Disclaimer: Slayers doesn't belong to me, it belongs to its copyrighted and rightful owners. Duh.

Summary: We all know the Slayers gang kicks ass at fighting evil, but I wonder what or who they will be if they ever lived in real life? (As in, reality.) Well, for those who were wondering as well, here's my take at what will happen if the Slayers gang happened to be in our universe instead of the alternate one, hehe. Okay, so I know that the Slayers gang are in school and some of their ages have been altered to fit into the story, and it's kinda a ripoff off my old fic, Slayers: Trapped in School?! but hey, this one is more original than that one, and the Slayers gang is in school originally instead of being trapped in it, so yeah.

Authoress' Note: Meep! I'm sorry it took me so long to update. I actually already HAVE chapter 3 and 4 up to upload, but I didn't get a chance to upload it before I went off to college (that doesn't allow me to bring my laptop! Outrageous!). And when I got home, guess what? One of my family members deleted both chapters! And my other fanfics! It was so frustrating. And here I am, trying to start over again. Bleargh. Might I just remind you that my college is so not internet-friendly? So an update is like totally nonexistent?

"Okay, so what exactly are you going to do with Stacy?"

Zelgadis Greywords stared at his newfound—he hesitated to call them friends—acquaintances and squinted at the flat-chested, red-haired, feisty young sophomore girl in front of him. Lina Inverse just stared right back at him, folding her arms and leaning back at the cafeteria's chair. Next to Lina, sat the ever-blur Gourry Gabriev, munching all that he can during lunch. Lina would've been fighting with him for food if she wasn't so interested in hearing what Zelgadis had to say.

"Did I not tell you that I'm probably going to give it back to Rezo to reverse the spell he has on me?" Zelgadis said, sipping the carton of chocolate milk he had bought.

"Oh, now that you mentioned it, you did," Lina said, nodding.

"Well, that's not what I'm going to do."

Lina glared at Zelgadis. "Oh, haha very funny," Lina said, rolling her eyes. "Seriously, then, what are you going to do? You do want to reverse the spell, don't you?"

"Hell, yeah," Zelgadis answered, shaking his head. "OK, so here's what I'm planning: I'm going to pretend that I'm giving it to Rezo, so I'm gonna go to him and say 'here', but I'm not actually giving it to him, so it's a bluff you see, and then I'm gonna hold on to the real Orihalcon statue so that I can throw it in his face when he thought that I had actually returned it and then I'll laugh in his face so it'll be funny."

Lina was surprised Zelgadis could speak so much—and with such a straight face, too! "Okay, you had me confused there," she admitted. Wonder if that's what he's planning? "Wait, did you just call Stacy an Orihalcon statue?"

"Yeah, I did," Zelgadis confirmed.

"Ah, no wonder it's so valuable to Rezo!" Lina said, nodding wisely.

Gourry looked up from his lunch. "Why's it so available?"

"Valuable, Gourry, valuable," Lina said, glaring at him. "And quit stuffing yourself so much, it's embarrassing!"

"That's rich, coming from you," Zelgadis muttered, eyeing the wastebasket behind Lina, which is stuffed of Lina's finished lunch.

"Oh, shut up," Lina said, waving her hand away. "Don't tell me you've never heard of an Orihalcon statue, Gourry?!"

"I'm surprised you've heard of it," Zelgadis said. "You're not exactly a sorceress."

"No, I'm not," Lina admitted. "But I told you that I felt as if I could be one, but I wouldn't be practicing white magic, I would be making up all these new spells and it's gonna be a bam when I try it!"

"Yeah, I remember telling you you'd be the crazy sorceress," Zelgadis said. "Looks like I was right."

"Ah, mou!" Lina said, throwing her arms up exasperatedly. "An Orihalcon statue, Gourry, is a valuable piece of art, regardless of its actual appearance. Inside the statue itself, contains a magical spell that nobody really knows anything about, but everyone knows that it's valuable and then it'll help them in some ways, that's why it's so sought-after."

Zelgadis nodded. "Well, you've got it down pat."

"And Zel, I don't think your plan's gonna work out," Lina said, laughing. "I mean, it's the most ridiculous one I've ever heard of. And you talk way too fast for it to be creditable to do."

"I'm gonna do it," Zelgadis said, fuming. "I'm not going to turn it in. In fact, I'm probably going to avoid him for the rest of my life."

"Not hard to do, since you don't really visit grandparents that often, do you?"

"Yeah, but then again he has henchmen…" Zelgadis said hesitantly.

