man in your life, child. A dark man." Miss Cleo said, waving him over. He was hesitant to go but Ron's curiosity had been peeked.
He grabbed Harry by the elbow and pulled him over to the desk where they took their seats across from the woman with the fake accent. "I am seeing also aaa.... B?"
Harry stared blankly.
"No. No. It definitely be a Ddddd-T. It be a 'T'. Or possible dat be a 'V'."
"That's amazing!" Ron exclaimed, thinking of Voldemort. "How did you know?"
She leaned back and threw up her hands. "Miss Cleo knows. Listen, honey." She turned back to Harry. "You need to dump dis man. He is no good for you."
"Believe me I'd like to." Said Harry. "But I can't."
She turned over a card. "Because der is a child involved. I see dis as well."
"NO! No! God no!" His voice cracked a little "I'm a bloke!"
"Or possible dis is not his child."
Ron was staring at the cards, looking thoroughly perplexed. There was a silence. He looked up. "Well don't look at me!"
"Look there's no kid." Harry went on.
"You can not hide dis from Miss Cleo." She pushed two cards together. "I am seeing 'you-know-who' here wit de child."
"She knows his name." Ron whispered in awe.
"Well I suppose the child could be me." Harry turned to Ron. "You know when I first met him."
"Der is an age gap! Of course! Dees May/December tings never work out, honey. You need to find yourself someone new."
Harry was blushing fiercely and refused to look anyone in the eye. He seemed to be suddenly fascinated with Miss Cleo's shoe. And who could blame him. It was really quite an intriguing paradigm of foot apparel... Wait a tick.
Tonks!
(A/N: I want to thank everyone for their inspiring reviews and wonderful encouragement. (Jack Nicholson voice) You make want to be a better writer.
I would also like to apologize for not updating sooner. The only time I can focus on writing is between 2 and 5 in the morning! I literally have to choose between this and sleep.
Plus I made the mistake of starting another story and now I have to choose between the two each time I write.
Warning: Shameless Plug Ahead!
It's called "Weekend Warrior". Read that and "Fifty Ways to Grieve Your Sue-er".
So anyway, honk if you like Honks! ;-)