A/N: The events of Chapter 1 have triggered Sarah to suddenly feel a desire for something different, something more. Her "awakening," however, is challenging. Sarah Walker understands the words intimacy and love, but has no frame of reference for how they feel or how overwhelming they can be. Somehow, Sarah will need to figure her way through the emotional landslide Bryce Larkin has inadvertently caused.

This story has a mild T-rating for occasional coarse language, some adult themes, and some violence, but nothing too graphic.

I hope you enjoy it, and favor me with following or reviewing. It's the only way I can know if the effort I've put into writing this is giving anyone any sort of joy.

Finally, my thanks go to Nevr for pre-reading and beta reading. Thanks Nev!

I don't own Chuck or profit from writing this story.

Chapter 2 – Distractions:

Sarah woke the next morning feeling slightly better, but still unsettled. She decided to log a few miles and dug her running clothes out of her roll-aboard bag. She placed some cash, her phone, and her ID into the pocket of her running pants and mapped out a six and a half mile run to the Santa Monica Pier. Keeping an easy minute per mile pace, she reached the pier and the sparkling blue Pacific Ocean in less than an hour. She caught her breath and stretched for a few minutes on the boardwalk, then spotted a quiet place on the beach where she could sit, watch the waves roll in, and try to calm her mind. The beach was almost deserted except for a single man, maybe a hundred yards away, apparently doing the exact same thing she was planning. She quickly concluded he was not a threat, and disregarded him. As she settled in to relax, her phone rang.

"Hey Blondie….whatcha doin?" Carina Miller's voice sang through the speaker.

"Hey Red. Good to hear from you. Not doing much. Just got a few days off, so I'm currently just sitting on the beach in Santa Monica. What are you up to?" Sarah responded.

"Just wrapped up a cartel case in Sinaloa, and planned to take a few days before I need to report back to DC. Tell me where you are staying so I can book a room, and we can go out and get some much needed stress relief. I can be in Los Angeles by six pm." Sarah could hear some excitement in Carina's voice. Carina was a friend, sort of. Or as close to a friend as the spy business allowed, but she had a wild streak, and a penchant for trouble along with an insatiable appetite for sexual conquests not intended to last more than a few hours. Sarah was never really a party animal like Carina, and given her current mind set, was struggling to decide if meeting up was a good idea.

"Carina, you know I love you, but I've had a very difficult couple of days, and I really need a bit of a calm and quiet pause. Can we do this another time?" Sarah floated the trial balloon to see how Carina would react, but was met with silence.

"Sarah, are you ok? I know hard partying with me isn't really your thing, but you sound really off. How about we just get together, have a spa day and you can tell Aunty Carina all about it?"

"You sure, Carina? I'm not in the best place for fun and games, but a spa day sounds like it might be a good idea….but only if you are sure." Sarah's voice picked up a little, causing Carina a sly smile. They would have a nice spa day, then she would talk Sarah into a night of clubbing, pick up a couple of men for the evening's after-hours entertainment, to be followed by another day of spa treatments.

"I'm sure, Blondie!" Carina laughed out loud before getting Sarah's hotel details and hanging up.

= ! =

Chuck Bartowski walked into the office he shared with his friend and partner, Morgan Grimes. The two started CBMG GameSphere, a video game software development company, less than twelve months ago, and today was the day they were expecting to close their first major multi player game sale.

"Chuck, where have you been man? You missed all the action!" Morgan Grimes leaned back in his chair with a wide smile on his face and his feet on his desk.

"Sorry, Morgs. I needed a few minutes. I walked down to the beach, and kinda lost track of time. Did they call?" Chuck had a nervous smile as he leaned on the doorframe to their office.

"They called," Morgan replied with a self-satisfied grin, not giving away anything more.

"And?" Chuck gave Morgan a flat look.

"And what, Chuck? No faith in the beard? That hurts, pal. I may need to reconsider our partnership in light of….." Morgan was stringing Chuck along until Chuck put his foot down.

"Morgan, quit screwing around. Out with it. Please." Chuck softened his tone and his expression.

"We are done, partner!" Morgan got out of his chair and jumped up onto Chuck wrapping himself around his taller partner as he laughed out loud.

"Details please, Morgan," Chuck implored with a growing grin on his face.

