WOW! I can't tell you how awesome it is to be feeling down about your fic and then to log on to so many great reviews! You all make me want to keep writting. Thank you so much, you are my inspiration! I didn't have time to respond to reviews this time so I will next chapter. Also, please excuse any errors, my spell and grammar check is broken for now.
Chapter sixteen
I look up through the moon roof into the dark night sky, the moon shining down over the lake as I drive in silence toward the airport to pick up Lexi. Glancing down at the glowing car clock, I check the time every minute to make sure that I get to the gate on time to greet her as she walks off the plane. Stepping out of the car, I shove my hands in my pockets as I make my way through the crowded airport, passing through terminals watching people reunite in pure joy. I stare for a while at young couple making out, they must have gone ages without seeing each other. Looking over at them from a distance, I wonder how long it must have been, a year, a month, only a couple of days? I turn around suddenly jealous, remembering my quick, but meaningful encounter with Abby today. I would have kissed her like that if I could have, and someone watching from far off could have wondered how long we went without seeing each other. They would have never known that it was only two and a half days.
She was so sweet to me today, smiling flirtatiously, I could almost tell that she missed me too. I can't believe how much I missed her. I knew last week that I liked her, I even knew that I was falling in love, but I didn't realize just how serious this love could be until I saw her earlier today from across the hospital. She was working up a patient, a little boy that looked to be about Jakes age. I watched her from all the way on the other side of the ER, behind the front counter with my chin resting on the palm of my hand. I watched her smile at the little boy and I found myself smiling at her, into the air really, looking like a fool. She was so beautiful, her long hair falling in her eyes; she never wears her hair down at work.
Continuing to walk down the long hallway, I glance back at the couple and wonder how much longer I am going to be single and alone.
"Daddy! Dad!" I look around, hearing the familiar voice of my little angel, my eyes coming to settle on her at the gate in front of me.
"Lexi, hey princess" I run to her and engulf her in a huge hug almost cutting off her circulation. "Did you have fun with your mom?"
"Aha,"
"That's it, just aha?"
"Yea, it was okay. But I can't wait to hang out with Jake. Can he and Abby come over tomorrow?"
"Um, maybe Jake can, but probably not Abby" She looks up at me surprised and then disappointed, I didn't really realize how attached to Abby Lexi was.
"Dad, did you mess it up?" Now it's my turn to be surprised, I never thought that my little girl would question my love life.
"No, but I think that me and Abby aren't going to see each other for a little while" She stops where she is as I keep walking, noticing a second later that she is no longer following me. I walk back to her and kneel down in front of her. It looks like she is about to cry.
"How long is a while? . . . Cuz I thought that maybe she was gonna be my new mom"
"Oh, sweetie. Do you think that you need a new mommy, because you already have a mom?"
"Yea, my mom left me with the baby sitter all weekend, she didn't even want to be with me" I look at my daughter, my heart breaking as tears start running down her face as we stand here in the middle of the terminal.
"I'm sorry Lex" I grab her into a big hug but she pulls away in frustration and starts to yell. Here is the first tantrum since we have moved away, but this one I can't blame her for.
"I want Abby to be my mom. She always plays with Jake and tucks him into bed at night and gives him butterfly kisses with her eye lashes. And she smells good too, like vanilla and peaches, not like my mom that smells like someone poured a whole bottle of perfume on her. And daddy, when I play at her house she always tells me how much she likes me; she says that she always wanted a little girl, a princess like me." She goes on and on, without a breath, trying to prove her argument, she's hysterical. Little does she know, I want it as much as she does. She quiets down and takes a deep breath, hiccupping while she tries to control her sobbing. I kneel down to her and she leaps into my arms, hugging me tightly, letting me comfort her. I move my lips to her ear and whisper the only thing I know is true.
"I love you" I don't want to tell her that I'm trying to work out the relationship with Abby, I don't want to get her hopes up in case it doesn't happen.
A little while later I lift Lexi's sleeping body from the backseat of the car, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck as I walk her up the stairs. Laying her down, I sit on the edge of her bed and watch her for a moment. I'm so glad she's home, I don't know what I would do without her, and by the looks of it, she doesn't know what she would do without me. We are team, an incomplete one, but a team none the less. I know now what she needs though. She needs a mother, or at least a strong female figure in her life. She needs to grow up with a woman around. I look at her and think about what she will become in the years ahead. I worry sometimes that I will raise a little girl version of myself, a tom boy that is athletic and agile, a little girl that plays sports and hangs out mostly with the boys. Although there is nothing officially wrong with that, I know that she wouldn't naturally be that way if she had a lady to look up to. She likes being a girl, she used to think she was a little princess, but everyday she is without a mother, I see it slipping away. I want her to be beautiful, successful, happy.
