Disclaimer: I don't own 'You were meant for me' that belongs to Jewel, and
'Come home for Christmas' belongs to Aaron Neville
Sabrina Hoyt's POV
I wasn't sure where I was going, I didn't care, all I new was I was tired. I rubbed my eyes, the way a five year old would when he's sleepy. I felt the life all around me, I felt it in the air, I saw it when I looked at a skyline, when I saw children walking to school, when I saw an elderly couple walking in the park. I clutched my guitar case as if it were the Holy Grail. That guitar was my friend, he listened when I spoke, he never left, he never got sick, and he never died. Great, now I know how much therapy I need, I'm referring to my guitar as if it were alive, I need help.
I can't help feel angry at Woody for what he said, but another part of me relented, he was my brother, my friend, and God knows, right now I don't have too many of those left. I walk down the street, my head down, brushing past people as I walked, not sure of myself, weak and alone these were all new feelings, I tried to look up but found that tears blurred my vision, I felt them drip off of my soggy chin, hot and salty.
I sometimes found myself drifting, like a bottle in the ocean, away from existence; I would be easier that way, to just melt into a different form. It wasn't that easy though; the pain was always throbbing dully through my body, into my bones. I try to move but there is always something blocking my way. All of the shops downtown was lit up, Christmas would be here soon, the garlands that were wrapped all around the street lamps told me of it. Something brought the dull pain to my heart, It was my last Christmas, I had taken all of the others for granite, wanting more, wishing for more, when I never stopped to think, it was enough.
"Child?" a man asked as I past him, I stopped suddenly, startled by the raspy voice that spoke out. "Change for the homeless?" he asked pleadingly, I felt a rush of guilt as I saw the tall, black robed man, his white collar stiff.
"Oh sure," I said softly, dipping my hand into my back pocket for a dollar bill, when my hand had found what it was looking for, it deposited it into the red tin bucket. I began to move on when he said.
"God be with you." I stopped suddenly, turning quickly I walk toward him.
"Why would you tell me that?" I asked "Why would you ask God to be with me, when I'm a complete stranger? Huh Father? Why?"
"You're Catholic aren't you." He said with a wide smile
"I used to be," I said confused "how'd you know?"
"Most who aren't Catholic call me reverend, you called me Father." He said softly, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You look as if you have lost your way young lady, I suggest looking deep in your heart, there are no problems, only solutions."
I smiled at him gratefully and moved on my way, I wasn't even sure what that meant. Suddenly I stopped, I was standing in front of store, all lit up with Christmas lights, a train moved slowly but surely around a track, waiting for a little child to claim it for its own.
I sat on the cement steps, slick with snow from a few days ago, and I opened my guitar case. I petted the shiny guitar and pulled it out as if it were made of glass. Leaving the case open by my side, reveling the red crushed velvet lining. I hummed the song as I began the melody.
I hear the clock
Its six am
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs
I got my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you
I break the yolks that make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
Wipe the spots up off the mirror
Don't leave my keys in the door
I never put wet towels on the floor anymore.
Cause, dreams last
For so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
I called my mama
She was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee
But it didn't want to talk
So I picked up the paper
It was more bad new
Hearts been broken
People been used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
Cause it was happy
I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad
Cause dreams last
For so long
Even after you're gone
I know that you love me
And I know that soon you will see
That you were meant for me
And I was meant for you
I go about my business
I'm doing fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line?
Same old story
Not much to say
Hearts are broken everyday
I brush my teeth
Put the cap back on
I know you hate it but I leave the light on
I pick a book up
Turn the sheet down
Take a deep breath
And a good look around
Put on my PJ's and hop into bed
I'm half alive
But I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll all be alright
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight
Cause dreams last
For so long
Even after you're gone
And I know, you love me
And soon I know you will see
Yeah...
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
After the song was over, I looked up, the empty feeling that was in my heart had risen to my throat and now seemed so tangible, I felt like I could hold it in my hands. I was well aware of the dropping temperature, it brought ice to the window panes and made me shiver, yet I wasn't cold, I could smell the scent of warm buns and coffee from the diner across the street. I could see a waitress inside filling sugar jars while dancing to the jukebox. I smiled and glanced to a couple walking down the sidewalk, arm in arm, snuggled together for warmth, eyes tender only for each other.
