Nobody Understands Me

"That Swamp Rat is so dead…" Rogue growled.

"Trust me, death is too good for him," Belladonna growled. "Sure you don't want a swig?"

"Nah I'm good," Rogue held up her hand as Belladonna poured herself another glass of wine. Both of them were sitting at a table in the recently trashed house. "Sorry about wrecking your house."

"Well I did kidnap you," Belladonna pointed out. "I'd be mad too. Good thing I needed to do some redecorating anyway."

"And uh sorry about your men there…" Rogue pointed to the henchmen lying in pain on the floor.

"Mama…" One of them whimpered.

"Oh well they're covered by insurance," Belladonna waved. "I'm just glad you decided to calm down."

"Calm down? HA!" Rogue spat. "Not likely. I just realized that you're not the enemy, that's all."

"You're right," Belladonna drank some wine. "Why the hell was I mad at you for anyway? It's not like you knew about us."

"You got that right!" Rogue agreed. "Dirty lying cheating…Love of his life! Yeah right! I knew it! I should have known! This always happens to me! Every time I think I can finally trust someone, BAM! I get it in the back!"

"Tell me about it!" Belladonna poured another glass. "I couldn't even trust my own parents!"

"Don't even get me started on parents!" Rogue told her. "I tell you would not believe the crap they put me through!"

"Yeah well when it comes to genetics I got real bad hand," Belladonna told her.

"Trust me, mine are worse," Rogue told her. "A lot worse!"

"Oh yeah?" Belladonna took a swig and looked at her. "My old man trained me from day one to be a killer. Decided to marry me off to a guy who killed my brother and ran off on me. After that he tried to marry me off to my stupid third cousin who turned out not only to be dating my mom, but trying to take over the family business. Both my dad and second fiancée end up blowing each other up to kingdom come along with half of our relatives and our ancestral home, while my slut of a mother runs off with the chauffeur!"

"Oh really?" Rogue looked at her. "My mother is Mystique, my father is Magneto. I was born out of a scientific experiment and placed within a surrogate mother who raises me while my real mom 'adopted' me years later when I was four. But she never told me I was her real kid or who the father was. She tricked me into joining the Brotherhood and nearly killed my friends and me when I found out the truth. Then she decides to pose as a girl who became my best friend and used me to spy on the X-Men. Every chance she gets she tries to use me in one of her schemes. The last one was when she had me brainwashed by this guy who had me release this maniac called Apocalypse. You remember him?"

"Yeah I remember hearing that on the news," Belladonna nodded. "Go on."

"Long story short I thought I killed her somehow which caused a huge rift between me and my half brother," Rogue said. "Didn't kill her though. It turned out she had become brainwashed herself along with my father to become one of Apocalypse's minions."

"Talk about karma," Belladonna took a drink.

"I'm not done yet," Rogue said. "My father not only did experiments on me, he had at least 3 other kids that I'm related too. One's a hyperactive prissy little speedster who thinks he's god's gift to the planet. He tried to date me before he found out about us being related. Now it's just his mission in life to annoy the hell out of me. Another's his twin sister who spent most of her life in mental ward and nearly killed me a few times. Now she just wants to annoy me and get me in hot water any chance she gets. And the third I have no idea where she came from but she's nearly an exact copy of Magneto except for the green hair and tried to kill me. And she still does."

"Wow…" Belladonna blinked.

"And you wanna talk about mom's being a slut?" Rogue went on. "Mystique had affairs with Zartan, this Cobra Mercenary who tried to take over Cobra for a bit, Sabertooth, and my surrogate mom who raised me."

"You win," Belladonna blinked.

"Told you," Rogue grinned. Then her face fell. "You know maybe I will just have a little sip of wine."

"Yeah wine is healthier for mutants anyway," Belladonna poured her a glass. "Man I thought my life sucked."

"You're the freaking head of an organization of assassins!" Rogue took the glass. "What's your problem?"

"Well it's not as glamorous as you would think," Belladonna told her. "I mean I'm management now. I don't go out into the field. I'm stuck here nearly all the time doing paperwork, on the phone all day. Even on those rare occasions I do go out to a party it's always business. Making contacts, casing the joint. Trying not to get killed by someone who wants my job. I'm no longer my own boss."

"Wow," Rogue took a drink and gulped. "Well…at least you can touch someone when you go on a date."

"What dates? What social life?" Belladonna groaned. "Most girls my age are thinking of boys to go to the prom with or to college parties. I'm only thinking of boys who have either screwed up on an assignment, owe me money or want to kill me! You know what happened the last date I was on two years ago? It turned out he was hired to try and kill me by a rival syndicate! Right in the middle of the movie he tried to stab me in the dark. Good thing I wore my body armor that night."