"They signed the contract, and sent over the digital copies. The hard copies are on their way over by messenger. Five hundred thousand cash in upfront licensing fees, plus twenty percent of gross sales for the current release and the same for any subsequent release of the same game for the next five years. After that, we can negotiate a renewal or extension. Plus we retain control of marketing, branding, and distribution as well as the intellectual property. This includes any eventual development of toys, movie rights, etc. GameSoft is forecasting no less than twenty million in sales in the first six months from release date, so that's four million on top of the five hundred K." Morgan climbed off Chuck but then pulled him in for a hug.

"We did it, pal. I know we have had some good success so far, but this one is really big and if the game performs as expected, we start playing on a totally different level." Morgan beamed as Chuck fell into his chair and picked up the phone to call his sister with the good news.

"Hi, Chuck, is everything ok?" Ellie Bartowski, Chuck's sister, was currently taking a break from her rounds at Westside Medical Center where she was the head of the hospital's neurology practice.

"It happened, Ellie. The first big sale went through, and Morgan and I want to take you and Captain Awesome out for dinner to celebrate and to thank you for your support." Chuck was giddy with excitement.

Ellie let out a squeal that could be heard as far away as Peru, then caught herself and chastised her brother for calling her fiancé, Dr. Devon Woodcomb, Captain Awesome. After some good natured ribbing, they agreed to dinner, though Ellie and Devon would need to get home at a reasonable hour, given that they both had rounds early the following day.

Chuck immediately got on the phone with El Compadre, his favorite Mexican place and booked a table for four, texting the details to both Ellie and Devon. Morgan then called a friend of his at the Avalon Hollywood, one of LA's historic night clubs, and made sure he and Chuck were on the guest list and had a table in the VIP area. After they finished their dinner with Ellie and Devon, Morgan was going to take Chuck to the Avalon, and hopefully help his best friend unwind and have some fun for a change.

"Chuck….make sure you wear something suitable for a classy night club….tonight we celebrate!" Morgan beamed before bouncing out the door and heading home to prepare himself.

= ! =

As expected, Carina landed at six pm, and by seven thirty was checked into the Fairmont, two floors below Sarah.

"Hey, Blondie, I'm here, room 614. I've taken the liberty of planning our spa day for tomorrow starting at ten am, but for tonight, let's get some dinner, and then maybe go have a quiet drink somewhere just you and me, so we can talk. I booked a table at Delphine for eight thirty, and we can have a drink at a place called the Avalon, which is only two blocks away after, so let's meet in the lobby at eight sharp…and dress up a little, the restaurant is high end." Carina spoke with a soft but happy tone, hiding the fact she was going to drag her blonde friend, kicking and screaming if necessary, to a place where they could drink too much, get lost in the music, and find some playmates for the evening. She was sure this would get Sarah out of her funk, and give her a fresh, healthier perspective on things. To do that, she needed to play her cards a little carefully.

"Sounds good, Carina. A nice dinner and drinks in a quiet place where we can chat sounds like a plan. I'll meet you in the lobby at eight pm, and we can take a cab over," Sarah responded.

= ! =

Ellie and Devon met Chuck by the fountain of the condo complex where they both had apartments. Ellie looked Chuck up and down and given how sharply dressed he was, she gave him low wolf whistle. "Looking good, Chuckster," added Devon. "There will be many senioritas ready to lose their pantalones at the sight of you, bro!" Devon smiled conspiratorially, and got a slap on the shoulder from Ellie.

"Chuck, do you have a date planned for after dinner?" Ellie smiled sweetly at her brother.

"Indeed I do, and I want to look my best. What do you think?" Chuck asked as he did a slow twirl so they could see him from all angles.

"Dark gray suit, black shirt with an open collar, polished shoes…not Chuck Taylor All Stars….and your hair looks well managed. I'd say you will make a great impression as a budding software tycoon. Who is the lucky lady?" Ellie inquired.

Chuck couldn't keep a straight face any longer and just started laughing uncontrollably. After a moment, he caught himself and apologized. "I'm sorry sis….Morgan. I'm going out to the Avalon night club after dinner with Morgan. He was so excited about today, he set us up with in the VIP lounge with table service. He asked me to dress up, so I'm going with it." Chuck smiled as Ellie shook her head with a smile.