"He has henchmen?!" Lina said, her eyes wide. "Dude, your granddad must be loaded!" And everyone knows Lina loves money—next to food. "So are you saying he's gonna send these men after you or something just to get Stacy back? Wow... that's like out of an anime!" [The Authoress smirks]

Zelgadis smirked. "I really wouldn't put it past him not to do it. I mean, if he's in a totally whacked-up anime version of our life, he'd probably be the evil sorcerer even though everyone thought of him as a nice person."

"Yeah, I heard something about him yesterday!" Lina said, remembering. She had asked her sister a little about Rezo and Zelgadis, and while Luna might not have a lot of information on Zelgadis, she did tell Lina a whole lot about Rezo. Apparently Rezo is a priest, and a pretty incredible one at that, since he does seem like the perfect model of a priest. He does charity work, he helps other people, and he's pretty good-looking for an old guy (no signs of aging!)—and all that while he's blind. So it surprises Lina that Rezo's actually the bad guy in the situation.

"Yeah?" Zelgadis said. "What did you hear about him then?"

"Oh, basically that he's a perfect model of a priest and all," Lina said, waving the information off. "I just can't imagine him handing down a curse. And being so power-crazed to want Stacy so much."

"Yeah, well," Zelgadis said grimly. "I'll bet that he wants the Orihalcon statue to cure him of his blindness… Just like I want to return the statue to cure me of this stupid curse."

"Ahh," Lina said. "That makes sense. I thought he'd be okay with being blind, though… I mean, not that I would wan to be blind, but he seems okay about it… No complaints there for the first few decades of his life, eh? And then suddenly he wants to cure his blindness. Isn't he a bit old for it already?"

"Have you seen the guy?" Zelgadis asked. "He looks like he's only 30!"

"Never seen the dude," Lina said, shaking her head. "Luna has, though."

"Who's Luna?" Zelgadis' forehead creases.

"Her sister," Gourry said.

"Kyaa!" Lina screamed loudly, rubbing both her arms with her hands. "Just hearing that makes me have goose bumps!"

Zelgadis rolled his eyes. "Family feud."

"No," Lina mumbled. "Just… never mind."

Gourry has finished his lunch, finally, just in time. The bell rings, signaling the lunch's end for the day.

"All right, so step 1 in avoiding Grandpa is…?" Lina scrawled on a white piece of paper she ripped from her sketchbook and handed it to the girl next to her, Rowena something, and whispered to her that it should be given to Zelgadis. Zelgadis, Gourry, and Lina are in biology class, and Lina's a few seats away from Zelgadis, while Gourry is dozing off next to her. Unsurprisingly so.

Lina got the reply back just as she was about to doze off herself.

"What are u doing?! Hawke could've seen u, u idiot. We would've ended up on another detention. Neway, not returning his phone calls. And not gonna go to his place every time my 'rents does. Gonna have a sleepover at someone's if he's coming over. Not sure whose."

Lina glared at Zelgadis' back. Zelgadis didn't sign his name either. That was tactful. If the note was caught, Hawke couldn't blame anyone.

"U'll pay for calling me an idiot. Come to my house for sleepover. I'll ask Gourry too if u need company."

"Oh, I'm so scared. What're u gonna do? Fireball me? Come to ur house? Sure, I'm just not sure when grandpa's coming over. Will confirm it later."

Lina blanched then. Why is she so stupid to invite Zelgadis over?! Then he would actually meet Luna! Oh, what a nightmare… Oh, well, he'll have to adjust to her, and Luna will probably have a night-shift or something like that. There's no use in thinking and stressing over something like that.

"Confirm n I'll c u there."

"Okay, when I said confirm, I didn't mean as soon as possible," Lina said later that evening, after school was over. She had just gotten a phone call from Zelgadis saying that Rezo was coming to his house that evening. Apparently, Rezo has gotten wind that Zelgadis has his Orihalcon statue (or Stacy) and that Zelgadis is not trying to return it to him. So, instead, Rezo decided to come to Zelgadis instead.

"Yeah, well, sorry, Rezo didn't exactly give me that much of a head start," Zelgadis muttered ungraciously. "I mean, I came home and then my mom told me he's coming, that's why she's cleaning up. She only cleans up that hard when Rezo's coming. So I packed my bag and rushed out. Told her I have loads of homework, I'm sleeping over at Gourry's."

Lina raised her eyebrows. "But you're sleeping over here."

Zelgadis blushed. "Yeah, I know," he said, shrugging, plopping on to the couch in Lina's living room. "My parents won't really take kindly to me if I'm sleeping over at a girl's house."

