Disclaimer/Author Note/Rating: Please see Chapter 1 for full disclaimers, legal info, etc.
Go raibh maith agaibh:
Wyall Jared… hope you were able to save the world from your brother!
Mercury Gray… does this mean I've astounded you? blushing I have several chapters all set to go so I should be able to post pretty frequently this week!
Trina/Leonora… Malificus' plans will become clearer soon. I promise!
Rushumble… A perfect mess? Now that's a perfect understatement!
Lady of the Dog Star… glad you liked how Snape shows up in her dreams and not in her nightmares!
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Chapter 24: A Phoenix Reborn
Four weeks after a simple sheet of paper had ripped through her relationship with Severus, Serena stood next to Albus Dumbledore and watched most of the students depart the Hogwart's campus for a short spring break. The April weather always made them restless, and knowing the spring Quidditch season would begin when they returned always made the spring move more quickly.
"I'll miss them," said the Headmaster. "The students keep me young."
Serena smiled. "Enough have stayed. No fear of you growing old in just one week, Headmaster."
"Are you busy this afternoon?" he asked.
"No. Do you need something?"
"I wanted to extend an invitation to you. I would like to make you part of our group, Serena."
"Your group?" Serena looked at the Headmaster askingly.
"The Order of the Phoenix."
The Order of the Phoenix? The name intrigued Serena. "Tell me more."
Dumbledore only spent about ten minutes telling Serena about the order before she stopped him. "No need to say more," she said, "I'd be honored."
"Excellent," he said with a smile. "Now come with me. I want you to meet a few people…"
A moment later, Dumbledore peered over his glasses said, "Here we are. Number 12 Grimmauld Place."
Serena looked at the edifice with some doubt. The door was weather-beaten and scarred. The outside walls needed washing and the windows were filthy. Certainly not a house she would have been interested in going inside otherwise.
"You'll find that the Order is made up of a tremendously varied group of wizards and witches," said Dumbledore as they went inside, "but each and every one of them has my complete trust." He put an unusually heavy emphasis on that and Serena wondered about it, but a commotion in the next room drew her attention.
Two men were arguing. One voice she didn't recognize. The other, well that was an unexpected voice…
"Where are you rushing off to…" said the man she didn't know.
"I need to speak with Albus immediately."
Serena turned stiffly as Severus strode into the room they were in, still arguing with Sirius Black. The words died on Severus' lips when he saw his lover.
My former lover, he reminded himself bitterly.
Serena turned wide and angry eyes to Dumbledore who seemed to pay no attention. He had told her he trusted everyone in the Order completely, but Severus was a Death Eater! And if she wasn't mistaken, the man he was arguing with was Sirius Black, a reputed Death Eater who had killed 13 Muggles before being sent to Azkaban. Not only that, but he was the only wizard to ever escape from Azkaban.
"I see we may have differing opinions on the definition of 'trustworthy,' Headmaster. If you'll excuse me, I need a moment to myself." Serena turned and stalked out of the room without another word. Severus watched her go and a sad, regretful expression stole over his face.
"Mooning over her, Severus?" Sirius wore a small smirk.
"Stay out of this," growled Severus. Then he turned back to Dumbledore forcing himself to forget Serena, at least for the moment. "I don't know when they're going to attempt it, but the Death Eaters are going after the Rorret Medallion."
"We have to either stop them or take the Medallion ourselves," said Dumbledore. "We cannot allow it into Voldemort's hands." The rest of the group shuddered slightly. Only Dumbledore, the one wizard that Voldemort had feared, could speak his name so lightly. Only Dumbledore and Harry Potter.
"If they can use it, there is a danger to all of us. Even to you, Albus," said Snape.
"And to Harry as well," growled Mad-Eye Moody as his eye swiveled insanely in his head. He had come into the room after Snape and Black.
"All we can do right now is get more information, but when we find out when they'll attempt the retrieval spell, it may take all of us to stop them."
"He's gaining power," said Snape. He rubbed his arm. "I've heard him in my dreams sometimes, and each time I do, my arm tingles. The Dark Mark hasn't come back, but it will if he gains enough power."
