Just When You Think You've Got It Bad

"Welcome all of you to our first meeting of Teen Couples Counseling," Psyche-Out said brightly. "Dating can be stressful for anyone. This forum is for all of you to work together through your problems and create a healthy lasting relationship with each other as well as create a strong bond amongst the group."

"Oh man Psyche did you pick the wrong group," Lance grunted. He was sitting on the furthest edge of the couch with Peter on the other end and Kitty in the middle.

"For once you are right," Peter grudgingly agreed.

"There is nothing wrong with our relationship," Remy defended. "Chere just needs to relax some more. Let it all hang out." He put his arm around Rogue. "She needs to understand that Remy is her man and will fulfill all her needs. And I mean all of them if you get my drift."

"What I need is for you to take your slimy hands off me!" Rogue pushed him away. "Or you will need a hospital!"

"Oh yeah she wants me," Remy winked.

"I hate my life…" Rogue moaned.

"Excuse me why are we here?" Scott held up his hand. "Okay Rogue has some trust issues with Remy I get. And Kitty and her harem are just plain nuts! But why do Jean and I need to be here? We're pretty stable comparatively!"

"Well you do have some repression issues Scott," Jean told him.

"Not to mention the fact that you're completely whipped," Remy made a whipping noise.

"You're going to end up through a wall if you don't quit that!" Scott snapped at him. "How's that for repression issues pal?"

"Scott calm down," Jean sighed.

"Sorry it just bugs me that I'm here yet Toad and Althea roam free," Scott grumbled.

"Do you really want to know what goes on in their heads?" Lance asked him. "Trust me you'll get nightmares for weeks."

"You have a point," Scott sighed. "Well what about Tabitha and Sam or Kurt and Amanda?"

"Well Kurt is in a happy place right now," Psyche-Out phrased it delicately. "He just needs a little calming down."

"How many pills did you give him?" Lance asked casually.

"And…" Psyche-Out ignored the question. "Tabitha and Sam are pretty stable."

"STABLE? THE GIRL BLOWS UP PEOPLE'S UNDERWEAR DRAWERS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Scott screamed. "You think she's stable? But I'm nuts?"

"You're the one dating Jean," Lance quipped with a grin.

"He could do worse," Peter pointed out. "I can't imagine who right now but he could do worse."

"You're still miffed about me taking your Hershey's bar aren't you?" Jean looked at him. "You left it in the refrigerator! How was I supposed to know you were saving it?"

"Uh I don't know," Peter remarked. "Maybe the label I put on it? Do Not Eat! Peter's Candy?"

"I didn't see it okay?" Jean snapped.

"It was in bold letters right on the label of the plastic bag I put it in!" Peter shouted. "How could you not see it?"

"I think we're getting off the track right now," Psyche-Out interrupted. "Why don't we save that for later in the session."

"Good," Rogue grunted. "The last thing I wanted to hear for an hour was those two fighting about candy bars."

"Let's talk about Rogue's fear of intimacy," Psyche-Out said cheerfully.

"Peter did you know she also stole you M&M's?" Rogue asked.

"Come on Rogue you gotta admit you do put up a lot of walls," Psyche-Out remarked.

"Yeah the way you dress, talk and treat Remy like garbage sometimes…" Kitty said. "That's real hostile."

"What is this? Pick on Rogue Day?" Rogue snapped. "And Kitty you're the last person who should be telling people about treating boyfriends like garbage!"

"Testify!" Lance shouted.

"Yeah but it's obvious Remy loves you," Kitty said. "Why don't you believe it? You keep saying he's just hanging around you because he sees you as some kind of conquest like you did in the hall just now but…"

"What did she say about Remy?" Remy blinked.

"Oh she just said that you wouldn't hang around her so much if you could touch her," Kitty told him.

"Chere Remy's wounded," Remy made a hurt face.

"No but you will be," Rogue glared at Kitty. "And you won't be the only one."

"It seems that Rogue has some trust issues," Psyche-Out observed.

"That is the understatement of the century!" Rogue snapped. "I've been used by my parents as well as every other megalomaniac trying to take over the world! Of course I have trust issues! WHO WOULDN'T IF YOU WERE ME?"

"Here we go," Jean groaned.

"What?" Rogue snapped.

"You go on your little self pitying rant about how you can never touch anyone," Jean sighed in frustration. "And how dangerous your powers are! Which you say practically all the time!"

"I do not!" Rogue snapped.

"Yes you do!" Jean snapped back. "Like your powers are the only ones that cause problems in this house. You're not the only one who's had to spend a lot of time in the infirmary recovering from your powers going haywire you know?"

"Hey it gets kind of frustrating sometimes knowing that you literally have the Kiss of Death!" Rogue snapped at Jean.

"Frustration? You want to talk about frustration? Boy I can tell you stories about frustration," Jean breathed outward.

"Jean don't go there," Scott glared at her.

