Oo you all seemed more shocked about Chandler and Emily than... oh never mind. And I must apologise for that terrible spelling of Waltham. I don't really know what happened there. But thanks for the reviews anyway. Keep it up! Lilian xXx (PS: Louisea, I think I might love you... :p)
Monica felt rather small as she sipped her coffee. She had been shivering, and Richard had offered her his coat, and she almost felt lost inside the big leather jacket. She was grateful to him though. If he hadn't stopped her, offered to buy her a drink, she could be anywhere now, crying over the fact that she had lost Chandler. Chandler... the one who had promised her he would always be there for her. Whenever she needed him.
"Are you okay?" Richard asked worriedly. Monica nodded silently, putting down her mug. "Thanks... Richard," she said hesitantly. "I.. I was just going for a walk... and... I needed some fresh air, I guess..."
"A walk to the post box?" Richard asked, an eyebrow raised. Monica smiled, looking a little sheepish. "That's a new one."
"I was posting a letter to Chandler," she said, averting her gaze. "I can't tell him how I really feel over the phone... especially now he seems to have a girlfriend."
Richard looked sympathetic. "How serious is he with her though? You can't expect him to go through life without having a girlfriend Monica. If it's meant to be, he'll come back to you eventually."
"I know," she said, nodding her head. "But can I wait? That's the question."
Richard looked sadly at her. So many people doubted how much Monica really loved Chandler. They're only young, people would say. How could she know? Plus, she probably grew attached to the first man who didn't just want her for one thing. She was probably grateful that he wasn't using her. But Richard knew differently. He knew how much they meant to each other, and it hurt him to admit it. He knew it was wrong.. she was only 17... but he was growing fond of her. He wouldn't tell her ever though. It wasn't fair on her.
"If he's worth it, you can wait," he said quietly, touching her hand.
Monica looked up at her new friend, and for the first time ever, wondered whether she had the patience to wait. She knew she loved him... but did she have the faith that he would return to her? What if he stayed in England forever? She would have wasted all of that time waiting for him. She didn't know if she could risk it.
-----
There was no aspirin in the cupboard. Chandler swore loudly, banging the door shut, causing his head to hurt even more. Nora bustled into the kitchen, looking at him inquisitively.
"You're up early," she commented. "Chandler... I don't mean to pry, but... did Emily go home last night?"
Chandler put his head in his hands. "She left about a couple of hours ago," he said, not wanting to answer her question but not wanting to lie either. "She said her dad would be angry if he found out she'd..."
"OK. Don't worry, you don't have to explain," Nora said comfortingly, touching her son's shoulder. "Just... be careful, ok? I hope you know what you're doing."
Chandler groaned as she left the kitchen. He knew he'd made the biggest mistake ever. The previous night, he had rung Monica's house, wanting to talk to her, praying she would be there. He needed to tell her how much he loved her, even though he guessed they were no longer "together." He knew that Monica couldn't wait. He couldn't expect her to. He had no confirmation that he was ever going to leave England and come back to New York.
But she hadn't been in. Judy had told him she'd gone out to post a letter and she hadn't come back, even though she had been out over an hour. Judy expected that she'd met someone. And although Chandler knew that by "someone" she could mean a friend, he also knew that it could possibly be a "male" someone. Especially after their phone conversation.
So he'd rung Emily and invited her round to watch a film or something. Emily had jumped at the chance, and Chandler felt a pang of guilt as he remembered how much Emily seemed to like him... so much more than he liked her, anyway. But he did like Emily. He knew that if it wasn't for Monica, he could possibly feel a lot more for her than he did. But she wasn't Monica. That did it for him.
I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be,
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me,
I'm far away from home,
And I've been facing this alone,
For much too long.
Maybe if he confided in Nora. But Nora didn't approve of Chandler and Monica's long-distance relationship. She thought it was stupid, especially at their age. And she did approve of Emily. Especially as her parents were quite well-off. He knew that was a stupid reason to stay with someone, but Nora seemed to think it was a good idea.
He slammed his body into the chair, regretting everything he'd done the night before. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't been thinking of Monica the entire time- how he was almost doing it out of spite. It wasn't fair on Emily. Now she thought that she was in love. Chandler wasn't. Not with her, anyway. Being 19 was difficult. He wished he'd never left Monica.
I feel like no one ever told the truth to me,
About growing up and what a struggle it would be,
In my tangled state of mind,
I've been looking back to find,
Where I went wrong.
Emily... Emily... What did he really think of her? If he was really going to have to stay in England, could he live with her? He supposed he could. They got on well, had a similar taste in most things. But she was quite boring sometimes. She didn't have the fire that Monica had. He couldn't believe that he'd let himself get further with Emily than he'd ever even dreamt about with Monica. He'd betrayed Monica. But last night had been good. He'd enjoyed it. Which made him feel that he'd betrayed MOnica even more.