Lina rolled her eyes. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm hardly any threat to any guy in this place. I mean, sure, they can't resist my charms, but I'm not interested in guys. All of them are scum. Well, not all of them."

Zelgadis only shrugged again. "It's better for them not to know where I'm really staying at anyways, so that'll give Rezo a false lead if he does want to suddenly 'visit' me."

"Oh, clever!" Lina said, clapping her hands together. She's actually kind of having fun with this hiding-from-Grandpa thing, even though: a) Rezo's not her grandfather, b) she certainly doesn't have to hide from Rezo, and c) she has nothing to do with the whole situation. Well, except for the part where she and Gourry found the statue for Zellie-boy. "I already called Gourry. You're lucky he doesn't have any pizzas to deliver or any babysitting to do."

Zelgadis looks surprised. "Gourry's a babysitter?"

"No," Lina said, rolling her eyes. "He's got a few little cute sisters and brothers." Well, she'd hardly say a few. He has five, to be exact. Two little sisters and three little brothers. "He's actually quite good with kids, if him playing with his siblings is taken into any account."

"Oh, I see," Zelgadis said.

"I know this place is not much when you compare it to yours," Lina said off-handedly, "but it provides me a place. And it's not bad for me."

"I like it," Zelgadis said, shrugging. "It's simple. And you're right. You only need the bare necessities."

"Well, I didn't really say that, and if I did I wouldn't say 'necessities' either, but whatever," Lina said, grinning. "Want some popcorn? I asked Dave to deliver some movies, too. Jackie Chan ones, mostly!"

"Who's Dave?"

"Oh, he's just the movie guy," Lina said, waving him off. "He's a good friend, though—he's in college, he works at the movie store for part-time money and all. He's cool. He doesn't actually deliver the videos. He does for me, for some reason. I think Luna actually misled him to do it. I don't know why, but Luna feels oh-so-responsible for me and strives to make things easier for him."

"Is your sister really that influential?"

"I have no idea, I guess so, if she manages to make Dave deliver the videos and DVDs every time I call the place up," Lina said, shrugging and laughing. "It's great though. No walking for me!"

A knock sounded at the door. "Oh, must be Gourry."

It wasn't. Zelgadis watched as Lina leads a guy who's wearing a cap, with glasses and jacket on, to the living room. Lina goes on to the fridge—which is near the living room, only separated by a counter—telling the guy to "drop off the videos near the TV." She opens the fridge and scans the things in there. "You want any soda, Dave?"

Ah, so this is Dave, Zelgadis thought, eyeing the guy as he drops off the videos near the VCR. Dave wasn't exactly what you'd call handsome, but he's not bad-looking. His cap and jacket look worn-off, but other than that, he doesn't exactly look like a nerd either. He does look like a college guy needing some money.

Dave still hasn't seen Zelgadis on the couch. "Sure, thanks, Lina," he said, grinning at her. "Planning to marathon the movies alone, then?"

Lina tossed a Coke to Dave and Dave caught it. "Nah," she said, smiling. "See the guy on the couch? He hasn't seen any Jackie Chan, which is a shame. So I'm bullying him into it."

Dave finally saw Zelgadis and his eyes lingered at Zelgadis' cursed arms before smiling at him uncomfortably. "Hey, dude," he said. "So you her boyfriend or something?"

Lina almost sputtered her Coke. "God, Dave, no," she said, shaking her head. "He's just watching the movie with me to run from reality. Oh, Gourry's coming too."

"Oh, that blonde?" Dave questioned, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah," Lina said, nodding. "Thanks for the videos, Dave, as always. I'll send you to the door." It always amazes Zelgadis to see a nice and polite side to Lina. "Oh, here's the tip."

"Nah, no thanks, Lina," Dave said, smiling as he nears the door. "Consider it free of charge. Thanks for the Coke." And with that, he closes the door.

Lina shrugged as she enters the living room again. "I have no idea why he doesn't want any tips for sending over the videos," she said, sighing. "I mean, I didn't want him to feel as if he's forced to send the videos for free or something…"

Zelgadis smirked. "I don't think he feels forced sending the videos here," he said, emphasizing certain words.

As usual, Lina was oblivious to the message Zelgadis was trying to send. "What are you talking about, Zellie-boy?"

Zelgadis bristled. "Don't call me that! I've got goose bumps on my back now!"

Lina laughed when a knock on the door sounded again. "Now, that must be Gourry."

Sure enough, Gourry arrived with a big backpack. "Hey, Zel," he said. "Your Grandpa coming around to your house or something? That's what I can make out of Lina. She was talking so fast for me to understand her that well."

"Shut up, jellyfish brains!" Lina said, treating him to her knuckle-fist.

