I was trying hard to stay awake, really I was but my eyes couldn't seem to stop fluttering. At least no one was noticing that is until my nodding head actually fell forward and slammed onto the pew in front of me.
"Mary-Courtney Davis!" my mother whispered through clenched teeth.
Now I was wide awaked and embarrassed as all heck as I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth. My mother was none too pleased...it was considered a great sin to fall asleep in church but I couldn't help it. I was bored. I certainly never would have fallen asleep at Rev's church, which was a lot more interesting than mine. I wished I could go to his church every Sunday. Church was church and as long as I was there to enjoy myself and worship God, did it really matter which one I went to? But my parents would never understand that. If my mother ever saw me clapping and singing in an all black church, it would have sent her to an early grave for sure.
"Mary-Courtney, I just don't know what has gotten into you lately."
Here we go again, I thought as I took a deep breath.
"Nothing Mama, I'm fine. I'm the same Mary-Courtney I've always been."
"See? That's exactly what I mean. That attitude of yours is out of control."
"I do not have an attitude."
"Oh yes you do. Falling asleep in church? How rude."
"It was boring", I shrugged.
"Boring? It is church, young lady where we go every week to pay our respects to the Lord."
"Fine. Sorry I fell asleep. Can I go now?"
"You certainly cannot! We are having a conversation."
I tapped my fingers defiantly on the coffee table and let a huge dramatic sigh.
"I just don't know what has happened to you", Mama continued. "Ever since the new school year started it's like I don't know who you are anymore. Falling asleep at church, sassing back at everything your father and I have to say. Something is going on at that school and I don't like it. I think T.C. Williams is a bad influence."
"Oh Mama that's stupid. I know where you're going with this. You're just gonna blame it on the whole integration thing. That's so dumb but lately that seems to be the scapegoat for everyone's problems."
"It seems to me that everything was fine before we let you go to school with those colored kids. Now you're hanging out with them..."
"So what? I hang out with everybody."
"Is that so? When was the last time you had Emma or Anna Beth over? They are nice girls and you've been friends with them practically your whole life. And what about Ray? He never calls or comes over anymore."
"Ray and I are over."
"Nonsense. It's just a little lover's spat."
"No Mama it's a lot more than a lover's spat. Ray Budds and I are finished and it would make me no never mind if I never saw his face again."
"That isn't a very nice thing to say. What did you do to him?"
"Me? Mama, why does it always have to be me?"
"Ray is a good boy and he comes from a good family. He obviously cares a lot about you. You two can have a real future together."
"Why are you always pushing me to have a future with Ray? Are we living in 1971 or 1951? I am 16 years old for Heaven's sake! What about college and a career? What about the things I want?"
"Where is all this coming from? I just don't want to see you ruin things with such a sweet young man."
"Mama, Ray Budds isn't the only boy on earth. He certainly isn't the boy for me. We're too opposite. We see the world completely different. I thought I loved him and I thought I wanted a life with him but he could never make me happy."
"Oh? And that hippie boy could?"
I froze at the mere reference to Ronnie.
"What?"
"I'm not stupid, Mary-Courtney. I hear the talk. It's all around town, you running around with those colored football players and that weird young man from California."
"Ronnie isn't weird. You just have to get to know him."
"I don't want to get to know him! You shouldn't either. Have you gone completely mad, girl? You best be careful young lady before you get yourself into some serious trouble. Messing around with trash like that. Boys like him only want one thing. You're gonna find yourself in some God forsaken hippie commune pushing a second hand baby carriage."
"That's not fair, Mama! Why are you being like this? Why are you so judgmental? Just because someone moves here from a different place, all of a sudden that's supposed to make them some weird, horrible person? He's a human being, not an alien, Mama. If you got to know him you'd see that he is a wonderful person. He is smart and nice and fun to be around. He is sensitive and sweet and interesting. But you don't know that because you don't want to know. And those colored football players I supposedly run the streets with? Well for your information they have names and faces and families just like you and me. They're good people but because you want to be closed minded and stuck in a different time, you refuse to see that. Well I'm not like you or Daddy or Ray and I'm glad. I'm glad I see people for who they are and that I get to know them before I judge them. Maybe you should try it sometime!"
"I am still your mother and you will not talk to me that way."
"Oh and Mama, one more thing. About Ray Budds, the wonderful guy that you want me to marry? Well did you know that Ray is a hateful bigot who intentionally set up one of his black teammates to get hurt on the football field just because he's black. And did you know that when I did or said something Ray didn't like that he would slap me around? Oh and I can't forget the reason I was failing math was because every time Ray and I spent time studying together he was too busy trying to screw me to open up a book."
"Mary-Courtney, that is enough!"
"Oh and if I ended up with Ronnie I doubt I'd be in any hippie commune pushing any second hand baby carriage. Ronnie's family is wealthier than ours and the Budds' combined. That should make you happy since social status and neighborhood gossip is oh so important to you these days. But you wouldn't have to worry about any babies with me and Ronnie since he's been nothing but a gentleman since met which is more than I can say for your golden boy, Ray!"
With that I bolted from the table up the stairs to my room and slammed the door, not even caring that I had deeply upset my mother who was now in tears. I didn't even feel bad though. A little part of her deserved to feel bad for talking such trash about Ronnie and the others. I hated her for saying those horrible things. I hated Alexandria for being so close minded and so behind the times. Most of all, I hated my own life. Everything was so screwed up. I felt like it couldn't get any worse but little did I know...
