He is Human: Chapter 16—We're drawing near the end... so take a couple
seconds and give me a review... or two...
: )
Thanks!
Natalie
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His confession made it impossible for her to sleep. How could she sleep? She couldn't. There was no way. He had just bared his soul to her, for the second time, and she had let him walk away. She had let him think that it didn't matter, that he didn't matter to her.
But, yet, she couldn't bring herself to go after him. It wasn't fair to him in the slightest. It wasn't fair because she wasn't sure what she was feeling for him. She wasn't sure what that emotion in the back of her heart was. Maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe she wasn't ready to know.
But still, it was no consolation to the fact that she had, despite her promises to herself, turned him away. He had said he was in love with her. She had her answer to her question. But, was it what she wanted? Did she want such emotion, such complexity from an already complex man?
She didn't know.
And that was the truth.
It was, in fact, why she had turned him away. As much as she felt for him, she couldn't believe it was love. Whether it was or not, she didn't know. But she couldn't allow herself to believe, for a moment, that she loved him. That she was in love with him.
And that wasn't fair.
He had a hard life as it was; from the beginning he'd had it hard. And she couldn't bear to give him false hope. She couldn't bear to say she loved him too when she wasn't even completely sure of her emotions.
Emotions had always been hard for her. She was always seen as being strong. Her emotions nearly impervious to anyone. She never let anyone in, and she'd convinced herself that she couldn't love anyone.
And then came Robert Romano.
He'd made her question everything she'd ever believed to be true about herself. He'd made her begin to think that love was possible. And she hadn't even realized it. She'd been so surprised at the idea that she could have fallen for him, and since then, the conflicting emotions she felt so deep within, the desire she'd felt for him, be it forbidden, had led her to question everything she'd once deemed sacred.
He'd made her introspective to a degree that she never desired, and to a degree she never thought possible. And to a degree that made her unsure of everything: herself, her beliefs, her love, her capacity to love, her feelings for him.
She was unsure. That's all there was to it. And it was for this reason that she couldn't ask him to stay. That she couldn't tell him what she thought to be true, what she hoped to be true. She couldn't bring herself to give him what could possibly be false hope.
But, had that not been what she had been doing all along?
Reaching out to him after he told her of his family? Wasn't that giving him "false hope"? Wasn't asking him if he loved her giving him "false hope"? Wasn't allowing him into her home giving him "false hope"?
She sighed as tears rolled down her face. She had been giving him false hope from the very beginning. She hadn't meant to, but it had happened. And the fact made her hurt in depths of her heart she never even knew existed.
But what was false hope?
It was the giving someone expectations that could and would never come true.
Had she been giving Robert Romano this?
The realization hit her: No. She hadn't been giving him false hope. She'd been giving him hope. Something he'd had little of in his life.
Because, she realized, a relationship with him was not implausible. In fact, it was something she'd been secretly wishing for. She had been for a long while.
It was herself to whom she was giving false hope.
The false hope that she didn't want a relationship with Robert Romano.
She had found a tiny seed of doubt embedded in her soul, and she had clutched to it as though it were a floatation device, and she had been hit by a tragic storm.
In reality, she had been hit by a storm. But it was anything but tragic. It was the storm that took the form of love. It had surprised her altogether, and frightened her to no end. So much so that she had chosen to believe that she didn't want a relationship with Robert. Telling herself all along that things would be too difficult.
It wasn't to him she had been lying. She had been lying, all along, to herself.
It was her heart she had deceived from the very beginning.
She shuddered at this surprise. She had never imagined, in her wildest dreams, that she had been lying to herself, that she had been deceiving her true emotions. She brought her hands to her face, and rested her tear stained cheeks in the solace of her hand.
'I've been such a fool.' She said lightly to herself.
She had been trying to pretend that she didn't love him. That he didn't make her feel wonderful in every way imaginable. She'd been trying to dissuade her heart from believing what her soul told her to be true: She was in love with him.
Another tear slid down her cheek at the realization of this truth. She was in love with him.
And another shiver ran through her body as she remembered she had sent him away. She had fooled herself, her colleagues, her heart, her mind, her body, her soul, but most importantly, and most tragically, she had fooled Robert. She had made him believe that she didn't love him. That she couldn't. That she never would.
This made her hurt inside, as she become conscious of the hurt she had falsely inflicted upon such a wonderful man.
She smiled slightly, only slightly at this. There was a time when she would never have deemed Robert Romano as being a "wonderful man", but now, here she as, admitting it to herself. He was wonderful, or so she thought.
And she had hurt him.
What a horrid person that made her seem to herself.
She needed to make things right, now that she was certain.
But she didn't know if that was possible. How do you tell a man you've hurt that you're sorry? That you didn't mean it? How do you tell a man with whom you are in love that you never understood?
How do you tell a colleague, a friend, that you love him?
How do you say sorry?
Is it even possible?
And these were the questions that plagued Elizabeth Corday's mind as she drifted into a restless sleep, filled with more of the same questions.
How do you say that you're sorry?
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To be continued.
We're almost done with this one, folks... so review!!!... It'll make me finish more quickly!!