"I had no idea," Rogue finished her drink. "Hey that's good. Pour me another glass will ya?"

"I mean I don't even have time for myself anymore," Belladonna sighed as she poured her another drink. "Do you have any idea how many things I had to push back just to try and get revenge on Remy this week? I'm lucky I can spend an hour in front of the TV alone watching my favorite show, Abbot."

"Abbot?" Rogue "The deranged detective? You watch that show too?"

"Are you kidding? It's the only decent thing on television nowadays," Belladonna told her. "Well ever since my fave cartoon show got canceled but that's another story. Damn this wine is good."

"Did you see the episode where he had to go on the airplane and…?" Rogue asked.

"Oh yeah I loved that one!" Belladonna laughed. "He ends up running around the plane and the murder suspects are trying to flush him down the toilet…"

"Oh that was hilarious!" Rogue laughed. "And his secretary is trying to get him to take his sedatives but he won't do it…"

"Because the glass wasn't clean!" They both shouted and started to laugh.

"Oh that was one of the best ever…" Belladonna laughed. "More wine?"

"Why not?" Rogue agreed and took another glass. "You know most people at the mansion don't even watch the show. They're all too busy running around blowing stuff up or spying on each other or something."

"Spying on each other?" Belladonna asked.

"There is no privacy in that mansion," Rogue took another gulp from her glass. "The mansion is about a billion square feet with a ton of rooms but the way people keep poppin' in and out you'd think it was a one bedroom apartment."

"You're joking."

"No way," Rogue took another sip then continued. "Take what happened back at the coffee shop. When everyone was spying on me?"

"That's a normal date for you?"

"That's a normal date for everyone there! No wait, I take it back. Usually there are more people!"

"Oh man I thought I had it rough!"

"You have no idea what it's like in that nuthouse," Rogue groaned. "I think I need another glass of wine."

"Coming right up," Belladonna poured them both another drink from another bottle.

"Kurt teleports wherever he wants without warning," Rogue went on. "Kitty just walks through walls and doors like they're not there. Boom Boom blows up doors at the drop of a hat. Bobby and half the guys spy on me and little Jamie reports everything everyone does like he's our own personal newscaster. And you don't wanna know what I think of Jean sometimes."

"Oh the telepath?" Belladonna asked.

"Don't get me wrong, Jean's not that bad. She just gets a little full of herself sometimes," Rogue sighed. "It just gets on my nerves that she's Miss Perfect sometimes. Although now that I know about her sex life maybe she's not so perfect after all."

"Sex life?" Belladonna blinked. "What do you mean?"

"And don't get me started on my other relatives and the Misfits," Rogue moaned.

"My relatives aren't exactly that much better," Belladonna groaned. "Always judging me, trying to either take my money or my life. Sometimes both."

"Wow," Rogue blinked. "Really?"

"Nobody's on my side," Belladonna sighed. "At least nobody who's not on my payroll."

"I had no idea," Rogue said. "I mean Kurt and Wanda and Pietro are annoying as hell but…At least they care about me. Well Kurt cares about me. I think Wanda does at some point. Pietro…Well I think Pietro doesn't really want to see me dead or anything like that. He just likes to annoy me."

"Well that's better than being hated," Belladonna took another gulp of wine.

"Yeah well I got at least one sibling that hates my guts," Rogue leaned on her hand. "So I know what that's like."

"At least mine are all dead now," Belladonna sighed. "You know I don't really blame Remy for killing my brother. Julien was always a jerk. And not exactly the sharpest sword in the armory if you get my drift. He didn't have a choice leaving. I just wish he'd at least try and say goodbye to me first. He just ducked out the church and left town without a note. That's what really ticked me off."

"You know for somebody who goes around killing and kidnapping people, you ain't so bad," Rogue was feeling more relaxed.

"Well I gotta admit, for a girl who stole my fiancee's heart and replaced me, you ain't so rotten yourself," Belladonna admitted. "Pass the wine will ya?"

"Oh sure," Rogue gave her some. "You know I thought this birthday was gonna suck like my last one but considering things it's not that bad. At least I got someone reasonably…well sane isn't the word I'm looking for. No offense."

"None taken. As for me this is the first time I've sat down with another girl and just talked," Belladonna told her. "Ever."

"Really? I can't how many times we end up doing this at the mansion," Rogue said. "Although to be fair usually it's Kitty who talks and I just listen."

"Well now it's your turn. Now…" Belladonna grinned. "Tell me about Jean's sex life."

Next: The others strive to rescue Rogue. While Rogue and Belladonna strive to get more wine.