Chapter Six
It's just getting good!
The alarm sounds off at seven o'clock in the morning jolting me out of a dead sleep. Today is the first day of summer camp for Lexi and she has been talking about it non stop since I signed her up. I walk into Lexis bedroom to find her sitting on her bed, fully dressed and ready to go.
"Dad I'm all ready to go, let's go!" She makes me laugh; my little girl is so cute.
"Sweetie, camp doesn't start for another forty-five minutes"
I park the car and look around the youth center trying to figure out where we are supposed to go.
"Lexi!!" I turn my head and spot Jake trying to run across the street as Abby holds him back.
"Jake!" I grab Lexi's hand and cross the street with her.
"Hi guys" Lexi walks over to Abby and hugs her around the waist. "Hey Blondie" Abby says warmly as she wraps her arms around Lexi. It is really great that Lexi has taken to Abby so well. It's a little surprising because she has never had a strong female figure in her life. Lexi grabs Jakes hand and they run ahead of us to get to the other campers.
"Hi" I grab her attention as she makes eye contact with me. "I thought he was with Trent last night"
"Well he was but I wanted to take him to his first day of camp so I picked him up there this morning" Wow, she is such a great mom, so involved with her child, which is a complete one-eighty from Ali. I can't help it, but that quality is so attractive to me. We walk up to the camp groups to make sure our kids are situated and then turn to walk back to ours cars.
"What time is your shift today?" I ask her, hoping that she is working the same time that I am. I like being around Abby. It's easy and we get along well and our children love each other. She looks at her watch and back up at me.
"Um, twenty minutes"
"Well, then I'll meet you there." I smile at her as she pulls her sunglasses on from on top of her head and gets into her car.
Half the day later I walk into the lounge and spot Abby at her locker getting ready to leave.
"Hey, you going to get Jake"
Before she could answer Pratt sticks his head through the door and announces that they need docs in the trauma rooms ASAP. Abby and I share a look, we both have to pick up our kids right now and it looks like if we help out with the traumas were going to be late. We both run into the room and begin working on the patient fast, each one of us checking the clock almost every minute. She looks at the clock one last time and rips her gloves and gown off.
"Run two more units of o-neg. John, I'll go get the kids and you can pick up Lexi at my house when you're done here"
"Thanks Abby."
I pull up to Abby's house and glance at the car clock; it's already six at night. I worked in that damn trauma for three hours and the patient didn't even make it. The worst thing is when you work so long and try so hard and then the patient dies on the table right in front of you. I walk up to the door with almost no energy left in me.
Abby greets me at the door in a pair of sweets and a tight wife beater, her long straight hair cascading over her tan shoulders. She looks skinnier than when I met her ten days ago, a little too skinny.
"Hey, sorry it took so long; we lost the patient in the third hour of working on him"
"Well you're lucky that I would understand that" She jokes with me as she leads me to the kitchen table where the kids are.
"I was just about to give them some diner, do you want to stay and eat? I made some pasta"
"Ya, thank you" I lean over and kiss Lexis head as I sit down next to her.
"So how was your first day of camp guys?"
"Good!" They say together.
"You want to tell me any more about it, or do you just want to say good" I'm sure they have already briefed Abby on their day but I'm going to make them say it all again.
"Well we played soccer and we did gymnastics and we did art-
Jake chimes in too. "And we played basketball and we ate popsicles."
Abby brings a big bowl of pasta to the table and starts to serve the kids, then me and then her, as the kids go on and on about their day. I notice that she puts next to nothing on her plate, but I'll brush it off for right now.
The kids finish their pasta quickly and run off to watch TV in the den, leaving us at the table to finish our meal.
"Coffee?" She gets up from the table and starts towards the machine.
"Definitely, black please" She hands me a mug and sits back down at the table in front of her plate that she barely touched.
"Thank you so much for everything" I offer. I hope she knows how greatful I am.
"No problem really. Lexi is a great kid and Jake just loves having her here"
There is a silence for a minute and I'm not sure about her, but for me it's a little awkward. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I am really attracted to her. Maybe there is the slightest chance that she is attracted to me as well. She smiles so warmly as she sits down next to me at the table, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. If she keeps smiling like that at me, I am going to really fall for her. I wish that she wasn't married; I wish that she had gotten divorced a long time ago so I can ask her out. She seems like somebody that I can really care about, someone that really wants to care for someone else also. She is nurturing and involved and so affectionate with her son. That's what Lexi needs, hell, that's what I need! This is not good; I am developing a crush on somebody that is so untouchable. I need to get out of here, I feel like I might ask her out any minute and I really shouldn't do that.