Elsewhere, Serena wandered through the halls of 12 Grimmauld Place and quickly realized that it was Black Manor. She found the Black Family Tree and spent some time looking at the many branches displayed on the tapestry. To her surprise, several generations ago, there was a name she knew: Barrington Black (1800 – 1902). One of her grandfathers on her mother's side had been named Barrington. If this Barrington and her ancestor were the same man… that would make her a very, very distant cousin to Sirius Black.
Lovely, she thought with no small amount of sarcasm. As if my life weren't entertaining enough. I may well be cousins with a madman and a murderer.
She left the room quickly and started down the stairs, but stopped abruptly when she heard McGonagall and Snape in the hallway. They were talking in hushed tones.
"Severus," McGonagall said, "I know it was a shock for you to see Serena here tonight."
"Her talents will be a valuable addition for Dumbledore." The voice was wooden, seemingly stripped of all feeling, except for what could only be called anguish. Serena felt her eyes fill and she blinked angrily, forcing tears away. I do not care about him, she told herself.
"I wanted to say that I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out…" McGonagall stopped, feeling awkward talking to Severus about something so personal.
"I am, too, Minerva. I've always been a solitary man," he said, "but when I was with Serena everything changed. Now that she's gone, the loneliness seems so much more expansive."
Serena's gut tightened. There had been level of honesty and a pain in that answer she had never, ever expected to hear. McGonagall, for her part, was nearly speechless that he'd been so open with her in that moment.
"Severus," she finally said after a moment's thought. "You and I have never seen eye to eye on many things, but I must say that I think in the long run, it is Serena who will regret losing you."
Severus looked at her evenly. "Thank you. I just wish I could have had a chance to explain things to her, but given what the Death Eaters did to Serena's family, I can't say that I blame her. I have held my share of grudges in my life. This is the price must pay for my mistakes, I suppose."
"Everyone makes mistakes, Severus. One does not need to suffer for them forever. With the help you've given us, I think you've more than made up for anything you may have done."
"I just wish Serena would believe that I had left the Death Eaters before Castlebann even happened. I would never have been a part of that. Never. I was as appalled as everyone else."
"We all were," said Minerva.
Severus suddenly stiffened. He'd exposed more of his personal feelings to McGonagall than he'd intended, and she watched as he closed a curtain over his inner self. On the stairs, Serena's throat tightened. She hadn't been completely fair to Severus that night. She had been so angry, so frightened when she found that letter. Then she'd demanded answers from him and never let him give them before she threw him out. Her shoulders drooped and she covered her face with her hands.
I am such a fool, she thought. I miss him so much. He was a Death Eater once… and it really doesn't matter. I still love him anyway.
Severus was not a man to forgive affronts easily, if she had learned anything about him, it was that. All she had to do was think of the grudge he still bore for Sirius Black and James Potter. I can forgive him his past… I wonder if he could forgive me for mine…
The members of the Order were all in the front room prepared to head their different directions when Serena came in. She saw Arthur and Molly Weasley, Minerva McGonagall, Sirius Black, Mad Eye Moody, and several others that she didn't know, including Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin. Severus was there, too.
"Severus?"
Every eye shifted towards her. She took a deep breath and forced herself to relax.
"I owe you an apology," she said. "When we argued, I demanded an answer from you and then I never gave you the chance to give it to me. I am sorry for that."
There was an awkward silence for a moment before Severus said, "You had plenty of reason to be angry… but… thank you." He knew it had taken a lot for her to say she was sorry, let alone say it in front of all of these people. Another awkward silence filled the air.
"I also let myself believe that you'd done things… and I was wrong about those too. I accused you unfairly and I am even sorrier for that. I hope someday you can forgive me for how I reacted." Serena, who had been looking at the floor, finally raised her eyes to meet Severus'.
For a third time, an awkward, eternal silence filled the room. Severus could feel the weight of all of the eyes in the room shift from Serena to him. A collective breath was held, waiting for his answer.
"If you'd find it acceptable," he said, "perhaps we could return to the school together… and we could talk some more." There was a spark of hope in his eyes. Sirius noticed it and turned wide eyes to McGonagall who merely gave him a raised eyebrow that said, "don't you dare interfere!" He stayed silent.
