More than Existing
Author's note: We're almost there people. What do you think she'll do? Do you think she'll give up, and stop treatment? Or do you think that she'll continue even though there's little chance she'll survive? Well you'll find out in this chapter.
Disclaimer: I. Own. Nothing.
Chapter 11 – "A Decision"
Kitty and Kurt got the call later that day. It was Janine; she said that she had something really important to tell them...something too important to tell them over the phone. They couldn't help but think to themselves 'Could she have found a donor?'
Kitty and Kurt found Janine sitting in her backyard watching some birds in the birdbath. As soon as Kurt and Kitty came outside though, they flew away. Janine didn't turn to look at them right away. Kitty noticed that she wasn't wearing a scarf over her head, and she seemed to be sitting up straighter than usual. Almost as if a weight had been lifted. Janine turned to face them. She wore a smile on her face that was very different from her usual smile. Her face seemed brighter, less troubled. 'She must have found a donor!' Kitty thought to herself, her smile growing. "So" Kitty said, "What do you have to tell us?"
"I'm stopping treatment." Janine said, her smile faltering a little.
"So...you're cured?" Kitty said, a little confused
"No. I'm just stopping treatment." Janine said again.
"I don't understand, if you stop treatment...von't you die?" Kurt asked, his heart in his throat. Janine looked away. She hated to have to tell them this, but she'd learned her lesson about keeping things from them. She nodded.
Kitty was shocked, "But why?! You're doing so well!"
"No, I'm not. I thought I was doing all right, but we talked to the doctor this morning and he said that my body is rejecting the chemotherapy."
"Isn't zhere somezhing else you can try?" Kurt asked. Janine shook her head. "The doctor said there wasn't anything else."
"Isn't there some chance? Something you can do?" Kitty asked desparetly.
"There's a small chance that I'll make it through chemo, and even if I do make it through, there's still the possibility that I won't make it through the marrow transplant." Janine explained.
"But there's still a chance?" Kitty asked, trying to convince herself that her friend would be okay.
"A 5% chance of making it through the chemo. And even then, there's still only an 8% chance that I'll make it through the transplant." Janine said.
Kitty looked at her friend in astonishment, "So you're just giving up? You can't!"
"I'm not giving up. I'm stopping-"Janine reasoned
"Same thing!" Kitty said, beginning to lose control, "You can't give up. We-we can't give up. There's still hope."
"Still hope for what? Still hope that I can spend the last months of my life in pain? Still hope that I'll spend what's left of my life in a bathroom dry heaving? I don't want that kind of hope. Kitty, I'm going to die. And if I'm going to die, I want to die on my terms, my way. I don't want to die in a hospital with an IV in my arm."
"But-but with treatment, you can live longer...right?" Kitty argued weakly
"Live longer? You mean exist longer. Sitting in a hospital alone, or throwing up in a bathroom isn't a life, it's an existence. There is more to life than just being alive."
"But Janine" Kurt started.
"No 'but's Kurt. I've been thinking about this for a while, even before the doctor told me. I want to start living normally again. Get my life back together, let my hair grow back." She smiled as she said the last remark, but then she became serious once more, "Guys, when I was in the hospital while the doctor was telling me about my chances, I saw a sign written on the door. It said, 'To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.' I don't want to just exist. I want to live. My life is getting shorter, and I want to spend it doing what I want. Not hooked up to a machine in the hospital." Kurt and Kitty were silent. "Please understand. I've already told my mother. She was upset, but she knows its my decision. Please be okay with this. Having you guys for friends has been the best thing that's happened to me in a while. Please understand..." The three sat in silence. Janine tried to think of some way to help them understand, but she couldn't come up with the words. They sat there quietly for a long time. After what felt like years, Kurt said, "I'm not sure I understand, b-but its your decision, your life."
"Thanks Kurt." Janine turned her attention to Kitty. Kitty continued to study the grass. After a moment, Kitty whispered, "I don't understand...how can you give up?"
"I'm not" Janine replied, "I'm not giving up, I'm spending the rest of my life how I want to. Kitty, I've been through so much pain. Don't I deserve to spend the rest of my life, the way I want to?" Kitty didn't trust her voice to speak, so she stiffly nodded. She knew that Janine had the right to be happy, but it was so hard to let go...
