Chapter Five

Between the Black and White

Sandy and Kirsten were carrying Styrofoam cups of coffee back from the cafeteria when Ryan finally emerged from Marissa's room, looking more exhausted then he had when he had first gone to visit her. He gratefully accepted the lukewarm cup Kirsten offered to him and slumped down in one of the plastic seats beside Seth, silently sipping and staring ahead of him.

"So, how's Marissa?" Sandy questioned, seeing as that was the only thing he could ask. He knew something was wrong the moment his ward had entered the waiting room, he just hoped it wasn't as bad as all the possibilities that were running through his head.

Ryan was silent, staring down into the brown liquid in the soft cup, thinking of just how to answer that. How was Marissa? She wasn't dead, that was the only thing he could think of to say; she's not dead but she might not walk again. So, he didn't answer, simply reminded staring past the cup and to his feet.

"Ryan?" Sandy pressed, laying a hand on the boy's shoulder, almost startling him enough to make him drop the cup he was holding so tightly.

Sighing, the teenager set the cup on the ground beside his feet and stood up, running his fingers through his hair. "I need to take a walk." He muttered, heading out of the waiting room and through the sliding doors, which whooshed open to let him through.

Ryan paced around the parking lot, walking along the edges of the sidewalk like he had done when he was a kid; all he could think about was Marissa, and how pale and small she had looked beneath the white bedcovers. How frightened she had looked when she had heard the doctor's diagnosis. He thought about how frightened he was and how he couldn't let it show, not in front of Marissa or anyone else; he had always been the strong one, and now it was slowly killing.

He was taking his third lap around the parking lot when he became aware that someone was walking up behind him. Ryan turned, expecting to see Seth or perhaps even Sandy trailing after him, and was surprised to see Kirsten heading through the empty parking spaces toward him. Ryan almost turned away from her, wondering if he could continue walking like he hadn't seen her, because he didn't want to talk, wasn't at all interested in what words of sympathy she had to offer him. But Kirsten had been more of a mother to him in the past few months then his own mother had even been, so he owed her the decency to hear what she had to say.

"Hey kiddo." She greeted him with a smile, taking a seat on the concrete wall that surrounded a planting bed filled with damp mulch and wilted flowers. Ryan couldn't help but smile slightly, no one had called him 'kiddo' since he had been five years old. "Anything you want to talk about?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, I'm good." He wasn't really, but talking had never come easy to him and he was certain that Kirsten knew that.

Kirsten didn't say anything, regarding him in the rising sunlight, which did nothing to hide the shadows in his eyes. "Is everything all right with Marissa? I haven't had a chance to visit her yet." She patted the spot on the wall beside her, an indication that Ryan could feel free to take a seat next to her.

After a moment's pause, Ryan sat beside the woman, resting his chin in his palms and sighing deeply again. "No, everything's not all right." He said, feeling the desire to tell someone what the doctor has said before Julie and Jimmy Cooper did so themselves.

"Why? What's wrong?" Kirsten looked more concerned then she had earlier, which he found touching. It was almost as though Marissa was her daughter and, in some ways, -ways that he, himself, would never be able to understand- she was.

Another sigh, another pause. "The doctor said that there's a chance that she might not walk again, she needs an operation to repair nerves or something." Ryan explained, his words coming out in a rush. "And even then, the results are only fifty percent successful."

Now it was Kirsten's turn to silently stare in front of her, too surprised to move or speak, just as he had been earlier; those were the sort of words she had only heard on a soap opera and had never expected to hear spoken in relation to someone she had known almost as long as she had known her own child. She couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't sound stupid or superficial so she remained silent, just as Ryan had done earlier.

Ryan appreciated her silence because he wasn't ready to hear words of comfort just yet; it was Marissa who needed those words anyway, not himself, but, either way, he wasn't ready for them.

And so, Ryan and Kirsten sat in silence on the cold, concrete wall that surrounded a dead planting bed until the automatic sprinklers that were still set to water the dead plants sprang to life and chased them, laughing despite everything, into the parking lot. Kirsten smiled slightly and draped her arm around Ryan's shoulder and gave him a motherly squeeze. "Don't worry, everything will work out, you'll see." She assured him.

"Everyone always says that." Ryan muttered. "But how do you really know?" It seemed like a strange, almost childish question but he couldn't help but ask.

Kirsten thought about his question for a moment and didn't answer until they had stepped through the automatic doors once again. "Sometimes, you don't really know, but you have to have faith that everything will be all right. Most of the time faith is the only thing that really keeps us from going completely crazy." She left him to return to her spot beside her husband, hoping that what she had said had helped him along a little. And, judging by the more alive look in his eyes that she could see when he sat down again, her words had given him the push he had needed.

