I slipped into my seat in Art class in just the nick of time. The day's assignment was to make various sketches on our easels. Mrs. Taylor was always pretty relaxed so it wasn't unusual to socialize with our friends while we worked.
"Mary-Courtney, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about."
"Um, sure Ronnie. What's up?"
"Yeah we were pretty busy in Homeroom this morning so I guess now is as good of a time as any to ask you."
"Ask me what?"
"I know it's short notice and I feel like a real nosebleed asking you now but you know Homecoming is Friday night. I was just wondering if you'd like to go to the dance with me after the game."
His eyes looked so hopeful.
"Uh yeah, Homecoming...about that...um..."
"If you don't want to go, then it's cool. I just thought I'd ask."
"No. I mean, yes. I mean, I do want to go. Actually I am going. Um...Ray and I...we..."
"You guys got back together and now he is taking you to the Homecoming dance, right?"
"Right", I said.
Ronnie nodded and kind of smiled.
"Ronnie, are you mad?"
"Of course not", he shrugged.
He went back to his sketching.
"Ronnie, can we talk? I mean, can I just explain everything that's going on."
"You don't owe me an explanation, Mary-Courtney."
"I know but I want to be honest just the same. Ronnie, look, I think you're a great guy, okay? I love spending time with you but..."
"But what?"
"But I think we'd be better off as friends."
"Friends?" Ronnie laughed.
"Yes...friends. Ronnie Bass, why are you laughing at me?"
"Just friends, huh? That's cool. I can dig it."
"Ronnie..."
"Mary-Courtney, can I just ask you one thing?"
"What?"
"Did you have a good time with me a couple weeks ago when you came to my house?"
"I had the best time", I admitted.
"Were you comfortable? Did you like being around my family, around me?"
"Of course. You're a great person Ronnie and so are your parents. I still want to hang out and stuff. I mean, Rev is my friend too and I hang out with him and I love his family. What's the difference?"
"The difference is Rev doesn't feel for you what I feel for you. The difference is, I know Rev doesn't make you feel like I do. No one does...not even Ray."
"Ronnie..."
"I like you, Mary-Courtney. I like you a lot and I know that you like me. We have this really cool vibe between us and I know that means something to you."
"It does but Ray..."
"What about Ray? Does he really make you happy or is it just a convenience? Is this the man you love or are you just comfortable because he's there and it's written in your parents' divine plan that one day you two are just supposed to end up together."
"Ronnie..."
"You can't deny what we feel for each other Mary-Courtney. Are you willing to just walk away from all that because I'm not. It's not that easy for me."
"It's not that easy for me either", I whispered. "But that's the way things are Ronnie. You and I are so different. You have your life and I have mine and we have no choice but to just deal with the way things are, you know?"
"That's a bullshit excuse and you know it, Mary-Courtney."
"No it isn't bullshit. Ronnie, do you see this ring on my finger here? That's Ray's class ring and we made a promise to each other. Do you know what that means?"
"Do you? Did you make a promise to be miserable for the rest of your life? Did you make a promise to have him boss you around and tell you what to do all the time? Did you make a promise to live and love a ruthless bigot forever?"
"People change Ronnie and Ray is trying. To me that counts for something. We love each other very much and we've been together forever it seems like. That's just the way things get done around here. I'm sorry, Ronnie. I didn't mean to hurt you. I...I just don't want you to be mad."
"I'm not mad, Mary-Courtney. I care about you. I'll always be your friend. I just want you to know there's a chance you could walk out that door today and never again feel your whole life the way you feel when you're with me. Are you willing to chance that? Can you live with that decision?"
"I can", I said as I swallowed hard. "Can you?"
"I guess so."
"I'm sorry, Ronnie."
"Yeah. Me too."
"I just hope...I hope this doesn't change things too much, you know. I hope we can still be friends and I hope you and Ray can become friends too."
"Mary-Courtney, you and I will always be friends. Who knows, maybe one day Ray and I will be too. Nothing's gonna change, okay?"
"Promise?"
"I promise if you can make me one promise."
"What's that?"
"Just promise that you'll be on the sidelines like always Friday night. And promise you'll still smile at me from on top of the pyramid. Promise that you won't forget to look over on the bench and giggle at me if you mess up a cheer."
Tears welled in my eyes.
"Yeah...I promise."
He gave me a hug that only made me feel worse, more confused and guiltier. All I wanted was to make the right decision.
"He changed, Ronnie, you'll see. Ray loves me and he's a new man now and everything is going to work out just fine. Just you wait and see. Ray and I are gonna be fine."
Ronnie nodded.
