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Chapter Thirteen
I look around the hospital at half past six and it seems that everybody has there attention on a patient or is working on charts. Walking down the hall, passing exam three, I spot Carter sitting in a chair reading to a young patient. I stand outside the door for a second, smiling at his sweetness, looking in, he doesn't lift his head quite yet. I look back over to the lounge and then into the room again, through the shudders. He lifts his head and smiles at me, looking down at the book and then up again. I motion towards the lounge and then at the watch on my wrist to tell him that I am off and going home. He nods his head and smiles slightly as I turn around to collect my stuff to leave. I shut the door to my locker and slip a quick note into his to call me when he gets off.
I arrive home and walk into the house, my eyes immediately darting to something that looks out of place in my living room by the front door. There is a brief case resting against the couch.
"Hey, I dropped Jake of from camp and decided to stay and spend some time with him. Maybe we can have a family diner or something." I turn around fast, spooked by Trent's voice behind me. I look around the room, not wanting to make eye contact with him. What is he thinking, why wont he just go home?
"Um, I don't think that's such a good idea." I turn around again to walk up the stairs, Trent on my heels as I lift my feet up each step.
"Why isn't it a good idea?" I almost answer him as I peer into Jakes room, looking for him, not wanting him to hear our conversation.
"Where's Jake?" I ask as I look past him.
"In the yard playing." He sighs audibly, getting frustrated. This man isn't used to not getting what he wants from me. "Why isn't it a good idea Abby?"
I walk into our bedroom, Trent grabbing my shoulder to turn me around, demanding an answer.
"Because were not a family anymore Trent!" I yell it loudly, not at all worried that my words are hurting him. I just can't help it anymore, I'm still angry at him.
"We are still a family until those divorce papers are drawn up!" He looks angry, shouting.
"Well they have been, this morning actually" I rest my hands on my hips, irritated at this conversation.
"I can't believe you would through all of this away. Our family Abby, look what you're doing to our son!"
"I'm not doing this to anyone! And since when are we a family anyway? Since, you work 24 hours a day? Or since you offer to spend one Sunday with your son instead of your buddies? Or since you come home every evening and kiss your wife hello and let her know how much you love and appreciate her! We haven't been a family for five years now, open your eyes!" I'm yelling; I'm screaming at him, my hands flailing about. I can't help it anymore. I have had to let this out for ages now, and finally I am going to do it. I'm going to yell at the bastard all I want. He sits down on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands staring at the floor. I almost feel bad for him, but not quite yet.
"Look. I –
I start to speak but he cuts me off.
"What's that on the floor?" He points to something peeking out from under the bed skirt. "A used condom!" Oh my god! It's the condom that Carter and I decided not to use last night. I know he through it somewhere but I couldn't find it this morning. I get nervous and flustered for a second, but them I remember that I don't care about his feelings. So he'll be hurt that I slept with someone, big deal. There are countless times that he has hurt me. He's probably slept with other woman anyway, I'm sure he has cheated on me before.
"It's not used!" I don't know why that was my rebuttal. It's the first thing I thought to say, but it's true.
"Oh, so its supposed to make me feel better that you fucked some guy, but didn't use it!" He has totally lost his cool.
"You know what, that's none of your business anymore" I shake my head at him, walking into my closet, trying to keep busy so I don't soc him in the face, because I really want to.
"I am your husband Abby and it is my business" He gets up from the bed and comes up behind me after I have taken off my scrub top. I am standing with my back to him, only wearing a bra. I turn around quickly, whatever, it's not like he hasn't seen me in a bra, or naked a million times for that matter. I point my finger at him and yell.
"You are my ex-husband now Trent, and I am going to date and sleep with whom ever I want." I pull my t-shirt over my head and take a deep breath and continue. "Why are you acting as if this was something that I did? Why is it so hurtful to you that I'm divorcing you? You don't even want me Trent!" He walks back to the bed and sits down, defeated.
"I want us to be a family again Abby" I slip on a pair of slippers and walk over to the bed and sit down next to him, I guess I can try to be sensitive to his feelings now that he has calmed down. I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes.
"That is not a good enough reason for us to stay together. I can't be in a loveless, unhappy marriage just so our son can grow up with two parents in his household. I can't sacrifice my happiness for that. He'll understand when he's older Trent. And you know what; he'll respect me for it." He looks off into the distance for a minute as I wait for his response.
"Who is he?"
"What?" I look at him questioningly; I don't know what he's asking.