"Oh yeah you can't touch anyone," Jean said sarcastically. "What a nightmare! Sometimes I wish I had your problem Rogue! Believe me! Physical contact isn't exactly all that it's cracked up to be!"

"Oh god this is about last night…" Scott moaned.

"What about last night?" Kitty asked.

"NOTHING!" Scott snapped at her.

"Scott couldn't…perform," Jean sighed. "If you get my drift."

"JEAN!" Scott shouted.

"Oh really?" Lance grinned. "Do tell!"

"Lately when we touch each other, if we do touch each other," Jean sighed. "It seems kind of…rushed."

"Oh god…" Scott moaned as he put his head in his hands. "Jean we live in a mansion filled with snoops and spies! It's kind of hard to relax and find privacy you know? And you weren't exactly helpful if I recall!"

"What do you mean?" Jean asked. "I was just trying to set the mood!"

"Well excuse me if I don't get aroused as much by leather and chains as much as you do!" Scott shouted.

"All right!" Lance shouted. "Now this is good!"

"I love therapy!" Remy grinned.

"SCOTT!" Jean turned red. "You did not have to tell them that!"

"Oh and you just had to tell everybody that I couldn't get it up did you?" Scott snapped back. "Do you realize Kitty and Lance are gonna blab this for everyone to hear?"

"We wouldn't do that!" Kitty protested. Lance just laughed. "Shut up Lance!"

"What are you gonna do Kitty?" Lance looked at her. "Run off with Tin Man if I don't?"

"Oh no way!" Peter folded his arms. "Colossus not going to play that game! But at least Jean when she plays her games she only wants to play them with Scott!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Kitty whirled on him.

"It means this little game of Ping Pong hearts is driving us all crazy!" Lance shouted.

"Well she did tell me in the halls that she just wanted to have some wholesome fun with two boys," Rogue remarked.

"Thanks a lot Rogue!" Kitty glared at her.

"Just returning the favor sweetheart!" Rogue shouted back.

"See what I mean?" Scott shouted at Jean. "At this rate our private life will be on the evening news!"

"I don't think they'd allow it Summers," Lance grinned. "The news tries to maintain at least a PG rating."

"Yes it seems Jean is more into the triple X variety," Peter snickered.

"Whipped!" Remy made a motion with his wrist.

"Why you…" Scott's hand went for his glasses.

"Hey don't yell at him for speaking the truth!" Kitty snapped. "Let's face it Jean you can be pretty domineering sometimes."

"Oh yeah this from someone who has to be the center of attention all the time!" Jean shot back.

"I do not!" Kitty shouted.

"Do so!" Jean shouted back.

"Do not!"

"Do so!"

"Do not infinity!"

"Oh that's real mature!" Jean shouted.

"You're the one into bondage and you're calling me immature?" Kitty shouted. "At least I know not to have sex with my guys!"

"We won't let you!" Peter shouted.

"What do you mean 'your guys'?" Lance added. "Is that what Summers said was true? You do see us as some kind of harem! Admit it!"

"See Kitty you're screwed up!" Jean shouted.

"Oh so are you!" Kitty shouted.

"Yeah you do have a domineering nature!" Scott shouted at Jean.

"Shut up Scott!" Jean snapped.

"See?" Scott pointed at Jean.

"I am not domineering!" Jean shouted.

"Oh yeah right!" Lance snorted. "And Summers isn't an anal retentive moron!"

"At least I'm not a hood who's in an abusive relationship!" Scott shouted back.

"Abusive?" Kitty shouted at him.

"Well what else would you call it Kitty when you string two guys along at the same time and play them against each other?" Jean shouted at her.

"I dunno what did you call it when you did the same thing with Scott and Duncan?" Peter asked.

"When are people ever going to let me live that down?" Jean screamed.

"I dunno," Kitty glared at her. "Never?"

"I made a mistake! A huge mistake!" Jean shouted.

"Obviously," Scott snorted.

"Yeah well at least I like a better class of guy than Duncan," Kitty told her.

"I'm not so sure," Scott said.

"Is that a crack about me?" Lance shouted.

"Well he certainly isn't referring to me!" Peter snapped.

"Who asked you?" Lance shouted.

Rogue and Remy watched as the others got into a screaming match with each other. Psyche-Out tried to stop them only to get accidentally punched in the gut by Kitty. Soon Peter, Lance and Scott were fighting on the floor while Kitty and Jean were throwing objects at each other. "Maybe we should get out of their way?" Rogue got up and moved to the back with Remy. "They seem to have a lot of issues to work out."

"Remy don't look so bad now does he?" Remy folded his arms and grinned at Rogue.

"Okay I admit it," Rogue conceded. "Wanna go get a burger someplace?"

"Yeah I think we're done here," Remy got up and put his arm around Rogue as they left.

Next: Dates are fun until people crash them. Especially an unwanted guest from the past! Oh boy!