"I should really get going, it's been a long day" I lie, I really want to stay here forever, but I know I can't. She gets up quickly and for a second, I swear that I can see a look of disappointment on her face. She follows me as I walk into the den where the kids are watching cartoons.
"Lexi, come on sweetie, we've got to get you to bed" She doesn't answer me and as we walk closer I see why. She and Jake are fast asleep on the couch. Abby walks up next to me and sighs audibly and then looks at me as we smile at each other, we both think that our kids are so cute together. Abby walks up to Lexi and kisses the top of her forehead, watching this, my heart starts to beat completely out of rhythm and then it tightens in my chest. I don't even remember when I saw Lexi's own mother kiss her. This woman is so much everything that I am looking for; I have just found her at the wrong time in her life. I think my heart is breaking. I swallow hard as I watch Abby put Lexis jacket on her, slipping her arms into it, while she remains sleeping. I step forward, lifting her limp body into my arms and start towards the front door.
"Thank you again" that's really all I can say; I'm at a loss for words, my heart has jumped into my throat and hindered my speech.
"See you tomorrow" I nod my head and as she watches us get into the car and drive away.
I pull up to our house and pull Lexis body out of the car and into her princess bed. She must be exhausted from her first day at camp. I walk through the half empty house and into my bedroom. I'm still sleeping on a mattress on the floor, I really need to go shopping to fill my house with more furniture. This is the kind of thing I have never done by myself, this is what I need a woman's touch for. But, right now I am craving a woman's touch in a different way though, I need closeness and intimacy. It has been so long since I have had that and a part of me has almost forgotten what it is like. I retire early, because just like Abby, I don't have much to do all by myself. I wish I could spend more time with her. Our kids love each other and we get along great, I think we really understand each other.
I take a quick shower and brush my teeth, then check on Lexi before getting into my pathetic excuse for a bed. I toss and turn for what seems like half the night thinking about how wonderful Abby is. I think that I care about her, I'm actually worried that she's not eating, I didn't really notice how skinny she was getting until I saw her in her tight tank top tonight. She's attractive as hell, but I think that she needs to gain a little bit of weight back before it starts affecting her health. I all of the sudden feel tired; my emotions have taken all my energy away from me and I finally let sleep over take me.
I walk down the halls of the ER, wiping my eyes and slapping my cheeks to try to wake myself up. I was tossing and turning last night. I couldn't get images of Abby out of my head. As much as I am trying not to like her, I am finding that next to impossible. I don't know what I am going to do about that; I guess I have to keep reminding myself not to go there. I look up from my charts and spot Susan and her big belly walking my way with a smile on her face.
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a couple of days, how ya doing?"
"Good, I'm tired as hell, but other than that, I'm good."
"I hear you've been hanging out with Abby and her son a lot"
"Ya, well Lexi and Jake have seemed to hit it off"
"I think you and Abby have hit it off as well" I wonder if Abby told Susan that or if Susan is just assuming it.
"Ya, I guess so, I think we can definitely relate to each other if you know what I mean"
"She wasn't doing so hot last week, but I think she's doing better this week, don't you?" She's looking to me to agree, almost like she's asking me how she is. I think for a while and then respond. "Ya, but have you noticed that she's not really eating and she's lost at least like eight pounds since I met her."
"Well I wouldn't really notice because I thought it was just me that was getting fatter" We both laugh as she strokes her hand over her belly.
"Well don't you think that you should say something to her?" She looks off into space for a second and then reverts her attention back at me.
"You should, you're the one spending time with her and noticing her eating habits so you can, I don't know, catch her in the act"
"I don't really know if I can confront her on that just yet" I'm really not sure if that's the appropriate thing to do.
"Abby's a sweet heart, she'll appreciate your concern" I watch Susan walk away as I slip into the lounge to take a rest on the couch, but it is already taken. Speak of the devil. Its Abby, sprawled out on the couch asleep. A whole sandwich and a half drank cup of coffee on the table next to her. I move to the coffee maker to pour myself a cup and then over to the couch to sit down on the small part that is vacant. She stirs a little as I sit next to her, moving her feet to make some room for me. I sip my coffee and set it on the table as her eyes start to open.
"Uh, I have like no energy today" She starts to talk before she is fully awake.
"Maybe that's because you haven't eaten anything yet" My tone is gently and full of concern.
"Probably" She rolls her eyes at the ceiling.
"Abby, I know that it is absolutely none of my business and if you don't have to say anything if you don't want to" She cuts me off quickly.
