I hate hospitals, guess I always have. The smell...the creepy feeling you get just by walking into one. I took a deep breath and tried to will myself not to go crazy. But it was hard. I was feeling nauseous and all of a sudden there wasn't enough air in the room and it felt like the four walls were closing in on me.
"Mary-Courtney, can I get you a soda?"
"No thanks, Rev", I said shaking my head for emphasis.
We had been in the waiting room of the hospital for nearly three hours. Three long hours without word of our friends' condition. In addition to Mrs. Bertier and the Hoyts, Coach Boone and Coach Yoast were joined by every single Titan player and every Titan cheerleader.
"We've been sitting here for a while. It might do you good to take a sip of Coke, get some fresh air outside. Come on. Take a walk with me."
I sighed and followed Rev outside. He gave me a canned soft drink and I gulped down every ounce, not realizing just how thirsty I had been.
"You okay?" he asked.
I shrugged.
"I can still see the blood", I said as I stared off into the night. "There was so much blood...Gerry's blood was all over me. I can smell the blood and I keep playing it over and over in my mind the moment the cars crashed. I try to close my eyes and make it go away but I keep hearing Emma's scream."
"Shhhh. Try to forget the bad stuff, okay? It's gonna be okay. The Lord is gonna work this one out. Gerry and Emma will be just fine?"
"Will they?" I asked him point blank. "Because I don't know, Rev. It looked pretty bad."
My heart was filled with emotion but the words spilled out flat and cold.
"It's gonna be okay", Rev said, his brown eyes filling with tears. "I have faith. Trust in God and He'll work it out."
I nodded. Rev's never failing belief never ceased to amaze me. I admired and respected him so much. "Thanks for the soda, Rev. I'm gonna head back inside."
"I'll be back in a bit. Me and some of the boys are gonna go over to the chapel and pray."
He hugged me and I went back to the waiting room to sit. The coaches, the Hoyts and Mrs. Betier emerged from a meeting with the doctors.
"Listen up everybody", Coach Yoast said. "We just talked to the doctors and everything is going to be fine. Aside from a few broken bones and scratches, both Emma and Gerry are going to be okay. We won't be able to see them tonight so you kids may as well go on home and get some rest. It's the best thing we can do. The families appreciate everyone waiting around."
The entire waiting area breathed a huge sigh of relief and after a few words of comfort to Mrs. Hoyt and Mrs. Bertier, one by one everyone filed out to the parking lot. I tried to get up but my legs were of no use. I couldn't make myself leave that seat.
"Mary-Courtney, you heard Coach. Everything's alright. We may as well go home. It's pretty late anyway. I'll give you a ride."
I looked up at Ronnie and finally took his hand. We walked outside and got in the Corvette.
"You wanna talk about it?" he asked.
"No."
"It's late and too much has happened. We all just need a good night's sleep. I'll take you home."
"I don't want to go home", I mumbled softly.
"Where then? Where do you want to go? I'll take you anywhere you want to go."
I met his questions with silence but it's like he read my mind anyway. We drove to his house, which was dark and quiet, Col. Bass and Laureen were long asleep. Ronnie and I walked up to his room where he shut the door softly behind me. He turned on the radio and sat on the bed.
"You did real good out there tonight, Mary-Courtney. You really kept your head. I'm proud of you. That was really brave."
I looked down at the specks of blood on my cheering skirt and Ronnie's jacket. I certainly didn't feel very brave.
"I was so scared", I finally said.
"We were all scared. Nothing wrong with that. It was a real scary thing that happened. But Gerry and Emma are okay now and that's the important thing."
"Ronnie, I..."
"You what? Talk to me, Mary-Courtney."
"Can I stay here for a little while? Please? I don't want to be alone tonight."
Ronnie motioned for me to sit next to him on the bed.
"Whatever you want, babe. I'm here for you."
"I can't believe this all happened tonight. Tonight was surreal, crazy. Hell, this whole year has been crazy. I feel like everything has changed and I've grown up so much. I guess we all have. I just can't believe how close we came to losing them tonight."
"But we didn't."
"But we could have. I have all these crazy feelings stirring up inside me. I don't even know how to feel or act anymore."
"Just be yourself", Ronnie said quietly.
