Update 6/19/05

thank you... tinkerbaby466 for being my first reviewer, NiceHayley for being "nice", lol, and Mystique Angelique for reviewing, my sympathies to you about your friend, yeah...us Americans, we are very...what's the word...rather bold. Anyway, I don't care how you picture Sean just picture him as a HOTTIE! One worth killing for, wink wink. This chapter kind of boring, just to let you guys know. "The True Emotions of Jesse de Silva".


Ch 8 Secret Revealed and Half-Told Confessions

Jesse's POV

I found myself in a melancholic mood for the rest and the day and randomly feeling Susannah's blankets as I sat on her bed.

Soft, just like Susannah's lips...

She had been missing for one day and I was frantic.

Did Crissi do this? Did she hurt Susannah? I shuddered slightly and lied down.

If she died I would never forgive myself for what Crissi did, it wasn't my fault but why do I feel like it is?

"Susannah, I'm sorry, I've sinned. Please understands and come back, please." I silently begged.

As I stared into space, I thought of Susannah and longed to tell her my feelings for her. Yes, I've kissed her only three times but I suppose for her it wasn't enough. I really do love her but can never give her what she wants. I am a coward for not telling her that I love her. Does she love me back? If not, what would happen?

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Dude, you alright?" This was not Susannah...

I turned around and was facing Brad Ackerman.

'You can see me?" I croaked disbelievingly. Brad sat down next to me and I felt the bed sag.

This was the first time I've seen Brad in Susannah's room and obviously he realized this too. He was fiddling with Susannah's hairbrush and I could see a few strands of Susannah's hair on her brush.

"Damned straight." He said. "I didn't want any dude to know I can see dead people but since I'm—we're home alone we can chill."

Brad didn't sound like himself, he sounded more, more mature...perhaps only when he mediates?

I frowned. "Chill means..."

Brad just laughed himself full and after his little episode he said chuckling, "Hang, party, have fun—RELAX." He finished in exasperation.

Ah…relax was what I needed.

"Did you know Susannah could see me too?" I asked.

Brad scoffed. "No duh. I always thought that you two were making out or something," then Brad added, "but you two can resist temptation bro, I thought Suze would be pregnant by now after all this time."

I sighed and got up and sat on the window seat; remember when Suze first saw me and when I learned her name.

"Oh Susannah, now don't you come for me, 'cause I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee..."

"Susannah is missing," I whispered, confirming my worst fear.

Brad looked bored. "No duh," he said, "but she's coming"-I opened my mouth but Brad continued.-"I'm more powerful than Paul or Crissi"-how did he know Paul?- (A/N: all these people claim that they are all more "powerful"!) "But not as powerful as Suze. She can do things that she can't even IMAGINE. If only she let Paul tutor her."

I whirled at the mention of Paul. I had a feeling that Paul was responsible for this mayhem.

"She's coming?" I asked instead of asking about Paul. I also suspected that Susannah was upset at me.

"No duh dude, you better think of a good excuse for what you did. Kissing Crissi!" he said simply and I sat down next to him again.

How did he know?

"If you are so powerful why don't you do anything about all this?" it was like talking to my horse back when I was still alive; they don't respond through words and utter only a few things.

"Dude, shouldn't you know?" Before he could finish, Susannah appeared looking proud.

"I beat her up to a pulp." She announced.

She eyed Brad with her beautiful green eyes then me as if she wasn't expecting so many people. I felt myself about to tell her my feelings for her but a voice told me to wait.

"Why are you-" she inhaled sharply. "Brad, you can see Jesse?"

Brad frowned. "Is that his name?" Then he got up. "I'll leave you two, alone. Dude," he looked at me, "be safe." And he slammed shut the door.

Suze's POV

"I beat her to a pulp." I said proudly.

I felt my knees go weak. Brad and Jesse were in the middle of a conversation when I popped in. I only heard the last bit. "-Dude, shouldn't you know?" and I didn't like the sounds of that.

I looked at Brad, wondering what was happening and then I gave Jesse the hairy eyeball.

I did a twice over. When I saw Jesse my heart stopped. He was sitting on my bed, leaning against my pillows. He looked pain-stricken and jittery and I figured that he had been scared and he kept opening his mouth and closing it. Let him feel the pain...I was still upset. How long have I been gone anyway?

Brad said something, I knew that because his lips were moving, but whoa-I couldn't hear him! Then he left.

"Querida, you're back!" Jesse exclaimed and got up from the bed. He looked just the same-hot but just a little worried looking. I remember those soft warm lips...

STOP SUZE!

"What happened?" he asked and clutched my hands. I frowned and flung his hands away, staring out the window at the now crescent moon.

"Go away, you like Crissi, not me." I said. "Leave me alone." All that pent up anger erupted.

And I stalked off to my bathroom. He followed me, which was quite unusual.

"Susannah, I am not leaving until I know what happened and until I tell you something." Jesse was like some annoying parrot that I saw on Saturday Night Live. I didn't want to admit it-but I liked him following me around like that.

"Okay..." I said calmly and folding my arms across my chest. I raised my eyebrows. "Shoot before I shoot you." He opened his mouth but then I cut him short.

"I knew I was wrong to believe you. I knew something was up. I knew it, I knew it I knew it. Well Jesse, go join Crissi in holy matrimony, why don't you and then have kill me after the wedding, its like deja vu, isn't it? Maria hiring some freak to kill you, but now it's you hiring Crissi! I'll just watch." and I turned on my heels and ran down the stairs. I felt tears running down my face like some leaky faucet.