I get up and walk out of the room, feeling guilty that my little girl is essentially motherless. I don't really know what I can do about that, I'm torn, but there just isn't an easy option here. I can't just find a woman and marry her and expect her to adopt my child. Life doesn't really work that way, maybe in my dreams, but not in reality.
I turn the corner into my room and notice a baseball cap on the corner of my bed. Picking it up I finger the bill, it's way to small to be mine. Looking around the room, I remember that it's Jakes, he must have left it here when he was over last. I move jakes hat onto my dresser as I turn my bed down, my thoughts immediately turning to his mother. There isn't really much more to contemplate, I just see her face in my mind. It's beautiful and happy. I can smell her also; her scent must still be on my clothing from our encounter earlier in the trauma room. I don't know if it's strong or if it's just me, I can remember every detail about her. The way she moves her hair out of her face, the way she bites her lip when she's anxious, the way she looks up at me when she is unsure about something.
I lower myself to the bed and turn the television on. Flicking through the channels fast, I can't help but stop on the adult entertainment station. I am a man after all, a man that doesn't get laid on a regular basis. Of course a vision of Abby pops into my head once again, a soft shadow of light dancing across her bare back in the bed that we shared last week, her beautiful breasts pressed against my chest as I move inside of her. I can't help but think of her as I touch myself lightly. Before her, I hadn't been with a woman since Ali.
I pleasure myself pretty quickly, feeling a little bitter because it just doesn't even come close in comparison to being with Abby. Relaxing against the pillow, I turn the television off and throw the remote to the edge of the bed. Turning on to my side, I wonder as I fall asleep, will I ever get to make love to her again?
It's six o'clock at night as I walk into the hospital for what is my first night shift of the month. I walk over to the board to see if I can catch a glimpse of who I will be working with, of course looking for a particular doctors name. I see it, on the top of the transparent plexi glass and a smile creeps its self on to my face. I look around the ER to see if I can catch a glimpse of her, a possible smile from her to start my evening in the right direction. She isn't anywhere that I can see though. I walk over to pick up my first chart, a migrain in exam two, meat and potatoes.
I move to enter the room and see someone standing at the patient next to mine, a docor that I have not met before. I look into the room from the door way, squinting my eyes, trying to look at her closer; she reminds me of someone, my ex-wife. She's got blond hair a little bit shorter than shoulder length, blue eyes and dimples. I am taken a back by the similarity, my brow furrowing into a confused expression. I watch for a little longer, untill she turns around and catches me staring at her.
"Dr. Carter, right?"
"Uh, yea" I smile and try to shake off the odd look on my face.
"Tara Danridge, Psychology. I've heard a lot about you."
"Good things, I hope" I move to shake her hand with a friendly smile on my face. This encounter is so wierd though, she really looks just like Ali, except she seems a little bit more pleasant. I look away for a second and then back at her, catching her looking up and down my body, sizing me up for a minute. She smiles again, a little flirty, not at all embarassed that I just caught her checking me out. She brings her pen to her mouth and chews on the edge of it then leans against the gurney, exposing a little skin on her thigh. I think she's trying to spark my interest in her. I look around the room, feeling awkward, trying to see if there is any excuse I can use to leave this exam room. I need someone to come rescure me right now.
"Uh . . . I better get to my patient" I walk backward, trying to escape with out offending her.
"Well, maybe we can have coffee later or something" She steps closer to me as I step back, and I am almost against the wall.
"Oooh-kay" I stumble a little bit on the single word, I'm just trying to get her to leave me alone. I really don't have much interest in having a cup of coffee with this woman. She's kind of irking me with her overt sexual energy that she's exuding all over the place. I wonder if I would feel different if she didn't look like Ali, although I really can't imagine being interested in anyone other than Abby right now. I steal a look down the hall and in the distance I see her sweeping her bangs out of her eyes; a thought pops into my mind. I don't know if I will ever want anyone but her ever again.
I smile fakely as Dr. Danridge leaves the room, of course not with out sweeping her hand over my bicep as she walks past me in the doorway. I look over at my patient for the first time, embarrassed that the young man just witnessed that whole odd encounter.
"Sorry about that" I roll my eyes and jesture my hand toward the door, refering to the nympho doc that just left the room.