"What?"
"It looks like you have lost close to like ten pounds since I met you, and that was only like two weeks ago. I never see you eat anything, you only drink coffee"
"I know, I just haven't been hungry, I'm trying to eat" She motions toward the sandwich showing me that she isn't lying.
"Are you drinking enough fluids?"
"I'm fine John, I'm going to start eating more. I think that I'm getting my appetite back a little, it's just how my body is dealing with all the stress of the separation"
I nod my head at her and she looks at me with sleepy eyes as we sit next to each other in silence. "Thank you" she offers quietly as Susan punches through the lounge door.
"Carter, Abby, there's an MVA rolling up. One critical, three minors. Take the trauma, will you. I don't think my stomach can handle it today"
We get up quickly from the couch grabbing some gowns and tying them in the back of each other as we wait outside for the ambulance. The rig rolls up quickly and Abby jumps inside to asses the patient as I wait down on the ground. The gurney slams through the trauma room doors, this one is a real mess. Abby jumps up onto the railing to get better access because she is short. I look up at her as she works quickly to intubate the patient and I notice that she is a little pasty. She lets a hand fall onto the gurney to steady herself, her face turning whiter as she continues to work on the patient.
"Chuny, come stand behind Abby and catch her is she falls" It's an odd request but she looks tipsy. I move to put in a central line and look up at Abby to check on her intubation, she has now turned from white to transparent.
"Abby?" I try to get something out of her to see if she is okay but she doesn't answer.
"Get Pratt and Luka in here to cover for us." I move my hand to her back to steady her as she looks up at me and moves back from the patient. I think she is hypoglycemic. Luka runs into the room and as I move to Abby to check on her, she falls onto the floor, fainting in the middle of the trauma room.
"Abby!" I move quickly to her, picking her up in my arms, moving into the next room and laying her on a bed to hook her up to a monitor.
"Abby, Abby, wake up, can you hear me!" She starts to come to, bringing her hands up to her face.
"Ya, what happened" She opens her eyes and then shuts them again.
"You fainted in the trauma. Chuny, lets start Abby on some IV fluids." I turn to her and brush some hair out of her eyes. "You're dehydrated and malnourished"
"I'm fine John" She starts to get up from the bed and I grab her hand to stop her.
"Hey, let me just run this bag of fluids into you and I'll take you home okay"
She nods her head at me as the color starts to return to her face.
I walk into Abby's house behind her, holding one side of her to keep her from falling again. I turn my back to close the door and then turn around to see that she is half way up the stairs by herself. I run up behind her, extending a hand out to her back to make sure that she is steady enough to walk the flight. We reach her bedroom door and I walk in behind her. I never really thought that I would see her bedroom, and I definitely didn't imagine that if I did, that this would be the circumstance. The situation was supposed to be hot and sweaty, not sad and uncomfortable. She pulls her sheets back and climbs into her bed as I move to the bathroom to get her a glass of water. I sit on the edge of her bed and place the water beside her.
"Do you want me to call Trent"
"No" she buries her body under the covers and lies on her stomach with her head facing me on the pillow.
"I'm going to pick Lexi up from camp, do you want me to get Jake or is Trent picking him up today?"
"Um, no, I was supposed to get him"
"Do you want me to take him back to my house with me? He can sleep over tonight so you can rest"
"I want him here, but I guess that's not a very good idea." A lone tear escapes down her face. I guess this is her rock bottom. I feel awful for her. I want to take all her pain away. I wish I can hug her and hold her and make her happy again, I want to see her beautiful smile. I reach out to wipe her tear and she lets me touch her as she closes her eyes. I think of an idea but I don't know if I should offer it, maybe this is too forward, but I want to help her out.
"Well, I can pick them up and bring them back here, and you can rest and I can order in diner for you guys. I can sleep on the couch downstairs."
"There's a guest room"
"Is that a yes?" She nods her head. I think she is a little shy about asking for help. I want to help her though; I want to make sure that she's alright. I am emotionally involved now, I care about her a lot. I am so pathetic; I will do anything for her.
"Thank you John"
I return from picking up the children after I have stopped over at my house to pick up some clothing for Lexi and me. The kids run over to jakes room to play as I go up stairs to check on Abby. I crack open her door and peer my head in, she is sound asleep. I go back down the stairs as I hear my cell phone ringing from the bag that I packed.
"Hello"
"Hey its Susan, how's Abby, I heard she fainted in the trauma room"
"Ya, she's okay, she's sleeping now. She's just really stressed and dehydrated."