I wasn't sure how long I was out sitting on that step for, all I knew is when I looked up; the sky had turned a dusty pink as the sun peeked over the horizon. I stood as if nothing had happened, gingerly setting my guitar back in its case, I went over to the diner, a hot cup of coffee and cinnamon roll was just what the doctor needed.
I didn't know how cold it was until my body walked over the threshold of the small, tidy restaurant. It reminded me of the roadside diners in Wisconsin, all painted in pink and red, I couldn't help but think of Candy Land. I picked out a booth in the back, and settled into the booth with a sigh.
"What can I get for yah Hun?" the waitress asked, she was as pretty as a Judy Blume book, soft flaxen hair framed her caramel colored skin and entrapped big chocolate eyes. She wore a pink uniform, with a white apron and stockings, and the outfit was topped off with white high top sneakers and a gold charm anklet that was draped over her right ankle.
"Uh, a Coffee and cinnamon bun please." I said looking out of the window at the street, where I had a short time ago, occupied.
"Are you okay?" she asked, I noticed she had a soft, lightly toasted southern accent.
"Yeah, why?" I asked a little snappishly, I quickly bit my lip, I could be so harsh sometimes, it was a weakness. Weakness there was that word again; I hated it with every ounce of my being, it made that deadened pain, that numbness become more evident, when all I wanted was for it to go away.
"Well, sweetheart, you're in your pajama's with a guitar at four o'clock in the morning, and you're lips are blue." She said matter-of- factly, I sighed, "I heard your song you were singing it was pretty." She smiled sweetly, as she poured a cup of coffee and set a steaming cinnamon bun on the paper placemat in front of me.
"Thanks." I said, as she went off to wipe down the counter. A Christmas song by Aaron Neville was on, 'Come home for Christmas' I sang along quietly, picking at the frosting of my bun.
Christmas and New Year will find you warm
They'll be no more sorrow
No grief or pain
And I'll be happy once again.
I put six sugars and extra cream in my coffee, that was one thing Woody and I had in common, we liked are coffee the same. After taking the last sip, I got up, threw some money on the table. It was almost Five Thirty, Woody would be at work, I should go apologize, something he would appreciate, it was me, Sabrina Hoyt, I never apologized not ever.
I walked down the hallway of the morgue, it was bustling with people as usual, I passed Garret on the way in, he looked a little disheveled but otherwise he had the same pissed off look glued to his head.
"Morning Doctor M." I said being as cheerful as humanly possible. "Where can I find my badly behaved brother?" I asked throwing him a lopsided smile.
"In the break room with Jordan." He said, looking down at the file, as I passed Nigel and Bug's adjoining office, I hit the door frame with my palm.
"Hey Bugman, hey Nige." They smiled and waved. Peter was in Autopsy, arguing with Devan. "Hi you guys!"
"Hey Brina!" the shouted in unison, when I reached the break room. I stopped short in my tracks, I swear, I love my brother, but he is an idiot. He was sitting on one of those swivel chairs, balancing a spoon on his nose.
"What in the hell is wrong with you?" I said evenly, when he heard my voice he jumped, nearly falling off of the chair backwards.
"Uh, Hi Sabrina, waz up?" he asked nervously, I set my guitar down and looked at him, he looked tired, untidy, not like the brother that had left Wisconsin.
Jordan was leaning in the corner, sipping a cup of coffee, she looked good, the circles under her eyes were gone, for once she didn't look like a ten year old trying to escape from her past.
"Listen Sabrina about last night-"
"Shut up, Sparky, its already forgiven." I stated holding my hands out for a hug. He enveloped me in a warm hug, and was out the door, going to work more than likely.
Jordan's POV
Sabrina looked tired, dark now circled under her eyes. She was pale, sallow looking, in the past five days it looked as if she had lost thirty pounds, thirty pounds she couldn't afford to lose in the first place.