"I'd like that," Serena answered with a small smile. Severus held his hand out, letting her go ahead of him out of the room.
"Damnation!" swore Sirius after the door had shut. "He's in love with her… full-blown, bloody love!"
"Sirius Black," said McGonagall in a low and slightly menacing voice, "for once in your life, mind your own damn business."
Several hours later, back in Serena's cottage, she raised herself up on an elbow and adjusted her pillows. She looked down at Severus and brushed some hair out of his face.
"I wasn't exactly expecting our discussion to end up here," she said, gesturing around at her bedroom.
"I'm irresistible." The answer was deadpan matter of fact.
With a laugh, she said, "And terribly humble as well, I see."
He reached up and caressed her cheek with his fingers. "I am sorry, Serena. I know how you feel about Death Eaters. After we became lovers, I was afraid to tell you the truth… I never meant to deceive you."
"I know you didn't. I'm not the most reasonable person once my proverbial Irish is up… if you'll forgive the use of that tired old cliché. Can you forgive me for how I treated you?"
"Consider it forgotten."
She chuckled. "Severus, you're a Scorpio. You've never forgotten a single insult or slight your entire life. I know you won't forget this one; I want to know if you'll forgive it."
"Consider it forgiven then, if you can forgive me hiding the truth from you, even if it was because I was ashamed of what you'd think."
"That is forgiven, too." Then she laughed. "And then, tonight, you had to deal with the surprise I think I've discovered." She put her head down on Severus shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her.
"That I'm most likely sleeping with a member of Sirius Black's family?" Severus was quiet for a second. "I despise Sirius Black. A few years ago, I might have let the fact that you may be his cousin – even a distant one – decide how I felt about you."
"And now?"
"It makes no difference." He shifted and rolled so Serena was on her back and now he looked down at her. "No difference at all." And now that we've gotten past this, he thought, I won't let anything else come between us.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Never fear, we are far from finished. As always, hope you're intrigued and curious for the next chapter… Please read/review. I love hearing from you …!
Go raibh maith agaibh:
Wyall Jared… hope you were able to save the world from your brother!
Mercury Gray… does this mean I've astounded you? blushing I have several chapters all set to go so I should be able to post pretty frequently this week!
Trina/Leonora… Malificus' plans will become clearer soon. I promise!
Rushumble… A perfect mess? Now that's a perfect understatement!
Lady of the Dog Star… glad you liked how Snape shows up in her dreams and not in her nightmares!
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Chapter 24: A Phoenix Reborn
Four weeks after a simple sheet of paper had ripped through her relationship with Severus, Serena stood next to Albus Dumbledore and watched most of the students depart the Hogwart's campus for a short spring break. The April weather always made them restless, and knowing the spring Quidditch season would begin when they returned always made the spring move more quickly.
"I'll miss them," said the Headmaster. "The students keep me young."
Serena smiled. "Enough have stayed. No fear of you growing old in just one week, Headmaster."
"Are you busy this afternoon?" he asked.
"No. Do you need something?"
"I wanted to extend an invitation to you. I would like to make you part of our group, Serena."
"Your group?" Serena looked at the Headmaster askingly.
"The Order of the Phoenix."
The Order of the Phoenix? The name intrigued Serena. "Tell me more."
Dumbledore only spent about ten minutes telling Serena about the order before she stopped him. "No need to say more," she said, "I'd be honored."
"Excellent," he said with a smile. "Now come with me. I want you to meet a few people…"
A moment later, Dumbledore peered over his glasses said, "Here we are. Number 12 Grimmauld Place."
Serena looked at the edifice with some doubt. The door was weather-beaten and scarred. The outside walls needed washing and the windows were filthy. Certainly not a house she would have been interested in going inside otherwise.
"You'll find that the Order is made up of a tremendously varied group of wizards and witches," said Dumbledore as they went inside, "but each and every one of them has my complete trust." He put an unusually heavy emphasis on that and Serena wondered about it, but a commotion in the next room drew her attention.