"I don't even know who that is."
"I do. In front of me I see this incredibly beautiful, intelligent, kind, fearless girl. Somebody who stands up for her friends and what she believes in no matter the price. Someone who takes care of everybody else but herself. I see a girl with so much personality, so much depth...I see the heart of gold inside and that's what made me fall in love in the first place."
I looked at Ronnie in disbelief. Had he said what I thought he just said? Did he know what he was doing to me?
"Don't say that to me."
"Why? It's the truth. Why are you so afraid?"
"I don't know", I whispered truthfully. "There is so much bottled up inside me right now and I don't know what to do with it. You ever felt like crying but you just couldn't?"
"You can cry in front of me, Mary-Courtney", Ronnie said, stroking me cheek.
"If I start I might never stop."
"Then I'll just be here to hold you and comfort you until you do."
Looking into his eyes, I knew he meant every single thing that had just been said. Ronnie Bass, the star quarterback, pretty, hippie boy was the real deal. From that moment on I knew he'd always be there for me, that he would comfort me when I needed it most...that he would do anything to protect me. I could let go in front of him. I could give myself to him. I could just be me. A small tear escaped from my eye followed by another. Then they began to flow uncontrollably one right after the other. I was losing myself and I couldn't get it together but it was okay. The harder I cried, the harder he held me. Trembling, I looked right at him, deep past those blue eyes directly inside his soul. He stared right back and I knew he could see inside me as well. Leaning in, he planted tiny butterfly kisses on my tear stained face. My lips found his and once again it felt right. We made sense, fitting together like a perfect little puzzle. I pulled away and began to pull my cheerleading sweater over my head.
"What are you doing?" he whispered.
"It's okay...I want to."
"Put that back on."
"Why? Don't you want to?"
"Of course I want to but not now. Not yet. It's not right."
"I just wanted to feel you, Ronnie. I wanted you to make the pain go away. I wanted you to love me."
"I do", he said.
And he did. Easing me down on the bed, Ronnie held me all night until I fell asleep. There was no pressure, no sex or anything like that. I didn't have to give Ronnie anything to make him want me. He wanted me just because he did. Sleeping in his arms all night was the most peaceful rest I'd ever had. Never in my life had I felt so safe or so wanted...or so loved.
"Mary-Courtney, can I get you a soda?"
"No thanks, Rev", I said shaking my head for emphasis.
We had been in the waiting room of the hospital for nearly three hours. Three long hours without word of our friends' condition. In addition to Mrs. Bertier and the Hoyts, Coach Boone and Coach Yoast were joined by every single Titan player and every Titan cheerleader.
"We've been sitting here for a while. It might do you good to take a sip of Coke, get some fresh air outside. Come on. Take a walk with me."
I sighed and followed Rev outside. He gave me a canned soft drink and I gulped down every ounce, not realizing just how thirsty I had been.
"You okay?" he asked.
I shrugged.
"I can still see the blood", I said as I stared off into the night. "There was so much blood...Gerry's blood was all over me. I can smell the blood and I keep playing it over and over in my mind the moment the cars crashed. I try to close my eyes and make it go away but I keep hearing Emma's scream."
"Shhhh. Try to forget the bad stuff, okay? It's gonna be okay. The Lord is gonna work this one out. Gerry and Emma will be just fine?"
"Will they?" I asked him point blank. "Because I don't know, Rev. It looked pretty bad."
My heart was filled with emotion but the words spilled out flat and cold.
"It's gonna be okay", Rev said, his brown eyes filling with tears. "I have faith. Trust in God and He'll work it out."
I nodded. Rev's never failing belief never ceased to amaze me. I admired and respected him so much. "Thanks for the soda, Rev. I'm gonna head back inside."
"I'll be back in a bit. Me and some of the boys are gonna go over to the chapel and pray."
He hugged me and I went back to the waiting room to sit. The coaches, the Hoyts and Mrs. Betier emerged from a meeting with the doctors.
"Listen up everybody", Coach Yoast said. "We just talked to the doctors and everything is going to be fine. Aside from a few broken bones and scratches, both Emma and Gerry are going to be okay. We won't be able to see them tonight so you kids may as well go on home and get some rest. It's the best thing we can do. The families appreciate everyone waiting around."
