AN: I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated last. For the first time I am experiencing a little bit of writers block and its making me sad because I really love this story and want to continue it. This chapter was a little bit rushed because I didn't want to go too long without an update. I promise the next one will be better and juicier.

Chapter Fifteen

I walk through the service porch and into the darkness of my big lonely house. Feeling around for the light on the wall, I flick it on, illuminating a clean and sterile living room. I move over to the couch and sit on the arm of it, exhaling a deep breath that I didn't realize I had been holding. Looking around the room, I stay in one position for what feels like forever. I don't know what to do with myself. I was so excited about spending the weekend with John and now not only am I not spending the weekend with John, I'm not spending the weekend with anybody. Jake is with Trent and I am alone in which feels like the first time in a long time. I guess I am supposed to be feeling this though. I need to go through this in order to move on.

Minutes pass and I realize that I am still sitting on the edge of the couch. Looking down I move my body over so I am lying on my stomach, spread out on the sofa. I worked over twelve hours today; I think I deserve a nap. I sigh before lowering my head to the pillow, I'm pathetic; it's my first Friday night off in weeks and I am taking a nap alone on my couch. I finally allow myself to settle down when the phone rings loudly in my ear.

"Hello"

"Hi, what are you doing?" I pull the phone away from my ear, surprised at the height of Susan's cheery voice.

"I was just about to take a nap" I sound the opposite of her.

"Its Friday night Abby"

"I know, I'm pathetic"

"No, I'm pathetic, and I need to get away. Chuck said he'll stay home with Sophie tonight to give me a little break. You want to get a cup of coffee somewhere?"

Well, it's Friday night and I was about to go to sleep, I need to do this, I need to get out.

"Yea"

An hour later I am seated on a quiet outdoor patio across from Susan slowly nursing a double shot latte. It feels good to be here with her, just the two of us, like it used to be, before chuck and the baby and my messy divorce. I miss Susan and right now, it seems like I just need some female bonding. She's looking at me, waiting for me to talk and I know that she wants the dirt on me and John.

"So you know you've got a lot to spill right now"

I shake my head at her, of course, this is her entertainment. I smile a bit, thinking about being in his arms a couple nights ago lying in my bed.

"Abby, you guys haven't . . . ya know" She pushes her fist into the air and I laugh at her.

"Done it? . . . Uh . . . yea" I say it slightly embarrassed with a little bit of guilt in my voice, for being almost easy. We both laugh as I blush and smile like a fool.

"That good, ha?"

"That's why you're my best friend Suz, you can tell just by looking at me."

"So why aren't you with him tonight? Aren't the kids with both your ex's?"

"We decided that we need to hold off on the relationship for a little while"

"Did something happen?"

I take a deep breath before going into the abbreviated version of the events that lead up to our current situation.

"The children caught us kissing and I freaked out . . .and then he freaked out because I freaked out and then we argued about it . . . and then we decided that I needed some time to get over my last relationship before starting a new one . . . so now the kids have gone off for their weekends with their other parents and were both alone this weekend instead of spending the time with each other." I say it matter-of-factly, with a hint of bitterness, not because I'm mad about the situation, but because I miss him. It's only been hours but knowing that we won't be spending time together for a while is making me almost wish that I hadn't agreed to this time apart.

"You know that's probably the right thing to do. Besides, how are you going to have a relationship with him and not tell your kids about it?"

"I know. . . I guess we just have to wait till the smoke clears a little bit. I don't think I can be with him until I'm ready to tell Jake about it anyway, it's just too hard otherwise"

"Are you guys going to date other people in the mean time?"

"I don't think so, he said that he wanted to wait for me" I smile as I hear myself say it. I don't know what I would do if he was dating other people while I was getting my shit together.

"He really likes you Abby" Susan turns serious on me as she leans into the table on her hands.

"He told you that?"

"Oh, come on . . . Of course he did . . .He's crazy about you"

"Ha," I exhale a breath. "You lie"

"Why would I lie about that?"

I think about what she said, a smile creeping onto my face. He's crazy about me! I lean into her also, like I am about to reveal a huge secret.

"I really like him too Suz"

I walk back into the house after talking and catching up with Susan for over two hours. It felt so good for one night to hang out without our other obligations on our minds. I look around my bedroom as I start to undress out of my clothing, although I am alone, it feels less lonely now, probably because I'm in a better mood. I don't have to think about this separation from John as being such a bad thing. Although it's going to be hard not to be close with him for a while, I'll still see him at work and be able to talk to him. Maybe after being without each other, when we finally can be together it will be ten times better than before; no hang ups, no regrets. Hey, and what's wrong with a little harmless flirting in the mean time?

I get into my bed and fluff up the pillow; I stretch my body out under the sheets, feeling the comfort engulf me. I need to relax a little, unwind and distress. I am making a conscious effort to be positive and pleasant as I go through a time that naturally wouldn't feel that way at all. I look up at the ceiling, my eyes starting to close, and I can't help but wonder what John Carter is doing on this Friday night.