Two men were arguing. One voice she didn't recognize. The other, well that was an unexpected voice…
"Where are you rushing off to…" said the man she didn't know.
"I need to speak with Albus immediately."
Serena turned stiffly as Severus strode into the room they were in, still arguing with Sirius Black. The words died on Severus' lips when he saw his lover.
My former lover, he reminded himself bitterly.
Serena turned wide and angry eyes to Dumbledore who seemed to pay no attention. He had told her he trusted everyone in the Order completely, but Severus was a Death Eater! And if she wasn't mistaken, the man he was arguing with was Sirius Black, a reputed Death Eater who had killed 13 Muggles before being sent to Azkaban. Not only that, but he was the only wizard to ever escape from Azkaban.
"I see we may have differing opinions on the definition of 'trustworthy,' Headmaster. If you'll excuse me, I need a moment to myself." Serena turned and stalked out of the room without another word. Severus watched her go and a sad, regretful expression stole over his face.
"Mooning over her, Severus?" Sirius wore a small smirk.
"Stay out of this," growled Severus. Then he turned back to Dumbledore forcing himself to forget Serena, at least for the moment. "I don't know when they're going to attempt it, but the Death Eaters are going after the Rorret Medallion."
"We have to either stop them or take the Medallion ourselves," said Dumbledore. "We cannot allow it into Voldemort's hands." The rest of the group shuddered slightly. Only Dumbledore, the one wizard that Voldemort had feared, could speak his name so lightly. Only Dumbledore and Harry Potter.
"If they can use it, there is a danger to all of us. Even to you, Albus," said Snape.
"And to Harry as well," growled Mad-Eye Moody as his eye swiveled insanely in his head. He had come into the room after Snape and Black.
"All we can do right now is get more information, but when we find out when they'll attempt the retrieval spell, it may take all of us to stop them."
"He's gaining power," said Snape. He rubbed his arm. "I've heard him in my dreams sometimes, and each time I do, my arm tingles. The Dark Mark hasn't come back, but it will if he gains enough power."
Elsewhere, Serena wandered through the halls of 12 Grimmauld Place and quickly realized that it was Black Manor. She found the Black Family Tree and spent some time looking at the many branches displayed on the tapestry. To her surprise, several generations ago, there was a name she knew: Barrington Black (1800 – 1902). One of her grandfathers on her mother's side had been named Barrington. If this Barrington and her ancestor were the same man… that would make her a very, very distant cousin to Sirius Black.
Lovely, she thought with no small amount of sarcasm. As if my life weren't entertaining enough. I may well be cousins with a madman and a murderer.
She left the room quickly and started down the stairs, but stopped abruptly when she heard McGonagall and Snape in the hallway. They were talking in hushed tones.
"Severus," McGonagall said, "I know it was a shock for you to see Serena here tonight."
"Her talents will be a valuable addition for Dumbledore." The voice was wooden, seemingly stripped of all feeling, except for what could only be called anguish. Serena felt her eyes fill and she blinked angrily, forcing tears away. I do not care about him, she told herself.
"I wanted to say that I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out…" McGonagall stopped, feeling awkward talking to Severus about something so personal.
"I am, too, Minerva. I've always been a solitary man," he said, "but when I was with Serena everything changed. Now that she's gone, the loneliness seems so much more expansive."
Serena's gut tightened. There had been level of honesty and a pain in that answer she had never, ever expected to hear. McGonagall, for her part, was nearly speechless that he'd been so open with her in that moment.
"Severus," she finally said after a moment's thought. "You and I have never seen eye to eye on many things, but I must say that I think in the long run, it is Serena who will regret losing you."
Severus looked at her evenly. "Thank you. I just wish I could have had a chance to explain things to her, but given what the Death Eaters did to Serena's family, I can't say that I blame her. I have held my share of grudges in my life. This is the price must pay for my mistakes, I suppose."
"Everyone makes mistakes, Severus. One does not need to suffer for them forever. With the help you've given us, I think you've more than made up for anything you may have done."
"I just wish Serena would believe that I had left the Death Eaters before Castlebann even happened. I would never have been a part of that. Never. I was as appalled as everyone else."
