Note:
As time goes by,
we sit and wait,
for our author,
to make the 8th!!

Well, we're now on the seventh chapter, maybe I can make it to eight maybe even nine or ten!!! let's hope that it doesn't last THAT long, but of course there may be those of you that might not mind and enjoy reading, and never want this story to end!!! you freaks!!! Anywho, in this chapter, we finally get alot of questions answered, hopefully... even I can't wait to have some questions answered!!! Where is Shuuichi taking Ryuuichi, and where has he been? How did Touma get him to come back?
Why did he go back? Why is Ryuuichi acting like he's been drugged more than once? Did K-san hit him with another smaller dose just as he was about to wake up, so that he just acts numb and stuff, so that the pain is dulled? Why would Ryuuichi need pain duller? Keep reading and find out!! (wow I over-acted...). This story is mine, these characters are not, but belong instead to Maki Murikami... may the author live forever and make more beautiful things!!! ENJOY!!!

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Shuuichi-kun helped me into a clean taxi and we began driving off. Well not really, we were both in the back, but Shuu-kun did tell the driver to drive us somewhere... I didn't hear what he said, I wasn't really paying attention. I mumbled incoherent things though... even I couldn't understand myself. Then I blabbed on, sobbing in between breathes.

"Ryuuichi-kun?! What is wrong with you?" Shuu-kun asked me, leaning over trying to shake me. I just wanted to hold him close to me and have him all for myself... forever and ever. For that moment that's exactly what I did, I reached up and wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him close, "I was so scared" I finally clearly said. Shuu-kun pulled back, my arms still around him though, "Why were you scared?" I held even tighter, yet I knew not to choke him, "I thought you left me forever, and you hated me, na no da" I childishly stated... things seemed so much more simpler at this very moment... I thought that everything would be alright, and that we could go back to the room and hang out and watch movies, or go to a waterpark and eat icecream and just be pika pika. That everything was back to where it was.

"What makes you think that I hated you?" Shuu-kun asked with a small laugh. Then without thinking I blurted it out, "Because I kissed you!" Shuuichi-kun just stared at me in disbeleif, his eyes widening as it sunk it. He chuckled to hide his discomfort, "When?" I then knew what I had said, and began sobbing again, "When you were... asleep. The same night after Touma-san came over looking for us" I explained. He patted my shoulder then pushed away and sat straight against his seat. I stopped sobbing, but my eyes were blurry with tears that burned my dry eyes... as odd as that sounds, that's what it felt like.

"So what I thought was a dream about Yuki... was really... you?" he asked trying to understand things. I nodded slowly, looking at the chair in front of me; Where the driver was clearly ignoring our commotion and driving to the asked destination. I sat slightly leaned over, with my hands in my lap, keeping my hands to myself. Shuu-kun sat still, in the same fashion. My tears dripped everywhere, all over my face and on my arms directly beneath them. I sniffled, trying to stop crying, but I was always told not to hold back what you feel... but what I feel at this moment was: pain. I didn't want to express that in anyway. I felt that Shuu-kun knew what I meant by the kiss, and he doesn't feel anything, he just doesn't want to hurt me by saying so. For a short second I went into a nervous fit of laughter, and Shuuichi-kun looked over at me.

"Ryuu-?" he stopped in mid thought, and I laughed even more, "This whole thing is funny to me... even though it hurts like fucking hell" Shuu-kun lowered his head, now knowing that I knew his feelings. I patted his back, "I just thought how in the

beginning I thought I was trying to help you from the world... then I thought it was because I didn't want you to be hurt by Eiri Yuki-san!" I had another fit of laughter, "then Hiroshi nearly slapped the truth in my face, and I soon after knew my true intentions! I WAS a greedy bastard... I just didn't want to think so. Would you call yourself a greedy bastard if you thought that you were doing the right thing?" I asked Shuu-kun, but not expencting an answer.