"The guy that your sleeping with, who is he?" Well, I guess I'm going to be honest; there is not point in lying.
"I work with him. He's a doctor"
"Are you in love with him?" I think for a second before I answer. I'm not in love with John yet, but I know that I'm on my way. I feel amazing when I'm around him.
"I like him" I say it in a whisper, hoping that he'll find my honestly refreshing instead of freaking out. He gets up from the bed and walks toward the door looking sad, and pathetic really. I walk towards him wanting to comfort him. I didn't care if I hurt him before but I guess I really can't be as much an ass as he is, I just don't have it in me.
"I better go" I want to say something that will make him feel better but I don't know what that could be. I start to talk, still not knowing what to say.
"Trent . . ." I don't say anything more, we just stand there and look at each other, I think were having a moment of understanding. He moves towards me, I'm not sure why until his lips are upon mine, softly and innocently. I let him kiss me for a minute. Its okay, it's the last time that he ever will. He pulls away from me and makes quick eye contact, then turns around and walks down the stairs. I watch from the landing as he picks up his brief case and walks out the front door. I walk back to the bed and sit down on the edge, resting my head in my hands just as Trent did a couple minutes ago. This argument has completely exhausted me. But I feel okay. He's okay and I'm okay. I think that deep down he wants me to be happy and he knows that that isn't going to happen if I continue to be with him.
I rest my head on the pillow kicking the covers to the side of the bed. Lying on my stomach, I look around the room, thinking about what our next move is. I guess I'll have to move out of this house, pack all of our things, look for houses. I guess I am going to talk to Jake about this and explain what divorcing means. That's going to be the hardest part. I pull the sheets over my body, the sun still shining into my shudders; my eyes start to close as I drift off.
"Mommy, wake up! Mom I'm hungry" Jake jumps onto the bed, bouncing up and down to wake me up. I turn over and look at the clock. Its eight thirty already, I slept for over an hour.
"Okay, okay" I sit up in bed, thinking that I should get our talk over with. I motion for him to come sit next to me, wrapping my arms around him. I take a deep breath and start my explanation.
"Jakey, I want to talk to you about something really important. . . you know how I told you that daddy was going to stay at the hotel until he was done with his work?"
"Yes" He nods his head as I think about how I am going to tell him this.
"Well, he's done with all his work now. But I don't think that he is going to come home sweetie. I think that your daddy is going to move into his own house." Jake look confused for a second, but them his face contorts into as expression of understanding.
"Like Lexis daddy lives in his own house?"
"Yea, just like that"
"So are you getting a divorce?" I am shocked at his question. I didn't know that he even knew that word.
"How do you know what a divorce is?"
"Lexi told me that her mommy and daddy are divorced. She said that they don't love each other anymore. That's why Lexis mom lives far away."
"Well baby daddy isn't going to move far away, but we are going to live in separate houses and you are going to live with me sometimes and with daddy sometimes."
"So you are getting a divorce"
"Yes, we are sweetie." I shake my head lightly, wrapping my arms tighter around him.
"So you don't love daddy anymore?" How am I supposed to answer that question?
"Your daddy is very special to me Jakey, and I will always love him, but I am going to love him like a friend, just like you love Lexi. She's your friend, but not your girlfriend, right?"
"Mom, I'm too young to have a girlfriend!" He laughs a little at my comment and then settles back into a sad little face.
"But we both love you very much and we will always love you the same whether we are living together or not."
"Are you going to have a boyfriend?"
"I don't know, how would you feel if I did?"
"Could it be Lexi's daddy? Lexi says that her daddy needs a girlfriend because he's lonely" Well maybe this is going to be easy. I don't want to say yes though because I think the news of the divorce is enough for one night.
"Maybe" He looks at me and smiles, that was easier than I thought.
"So then Lexi could be my sister if you marry John." Okay, now were jumping the gun, but at least the kid isn't in tears. I know that this is going to hurt him at some point, but if thinking that there is a chance that he could live with Lexi is going to keep him happy right now, I am going to go along with it.
"Come on kiddo, I'm going to make you some diner"
I walk into the lounge early for my shift, feeling like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. After having the talk with Jake last night, I feel like I can finally start heading my life in the right direction. Moving toward my locker, I notice a body on the couch, its Carters. He is dead asleep. I inch closer to him and take a seat at the edge of the sofa before rubbing my hand down his back to gently wake him. He stirs a little bit, turning over, reaching his hand out to feel me sitting next to him. He starts to talk, still half asleep, before opening his eyes.
