Read previous disclaimers. I don't wanna do one right now.

Tetra: obviously drunk on the whiskey she bought on impulse (hey, she's rich) Whaddaya mean, drunk? Whiskey don' have alcohol in it.

Link: ditto I said so, you're drunk!

Tetra: Nuh-uh!

Link: Yeah you are!

Nudge: They sound like they're fighting. Maybe we should stop them?

Gonzo: No, man... it's the miracle of life.

Niko: What's that mean?

Mako: They're starting to fight like a couple. They'll hook up in the future, but only after sizing each other up...

Tetra: beating Link with chair

Link: rolls away, pulls rug out from under Tetra, causing her to fall

Mako: ...extensively and violently.

Tetra: jabbing at Link with axpoon

Link: dodging axpoon and throwing sharp rocks

Mako: Increasingly violently.

Tetra: pins Link to wall with knives

Link: looks at knives, then rips off wall screaming, revealing an identical shirt underneath the first

-The next morning

Gonzo: looks at Tetra & Link; chuckles

Tetra: w/ a MONDO hangover What?!

Gonzo: Oh, nothing.

Mr. Cactus: chuckles

Tetra: What's so goddamn funny?

Link: crawls out of a barrel Oh god, what did I do last night...

Tetra: What the hell were you doing in there? Get ta work, you lousy turd!

Link: Is this your shoe in my barrel? Get it away from me.

all: turn away and whistle random tunes

Tetra: Did I say you could whistle?!?

Gonzo: Sorry, Miss Tetra.

Tetra: puts her shoe on Well? What are you all waiting for?! Get to the corny song sequence!

musical intro

pirates: Yo-ho, yo-ho, pirates we are, ahoy!

Tetra: No, that sucks. Shut up.

Link: clutching his head SHUT UP! jumps into a barrel and shuts the lid

Tetra: Dock his pay!

LInk: muffled I'm not getting paid!

Tetra: Well, yeah, that's because you're still paying us.

Link: still muffled Then how can you dock my pay?!

Tetra: Uh duh, we make you work longer without pay.

Link: still still muffled Damn you!

Nudge: We've spotted another ship, Miss Tetra!

Tetra: Head straight for em, we'll rob the suckers! Sail my stretch of sea, will they? Well, then they'll have to pay the fine!

Mako: whispers to Niko She's talking to herself again...

Niko: also whispering Just let it go.

-later...

Tetra: yelling to the other ship Prepare to be boarded!

Capt. Swampy: peeks over the gunwale Arr? YEAARRR!! IT BE THE ONES WHO TOOK ME DOUBLOONS! ARR!

Polly: Wark! The doubloons! Arrk!

Tetra: Oh god no! MERTALIZE EM!!

crew: Aye, aye! pillage Swampy's new ship and burn it

-Later

all: eating quietly, periodically glancing over at Link & Tetra

Tetra: finally snaps What the hell are you looking at?!?!?

Gonzo: You and Link were fighting last night– fighting like a couple– and the other guys said stuff, and you fell asleep in a barrel with Link. It was so adorable!

Tetra: expression of shock and pure, unadulterated horror

Link: No way! I ain't a virgin no more? Sweet!!!!!

Tetra: EVERYONE OUT! NOW!!!!!

-On deck

Link: Wait, you say we just... passed out? Damn.

Niko: Well, I think we could play a game or something...

Link: TRUTH OR DARE! TRUTH OR DARE! Okay, Nudge, I dare you to sprout the wings of a bat and suck the blood out of a block of cheese while whistling Row Row Row Your Boat through Tetra's cabin!

All: NO!

Link: WAAAAAAAAAAH! starts to throw tantrum with yelling and crying and hitting of the deck

Gonzo: Jeez, what a baby!

Sideburns: Shut up, youse! drops barrel on Link

Link: Hey, this barrel's full of yummy yummy mushrooms! munch munch

All: NOOOOOOOO!

Link: What? It's just shitake mushrooms! Besides, Tetra kicked us all out before I could finish eating.

-Inside Tetra's deluxe cabin

Tetra: vigorously cleansing herself Eugh, I've got stupid all over me! Wait... I've got steel wool in here somewhere...

-The next morning

Tetra: all red and sore n stuff Hoist the sails, meat puppets!

Link: Boo-boo kitty, what's wrong with your skin?

Tetra: glowing eyes WHAT did you just call me?

Link: Jeez La-WEEZ, take it easy! I only said it on a bet!

Nudge: He's still breathing.

Mako: Pay up!

Niko & Gonzo: Aww...

Link: Of course, since we are going steady now, I should have a nick name for you. And vice versa.

Tetra: WE PASSED OUT IN A BUCKET!!

Gonzo: Barrel, Miss.

Tetra: Oh, thank you. deep breath WE PASSED OUT IN A BARREL!!! THAT HARDLY COUNTS AS ANYTHING!!!!!!!!

Link: ...We slept together. Like a sleepover! Yay sleepovers!

Niko: Yay!

Link: Shut the hell up!

Tetra: No, you shut up!

Link: You shut up!

Tetra: I'm the Captain, you shut up!

Link: Stupid-head!

Tetra: Dummy!

LInk: Nong-nong!

Tetra: Butt-face!

Link: Fart-sniffer!

Tetra: Poo-brain!

Link: Pee-head!

Tetra: Butt-breath!

Link: Ass-biting butt!

Tetra: Fish slapper!

Link: Pig-kisser!

Gonzo: watching intently

other crewmen: likewise

Nudge: When d'you suppose they'll stop?

Gonzo: I've seen this kind of thing before. It'll last until one of them says too long of an insult and can't breathe any more. Or until they make out. Vigorously.

Mako: holding an abacus According to my calculations, that won't happen, but they'll both...

Link & Tetra: simultaneously Pig-sniffing butt-licking booger-eating poop-flinging chicken-choking cactus-humping...

Mr. Cactus: I say!

Link & Tetra: still simultaneous ...bat-slapping egg-beating cotton-picking corn-husking shoplifting incense-burni gasp gasp choke fall over clutching their throats

Mako: ...do that.

Nudge: Aww damn, I was hoping for just two more words!!

Niko: Yeah, well, they crapped out. Pay up!

Nudge: kicks Niko overboard Whoops... butterfingers.

Niko: You kicked me! splash

Nudge: Well, then... um... buttertoes. There.

-Tune in again! Review or I'll swallow your soul!