Thanks!
Natalie
: )
Thanks!
Natalie
---------------------------------------------------------------
His confession made it impossible for her to sleep. How could she sleep? She couldn't. There was no way. He had just bared his soul to her, for the second time, and she had let him walk away. She had let him think that it didn't matter, that he didn't matter to her.
But, yet, she couldn't bring herself to go after him. It wasn't fair to him in the slightest. It wasn't fair because she wasn't sure what she was feeling for him. She wasn't sure what that emotion in the back of her heart was. Maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe she wasn't ready to know.
But still, it was no consolation to the fact that she had, despite her promises to herself, turned him away. He had said he was in love with her. She had her answer to her question. But, was it what she wanted? Did she want such emotion, such complexity from an already complex man?
She didn't know.
And that was the truth.
It was, in fact, why she had turned him away. As much as she felt for him, she couldn't believe it was love. Whether it was or not, she didn't know. But she couldn't allow herself to believe, for a moment, that she loved him. That she was in love with him.
And that wasn't fair.
He had a hard life as it was; from the beginning he'd had it hard. And she couldn't bear to give him false hope. She couldn't bear to say she loved him too when she wasn't even completely sure of her emotions.
Emotions had always been hard for her. She was always seen as being strong. Her emotions nearly impervious to anyone. She never let anyone in, and she'd convinced herself that she couldn't love anyone.
And then came Robert Romano.
He'd made her question everything she'd ever believed to be true about herself. He'd made her begin to think that love was possible. And she hadn't even realized it. She'd been so surprised at the idea that she could have fallen for him, and since then, the conflicting emotions she felt so deep within, the desire she'd felt for him, be it forbidden, had led her to question everything she'd once deemed sacred.
He'd made her introspective to a degree that she never desired, and to a degree she never thought possible. And to a degree that made her unsure of everything: herself, her beliefs, her love, her capacity to love, her feelings for him.
She was unsure. That's all there was to it. And it was for this reason that she couldn't ask him to stay. That she couldn't tell him what she thought to be true, what she hoped to be true. She couldn't bring herself to give him what could possibly be false hope.
But, had that not been what she had been doing all along?
Reaching out to him after he told her of his family? Wasn't that giving him "false hope"? Wasn't asking him if he loved her giving him "false hope"? Wasn't allowing him into her home giving him "false hope"?
She sighed as tears rolled down her face. She had been giving him false hope from the very beginning. She hadn't meant to, but it had happened. And the fact made her hurt in depths of her heart she never even knew existed.
But what was false hope?
It was the giving someone expectations that could and would never come true.
Had she been giving Robert Romano this?
The realization hit her: No. She hadn't been giving him false hope. She'd been giving him hope. Something he'd had little of in his life.
Because, she realized, a relationship with him was not implausible. In fact, it was something she'd been secretly wishing for. She had been for a long while.
It was herself to whom she was giving false hope.
The false hope that she didn't want a relationship with Robert Romano.
She had found a tiny seed of doubt embedded in her soul, and she had clutched to it as though it were a floatation device, and she had been hit by a tragic storm.
In reality, she had been hit by a storm. But it was anything but tragic. It was the storm that took the form of love. It had surprised her altogether, and frightened her to no end. So much so that she had chosen to believe that she didn't want a relationship with Robert. Telling herself all along that things would be too difficult.
It wasn't to him she had been lying. She had been lying, all along, to herself.
It was her heart she had deceived from the very beginning.
She shuddered at this surprise. She had never imagined, in her wildest dreams, that she had been lying to herself, that she had been deceiving her true emotions. She brought her hands to her face, and rested her tear stained cheeks in the solace of her hand.
'I've been such a fool.' She said lightly to herself.
She had been trying to pretend that she didn't love him. That he didn't make her feel wonderful in every way imaginable. She'd been trying to dissuade her heart from believing what her soul told her to be true: She was in love with him.
Another tear slid down her cheek at the realization of this truth. She was in love with him.
And another shiver ran through her body as she remembered she had sent him away. She had fooled herself, her colleagues, her heart, her mind, her body, her soul, but most importantly, and most tragically, she had fooled Robert. She had made him believe that she didn't love him. That she couldn't. That she never would.
This made her hurt inside, as she become conscious of the hurt she had falsely inflicted upon such a wonderful man.
She smiled slightly, only slightly at this. There was a time when she would never have deemed Robert Romano as being a "wonderful man", but now, here she as, admitting it to herself. He was wonderful, or so she thought.
And she had hurt him.
What a horrid person that made her seem to herself.
She needed to make things right, now that she was certain.
But she didn't know if that was possible. How do you tell a man you've hurt that you're sorry? That you didn't mean it? How do you tell a man with whom you are in love that you never understood?
How do you tell a colleague, a friend, that you love him?
How do you say sorry?
Is it even possible?
And these were the questions that plagued Elizabeth Corday's mind as she drifted into a restless sleep, filled with more of the same questions.
How do you say that you're sorry?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
To be continued.
We're almost done with this one, folks... so review!!!... It'll make me finish more quickly!!
Thanks!
Natalie