"Is that you?" He rubs up and down my leg to make sure.
"That depends who you think I am" I joke with him in a whispering voice.
"That hot temp up in radiology?" He's joking back. I continue to play along.
"My name is Stacy" He pulls me on top of him, a smile playing on his lips.
"Oh, Stacy" He laughs a little as he tugs me down to kiss him. "I have to tell you that I'm cheating on you with this gorgeous blond doctor down in the ER." I smile into his neck and raise my head back up, hoping that no one is on their way into the lounge. I get serious for a second, wanting to tell him about my discussion with Jake and about what happened with Trent.
"Well, it's all out in the open now"
"What do you mean?" He looks confused.
"Trent came over last night to drop Jake off and he found our discarded condom on the floor in my bedroom." I say it with a laugh. Looking back on it, it's actually kind of funny.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry" He laughs a little with me and I shrug it off, it's not his fault anyway. "So what happened?"
"I told him that I was seeing someone and he freaked out for a second but we talked about it and he knows now that there's no interest on my part to reconcile."
"Well, I guess that's good for me then" He pulls me back on top of him, kissing my neck.
"Yes it is. . . I also had a talk with Jake about it too" He looks at me with an expression of surprise and relief.
"You had a big night ha" His eyes are wide; I think he's proud of me.
"I did" I say it, kind of proud of myself too.
"How'd it go?"
"Good actually. Mainly, because he told me that Lexi's dad is looking for a girlfriend and he wants it to be me so one day he could be Lexi's brother and live in the same house as her." We both laugh together.
"Why don't you move in tomorrow then?" He jokes as he kisses down my shoulder, trying to pull my lab coat down as I try to keep it on.
"I'm busy tomorrow" I laugh before I let myself kiss him, forgetting where we are. A couple minutes later, heavy into a make out session, the door creaks open, Carter and I jumping apart, turning our heads to see who it is.
"Whoa, when did this happen?" Thank god it's Susan! We all laugh a bit as I pull my lab coat back onto my shoulders. I'm slightly embarrassed, but this is my best friend and I was going to tell her anyway. I look at John and smile as he gives Susan a nod of his head. One that says, "Okay, you caught us" She moves closer to us, sitting down on one of the chairs, Sophie asleep in her arms.
"What are you doing here?" I ask Susan, trying to change the subject.
"Everybody wanted to see Sophie, so we stopped by for a visit. Besides, I miss this place, who would have thought!?" I get up from the couch and take Sophie's sleeping body from Susan's arms. This little baby is so beautiful and perfect. I have to admit, there is a part of me that is a bit jealous. I want a baby girl so badly.
I walk the baby back to the couch and sit next to John, cuddling into his shoulder. He looks down at her and smiles, tracing her foot with his finger. I love that he's interested in the baby; it makes me feel hopeful that there are men in the world that might actually want to have another child with me. I look up at him and we share a quick moment of tenderness before Sophie starts to wake up. She blinks her eyes a couple times and stretches her body in my arms. I smile over at Susan, communicating how precious her little angel is.
"She's probably hungry" Susan gets up and hands me a bottle as I look at her for approval. She nods her head for me to get started before Sophie starts to beg for it. I watch as the tiny baby suckles on the bottle, John hovering above me. This is the most therapeutic thing I have done in years. I'm in heaven, with my two best friends sitting next to me. It doesn't get much better than this. I watch the baby, concentrating on her, Susan finally breaking our silence.
"You know, just because the baby is hungry, doesn't mean I'm going to forget about what I just walked in on" John and I look up at each other and smile, the three of s sharing a quick laugh.
"Okay, so you caught us kissing" He raises his hands in defeat.
"So, when are the nuptials?" Susan jokes and then continues. "Better yet, Abby when are you getting divorced?" She's joking around, smiling and laughing. I love that she finds this so amusing.
"Actually, we drew up the papers yesterday" I say it with a smirk; I bet she didn't expect that.
"Well congratulations! And to you as well Carter" We all laugh, making light of this whole little mess.
Review Responses
HappyAbby: I loved that line too. Thanks!
Carbyfan/Sam/Jo7: You got what you were looking for. She finally told Jake, I didn't want to drag it out either.
Ash: I did put an R warning at the top of the page. I guess you missed it. I'm glad you like the chapter though.
CamilaC: Thanks for always reviewing. I love to hear what you think!
Rachel: Thanks, the weekend is coming soon!