Too much love will kill you,
If you can't make up your mind,
Torn between the lover,
And the love you leave behind,
You're heading for disaster,
Cos you never read the signs,
Too much love will kill you everytime.
------------
"Monica?"
Monica came down the stairs and went into the kitchen. "Hi mom," she said wearily. "Sorry I was so late last night. I ran into Richard and he bought me some coffee. I hope I didn't worry you."
Judy nodded. "OK, so long as you're safe," she said, smiling. "Chandler phoned you last night though."
Monica looked surprised. "Did he?" she asked. "I guess I'd better ring him now. Thanks mom," she said, leaving the room and going to phone Chandler. She didn't know whether it was the best idea or not, but she knew she had to talk to him.
---------
The incessant ringing angered Chandler. His head hurt enough anyway, and the shrillness of the phone drove him crazy. He answered moodily. "Hullo?" he muttered.
"Hi."
"Monica?" he said, his tone changing. "Hi... I rang you yesterday.."
"I know," she said simply. "What did you want?"
"I..." Chandler didn't know what to say. What had happened the night before changed everything. He had started to reason with himself that he must like Emily, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to. He wasn't that sort of person. But he knew that he did still love Monica. He would do anything to leave England and be with her right now. But that would mean leaving Emily...
I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be,
And it seems like theres no way out of this for me,
I used to bring you sunshine,
Now all I ever do is bring you down.
"I guess what you said the other day," he began carefully, "was a good idea. But..."
Monica sat up a little. "But what?"
Chandler breathed in. "Mon, I miss you," he said, feeling himself choke up. "I miss seeing you every day, I miss being with you, I miss you. And I want... to come home."
Monica didn't really know what to say.
"But... Mon... I have to tell you something..." he said, and Monica's heart sank. "This... the girl... I really like her, Mon. I can't explain it though, cos what I feel for you is so much more strong, and I love you. I don't love Emily. But I do like her a lot, and I can't just leave her... and I wanted you to know that I still want to be with you..."
"But you can't leave Emily," she said, a little bitterly, but she felt sorry for Chandler. She believed him when he said he loved her. She loved him. So much. "I understand."
"No, you don't, Mon," he said earnestly. "I wish I could explain but I can't. I just wish I could see you again, face to face."
How would it be if you were standing in my shoes,
Can't you see that it's impossible to choose?
There's no making sense of it,
Everyway I go, I'm bound to lose.
"It's okay, Chandler," Monica said soothingly, not really knowing what else to say or do. She wasn't angry with Chandler and she couldn't bear him to be angry with himself. "We knew deep down it couldn't really last. There's a whole ocean seperating us, for gods sake. Just be happy that we had what we did have," she finished sadly, looking up as her mother made a motion for her to get ready. "Chandler, I have to go. We're going to visit my Grandma. I'll talk to you later though."
Chandler breathed in. "Monica... wait... this wasn't the way I wanted this conversation to end."
"But it's the way it has to end," Monica said, feeling tears prick at her eyes. "Otherwise we just go round and round in circles, don't we? We have to know where we stand, Chandler," she whispered gently. "I will always love you though. I just hope... pray... we see each other again."
"Of course we-" Chandler stopped, as the phone in America was put down. He stared glumly at the phone. He didn't realise how a phone conversation could make him see things so much more clearer. He knew what he had to do. It would just be so difficult...
Too much love will kill you,
Just as sure as none at all,
It'll drain the power that's in you,
Make you plead and scream and crawl,
And the pain will make you crazy,
You're the victim of your crime,
Too much love will kill you, everytime.
...to break up with Emily...
Too much love will kill you,
It'll make your life a lie,
Yeah, too much love will kill you,
And you won't understand why,
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul,
But here it comes again...
Chandler sat back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. He felt as if his heart was being pulled in two. Although he knew what he had to do, he knew it would be difficult. And there was no certainty that Monica would accept him back. Or that his mother would be happy that he was going to leave England. He felt he could possibly upset everyone he ever cared about.
Too much love will kill you,
In the end.
---------
Hello! I'm back from my holidays. I got back to a wonderful email from a certain guitarist from a certain band called Queen- yes, you can say it can't have been him, but I reckon it was-everything he wrote in the email had a massive copyright "thing." He was very understanding, or so it seemed- I've been having a few problems lately and some Queen music does seem to help me get through it. Anyway, yeah, I've had a good few weeks, and I had to get this chapter up which I started ages ago. In later chapters I'll probably include lesser-known Queen songs- don't worry if you don't know them, it just adds to the story but they aren't necessary to read. Please review!! Lilian xXx