Ryan was nursing his coffee, while Kirsten whispered to Sandy, when Seth reentered the waiting room, looking upset and flustered. "Summer didn't answer the phone." He said before he even sat down. "Do you think there's something wrong?" He now looked worried then anything else.

"Son, did it ever occur to you that she didn't answer because it's not even six thirty?" Sandy questioned, looking over at the teenager, who sat down beside Ryan.

Seth looked like this fact hadn't occurred to him and he remained silent, though he still looked nervous. Ryan couldn't but shake his eye and roll his eyes at his friend's behavior, but he remained silent as well; he wasn't ready to tell Seth about Marissa and figured that Kirsten would do that for him.

They were still sitting in silence when Jimmy and Julie came into the waiting room, looking more tired and haggard then Ryan and slumped down into seats opposite each other. Kirsten gave Julie a comforting glance and placed a hand on her shoulder. "So, how's Marissa?" She questioned gently.

Julie sighed wearily. "I don't want to talk about it right now." She mumbled and shut her eyes. She looked twenty years older then she had only hours ago, with wrinkles around her eyes and a sorrow shadowed her face. She was certain that Ryan had already told Kirsten and Sandy about her daughter, but that didn't mean that she felt the desire to hash everything up again. She and Jimmy had been talking to the different doctors in the hospital about Marissa's operation and they had all said the same things: the operation was only fifty percent successful, no guarantees.

Sandy looked at the worn faces in the waiting room and realized just how exhausted they all were; they needed a break before Seth drove them all crazy talking about Summer and Ryan, Julie and Jimmy's pained expressions make him feel even worse then he already did. Plus, hospitals gave him the creeps.

"What do you say we go to a diner and get some breakfast?" Sandy offered, his gaze traveling from his son to his wife and then to the ward of his house. "I think we could all use a break."

At first, Ryan thought about saying no, but figured he wouldn't believed by the way his stomach growled at the mention of breakfast. Despite his hunger, he didn't feel right about leaving Marissa; what if something happened and she needed him, only to find that he wasn't around.

"I'm in." Seth voiced, his stomach rumbling just as loudly as Ryan's had. He hadn't eaten anything since the ice cream he had had right before they had left to go rescue Marissa from the gun-wielding Oliver.

Ryan and Marissa's parents weren't as easily convinced but Sandy and Kirsten managed to wield them into going by pointing out that eating the hospital food might put them in the hospital as well.

The diner a few blocks away from the hospital was open twenty-four hours and it was easy for them to find a booth big enough so that they could all sit together; Ryan sat closest to the window and gazed out at the street beyond, which was slowly becoming crowded with cars and people on their way to their respective jobs. Once upon a time, he had been as carefree as those people appeared to be, when everything was all right between him and Marissa and it seemed like things would stay the same forever. Where did everything go wrong? He questioned, wishing that he could go back and make everything all right again.

Seth handed him a menu and offered him a friendly smile. "Don't worry man, Marissa's going to be fine." He told his friend, reminding Ryan that he didn't know that Marissa might never walk again. All he could do was nod and flip open the laminated menu.

The conversation that floated around the booth was simply nothing more then a few words to keep silence from settling in. No one mentioned Marissa or Oliver or anything related to the events of the past day; Ryan ordered pancakes, which were Marissa's favorite, simply so he could sneak some back to the hospital for her. Despite how hungry he was earlier, he only managed to eat half a pancake and some of Seth's hash browns; all he could think about was Marissa and the impending operation and that took away his appetite.

Only Seth managed to eat more then was on his plate, despite how worried he was about Summer, and even managed to eat some of his mother's eggs and bacon. After listening to Sandy and Jimmy try to talk about the restaurant they were starting together, Ryan excused himself in order to head back to the hospital, taking the pancakes, which he had wrapped in a napkin, with him. Seth left moments later to use the payphone to call Summer once more, ignoring his father's glare that clearly said 'you should be calling Ana' and went to the back of the restaurant.

Seth fished fifty cents out of his pocket and fed it into the payphone, punching in the number's to Summer's private line, which he long since memorized. The phone rang three times before Summer answered, sounding blank, which Seth mistook for sounding tired; he didn't seem to pick up on the hollowness in her voice.

"Hey, Summer, it's me." He told her. "How are you doing?" He was honestly concerned and hoped that the dark-haired girl wouldn't dismiss him with a sharp-tongued comment.