"Keep me posted, okay"
"Okay"
I hang up the phone from Susan and see Abby standing at the top of the stairs looking down over the landing. She starts her decent down the stairs and I get up to help her, running up the stairs to make sure she doesn't fall.
"How are feeling"
"A little queasy"
"I'm going to order some food for you guys, what do you think you can eat"
"Uhh, I don't know"
"How about some steamed chicken, just plain? You need some protein." She makes a face that tells me she doesn't want it. "Well how about I order it coffee flavored" I joke with her and she smiles a little. "Okay, chicken"
Just as we get down the stairs, the kids run into the den like a heard of wild animals.
"Mommy! Abby!"
They run up to her and hug her around her bottom half. They are so excited to see her.
"Easy guys. Your mommy doesn't feel so good Jakey, Lexi don't hug too tight"
She kisses the both of them on their heads.
"Its okay. Hi guys, how was camp today?" She moves to sit on the couch and I bring her a glass of orange juice. "Drink that" I order her.
"We went swimming today!"
"Like little fishies" Even though she feels like crap she is doing her best not to show the children. She is the most selfless mother I have ever met. She pulls Lexi into her lap as I sit beside them, Lexi adores her and by the looks of it, she adores Lexi. I love that Lexi is getting the female attention that she needs. I don't want to raise a tom boy and I'm lucky that Abby can help me with that aspect of her growth. Not that she knows that she's helping, but I like it anyway.
I spoon that last piece of orange chicken into my mouth and get up from the table as Abby starts to clean the kitchen. I walk up to her and take the towel out of her hands, walking her out of the kitchen and to the stairs.
"Why don't you let me finish cleaning up and you can go upstairs to rest. I'll read a book with the kids and then put them to bed." She sighs and rolls her eyes at me. I can tell that she's not used to other people taking care of her and her responsibilities.
"I'll go upstairs and relax, but why don't you bring the kids upstairs on my bed when you're ready to read that story."
I watch her as she walks up to her bedroom slowly and then I turn around to clean up. I cant help but wonder if this is what it would be like if we were together. I would bring Lexi when I sleep over, we would eat diner as a family and then put the kids to bed together. The only difference would be that I would get to go to bed with Abby and not in the guest room. I chide myself, kicking my foot against the hard tile of the kitchen, I shouldn't be thinking like this. I have to put the idea of a relationship out of my mind. We are just coworkers and friends, and our children are friends, nothing more. I move to the table to clear the last plate, Abby's, and I inspect it to make sure that she ate enough, smiling as I notice that she did. I chide myself again. I need to not care that much, I need to treat this as if she is a patient and not like she is a woman I have a crush on.
I finish washing the plate and place it in the dishwasher with the others, turning around and yelling for Jake and Lexi to get into their pajamas. I walk up the stairs into Jakes room to pull out his trundle bed and then I go in search of extra sheets and blankets. I finish making the bed and then gather the kids to read them a story in Abby's room. I knock on the door and am granted permission for us to come in, Jake pushing ahead and jumping on the bed. Abby walks out of the bathroom with a head of long wet hair. She is wearing a tank top and short little boy shorts. She is so cute and she looks ten times better than she did this morning. The color had restored to her face, she looks almost healthy again. She climbs under her sheets and pats the bed next to her, signaling everybody to hop on. Jake cuddles to one side of her and Lexi on the other as she puts her arms around them and pulls them closer. I sit on the edge of the bed and start to read the story, the three of them contently watching as I flip the pages and show the pictures. A little while later I finish the story and put the book down on the nightstand. I turn my head back to Abby and the kids and I am blessed with the sweetest sight I have even seen. They are all asleep, the two children lying on Abby's chest, her arms wrapped protectively around them. I watch them for a moment as my heart flutters. This is the best feeling and the worst feeling at the same time. I wish more than anything that I can crawl into bed with them and hold them, all of them, even if it was just for one night to feel like a real family; that would be incredible. I stand here and watch them for a little longer, I don't want to let this moment go. I stifle a yawn and move towards the bed to pick the kids up and move them to their bedroom. I reach to pull Lexi out of Abby's grip, Abby stirring a little and opening her eyes. She grabs my arm gently and looks up at me.
"Leave them"
"Are you sure?" I whisper to her.
"Ya" I place Lexi back into her arms as Abby lays her head back on the pillow and closes her eyes. I move to the end of the bed, pulling the covers up and around the three sleeping angels. I turn around and walk to the door, stopping to take one more look at them and then I turn out the light and leave the bedroom.