"But when I finally understood... and then I learned how you really felt. In the beginning I wanted to help you, so that you felt no pain. Even when I found out what I was really feeling in the end, I still didn't want you to hurt ever... and here I am. I'm the one that ends up in pain" I ended with a chuckle, and another sob. Then I look out the window for a moment and recognize where I am, "You can let me out here, na no da" I tell the driver. He stops after slowing by the side of the road. Shuuichi-kun doesn't say anything, though I can tell he wants to say something. All that he can say is, "Ryuuichi-kun, where are you going to go? Touma-san just-"

"Don't worry, I'm not gone for good" I stated, wiping away my tears slowly, with my sleeves. The taxi finally stoped all together, and I opened the door. Shuuichi-kun must have finally gathered courage because out came his proclomation, "Ryuuichi kun, I don't love you. I love Yuki" I turned towards him just as I got out of the taxi... still very dizzy and lazy feeling, but my thoughts seemed a little more straight and clear at that one moment. I just smiled fainlty, still feeling a little pain when he said that.

"I know" I stated, holding back a fit of tears, "just don't forget that I love you" I finished, turning around and half stumbling half walking, off. I heard a door close, and I closed my eyes for a brief moment, but continued lazily walking.

"Ryuuichi-kun?" came that same familiar voice again. I turned back around to see Shuuichi, huffing and puffing a little from quickly running from the now waiting taxi. I tried to block that feeling that hurt me so much, but then he walked closer leaned in and kissed me, wrapping his arms around me for a slight moment. I softened a little, then he backed away giving me a sorrowful expression, "I'm really sorry" he stated, then walked back over to the taxi. I sighed for a moment, then watched his taxi drive off. I knew that he didn't want to see me hurt, and he thinks that it's his fault. I continued walking on, until I found the door to my roomy, comfy looking flat. I walked up the steps and got my keys from my pocket, then put the right key in. Then I stopped moving. I leaned against the door, and broke out in silent sobbing, falling against the door.

I held myself tight... I couldn't fall asleep or pass out here or anything, so I stood up, pushing against the door, then opened the door finally and stumbled inside, slamming it shut. I could use that as a metaphor or something... slamming shut my feelings for Shuuichi. I had to, or I would end up lost, hurt and broken. I walked into my living room and saw Kumagoro sitting on my couch. I grinning a litte, "Thanks K-san" I stated, to nobody, then walked over, picked up Kuma-chan and collapsed with a grunt on the couch.

"At least I still have you Kuma-chan, na no da" I stated, trying to forget everything that happened just then, "We'll always be best pink, pika pika kodahi's right?" getting a nod from him.

Well at least there was a slight happy ending... the brave bunny was returned to it's hurting owner, whom the bunny then healed with it's magical pika pika powers. I shook my head with a little laugh.

The thing I learned I don't want to be, is pika pika. Only fake people are pika pika... and I'm not fake.

I'm as real as anything else.

AS TIME WENT BY

Days, weeks, months went by... our contracts became worth even more than they were before. Songs turned out as gold, everyone had their laughs, and everyone had their hard serious days were we all had to make some sort of dead-line. Yet there was still a solid, blank, void out there in the work place, and even at home when some of us hung out. Everyone knew about what had happened, not the details... but enough. Knowing the things that everyone knew, nobody said a word. Something would be brought up about that day, or something close to it... and suddenly nobody talked at all. It's as if somebody big went somewhere and pressed the largest "mute" button known to man. It was a horrible silence, that even though noone talked, you still didn't need words to discuse what you wanted to say.

If someone was talking about it when I wasn't around... as soon as I walked into the room, everything was serious and work work work, let's change topics. I would even TRY to bring it up sometimes, so I could get some things of my chest, yet nobody went along, So I just sat there very quietly after my pitiful attempt. Soon after a few tries, I stopped trying since, even trying reminded me in full blast, and I would almost burst into tears right then and there.

So, as another set of days went by, we were having a regular day in the studio recording. We usually took turns recording since we always liked listening to each other. Even though NG had alot more than just one recording studio, it was just something we did. After the ordeal, we didn't do it anymore. Shuuichi-kun, Hiroshi-san, and Touma-san's little cousin... I can never remember his name, they would go into another room, actually the farthest from ours. It hurt me to keep what I thought inside... but I couldn't say anything or another ordeal might start. Or worse, Shuu-kun might actually sic Eiri Yuki-san on me. Since he's already murdered before, I didn't want ot be on his list.

Perhaps it would be best that I stay away from him anyway. It would just make my feelings hurt me more. I want to STOP feeling this. I've wanted to stop since I realized what I fealt!!

"Ryuuichi-san are you ready to start?" I heard Touma-san ask me from over in his keyboard area, covered in wires and what-not. I grinned then nodded, "Yea" is all I answered, then leaned over to reach my big microphone, holding the earphones over my ears tightly and comfortably. Then the music started up again. Then on went the rehearsal.