"That may be, but looking like that, I wouldn't be surprised if you meet some women tonight." Ellie gave her brother a hug and started to move towards their car while Devon leaned in, gave Chuck a wink, and whispered "pantalones" into his ear before jogging after Ellie.

Dinner at El Compadre was a happy affair with Chuck and Morgan both explaining the details of the deal and the expected financial impact. By nine-thirty pm, Ellie and Devon took their leave and drove home in their car, leaving Chuck and Morgan at the table. Morgan took the opportunity to order some additional margaritas, with a plan to hit Avalon by ten-thirty. After settling the bill, Morgan waved down a taxi, pushed Chuck in, and directed the driver to the night club.

On arrival, Morgan and Chuck checked in with the doorman and were shown to a small table inside the VIP area. As Morgan took his seat, he excitedly rubbed his hands together and ordered an expensive bottle of Champagne to celebrate the day's success. Minutes later, the friends and partners raised a glass to cheer the close of their contract with GameSoft, to CBMG GameSphere's bright future, and to a fantastic celebratory evening.

= ! =

At eight pm sharp, the elevator doors opened and Sarah Walker strode into the lobby. She was a beautiful woman, standing about five foot ten, without heels, deep blue eyes, and blond hair that flowed in natural long curls to just below her shoulders. She wore a sleeveless blue cocktail dress with a plunging neck line, and the hem just half way down her thigh. The dress clung to her stunning physique, and the short length coupled with the high-heeled shoes showcased her long, well-toned legs. Her ensemble was completed with a matching blue clutch, and a pair blue pumps with gold trim. Her makeup was understated, but still set off her lips and piercing blue eyes.

She spotted Carina sitting on a couch in the reception area, chatting with two business men. Carina was an equally stunning woman. Roughly the same height as Sarah, but with wild red hair and emerald green eyes. She was wearing a black miniskirt, high heeled black leather boots that went to her knees, and a black silk blouse. As Sarah approached, Carina stood, thanked the two men for the pleasant chat, and with a little extra sway in her hips, walked confidently towards her friend.

"Hey, Blondie!" Carina smiled as she pulled her friend into a hug. "I'm so happy to see you. It's been way too long."

"Hey, Red." Sarah responded in kind with a soft smile on her face. She had been unsure about getting together with Carina, but was suddenly thankful to have a familiar face near to her. Even if they weren't really close friends, having someone who understood the complexities of her professional life, who she could talk to, felt like it was going to be helpful. Sarah returned Carina's hug. "Who were you chatting with, Carina? I hope you have not made plans with them for the two of us, because I told you I'm not up for that," Sarah asked in a more serious tone.

"Sarah, relax. They were just a couple of boys who decided to chat me up while I was waiting for you. So, no….I did not make any plans. Besides, those two guys have "dad bodies" and work in the insurance business or something like that….boooorrring. Definitely not my speed. Let's get out of here and you can tell me what is very obviously troubling you." Carina grabbed Sarah's hand and moved towards the cab stand with a spring in her step. Tonight was going to be fun.

Less than thirty minutes later, the two women were shown to a quiet table in the back of the restaurant and as they took their seats, Carina immediately ordered two vodka Martinis. Extra olives for her and a lemon twist for Sarah. Over the course of the meal, Sarah opened up a little more than she usually did, but kept the specifics of what happened out of the conversation. As she spoke, Carina could see that Sarah was constantly trying to "work the problem." To Carina's credit, she was playing the part of a good and concerned friend well, listening without interrupting, and only asking questions when Sarah paused. They spoke throughout the meal, and as they finished their entrees, Sarah paused for a moment.

"So that's it, Carina. I'm not sure why I suddenly feel this hole in my chest and the need to change the direction in my life. I mean, I've been doing this for ten years. I'm really good at it, and it basically the only thing I know. It's the thing that has given me purpose." She sighed with some frustration in her voice.

Carina looked at her carefully for a few beats, put down her fork and knife, and leaned in towards Sarah. She looked Sarah dead in the eye and whispered, "Bullshit!"

Sarah was taken aback by the remark and the candor with which it was delivered.

"What the hell, Red? What do you mean bullshit?" Sarah snapped back careful not to raise her voice, but her tone carried an unmistakable warning.