The entire waiting area breathed a huge sigh of relief and after a few words of comfort to Mrs. Hoyt and Mrs. Bertier, one by one everyone filed out to the parking lot. I tried to get up but my legs were of no use. I couldn't make myself leave that seat.
"Mary-Courtney, you heard Coach. Everything's alright. We may as well go home. It's pretty late anyway. I'll give you a ride."
I looked up at Ronnie and finally took his hand. We walked outside and got in the Corvette.
"You wanna talk about it?" he asked.
"No."
"It's late and too much has happened. We all just need a good night's sleep. I'll take you home."
"I don't want to go home", I mumbled softly.
"Where then? Where do you want to go? I'll take you anywhere you want to go."
I met his questions with silence but it's like he read my mind anyway. We drove to his house, which was dark and quiet, Col. Bass and Laureen were long asleep. Ronnie and I walked up to his room where he shut the door softly behind me. He turned on the radio and sat on the bed.
"You did real good out there tonight, Mary-Courtney. You really kept your head. I'm proud of you. That was really brave."
I looked down at the specks of blood on my cheering skirt and Ronnie's jacket. I certainly didn't feel very brave.
"I was so scared", I finally said.
"We were all scared. Nothing wrong with that. It was a real scary thing that happened. But Gerry and Emma are okay now and that's the important thing."
"Ronnie, I..."
"You what? Talk to me, Mary-Courtney."
"Can I stay here for a little while? Please? I don't want to be alone tonight."
Ronnie motioned for me to sit next to him on the bed.
"Whatever you want, babe. I'm here for you."
"I can't believe this all happened tonight. Tonight was surreal, crazy. Hell, this whole year has been crazy. I feel like everything has changed and I've grown up so much. I guess we all have. I just can't believe how close we came to losing them tonight."
"But we didn't."
"But we could have. I have all these crazy feelings stirring up inside me. I don't even know how to feel or act anymore."
"Just be yourself", Ronnie said quietly.
"I don't even know who that is."
"I do. In front of me I see this incredibly beautiful, intelligent, kind, fearless girl. Somebody who stands up for her friends and what she believes in no matter the price. Someone who takes care of everybody else but herself. I see a girl with so much personality, so much depth...I see the heart of gold inside and that's what made me fall in love in the first place."
I looked at Ronnie in disbelief. Had he said what I thought he just said? Did he know what he was doing to me?
"Don't say that to me."
"Why? It's the truth. Why are you so afraid?"
"I don't know", I whispered truthfully. "There is so much bottled up inside me right now and I don't know what to do with it. You ever felt like crying but you just couldn't?"
"You can cry in front of me, Mary-Courtney", Ronnie said, stroking me cheek.
"If I start I might never stop."
"Then I'll just be here to hold you and comfort you until you do."
Looking into his eyes, I knew he meant every single thing that had just been said. Ronnie Bass, the star quarterback, pretty, hippie boy was the real deal. From that moment on I knew he'd always be there for me, that he would comfort me when I needed it most...that he would do anything to protect me. I could let go in front of him. I could give myself to him. I could just be me. A small tear escaped from my eye followed by another. Then they began to flow uncontrollably one right after the other. I was losing myself and I couldn't get it together but it was okay. The harder I cried, the harder he held me. Trembling, I looked right at him, deep past those blue eyes directly inside his soul. He stared right back and I knew he could see inside me as well. Leaning in, he planted tiny butterfly kisses on my tear stained face. My lips found his and once again it felt right. We made sense, fitting together like a perfect little puzzle. I pulled away and began to pull my cheerleading sweater over my head.
"What are you doing?" he whispered.
"It's okay...I want to."
"Put that back on."
"Why? Don't you want to?"
"Of course I want to but not now. Not yet. It's not right."
"I just wanted to feel you, Ronnie. I wanted you to make the pain go away. I wanted you to love me."
"I do", he said.
And he did. Easing me down on the bed, Ronnie held me all night until I fell asleep. There was no pressure, no sex or anything like that. I didn't have to give Ronnie anything to make him want me. He wanted me just because he did. Sleeping in his arms all night was the most peaceful rest I'd ever had. Never in my life had I felt so safe or so wanted...or so loved.