We stopped only a few times with a few suggestions from Touma-san, or Noriko-chan, mostly for me.

"Perhaps you could make that note have more verbrato when you hit it?" Noriko-chan would normally ask.

"Ryuu-chan, please stay awake with that phrase, you're making it sound lazy" came Touma-san's command.

I just nodded and did as they asked, as we went on with our rehearsal. Unlike Shuuichi-kun, I have a more professional outlook when it comes to singing, and a more fun outlook. You should never bring personal issues into a rehearsal or recording... never. Singing is to release your soul, to calm your spirit, and to have more fun than imagining yourself as a bird flying through the air freely. It's my relief from the pain of my unrequited love. Though I know it was wrong,

I still can't get it out of my head. So I just keep singing, keep dulling the pain.

A SMALL GET TOGETHER

Touma-san was throwing a little get together at Yuki's place unexpectidly, which enraged Yuki-san, yet Shuu-kun calmed him down, then Yuki-san actually decided to join... oddly enough. Everyone was allowed to come, Hiro-san, Noriko-chan, Touma-san's cousin, K-san, Sokano-san, Kuma-chan and myself. Touma-san's wife didn't want to come (also Yuki's sister), for the main fact that she thought that get togethers like these weren't for her.

Everyone almost made it all at the same time, and the party went underway pretty quickly. It had been a few days since I've actually laid eyes on Shuu-kun, so things felt a little ackward. Even though it had been months since the incident, things have not exactly changed for the better.

"Hey there Ryuu-kun! Long time no see!" chimmed Shuu-kun's voice, I looked at him and grinned faintly, not acting like my usual self, but Kuma-chan WAS on my head, so everything seemed fine. I stood there oddly enough, then decided to try an act like I usually did, so I grinned idioticly and hopped over to a small table with some snacks and stuff on it, and began scarfing food.

"Hey idiot! Stop eating all the food!" growled Yuki-san, now standing in front of me, across from the table. I stood up straight and stared at him my mouth still full, as I chewed slowly. A few people noticed me staring at him and turned to watch. Soon, even the people that didn't know about what happened turned to look and see what was happening. Shuu-kun was watching more intently then the others. I looked over at him, then back at Yuki-san, pretended my hand was a gun, then mouthed the word, "bang" after pretending I shot it at him. Then I took another handlfull of chips and walked away from him.

I'm not sure if he knew anything, but all I heard was a grunt and he ended up walking away. I continued munching as I found a spot on the couch. Touma-san sat down next to me and whispered, "What was that all about?" I looked over at him quickly, then growled quietly, "None of your damn business"

He knew about what happened, he was one of the few that ruined it all. Though I shouldn't blame him, I shouldn't have started the whole thing in the first place... he was just trying to set things right because he knew that I wouldn't have made things right. I sighed, I hated being here. This wasn't for me. I wasn't all the way better yet. So why am I here? I looked at Kuma-chan, 'What do you think?' I thought to him. He just went on munching on the chip I gave him, 'Yea, thanks for nothing my pink pika pika kodachi' I angrily stated.

"Ryuuichi-san, please don't be angry with me, it's also been a few months. Are you still upset?" he quietly asked. I stood up then left right then and there, this time remembering Kuma-chan. I began walking down the sidewalk in the direction of a bar or something. Even though my doctor told me I shouldn't drink, that it has a negative affect on my medication, I could care less right then. I'm sure he would do the same thing, if somehing like this happened to him. I continued thinking about wether or not my doctor would do any of the things I did. When I heard panting and a hand grab me, I jerked my shoulder away and kept walking.

"Ryuuichi-kun!" shouted the one person I REALLY didn't want to see right then. So I ignored him.

"I know you heard me... fine if that wasn't loud enough then how about this?" he asked, taking a deep breathe,

"RYUUUUUUUUICHIIIIIII-KUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!????????" I flinched, and whipped around getting in his face, "What do you want with me Shuuichi?" I spat (not literally). His eyes turned two sizes larger than they had been. He didn't say anything for a second.

"Well? You've got my attention, what do you want?" I asked angrily. He stood there dumbfounded for a moment then asked,"Why are you so angry at me and everyone else? I know that you're probably hurt by what happened," he looked around for a moment, then continued on, "but it's been a while... and you even told me that you understood!" He began shouting, getting angry himself. I threw my arms in the air, "Don't call me a liar just because I get a little fucking pissed from time to time!!!" I cursed. He scoffed for a moment, "'a little'? A little, is something like once in a while Ryuu-kun, you get mad at everyone more often than Yuki-san does, and that's saying something!!" He exclaimed.