"What did you bring?" Zelgadis eyed Gourry's bag suspiciously. "Your bag's huge."

"Oh, just a sleeping bag," Gourry said, shrugging. "And oh, loads of food."

Lina eyed the bag warily. "Yeah, I think we're actually gonna need it, seeing as how no food in this house can possibly enough for the two of us," she readily admits, laughing at herself. "Oh, how about we order Chinese takeouts while watching the movie? Of do you prefer pizzas?"

"I prefer pizzas," Zelgadis said.

"I like Chinese," Gourry contradicted.

Lina paused at the phone. "All right, we'll order both then!" she said spiritedly, grinning, dialing the number for the pizza. "Wow, am I hungry all of a sudden. Hi, hello, Walter's Pizza? Yeah, I want three pizzas—yeah, three… a slumber party? Well… sorta… whatever, just three pizzas… the toppings? Put it all on the pizzas! Yeah, the works, haha—okay, okay… yeah, okay, thanks, five minutes, I'm counting on you guys!"

Next, the Chinese place. "Hi, Mrs. Wong! Yeah, it's Lina… yeah, okay, I'll tell Luna you said hi… Okay, I want three sets of number 6, six sets of number 9 and four sets of number… two! Yeah, yeah… Oh, most of it is for me… Hey, I have a high metabolism. Five minutes, Mrs. Wong! Five!" She hung up and grins. "Well, food's coming! Pop in the first Jackie Chan video, Gourry!"

Lina sank comfortably on the couch next to Zelgadis while Gourry sat at Lina's feet, leaning against the couch.

"That was a lot of food," Zelgadis remarked, grinning.

Lina laughs. "Oh, sure, it was," she said. "Oh, wait; you're serious, aren't you?"

Zelgadis snorted. "Why am I not surprised?" he said, shaking his head. "Who's Jackie Chan, anyways?"

"See!" Lina exclaimed to Gourry. "That's why I have to bully him into seeing it! How can anyone not know the great Jackie Chan is beyond my imagination—I mean, he's only the greatest kung-fu fighter alive doing movies. Well, apart from Bruce Lee and Jet Lee. At least you had an inkling of who he was."

Zelgadis raised an eyebrow. "Chill," he said, grinning. He turns his attention to the movies. "Well, this better be good, Inverse. It better not put me to sleep."

Lina smirked. "I'll make sure you won't fall asleep by punching you repeatedly. I think that'll suffice. Gourry'll help me won't you?"

"Huh?"

Four Jackie Chan movies and all of the food finished later, Lina's head had drooped onto Zelgadis' shoulder while Zelgadis had leaned backward on the couch; Gourry had dozed off, leaning his back against the couch and his head leaned against Lina's legs. It would've been a peaceful, serene picture, if not for the fact that someone's looming menacingly over the three teenagers.

"Well, well, well," the man standing over them boomed merrily, as if he's auditioning for Santa Clause or something. "Look what we have here."

Lina was jolted awake and nudged Gourry and Zelgadis awake. "Who the hell are you?" she asked, glaring at him. "And what the hell are you doing in my house? Who lets you in?"

"Why, I let myself in, of course," the man said, smiling down at them. "Get up, Zelgadis, and hand me the Orihalcon statue." Suddenly the man was not all-manners but being menacingly evil-looking, glaring at Zelgadis as Zelgadis glared back at him.

"Ah, this must be the lovely grandfather Zelgadis have been telling us all about," Lina said, grinning, her voice sugar-syrupy, implying the fact that she and Gourry knew about the Orihalcon statue too. Well, Rezo must've been well-informed beforehand, or he would've hesitated to involve Lina and Gourry in the whole affair.

"Ah, I'm so glad I've been talked about," Rezo said. Lina could tell that if he wasn't blind, he would've rolled his eyes.

"Yes, of course, you do realize that it can't all be good talk, obviously," Lina said, shrugging and grinning cheekily at the priest. For some reason, she's in a mood to taunt people, and at the time, Rezo's the only one available. Besides, Rezo really can't do anything about taunting, can he? Oh, wait, he's a priest. And apparently a wizard.

"Yes, well, and you do realize that I'm not exactly trying to correct my… um, reputation here?" Rezo asked, smiling evilly. "In fact, I think I won't even bother. I think it'll all go away once I get the Orihalcon statue and once you're all pulverized anyway."

"Oh, great, I hope he's not going to say any cliché quote to end this chapter…" Lina said, mostly to herself.

"Prepare to meet your doom."

"Get me out of this crappy fic," Lina deadpanned.