It has come to my attention that it is customary for a fan fic writer to thank reviewers individually at the end of each chapter. I have been remiss in doing so until now. Here now I choose to respond to a recent review by The Omakeer.

The Omakeer 2004-07-18 4 Signed

What are you on and where can i get some. i don't think i've read three other fics that are weirder than this, and only one other that was crazier. stick with the craziness and post again soon (and if possible, put an orgy in the next one.)

Well as for the uh request, I could do it in the next chap but it wouldn't fit the story at all. Show of hands who wants to read an installment tentatively titled "The Lemon Orgy"?

What am I on? (scratches head) Well nothing at the moment. But I won't lie to you, I have had a spotted past. You see there was a real hard time in my life a few years back when I had it bad. Yes it's true.

Hello, my name is Philosopher A. Devil, and I...

...was hooked on phonics.

I started using at the age of six. Oh sure it was innocent enough at first. A few Dr. Suess Books here and there. But then a friend introduced me to the "Ramona Quimby" series. The rest was a blur. Before I knew it I was sneaking pocket dictionaries up my sleeve just to hold me over during recess. Pretty soon I was experimenting with anything I could get my hands on, religious pamphlets, shirt tags with washing instructions on them, anything!

Sure my family knew. They had to have suspected something when my palms got sweaty with anticipation of the next Sesame Street. You know what I'm talking about. That rush in the blood when the two headed monster starts going Tr- -ain. Tr- -ain. Tr- -ain (cough)Spotting.

Anyway fast forward about fifteen years. One night my dealer/librarian beat me to within an inch of my life using only the Sunday edition of New York Times. Don't pity me. That's what happens to readers who can't pay their over-dues. Anyway I was found in a return bin the next morning covered in paper cuts.

But I didn't hit rock bottom until I woke up in a Half Price somewhere in Albuquerque under a pile of Seventeen Magazines. That's when I knew that I could sink no lower. I mean there I was reeking of perfume samples and thoroughly disgusted with myself.

So I got help. And thankfully, for me there was a happy ending to the sorted, if not delightfully entertaining, story of my life. Yes, my friends, salvation came in the form of a box, a box that would become my window to the world. I am a born-again couch potato.

I've been clean and sober and dumb for about eighteen months now. It would have been two years but I fell off the wagon with Order of The Phoenix.

And so I have come today as a guest speaker with a special appeal. Stop reading these things! If you won't listen to your family and friends, during the commercials when they have time, then perhaps you will listen to someone who's been down the road you're on right now. There is nothing at the end of that path except higher learning and near-sighted spectacles.

I wish to spread the word. Well I would like to but the word is way over there on the coffee table and I don't feel like getting up right now. :-D