I step out of my car almost excited to rejoin the human race and be back at work after a long weekend by myself. I did everything I could to keep busy while Jake was away and in result of that, I will be going home to a spotless house this evening. I walk through the hospital quickly heading toward the lounge, secretly hoping that John is going to be there. Pushing through the swinging door, I look around disappointed but chide myself for being masochistic. Even if he was here, I couldn't interact with him the way that I really want to. I move over to my locker shedding my jean jacket and grabbing my lab coat and stethoscope before walking out into the ER to start my shift.

Hours later I haven't seen John yet; I hope he isn't completely avoiding me. I know that he was serious about my taking time from him, but that doesn't mean that we can't share friendly words with each other at work. I step into the lounge to grab a quick cup of coffee but am interrupted by Jerry peaking his head in the door right before I reach the machine.

"Lockhart, incoming stabbing victim"

I turn around quickly, and run out the double doors into the ambulance bay. I guide the gurney out of the rig and down to trauma two, the patient covered by so much blood that I can hardly see his figure. I look around the hospital for another doc to assist me, but I see no one and this one is definitely going to be a handful.

"Jerry, call another doc into trauma two please" I yell at him over my shoulder as I enter the room.

"Hang a couple units of o-neg and prep the chest for a central line" I bark out to Chuny as the double doors open, Carter walking through them swiftly as I turn my head and watch him move into the room like a slow motion picture.

"What do we got?" He speaks fast and professionally shaking me out of my reverie. I shake my head out and answer, trying to sound professional as well.

"Stabbing victim, looks like to the right chest and belly. There's more blood coming from underneath him" I lift my gloved hand and show him that it's pure red with a questioning look on my face.

"Okay, let's turn him over" I turn the patient so he could get a view of his back, looking up at me and into my eyes for a second he lets me in on his findings. "Another stab wound to the lower back, he's gushing everywhere."

A while later the patient is stabilized as I guide the gurney out of the trauma room and let the surgical nurses take him from here. Walking back into the room to finish my chart I notice that mostly everyone has scattered about, moving on to other patients in need. But of course I am left alone with the one person that I shouldn't be alone with right now, I just don't trust myself. I move over to the sink where John is standing almost blocking it. He's focusing on recording the measurements of the drugs we pushed and returning the unused portions to the right bottles. I'm not even sure that he notices me in the room with him. I look up at his back and think for a second that my vow to stay positive might suddenly get thrown right out the window the minute I experience the longing to be close to him. Five, four, three, two, one, here it is, the negative, the yearning. Of course I follow my heart instead of my head and move closer.

I lean over and caulk my head at him, looking up into his face and catching his attention. He looks down at me as I smile shyly at him, the corners of his mouth turning up into a small smile.

"Hi" I offer it gently, trying to predict if our exchange will be friendly or bitter.

"Hi" Friendly, definitely friendly. I take a deep breath, relieved that he isn't upset with me.

"How was your weekend?" I don't know why, but I'm being shy, like we are meeting again for the first time.

"Um, boring. Yours?"

"Dido" I look up at him, expecting maybe that he will say something else, but I guess there is nothing more to say or share with each other right now. My eyes return back to the towels that I'm throwing into the sink, trying to focus on something, but I really have nothing to do here anymore. I look up at him and then down at my feet, signaling them to move away and then my legs are moving, carrying me towards the door. I stop at the threshold for a second; it is taking so much restraint not to walk back to him and into his arms.

"I missed you" I hear it from across the room, three little words spoken almost under his breath. I turn around slowly and stand at the door, looking back at him.

"I don't know. . . it was the first time I didn't see you for a couple days since I met you. It felt kind of weird . . . even not having you around just as my friend"

I'm taken aback by his words. I don't know why it surprises me, he's so wonderful, the things he says should be written down, sealed into a precious chest of treasures. How am I going to stay away from him now, I am breaking down already and it's only been a few days. I take a step back into the trauma room, our eyes meeting, holding each others gaze as I walk closer to him. I step in front of him and look down at my feet, not wanting to create a moment of too much intensity. I look back up quickly and state it simply, "I missed you too" It comes out in a whisper and suddenly I feel naked, my emotions on the table, a yearning feeling seeping out from all over my body. I stand underneath him, looking up, feeling the heat coming off from his towering frame. He reaches out a hand to my face and I let him touch me, fingering the soft skin at the side of my jaw. I allow myself to lean into his touch, something that I'll kick myself for later. He steps towards me, closing the distance between us, kissing the top of my head lightly. I look up at him and pull away slowly, with a playful smirk on my face.

"This is exactly what we're not supposed to be doing" We both smile at each other, making fun of ourselves for not being able to stick to our own limitations.

"Unless you've done a whole lot of mourning this weekend" He says it in a facetious tone, and I suddenly feel comfortable again.

"Well, I did actually. God knows I had nothing better to do" He laughs a little and smiles down at me, the beating of my heart settling back into a normal rhythm as this conversations proves to be one that is light hearted instead of heavy. Glad that the ice has been broken, I let myself smile flirtatiously at him. Okay, maybe we can do the "friends" thing for a little while, or better yet, the "friends that flirt" thing.