"Sarah, I know we are not that close, though I believe we are friends, good friends in the context of the lives we lead. Believe it or not, I think I know who you are pretty well. And I know you are not feeling this way because you shot some guy in one of those "it's him or me" situations, while doing your job. Now I understand you can't give the details, but you and I have both been in that very situation at least a dozen times, and we've never given it a second thought. So the difference here is clearly whatever you are not telling me." Carina stayed focused on Sarah's eyes, not backing down as an uncomfortable silence fell between the two women.

"It was Larkin…." Sarah looked down at her plate as she spoke.

"No! No fucking way…" Carina was momentarily stunned by the admission. "Larkin? Really? Your partner….they guy you occasionally rolled in the sheets with? That Larkin?"

"Yep." Sarah popped the "P" as she spoke while dropping her head and shoulders.

"Were you emotionally compromised with him, I mean did you love him?" Carina asked quirking an eyebrow.

Sarah gave her friend a flat look. "Love him? I don't even know what that means. Besides, I put two in his chest and one in the middle of his fucking forehead, so no, Carina, I was not compromised, and no, I did not fucking love him or whatever! We occasionally used each other to relieve post mission stress and adrenaline. He was a good spy and partner, but he was also an egotistical, self-centered asshole who wasn't even particularly good in bed. I can't go into any more detail than that, other than to say it was a perfectly good shoot and I didn't hesitate. Which is why I'm so struggling to understand why I feel this way."

Sarah went quiet, her thoughts deepening and connecting some dots as she tried to find some logic to her unfamiliar feeling of emptiness. Then she broke her silence as some ideas started to come onto focus.

"Maybe it's because for the last few years I'd gotten comfortable seeing him as a reasonable constant in my life, but perhaps it's more about the realization that I didn't feel bad about shooting the guy who was my partner and occasional bedmate. Maybe it's the realization that my life is so completely devoid of emotion, of intimacy….of love…." Sarah looked up at Carina who just stared at her with an open mouth. "I have no idea. I've always been alone, and a loner. Never had any real friends…no offense, Carina, and I don't know what intimacy or love feel like. But I'm damned sure I've never loved anyone, or felt loved. All the men I have even know have used me for their own purposes. It was for a con, or a mission or to get their rocks off. Every man I've ever known has disappointed me….every fucking one. I don't know how to fix it, but the common denominator is the environment I've been in for almost all of my life, you know?" She looked at Carina expectantly, hoping for at least some degree of understanding.

"Holy shit, Blondie! Don't look at me for answers. You know my shtick. I have fun and move on. Never wanted or needed a man to give me any sense of worth, and I am not interested in slowing down to think about all that much. When I get an itch, I get it scratched and try to take the good that comes from these little, short term interludes. You know the shit we deal with every day in our lines of work, so these distractions keep me sane. Besides, what if I went all puppy dog on some guy? Then what? Can I still do my job? Disappearing for months on end? Having to seduce some scumbag narco-trafficker to make the next bust? Not me, Blondie. I love what I do, and don't want to compromise my ability to do it. And I know you love it too." Carina looked at Sarah confident in her words and beliefs.

"Yeah, but if you don't stop to think about it, how do you know that what you're intentionally avoiding isn't even more compelling or meaningful to you?" Sarah asked gently, while she was surprised at her own words as they came out. "I mean we are not kids anymore, and in our line of work you either get killed or burn out before you hit forty, so I have to ask myself, is this all there is? Is this all I am destined for? Why can't I step back and look for true happiness? Why am not allowed to have intimacy and love in my life?" Sarah sat back, thought about the questions she rhetorically asked out loud and suddenly felt as if she had unlocked one of life's great mysteries….which in her case, perhaps she did.

Carina paused for a moment. "Sarah, I think you've gone through a traumatic experience and you need a little time to process it, that's all." Carina gave Sarah a smile. "Let's get the hell out of this place and go get that drink. We can relax, talk, listen to the music, may be even dance a little. I think you will feel better if you do." Carina then waved down the waiter, and settled the check before leading Sarah out of the restaurant and heading towards the Avalon night club. Some drinking, talking, and hopefully, dancing and laughing awaited. As they walked out of the restaurant and onto the evening air, both women stayed quiet, but neither could stop the rhetorical questions Sarah voiced earlier from bouncing around in their heads.