Battles and Booze

"Why the hell couldn't Trinity transport us inside the mansion where Rogue's being held?" Scott shouted as he blasted a thug with a bazooka. The X-Men and Misfits along with a few Joes were fighting outside the Assassin's Guild headquarters.

"Something tells me they were a bit miffed at being left behind," Fred remarked as he pounded a tree which knocked down two goon. "It's still a good workout though."

"Kitty look out!" Lance shouted as several goons took aim at her. He shot out a tremor to take them down but nearly knocked Kitty over as well.

"Hey watch it!" Peter snapped. "You nearly got Kitty hurt!"

"Well if you were supposed to be watching her back it never would have happened in the first place!" Lance snapped at him.

"You're right!" Peter yelled. "I should have known better than to entrust Kitty's safety to a moron like you!"

"Oh and I suppose your tin plated muscles could do better?" Lance got in his face. "HA! FAT CHANCE!"

"You're going to get a fat lip if you don't…" Peter began. Neither of them saw the two goons headed for them. Fortunately someone else did and knocked them out.

"What part of stealth did you fools not understand?" Storm Shadow glared at them. "I specifically said that we were going to use stealth to do this mission!"

"He started it!" Both Lance and Peter pointed at each other.

"Your tremors alerted them to our presence!" Peter snapped.

"Well you're the one who threw that tree into that guy's boat!" Lance shouted.

"Now you know why I asked for your help Storm Shadow," Althea sighed.

"Now you know why I prefer to work alone…" Storm Shadow grumbled.

"And knowing is…" Fred began.

"Finish that line and I will hurt you," Low Light glared at him.

"Come on!" Remy shouted. "We have to save Rogue! Who knows what kind of danger she's in!"

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"You know Remy always cried when he used to watch romantic movies?" Belladonna sloshed.

"He cried during the Lion King," Rogue hiccuped. "Aww, we're out of wine!"

"Can't have that now can we?" Belladonna got up and stumbled to the cubbard. "Man I don't know what's going on outside! The guys are really making a racket!"

"Yeah it's really cutting in on our party here," Rogue remarked as Belladonna got another bottle. "Hey can I ask you something?"

"No I don't have breast implants," Belladonna told her. "Breast reduction actually…"

"Not that. I gotta know," Rogue asked. "You and Remy…Did you two ever…you know?"

"He wouldn't touch me before the wedding," Belladonna snorted. "Had to act all chivalrous and stuff."

"Oh," Rogue said.

"So I did what any woman in my situation would do," Belladonna downed another drink. "Drugged him and got out the handcuffs."

"You didn't?"

"I did. And so did he, after a little coaxing," Belladonna told her. "Oh for crying out loud don't look so shocked. "It was hardly rape by any stretch of the imagination. Okay maybe the first few minutes but he quickly got into it. I mean it's not like he didn't want to do it, he was just afraid to offend my delicate sensibilities. Once he saw the whip and the handcuffs he realized I wasn't so delicate."

"Okay I can't believe I'm gonna ask this," Rogue gulped.

"How was he?" Belladonna beat her to the punch. Rogue nodded. "Hmmm well he wasn't bad. He was good at cuddling. Excellent kisser. Touching he was very good at. But when it came to the actual deed itself well…It was like a TV dinner. Quick, satisfying but not what you really want."

"Really?" Rogue gasped.

"Honest, I thought he'd be a lot better than he was," Belladonna told him. "Turns out all that Cajun macho act is just a bluff. He's just too sensitive for my tastes. I kind of like 'em wild. Like a stallion. Remy's more like a little bunny rabbit."

"Oh I love this," Rogue laughed. "Bunny rabbit?"

"Well he wasn't exactly Mr. Flopsy by any stretch of the imagination," Belladonna told her. "More like Peter Cottontail. A well hung Peter Cottontail. Remy never did like that song."

Rogue was laughing. "Oh I can't wait to use that! Did I tell you about my therapy with Psyche-Out I had to do?"

"The one where he blew up your doll and he had to dress like a teddy bear," Belladonna giggled. "No. Oh wait yeah you did. You gotta show me those pictures."

"So how are we gonna get back at him?" Rogue asked. "As long as we don't kill him or anything I'm game."

"I dunno, scare the hell out of him I guess," Belladonna took another drink. "I mean you do love him don't you?"

"Oh why are people always asking me that question?" Rogue moaned.

"Well it's obvious he's crazy about you," Belladonna hiccuped. "He gave you jewelry he didn't steal. More importantly. He gave you his adopted mom's bracelet."

"This bracelet belonged to Remy's momma?" Rogue was surprised. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Belladonna nodded. "I saw it once. The only thing Remy has left of her jewelry since his old man hocked all the other stuff."

"Oh that is so sweet…" Rogue sniffed. "I don't know why I'm so mean to Remy. He's the sweetest guy. Always makes me smile and forget my pain."

"Not to mention the tightest little butt ever stuffed into spandex."

"That too."

"And that smile…"

"Yeah…" Rogue sighed dreamily.

"That smile he flashes every time he sees something in a skirt…" Belladonna grunted.

"Yeah…" Rogue thought.

"He just can't pass up any opportunity to flirt," Belladonna went on.

"Yeah…" Rogue thought some more.

"It' s not always about sleeping with them or getting a date," Belladonna continued. "He just has to charm them. Make them want him. That's what he's really after."

"Yeah…" Rogue started to get a bit annoyed.

"He just has to be the object of desire of every woman that he crosses paths with," Belladonna explained. "That way he can score without actually cheating on his fiancée!"

"Or his girlfriend!" Rogue shouted. "What a sicko!"

"Eyelash in his eye my butt!" Belladonna shouted. "Ohh! Right and I suppose that that bridesmaid just happened to lose her halter top by accident!"

"He's gonna pay!" Rogue shouted.

"Yeah!" Belladonna shouted.

"Rogue where are you?" They heard Remy shouting.

"It's him!" Belladonna gasped.

"Good…" Rogue had an evil look in her eye.

Uh oh…This might be a tad painful….