I stood there a moment, then turned around and kept walking towards the nearest bar I saw, "Don't walk away from me! I want to understand why the hell you're getting so mad at everyone for!!" he shouted chasing after me.

I was getting a bit annoyed now, so I flipped around and got in his face again, "I get mad quickly and easily whenever I think of you, because if I don't I will hurt so badly I'd want to kill myself. So the only way that I can get over you is to stay mad at you!!" I shouted back at him. He stood there quietly, I grunted then turned around and kept walking, "So just stay away from me, so I can get over you" I stopped walking for a moment, "better yet, do something that will make me hate you more! That would be a way to help me" Then I kept walking. In all these weeks of finally finding a way to be alright, I hurt so badly I burst into tears again, but I kept walking. I lowered my head a little but tried to see my goal, the bar.

"Ryuu-" softly came Shuu-kun's voice. I gasped and let out a sob, then fell to the ground again, letting go of Kuma-chan. I heard a different gasp, and Shuu-kun ran over to me, "Are you alright?" he asked, sounding very concerned. I pushed him away from me, but he insisted on holding me, "I'm fine... just... get away from me" I stuttered in between sobs as he hugged me
tightly.

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I never went to the bar. After that, Shuuichi-kun took me home, and I fell right to sleep. He stayed there with me, holding Kuma-chan. He went to sleep with me. I dozed right to sleep feeling his warm body next to mine. Having him for myself was very selfish. As long as he was happy, that's all I really NEEDED. I'd get over this pain.

I knew I couldn't have him as a lover or more, but I could have him as a kodachi... my pink pika pika kodachi.

And as my pink pika pika kodachi, he would brighten the not so pika pika Yuki-san. Making things even more bright and beautiful. As long as I felt this for him and knew that that's how I felt, I would be fine. Nothing more than a friend.

A friend? or a pika pika friend?

Pika pika is fake, and Shuuichi isn't fake either... he's as real as I am.

So he's a friend.

THE END

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Note:

OH MY GAWSH!!! That was so sad, I actually wanted to cry when I was writing the ending. I like making happy endings, yet I like to make things seem real, and things like happy endings aren't always the realistic thing that happens. Well, I'm sorry for the un-pika pika ending, but that's just the way the world works. Things can't always go your way. I'm going to make one more chapter-like entry, but it's going to be more like an interview with the characters and what they thought, where they were when certain things happened and shtuff.. though it's going to be more like a humor thing, since I think that some people that read may enjoy a little 'relief from the pain'. SOB anywho, i hope you enjoy any other story I make.
And I will gladly start another. Anyone with thoughts or ideas or maybe even dares, maybe suggestions as to what else I could do, then I'll gladly hear about it. BRING IT ON!!! ::wipes eyes:: i'm still kinda teary!!! well, thanks everyone, it's been lots of fun... poor poor ryuuichi... he didn't have to be the one to hurt either... he's my favorite. sigh

It also looks like there's not going to be an 8th chapter, but hey!! things went well, don't you think?

Thanks:

darksaphire- yesh, you were the only one to recieve a thanks... at this second you are the only person to recieve one again. I didn't say anything about you needing a reality check or anything... I just said I was glad you like my story... well, i still hope you keep reviewing even if it's flamming or wateva... PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA!!!! LUV LUV for all!!!

OFF TOPIC:

I stated this "off topic" thing in my scream story, and so i think i'll start it in here as well!!! it's alot more fun to keep things messed up, but it also really helps to keep things organized... in the off topic i can talk about wateva, and I can keep the thanks as being what they are and keeping the notes on track with the story instead of my personal life or wateva... Lot's of fun!! GEEEEEEEEE!!!
This coming convention that i'm going to, I'm going as Eiri Yuki!!! The last and my first convention that I went to, I was Sakuma Ryuuichi, It's really easy to change too, since they both pretty much have the same haircut and all. I still have the Ryuu/Yuki hair cut... and I can't wait... as SOON as I get home from Turkey (in two days... 7/29/04 ---the day I leave) I'm going to a smaller con, a week later!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

see ya next chapter!!!