"We all were," said Minerva.
Severus suddenly stiffened. He'd exposed more of his personal feelings to McGonagall than he'd intended, and she watched as he closed a curtain over his inner self. On the stairs, Serena's throat tightened. She hadn't been completely fair to Severus that night. She had been so angry, so frightened when she found that letter. Then she'd demanded answers from him and never let him give them before she threw him out. Her shoulders drooped and she covered her face with her hands.
I am such a fool, she thought. I miss him so much. He was a Death Eater once… and it really doesn't matter. I still love him anyway.
Severus was not a man to forgive affronts easily, if she had learned anything about him, it was that. All she had to do was think of the grudge he still bore for Sirius Black and James Potter. I can forgive him his past… I wonder if he could forgive me for mine…
The members of the Order were all in the front room prepared to head their different directions when Serena came in. She saw Arthur and Molly Weasley, Minerva McGonagall, Sirius Black, Mad Eye Moody, and several others that she didn't know, including Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin. Severus was there, too.
"Severus?"
Every eye shifted towards her. She took a deep breath and forced herself to relax.
"I owe you an apology," she said. "When we argued, I demanded an answer from you and then I never gave you the chance to give it to me. I am sorry for that."
There was an awkward silence for a moment before Severus said, "You had plenty of reason to be angry… but… thank you." He knew it had taken a lot for her to say she was sorry, let alone say it in front of all of these people. Another awkward silence filled the air.
"I also let myself believe that you'd done things… and I was wrong about those too. I accused you unfairly and I am even sorrier for that. I hope someday you can forgive me for how I reacted." Serena, who had been looking at the floor, finally raised her eyes to meet Severus'.
For a third time, an awkward, eternal silence filled the room. Severus could feel the weight of all of the eyes in the room shift from Serena to him. A collective breath was held, waiting for his answer.
"If you'd find it acceptable," he said, "perhaps we could return to the school together… and we could talk some more." There was a spark of hope in his eyes. Sirius noticed it and turned wide eyes to McGonagall who merely gave him a raised eyebrow that said, "don't you dare interfere!" He stayed silent.
"I'd like that," Serena answered with a small smile. Severus held his hand out, letting her go ahead of him out of the room.
"Damnation!" swore Sirius after the door had shut. "He's in love with her… full-blown, bloody love!"
"Sirius Black," said McGonagall in a low and slightly menacing voice, "for once in your life, mind your own damn business."
Several hours later, back in Serena's cottage, she raised herself up on an elbow and adjusted her pillows. She looked down at Severus and brushed some hair out of his face.
"I wasn't exactly expecting our discussion to end up here," she said, gesturing around at her bedroom.
"I'm irresistible." The answer was deadpan matter of fact.
With a laugh, she said, "And terribly humble as well, I see."
He reached up and caressed her cheek with his fingers. "I am sorry, Serena. I know how you feel about Death Eaters. After we became lovers, I was afraid to tell you the truth… I never meant to deceive you."
"I know you didn't. I'm not the most reasonable person once my proverbial Irish is up… if you'll forgive the use of that tired old cliché. Can you forgive me for how I treated you?"
"Consider it forgotten."
She chuckled. "Severus, you're a Scorpio. You've never forgotten a single insult or slight your entire life. I know you won't forget this one; I want to know if you'll forgive it."
"Consider it forgiven then, if you can forgive me hiding the truth from you, even if it was because I was ashamed of what you'd think."
"That is forgiven, too." Then she laughed. "And then, tonight, you had to deal with the surprise I think I've discovered." She put her head down on Severus shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her.
"That I'm most likely sleeping with a member of Sirius Black's family?" Severus was quiet for a second. "I despise Sirius Black. A few years ago, I might have let the fact that you may be his cousin – even a distant one – decide how I felt about you."
"And now?"
"It makes no difference." He shifted and rolled so Serena was on her back and now he looked down at her. "No difference at all." And now that we've gotten past this, he thought, I won't let anything else come between us.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Never fear, we are far from finished. As always, hope you're intrigued and curious for the next chapter… Please read/review. I love hearing from you …!