"She did'nt get the hint, did she"
"I dont think so"
A few hours later I walk over to the admitt desk to pick up yet another patient; I'm jamming tonight, probably because I am trying to keep myself from socializing with Abby. If I can't be close to her, I don't want to tease myself. What's the point in being masochistic? I flip through the charts to try to find something interesting, my eyes focused downward as I see a pair of womans shoes step into my vision on the floor. I look up slowly and come face to face with none else but the young doctor that seems to be my new stalker. She is standing nearly on top of me, her cleavage falling out of her lab coat almost onto the counter in front of us. She flips her hair as I feel someone walk up behind me and sweep past me. Looking over her shoulder, I notice that it's Abby. I look at the back of her longingly for a second, Dr. Danridge trying to get my attention mentioning something about coffee; I am really not hearing her though, my mind is focussing on somebody else. I turn my attention back to the doctor in front of me in an attempt not to be completely rude. She looks at me and smiles wide, her eyes batting as she leans against the counter.
"Coffee, Dr. Carter?"
"Uhh . . ." I look around the room to try to find an excuse again, but there isn't one. Still looking, I see Abby turn her head towards me after hearing my name. She glances quickly at me and then at the woman in front of me, and then back at me with a shy smile, but turns away quickly. I know she heard Dr. Danridges request and I think she is sticking around to see if I comply. I look back down at my chart and then up at her.
"Raincheck?" I hold the chart up in the air, motioning at it. "This guy seems like he's in a lot of pain"
"Okay, but I will come find you in a couple hours" She sweeps past me with a wink of her eye, her hip grazing mine but I am unfazed. I turn around to watch her walk away but my eye catches something else, a swinging blond ponytail entering the lounge. The only thing I can think of right now is that I hope Abby heard me turn her down before she walked away.
I move from my position quickly, I have to make sure that she isn't upset. She was very casual about hearing my interaction with Dr. Danridge; I honestly don't know if she has any feelings about it. I'm not really sure yet if she is the jealous type, but I do know for sure that she has nothing to be jealous of. I know that I shouldn't follow her into the lounge right now, but I have to, my legs aren't giving me a choice.
I enter the room and find Abby at her locker putting her coat on. I walk past her and knock her playfully with my shoulder, causing her to turn around and give me a lift of her eyebrow. I open my locker, contemplating what I am going to say as she moves over to the door still looking at me. I caulk my head at her silently asking her for a penny for her thoughts.
"It would have been okay with me if you had coffee with her."
"What?" I'm caught off guard for a second, I wasn't expecting her to mention that.
"The hot psych consult" She says it quietly, motioning her head out the door.
"Well, I didn't want to"
"Why not?" She leans against the doorway and asks curiously.
"Because I would rather go get coffee with someone else."
"And who would that be?" She steps away from the door letting it shut and walks back my way.
"This other blond doctor," I reach for her and she grabs my hand, letting me pull her close to me. "brown eyes, about 5'2. Her bangs are always in her eyes, but I think it's sexy" I sweep the hair off her forehead, my other hand bringing her body closer to mine. I'm surprised that she's letting me get this close.
"Whats her name?" She whispers it into the air before I capture her lips with mine in a sweet and soft kiss. Letting her go, I whisper back into her ear.
"Stacy" She laughs a little bit, remembering our encounter last week on the couch a couple feet away from where were standing right now. She is so beautiful when she's happy.
"I like seeing that smile" I tell her as my hand grazes the side of her face, my fingers softly traveling over her lips. I am consciously doing everything I can not to throw her down on the couch and have my way with her. She smiles again, caulking her head to the side and rolling her eyes.
"What do I have to do to see that more often?" I move the hair out of her eyes again, kissing the side of her face near her ear.
"You can kiss me more often" She pulls me closer and everything that I have been trying not to do suddenly means nothing.
"I thought we werent supposed to be doing that for a while" I kiss her more, taking in as much as I can of her before she tells me that I'm right.
"Well, we're not, but I won't tell anyone if you dont" She looks up at me with a mischevious look on her face and I wonder for a second what happened to the unsure and mourning Abby. I push those contemplations out of my mind, I need to enjoy this while it lasts.
"Why don't we get together after our shift and not tell anyone?" I ask her jokingly, testing the water a little.
"How about we settle for a cup of coffee on our break." She gives me one of those milliion dollar smiles and kisses me one more time before walking out the swinging door.
AN: I hope at leaste some of my avid readers understood the "Stacy" joke. If you didn't- there is a part in chapter 13 when Abby calls herself "Stacy", joking with Carter. Check it out, it makes the scene cuter.