For a moment, the line was silent before the girl could bring herself to answer. "I'm fine. How are you?" She questioned, not sounding at all like the Summer that he had once known.

Seth chose not to answer her question. "I was wondering if you wanted to come to the hospital later and see Marissa, she's been asking for you." He said instead, knowing that this was true because Ryan had mentioned it. "We're all still there, too."

Summer sighed almost inaudibly. "Maybe later." She answered lightly, as though he had asked her if she wanted to go to the movies or mow the grass. "I'll take to you later, Seth."

She hung up the phone before he had a chance to say anything and for a good minute, Seth stood in the back of the restaurant, staring stupidly down at the phone. He would have stood like the longer if a woman hadn't come up behind him, asking if he was done so she could use the payphone. He returned back to the booth, where his parents and Marissa's parents were gathering up the leftovers into a Styrofoam take-out box and frowned.

"I think something's wrong with Summer." Seth said, speaking more to his mother, who appeared to be more receptive about the whole break-up with Ana then his father was. "She called me Seth and she never calls me that." Kirsten didn't look like she knew what to say, so she remained silent.

Julie closed one of the boxes she held and looked up at the Cohen boy. "Did she say she was coming by to visit Marissa today? Marissa would really like to see her." She questioned, looking hopeful, as though a visit from Summer would solve all of their problems.

"She's probably going to come." Seth answered, not having the heart to describe the strange way Summer had answered his question. "If she can get a ride."

Julie just nodded and followed her ex-husband toward the front of the restaurant. The Cohens followed suit, gathering up the rest of the boxes and paying their share of the check. As they left the Standard Diner, Jimmy inserted an odd assortment of change into a Newport Daily Journal newspaper dispenser and pulled out today's issue. He flipped through the metro section while they headed to Sandy's car.

"There's an obituary for Oliver in the paper today." Jimmy remarked, looking up from the print. "It sees a memorial service is being held for him tonight." Seth frowned slightly at his words. No one asked to see the obituary and Jimmy tossed the entire paper into the wastebasket; he wasn't interested in reading about any of the other problems in the world. None of them seemed as important as the problems with his daughter.

* * *

Marissa was still asleep when Ryan returned, holding the soggy pancakes as though they were a cure-all; he silently sat down in the seat beside her and seat the breakfast food on the table beside the bed. Marissa looked so angelic when she slept, he noticed, with her eyelashes brushing gently against her cheeks and her lips curled in a slight smile.

Suddenly, she stirred, as though she sensed someone watching her and her eyes fluttered upon; her smile became more definite when she saw who was sitting beside her. "Hey Ryan." Marissa greeted. "Have you been there all night?"

Ryan shook his head, though he felt guilty about doing so. "No, I went to breakfast with Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and your parents." He answered, handing her the pancakes. "I saved these for you."

Marissa unwrapped the food and smiled brightly, her eyes filling with tears at his generosity, his thoughtfulness. "I knew those are your favorite so..." Ryan trailed off and smiled, looking somewhat sheepish.

Setting the pancakes aside, Marissa leaned over and kissed her boyfriend deeply, wondering why she didn't trust him about Oliver, why she hadn't believed him. No part of this wonderful person would ever hurt her or have any desire to do, why hadn't she seen that before. Sometimes there was more to the world then met the eye, more then just black and white, Marissa suddenly realized, and the best things and the hardest things to see lay between the black and white.

Ryan smiled when the kiss was broken. "I should bring you breakfast more often." He grinned, and Marissa even managed to smile as well. It was so easy to pretend that there was nothing wrong during moments like this and she wished that she didn't have to pretend any longer.

Marissa was eating her soggy pancakes, listening to Ryan relate some story or other that had been told at breakfast, when Seth entered the room, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. "My parents wanted me to give this to you." He said by way of explanation, handing the wrapped flowers to the bedridden girl, who took them with a smile.

"Tell your parents thank you." Marissa said, sniffing the flowers and cradling them in her lap beside her breakfast.

Seth pulled up a chair and sat beside Ryan. "So, the paper said that a memorial service for Oliver is going to be held tonight." He said, not quite sure if the knowledge would help that matter any but somehow, it seemed very important that Ryan and Marissa know as well.

Marissa studied Seth for a moment before gazing past him, thinking about what he had just said. After a few minutes had passed she said, "I want to go to the service."

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So, thanks again for the reviews but where's the turnout that I got with the first chapter? C'mon you guys, show me some love, my muse needs it desperately. I love you all!