Author's note: We're almost there people. What do you think she'll do? Do you think she'll give up, and stop treatment? Or do you think that she'll continue even though there's little chance she'll survive? Well you'll find out in this chapter.
Disclaimer: I. Own. Nothing.
Chapter 11 – "A Decision"
Kitty and Kurt got the call later that day. It was Janine; she said that she had something really important to tell them...something too important to tell them over the phone. They couldn't help but think to themselves 'Could she have found a donor?'
Kitty and Kurt found Janine sitting in her backyard watching some birds in the birdbath. As soon as Kurt and Kitty came outside though, they flew away. Janine didn't turn to look at them right away. Kitty noticed that she wasn't wearing a scarf over her head, and she seemed to be sitting up straighter than usual. Almost as if a weight had been lifted. Janine turned to face them. She wore a smile on her face that was very different from her usual smile. Her face seemed brighter, less troubled. 'She must have found a donor!' Kitty thought to herself, her smile growing. "So" Kitty said, "What do you have to tell us?"
"I'm stopping treatment." Janine said, her smile faltering a little.
"So...you're cured?" Kitty said, a little confused
"No. I'm just stopping treatment." Janine said again.
"I don't understand, if you stop treatment...von't you die?" Kurt asked, his heart in his throat. Janine looked away. She hated to have to tell them this, but she'd learned her lesson about keeping things from them. She nodded.
Kitty was shocked, "But why?! You're doing so well!"
"No, I'm not. I thought I was doing all right, but we talked to the doctor this morning and he said that my body is rejecting the chemotherapy."
"Isn't zhere somezhing else you can try?" Kurt asked. Janine shook her head. "The doctor said there wasn't anything else."
"Isn't there some chance? Something you can do?" Kitty asked desparetly.
"There's a small chance that I'll make it through chemo, and even if I do make it through, there's still the possibility that I won't make it through the marrow transplant." Janine explained.
"But there's still a chance?" Kitty asked, trying to convince herself that her friend would be okay.
"A 5% chance of making it through the chemo. And even then, there's still only an 8% chance that I'll make it through the transplant." Janine said.
Kitty looked at her friend in astonishment, "So you're just giving up? You can't!"
"I'm not giving up. I'm stopping-"Janine reasoned
"Same thing!" Kitty said, beginning to lose control, "You can't give up. We-we can't give up. There's still hope."
"Still hope for what? Still hope that I can spend the last months of my life in pain? Still hope that I'll spend what's left of my life in a bathroom dry heaving? I don't want that kind of hope. Kitty, I'm going to die. And if I'm going to die, I want to die on my terms, my way. I don't want to die in a hospital with an IV in my arm."
"But-but with treatment, you can live longer...right?" Kitty argued weakly
"Live longer? You mean exist longer. Sitting in a hospital alone, or throwing up in a bathroom isn't a life, it's an existence. There is more to life than just being alive."
"But Janine" Kurt started.
"No 'but's Kurt. I've been thinking about this for a while, even before the doctor told me. I want to start living normally again. Get my life back together, let my hair grow back." She smiled as she said the last remark, but then she became serious once more, "Guys, when I was in the hospital while the doctor was telling me about my chances, I saw a sign written on the door. It said, 'To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.' I don't want to just exist. I want to live. My life is getting shorter, and I want to spend it doing what I want. Not hooked up to a machine in the hospital." Kurt and Kitty were silent. "Please understand. I've already told my mother. She was upset, but she knows its my decision. Please be okay with this. Having you guys for friends has been the best thing that's happened to me in a while. Please understand..." The three sat in silence. Janine tried to think of some way to help them understand, but she couldn't come up with the words. They sat there quietly for a long time. After what felt like years, Kurt said, "I'm not sure I understand, b-but its your decision, your life."
"Thanks Kurt." Janine turned her attention to Kitty. Kitty continued to study the grass. After a moment, Kitty whispered, "I don't understand...how can you give up?"
"I'm not" Janine replied, "I'm not giving up, I'm spending the rest of my life how I want to. Kitty, I've been through so much pain. Don't I deserve to spend the rest of my life, the way I want to?" Kitty didn't trust her voice to speak, so she stiffly nodded. She knew that Janine had the right to be happy, but it was so hard to let go...