Jesse still pursued me.

"Susannah, I won't leave you alone until you tell me not nonsense but the truth. What are you talking about? Stop crying." He grabbed my arm but I pushed him off.

Okay, this was getting annoying.

"Jesse, I just want some alone time, okay? So leave me alone! And just MAYBE I'll tell you, if you're lucky. No wait—you'll tell Crissi." I hissed venomously. I pushed Jesse and ran outside past the hot tub.

"Susannah, please, I'm sorry for whatever I've done but please, stop crying, I can't stand seeing you cry." I groaned and faced him.

I just realized that the moon was bright and it was a beautiful evening; why'd I have to spend it like this? We could easily be making out but no! We happen to be arguing.

The crescent moon shone on Jesse's face, silhouetting his perfect features but I noticed something; Jesse's eyes were bright.

I sighed and slowly and calmly, despite the fact that I was hysterical on the inside, I looked Jesse straight in the eye. "Look Jesse, I won't tell you because you'll probably go to your Crissi and tell her so I remain in the silent department. Second, what were you going to tell me?"

Jesse's dark eyes were still bright looking. I felt something trickle down my face and at first I thought Jesse had spit on me but then I realized that I was still crying. Then, the waterworks just took over and I took off running away from Jesse before he could see me cry. I didn't know where I was headed but I didn't give a care, I was blinded by my tears.

I ran as fast as my Jimmy Choos would let me and ended up at the site where I found Spike.

Jesse's POV

Susannah ran off, leaving me alone in the moonlight. I felt like I did something wrong. I felt the heat radiated off from the moon hit my back but I was cold, just like my life before I met Susannah...

I felt something trickle down my face and I wiped it; it was a single tear. I stared at the wet spot in my palm. I haven't cried in a while. But I wasn't crying... my heart was weeping.

"Susannah!" I called and raced after her. I quickly caught up to her for she was in heels and her feet were probably going to be all blistered by the morning.

"Go away!" she yelled in my face and continued running. I looked around and noticed that we were behind a, what is it called? - mall in a field. The mall was deserted because all the lights were off.

"Susannah, stop being such a stubborn mule and listen to me."

"Humph." And she continued staggering through the field. Then surprisingly, she stopped and shrieked slightly. I quickly ran to her side.

"What Susannah?" I asked worriedly. She gestured wildly at the ground. Then I saw a plant that I knew only too well; poison oak. And Susannah's leg had touched it.

She quickly recoiled but then started scratching her leg.

"Susannah, stop scratching. It'll only make it worse." I tried to reason with her. She deliberately ignored me. And then she said to me, "Shut up."

To me. She actually told me to be quiet!

She sat down and I sat down next to her, I asked to help her leg and she agreed after a minute of argument. She rolled up her 'capris' to look at the afflicted damage. It was rather bad actually since Susannah scratched it. I looked around the field and saw some yellow flowers (A/N: wink wink, remember in the second book if you're American, pg 58 Ninth Key how he said that gunpowder thing or flower would help poison oak)
I picked some and crushed the flowers with my hand and applied the paste to Susannah's shin. As I applied the paste I tried to reason with her since she couldn't move, just like that one time when she went to Paul's house and came home with her feet blistered. Why did this all seem so familiar?

"Susannah -I'm sorry for letting Crissi kiss me, I'm sorry for not coming to you when you needed me. I couldn't reach you!"

"How did you know I was trying to contact you-"

"I'm sorry for everything just please talk to me!" I pleaded.

I saw Susannah tense and stop scratching. She turned towards me.

"All you can say is SORRY?" she exclaimed loudly. She was upset...she was right next to me and my shadow blocked the moonlight so I couldn't read her expression.

"I..." I sighed and raked my hand through my hair. Susannah can be so tiring. "You didn't stay to see what happened. I-I really don't love Crissi, I love yo-" I almost said it. I stopped. So did Susannah. She craned her neck. I have tried so hard not to love Susannah but it wasn't working. She didn't even love me! How could I possibly have fallen for her?

"What did you say?" she whispered.

She stared at me intently in my eyes and wiped away my tear that was on my cheek. Afterwards, she looked in my eyes, then I realized what she was doing; she was trying to read my mind. I closed my eyes and thought of what happened. After a minute or so, Susannah touched my forearm and I heard her say, "Excel."

"I'm sorry." She said quietly. I nodded solemnly and then she leaned against me. I didn't know what to do so I just placed my arms around her. I didn't know what happened but I didn't feel like asking. The world felt perfect; I had the woman I love the most in my embrace and the moonlight shone brightly and we were alone. Completely alone together.

"Jesse?" she asked sleepily. She turned her head and looked at me, her emerald eyes brilliant; I saw my face and the moon reflected in her eyes.

"Mmhmm?" I muttered in her ear. Then she asked the question I thought she'd never ask. "What did you mean you had something to tell me? Do you-like, like me or something?"

Before I could answer, a girl of eighteen appeared and started screaming.

"What did you do to my Pawn?" she yelled and grabbed Susannah's arm and pulled her out of my grasp.

A/N: Sorry people, I just had to ruin the moment. I ruined the moment to cut it short and not make it seem like a paradise, well? Do you like it? Yeah, I know, I'm cruel; I like ruining it...hehehe...please review and tell me if this chapter sucks.