"Sabrina, no offense but you look like hell." She smirked, I noticed that one thing hadn't changed; she still had frosty, clear blue eyes, fair as the Atlantic on a spring day. She was wearing her lilac colored PJ's, she just looked, tired.
"Yeah, well, cancer will do that to you." She laughed as if she was joking, the look in her eyes told me a different story.
"What's the matter?" I asked, sitting, I was concerned, I was more scared. There was something about Sabrina, some air of hope, that drew everyone to her, it was the sparkle in her eye, the spring in her step, the spring in her soft steps was gone, and that twinkle, it would soon fallow.
"Woody's a good brother." She stated, almost in tears. "I haven't been the best sister, he's persistent and protective, I'm headstrong and spiteful, we're like oil and vinegar, we just don't mix." She gave a long shuttering sigh and put her head in her hands. "The lights going out, I can feel it, its dimming, I should just turn my face away from it, and die." I was taken back by her candor, she couldn't give in.
"Don't you dare Sabrina Hoyt; you are too stubborn and sarcastic to die just yet, your going to fight!" I scolded her, when Lily walked in, wearing a god-awful coral colored shirt.
"Jordan, you're needed in Autopsy three, Hi Sabrina."
"Honey, I love you but that shirt hurts like a hangover." She said, patting Lily's shoulder in a mock consoling way. She got up to walk out the door; before she did she turned back to me. "You know, I've learned a lot about life in the last four days." Nigel and Bug filled the doorway. "One thing I learned is people will do anything, not to die, their willing to do anything to keep from living their lives, that they forget that they shouldn't fear death... but the thing they should dread the most is an unlived existence." With that she wandered out the door, leaning against the wall for support.
I got up to follow her; I stopped when a hand blocked my way. "I think she needs to be alone now love, leave her be." Nigel whispered, deathly silent. When we heard DA Walcott say to Sabrina somewhere in the distance.
"Why the hell are you hear?" her voice was superior sounding, cold and bitter.
"It certainly isn't for the sparkling conversation." She retorted, we all couldn't help but smile, as we watched her disappear into the elevator.
Sabrina Hoyt's POV
I wasn't sure where I was going, I didn't care, all I new was I was tired. I rubbed my eyes, the way a five year old would when he's sleepy. I felt the life all around me, I felt it in the air, I saw it when I looked at a skyline, when I saw children walking to school, when I saw an elderly couple walking in the park. I clutched my guitar case as if it were the Holy Grail. That guitar was my friend, he listened when I spoke, he never left, he never got sick, and he never died. Great, now I know how much therapy I need, I'm referring to my guitar as if it were alive, I need help.
I can't help feel angry at Woody for what he said, but another part of me relented, he was my brother, my friend, and God knows, right now I don't have too many of those left. I walk down the street, my head down, brushing past people as I walked, not sure of myself, weak and alone these were all new feelings, I tried to look up but found that tears blurred my vision, I felt them drip off of my soggy chin, hot and salty.
I sometimes found myself drifting, like a bottle in the ocean, away from existence; I would be easier that way, to just melt into a different form. It wasn't that easy though; the pain was always throbbing dully through my body, into my bones. I try to move but there is always something blocking my way. All of the shops downtown was lit up, Christmas would be here soon, the garlands that were wrapped all around the street lamps told me of it. Something brought the dull pain to my heart, It was my last Christmas, I had taken all of the others for granite, wanting more, wishing for more, when I never stopped to think, it was enough.
"Child?" a man asked as I past him, I stopped suddenly, startled by the raspy voice that spoke out. "Change for the homeless?" he asked pleadingly, I felt a rush of guilt as I saw the tall, black robed man, his white collar stiff.
"Oh sure," I said softly, dipping my hand into my back pocket for a dollar bill, when my hand had found what it was looking for, it deposited it into the red tin bucket. I began to move on when he said.
"God be with you." I stopped suddenly, turning quickly I walk toward him.
"Why would you tell me that?" I asked "Why would you ask God to be with me, when I'm a complete stranger? Huh Father? Why?"