"That's cool. I hope it works out but you don't have to convince me, Mary- Courtney."
Little did I know, I was trying to convince myself.
"Mary-Courtney, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about."
"Um, sure Ronnie. What's up?"
"Yeah we were pretty busy in Homeroom this morning so I guess now is as good of a time as any to ask you."
"Ask me what?"
"I know it's short notice and I feel like a real nosebleed asking you now but you know Homecoming is Friday night. I was just wondering if you'd like to go to the dance with me after the game."
His eyes looked so hopeful.
"Uh yeah, Homecoming...about that...um..."
"If you don't want to go, then it's cool. I just thought I'd ask."
"No. I mean, yes. I mean, I do want to go. Actually I am going. Um...Ray and I...we..."
"You guys got back together and now he is taking you to the Homecoming dance, right?"
"Right", I said.
Ronnie nodded and kind of smiled.
"Ronnie, are you mad?"
"Of course not", he shrugged.
He went back to his sketching.
"Ronnie, can we talk? I mean, can I just explain everything that's going on."
"You don't owe me an explanation, Mary-Courtney."
"I know but I want to be honest just the same. Ronnie, look, I think you're a great guy, okay? I love spending time with you but..."
"But what?"
"But I think we'd be better off as friends."
"Friends?" Ronnie laughed.
"Yes...friends. Ronnie Bass, why are you laughing at me?"
"Just friends, huh? That's cool. I can dig it."
"Ronnie..."
"Mary-Courtney, can I just ask you one thing?"
"What?"
"Did you have a good time with me a couple weeks ago when you came to my house?"
"I had the best time", I admitted.
"Were you comfortable? Did you like being around my family, around me?"
"Of course. You're a great person Ronnie and so are your parents. I still want to hang out and stuff. I mean, Rev is my friend too and I hang out with him and I love his family. What's the difference?"
"The difference is Rev doesn't feel for you what I feel for you. The difference is, I know Rev doesn't make you feel like I do. No one does...not even Ray."
"Ronnie..."
"I like you, Mary-Courtney. I like you a lot and I know that you like me. We have this really cool vibe between us and I know that means something to you."
"It does but Ray..."
"What about Ray? Does he really make you happy or is it just a convenience? Is this the man you love or are you just comfortable because he's there and it's written in your parents' divine plan that one day you two are just supposed to end up together."
"Ronnie..."
"You can't deny what we feel for each other Mary-Courtney. Are you willing to just walk away from all that because I'm not. It's not that easy for me."
"It's not that easy for me either", I whispered. "But that's the way things are Ronnie. You and I are so different. You have your life and I have mine and we have no choice but to just deal with the way things are, you know?"
"That's a bullshit excuse and you know it, Mary-Courtney."
"No it isn't bullshit. Ronnie, do you see this ring on my finger here? That's Ray's class ring and we made a promise to each other. Do you know what that means?"
"Do you? Did you make a promise to be miserable for the rest of your life? Did you make a promise to have him boss you around and tell you what to do all the time? Did you make a promise to live and love a ruthless bigot forever?"
"People change Ronnie and Ray is trying. To me that counts for something. We love each other very much and we've been together forever it seems like. That's just the way things get done around here. I'm sorry, Ronnie. I didn't mean to hurt you. I...I just don't want you to be mad."
"I'm not mad, Mary-Courtney. I care about you. I'll always be your friend. I just want you to know there's a chance you could walk out that door today and never again feel your whole life the way you feel when you're with me. Are you willing to chance that? Can you live with that decision?"
"I can", I said as I swallowed hard. "Can you?"
"I guess so."
"I'm sorry, Ronnie."
"Yeah. Me too."
"I just hope...I hope this doesn't change things too much, you know. I hope we can still be friends and I hope you and Ray can become friends too."
"Mary-Courtney, you and I will always be friends. Who knows, maybe one day Ray and I will be too. Nothing's gonna change, okay?"
"Promise?"
"I promise if you can make me one promise."
"What's that?"
"Just promise that you'll be on the sidelines like always Friday night. And promise you'll still smile at me from on top of the pyramid. Promise that you won't forget to look over on the bench and giggle at me if you mess up a cheer."
Tears welled in my eyes.
"Yeah...I promise."
He gave me a hug that only made me feel worse, more confused and guiltier. All I wanted was to make the right decision.
"He changed, Ronnie, you'll see. Ray loves me and he's a new man now and everything is going to work out just fine. Just you wait and see. Ray and I are gonna be fine."
Ronnie nodded.
"That's cool. I hope it works out but you don't have to convince me, Mary- Courtney."
Little did I know, I was trying to convince myself.