"Mary-Courtney Davis!" my mother whispered through clenched teeth.
Now I was wide awaked and embarrassed as all heck as I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth. My mother was none too pleased...it was considered a great sin to fall asleep in church but I couldn't help it. I was bored. I certainly never would have fallen asleep at Rev's church, which was a lot more interesting than mine. I wished I could go to his church every Sunday. Church was church and as long as I was there to enjoy myself and worship God, did it really matter which one I went to? But my parents would never understand that. If my mother ever saw me clapping and singing in an all black church, it would have sent her to an early grave for sure.
"Mary-Courtney, I just don't know what has gotten into you lately."
Here we go again, I thought as I took a deep breath.
"Nothing Mama, I'm fine. I'm the same Mary-Courtney I've always been."
"See? That's exactly what I mean. That attitude of yours is out of control."
"I do not have an attitude."
"Oh yes you do. Falling asleep in church? How rude."
"It was boring", I shrugged.
"Boring? It is church, young lady where we go every week to pay our respects to the Lord."
"Fine. Sorry I fell asleep. Can I go now?"
"You certainly cannot! We are having a conversation."
I tapped my fingers defiantly on the coffee table and let a huge dramatic sigh.
"I just don't know what has happened to you", Mama continued. "Ever since the new school year started it's like I don't know who you are anymore. Falling asleep at church, sassing back at everything your father and I have to say. Something is going on at that school and I don't like it. I think T.C. Williams is a bad influence."
"Oh Mama that's stupid. I know where you're going with this. You're just gonna blame it on the whole integration thing. That's so dumb but lately that seems to be the scapegoat for everyone's problems."
"It seems to me that everything was fine before we let you go to school with those colored kids. Now you're hanging out with them..."
"So what? I hang out with everybody."
"Is that so? When was the last time you had Emma or Anna Beth over? They are nice girls and you've been friends with them practically your whole life. And what about Ray? He never calls or comes over anymore."
"Ray and I are over."
"Nonsense. It's just a little lover's spat."
"No Mama it's a lot more than a lover's spat. Ray Budds and I are finished and it would make me no never mind if I never saw his face again."
"That isn't a very nice thing to say. What did you do to him?"
"Me? Mama, why does it always have to be me?"
"Ray is a good boy and he comes from a good family. He obviously cares a lot about you. You two can have a real future together."
"Why are you always pushing me to have a future with Ray? Are we living in 1971 or 1951? I am 16 years old for Heaven's sake! What about college and a career? What about the things I want?"
"Where is all this coming from? I just don't want to see you ruin things with such a sweet young man."
"Mama, Ray Budds isn't the only boy on earth. He certainly isn't the boy for me. We're too opposite. We see the world completely different. I thought I loved him and I thought I wanted a life with him but he could never make me happy."
"Oh? And that hippie boy could?"
I froze at the mere reference to Ronnie.
"What?"
"I'm not stupid, Mary-Courtney. I hear the talk. It's all around town, you running around with those colored football players and that weird young man from California."
"Ronnie isn't weird. You just have to get to know him."
"I don't want to get to know him! You shouldn't either. Have you gone completely mad, girl? You best be careful young lady before you get yourself into some serious trouble. Messing around with trash like that. Boys like him only want one thing. You're gonna find yourself in some God forsaken hippie commune pushing a second hand baby carriage."
"That's not fair, Mama! Why are you being like this? Why are you so judgmental? Just because someone moves here from a different place, all of a sudden that's supposed to make them some weird, horrible person? He's a human being, not an alien, Mama. If you got to know him you'd see that he is a wonderful person. He is smart and nice and fun to be around. He is sensitive and sweet and interesting. But you don't know that because you don't want to know. And those colored football players I supposedly run the streets with? Well for your information they have names and faces and families just like you and me. They're good people but because you want to be closed minded and stuck in a different time, you refuse to see that. Well I'm not like you or Daddy or Ray and I'm glad. I'm glad I see people for who they are and that I get to know them before I judge them. Maybe you should try it sometime!"
"I am still your mother and you will not talk to me that way."
"Oh and Mama, one more thing. About Ray Budds, the wonderful guy that you want me to marry? Well did you know that Ray is a hateful bigot who intentionally set up one of his black teammates to get hurt on the football field just because he's black. And did you know that when I did or said something Ray didn't like that he would slap me around? Oh and I can't forget the reason I was failing math was because every time Ray and I spent time studying together he was too busy trying to screw me to open up a book."
"Mary-Courtney, that is enough!"
"Oh and if I ended up with Ronnie I doubt I'd be in any hippie commune pushing any second hand baby carriage. Ronnie's family is wealthier than ours and the Budds' combined. That should make you happy since social status and neighborhood gossip is oh so important to you these days. But you wouldn't have to worry about any babies with me and Ronnie since he's been nothing but a gentleman since met which is more than I can say for your golden boy, Ray!"
With that I bolted from the table up the stairs to my room and slammed the door, not even caring that I had deeply upset my mother who was now in tears. I didn't even feel bad though. A little part of her deserved to feel bad for talking such trash about Ronnie and the others. I hated her for saying those horrible things. I hated Alexandria for being so close minded and so behind the times. Most of all, I hated my own life. Everything was so screwed up. I felt like it couldn't get any worse but little did I know...