"You're Catholic aren't you." He said with a wide smile
"I used to be," I said confused "how'd you know?"
"Most who aren't Catholic call me reverend, you called me Father." He said softly, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You look as if you have lost your way young lady, I suggest looking deep in your heart, there are no problems, only solutions."
I smiled at him gratefully and moved on my way, I wasn't even sure what that meant. Suddenly I stopped, I was standing in front of store, all lit up with Christmas lights, a train moved slowly but surely around a track, waiting for a little child to claim it for its own.
I sat on the cement steps, slick with snow from a few days ago, and I opened my guitar case. I petted the shiny guitar and pulled it out as if it were made of glass. Leaving the case open by my side, reveling the red crushed velvet lining. I hummed the song as I began the melody.
I hear the clock
Its six am
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs
I got my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you
I break the yolks that make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
Wipe the spots up off the mirror
Don't leave my keys in the door
I never put wet towels on the floor anymore.
Cause, dreams last
For so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
I called my mama
She was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee
But it didn't want to talk
So I picked up the paper
It was more bad new
Hearts been broken
People been used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
Cause it was happy
I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad
Cause dreams last
For so long
Even after you're gone
I know that you love me
And I know that soon you will see
That you were meant for me
And I was meant for you
I go about my business
I'm doing fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line?
Same old story
Not much to say
Hearts are broken everyday
I brush my teeth
Put the cap back on
I know you hate it but I leave the light on
I pick a book up
Turn the sheet down
Take a deep breath
And a good look around
Put on my PJ's and hop into bed
I'm half alive
But I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll all be alright
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight
Cause dreams last
For so long
Even after you're gone
And I know, you love me
And soon I know you will see
Yeah...
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
After the song was over, I looked up, the empty feeling that was in my heart had risen to my throat and now seemed so tangible, I felt like I could hold it in my hands. I was well aware of the dropping temperature, it brought ice to the window panes and made me shiver, yet I wasn't cold, I could smell the scent of warm buns and coffee from the diner across the street. I could see a waitress inside filling sugar jars while dancing to the jukebox. I smiled and glanced to a couple walking down the sidewalk, arm in arm, snuggled together for warmth, eyes tender only for each other.
I wasn't sure how long I was out sitting on that step for, all I knew is when I looked up; the sky had turned a dusty pink as the sun peeked over the horizon. I stood as if nothing had happened, gingerly setting my guitar back in its case, I went over to the diner, a hot cup of coffee and cinnamon roll was just what the doctor needed.
I didn't know how cold it was until my body walked over the threshold of the small, tidy restaurant. It reminded me of the roadside diners in Wisconsin, all painted in pink and red, I couldn't help but think of Candy Land. I picked out a booth in the back, and settled into the booth with a sigh.
"What can I get for yah Hun?" the waitress asked, she was as pretty as a Judy Blume book, soft flaxen hair framed her caramel colored skin and entrapped big chocolate eyes. She wore a pink uniform, with a white apron and stockings, and the outfit was topped off with white high top sneakers and a gold charm anklet that was draped over her right ankle.
"Uh, a Coffee and cinnamon bun please." I said looking out of the window at the street, where I had a short time ago, occupied.
"Are you okay?" she asked, I noticed she had a soft, lightly toasted southern accent.
"Yeah, why?" I asked a little snappishly, I quickly bit my lip, I could be so harsh sometimes, it was a weakness. Weakness there was that word again; I hated it with every ounce of my being, it made that deadened pain, that numbness become more evident, when all I wanted was for it to go away.
"Well, sweetheart, you're in your pajama's with a guitar at four o'clock in the morning, and you're lips are blue." She said matter-of- factly, I sighed, "I heard your song you were singing it was pretty." She smiled sweetly, as she poured a cup of coffee and set a steaming cinnamon bun on the paper placemat in front of me.
"Thanks." I said, as she went off to wipe down the counter. A Christmas song by Aaron Neville was on, 'Come home for Christmas' I sang along quietly, picking at the frosting of my bun.
Christmas and New Year will find you warm
They'll be no more sorrow
No grief or pain
And I'll be happy once again.
I put six sugars and extra cream in my coffee, that was one thing Woody and I had in common, we liked are coffee the same. After taking the last sip, I got up, threw some money on the table. It was almost Five Thirty, Woody would be at work, I should go apologize, something he would appreciate, it was me, Sabrina Hoyt, I never apologized not ever.
I walked down the hallway of the morgue, it was bustling with people as usual, I passed Garret on the way in, he looked a little disheveled but otherwise he had the same pissed off look glued to his head.
"Morning Doctor M." I said being as cheerful as humanly possible. "Where can I find my badly behaved brother?" I asked throwing him a lopsided smile.
"In the break room with Jordan." He said, looking down at the file, as I passed Nigel and Bug's adjoining office, I hit the door frame with my palm.
"Hey Bugman, hey Nige." They smiled and waved. Peter was in Autopsy, arguing with Devan. "Hi you guys!"
"Hey Brina!" the shouted in unison, when I reached the break room. I stopped short in my tracks, I swear, I love my brother, but he is an idiot. He was sitting on one of those swivel chairs, balancing a spoon on his nose.
"What in the hell is wrong with you?" I said evenly, when he heard my voice he jumped, nearly falling off of the chair backwards.
"Uh, Hi Sabrina, waz up?" he asked nervously, I set my guitar down and looked at him, he looked tired, untidy, not like the brother that had left Wisconsin.
Jordan was leaning in the corner, sipping a cup of coffee, she looked good, the circles under her eyes were gone, for once she didn't look like a ten year old trying to escape from her past.
"Listen Sabrina about last night-"
"Shut up, Sparky, its already forgiven." I stated holding my hands out for a hug. He enveloped me in a warm hug, and was out the door, going to work more than likely.
Jordan's POV
Sabrina looked tired, dark now circled under her eyes. She was pale, sallow looking, in the past five days it looked as if she had lost thirty pounds, thirty pounds she couldn't afford to lose in the first place.
"Sabrina, no offense but you look like hell." She smirked, I noticed that one thing hadn't changed; she still had frosty, clear blue eyes, fair as the Atlantic on a spring day. She was wearing her lilac colored PJ's, she just looked, tired.
"Yeah, well, cancer will do that to you." She laughed as if she was joking, the look in her eyes told me a different story.
"What's the matter?" I asked, sitting, I was concerned, I was more scared. There was something about Sabrina, some air of hope, that drew everyone to her, it was the sparkle in her eye, the spring in her step, the spring in her soft steps was gone, and that twinkle, it would soon fallow.
"Woody's a good brother." She stated, almost in tears. "I haven't been the best sister, he's persistent and protective, I'm headstrong and spiteful, we're like oil and vinegar, we just don't mix." She gave a long shuttering sigh and put her head in her hands. "The lights going out, I can feel it, its dimming, I should just turn my face away from it, and die." I was taken back by her candor, she couldn't give in.
"Don't you dare Sabrina Hoyt; you are too stubborn and sarcastic to die just yet, your going to fight!" I scolded her, when Lily walked in, wearing a god-awful coral colored shirt.
"Jordan, you're needed in Autopsy three, Hi Sabrina."
"Honey, I love you but that shirt hurts like a hangover." She said, patting Lily's shoulder in a mock consoling way. She got up to walk out the door; before she did she turned back to me. "You know, I've learned a lot about life in the last four days." Nigel and Bug filled the doorway. "One thing I learned is people will do anything, not to die, their willing to do anything to keep from living their lives, that they forget that they shouldn't fear death... but the thing they should dread the most is an unlived existence." With that she wandered out the door, leaning against the wall for support.
I got up to follow her; I stopped when a hand blocked my way. "I think she needs to be alone now love, leave her be." Nigel whispered, deathly silent. When we heard DA Walcott say to Sabrina somewhere in the distance.
"Why the hell are you hear?" her voice was superior sounding, cold and bitter.
"It certainly isn't for the sparkling conversation." She retorted, we all couldn't help but smile, as we watched her disappear into the elevator.