AN: I wanted to thank everyone for your awesome reviews. They really inspire me to write the best that I can, which according to some reviewers, 'the best I can' kind of sucks. Which leads me to my next note- In this past week I have noticed a lot of bad and hurtful reviews for some stories and I'm not really sure why some people have all of the sudden decided to be mean to one another, but lets just all remember that we are all amateurs and constructive criticism is the nice way to go. Thanks again for reading my fics!

Chapter seventeen

I drive up to my house and take my sunglasses off as I pull my car into the garage. It's sunny and humid out already, a perfect Chicago summer day, but all I could think of is how lucky I am that Jake is at camp so I can sleep all day until he gets home. I walk up the stairs sluggishly; I'm tired lately and a little beaten up. I've been eating healthier but a part of me still feels like the weak and droopy Abby that I was a couple weeks ago. I'm still stressed, although not as much as I was before, but I don't think my body has been recovering as quickly as my mind. I start to strip my clothes off before I even get up the stairs, no time to put anything else on. I run over to the curtains and close them tightly, hissing off the harsh light of day; I get into my bed in only my underwear and am asleep in no time.

Sleep brings me into my dreams and random scenes flicker in and out of my mind. Coffee cups and medical journals, little boys pajamas and tennis shoes that light up on the bottom, a pair of hands on my bare back and a shadow of sunlight cast on a warm smile, a video game running over and over on the television and a brief case resting against the living room couch. Throughout the pictures there is a baby crying in the distant background, a vision then of a glowing cradle and an infant in a pool of rose petals sleeping peacefully.

I wake with a start, thinking that I need to get up and go to the crying baby. I lift my body almost completely out of bed as I look around the room, realizing only then that the crying was in my dream; I have no baby to go to. I glance at the clock on my bedside, suddenly yearning for Jake to get home sooner. I miss him, and even though I am still extremely tired, all I want to do is hug my little boy.

I get out of bed, my thoughts turning to John and our encounter early this morning in the lounge. It just seems that I can't keep myself away from him, like a current that pulls water onto the shores of the beach; there is nothing I can do about it. I must admit there was a small part of me that felt a pang of jealousy when I saw him talking to the beautiful psych consult at the admit desk earlier. One look at her and I cant believe he turned her down, she was flawless and he didn't even give her the time of day. I can't even understand what he would want with me after meeting her. I have baggage, a child, insecurities, things that single men just aren't looking for in a woman.

I let him kiss me this morning. Actually, I think that I am the one that initiated our closeness; I had to give him something to tie him over until I am ready to be with him. I don't want to make him wait forever, I barely want to have him wait at all actually, and I definitely don't want him to start thinking about other woman while he's doing so. It felt amazing to be in John arms again, being there with him was motivation enough to really work through my feelings about my divorce so I could move on and be with him. There is something else I have to do too; I need to discuss it with Jake.

I hear the door slam downstairs and quickly pull on a t-shirt and shorts. Running toward the landing, I look over it to see my little man jogging up the stairs to me. Looking out the window, I see Nikki, his nanny driving away, once she has seen that Jake has made it inside.

"Mommy! Mom!?"

"Hi baby" I am so excited to see him after four days without him. He runs and jumps into my arms, pushing me to the floor as I hug him tightly, kissing him everywhere I can.

"Mom, can Lexi sleep over tonight, she said today at camp that now she's allowed to have sleepovers finally and she wants me to be her first one!"

"I don't know if tonight's the best night sweetie, but I want to talk to you about something right now"

I grab Jake off the floor and throw him onto my bed, crawling on it beside him. I move his hair out oh his face, noting to myself to make an appointment for him to get a hair cut this week.

"I wanted to ask you how you're feeling about your daddy living in that new condo"

"I like it. It has one of those rooms with the wood bench that gets really, really hot inside."

"That's called a sauna" I smile at him watching his hands move about to describe it to me. "But what I meant to ask you was, are you feeling okay with me and your daddy not living together and not sleeping in the same bed or tucking you in at night together?"

"I wish you could both tuck me in together sometimes." He looks off into the distance for a second, but then I can see that a light bulb has gone off in his head. "But if Lexi sleeps over, maybe John can come too and then both of you can tuck us in." I smile at how easily Jake can turn the subject back over to Lexi sleeping over. What a little shit!

"You like John, don't you" I'm fishing for some feelings here, but it's so hard to get them out of a six year old.

"Yea, he's cool. He loves to play video games with me" Jake pulls me close to him bringing his lips to my ear even though nobody else is around, he whispers. "And I think he has a crush on you" I laugh a little bit, he is always able to surprise me and crack me up, even when I am trying to be serious. He pulls away and laughs with me before saying one more thing playfully. "Remember, we saw you kissing?"

I nod my head at him and smile, but then turn a little bit serious.

"How did you feel when you saw that?"

"I was happy because that means that if John is your boyfriend that Lexi and me can play all the time." I can't help but get a little frustrated at this last answer. I steady his shoulders with both my hands, begging him to concentrate on something other than his play dates.

"Jakey, how would you feel if John didn't have a little girl that you could play with? Would you still like him? Would you still want him to be my boyfriend?"

"Would he still play video games with me?"

"I think he would" He bites the inside of his cheek and looks up to the sky, thinking about his answer quickly.

"Yea, I like him."

I turn around to fish my slippers out of my closet, wanting to end the conversation at that. I don't need to actually tell him yet, I just wanted to get a hint of his feelings. But of course this conversation isn't over, it's never that easy.

"Mom, is John your boyfriend?' I turn around and walk toward the bed, pulling Jake into my lap.

"I don't know yet sweetie"

"Is that why he's moping around the house?" I furrow my brow, I have no idea what he's talking about.

"What do you mean baby?"

"Lexi told me today that John is sad and moping around the house" I turn my head so Jake doesn't see the shy smile that has crept onto my face, and I wonder how great the possibility is that John is mopping because he's missing me.

"Well, I'm not sure why that is" I smile at him and ruffle his hair, picking him up off the bed and placing him feet first on the floor.

"Mom, are you gonna get a boyfriend soon, cuz, now that daddy's not here, who's gonna protect us if a burglar comes?" I look at him sympathetically; this is the part of him that is insecure about our separating, the part of him that thinks I need a man around to take care of our family, the part of him that thinks I cant handle things on my own.

"I think we'll be okay sweetie. . . You know those numbers that I punch in when we come home at the front door?"

"Yea"

"That's our alarm system, and nobody can get into our house without knowing the numbers"

"Are you gonna tell John the numbers, so he can protect us if we need him" I roll my eyes at him and avoid an answer, he shouldn't be worried about stuff like that right now.

"Come on kiddo, let's make you some dinner. What do you want to eat?" I grab him off the bed and notice that he's getting heavier by the day; I wont be able to hold him in my arms much longer.

"Umm . . . French fries and pizza"

"I don't think so, you probably had way too much of that at your dads this weekend"

Hours later the house is peacefully quiet after I have tucked Jake into his bed for the evening. I walk into my bedroom totally frustrated because I am still completely awake. That's what I hate about the occasional graveyard shift, it throws your whole system out of whack and it's nearly impossible to get it back on track. I better get it on track soon though, because I have a shift at eight o'clock tomorrow morning. I plop down on my bed in a huff, flicking on the television as the phone rings loudly on my night stand. I look over at it with a questioning gaze. Who could be calling me at ten o'clock at night?

"Hello?"

"Hi"

"Hi, what are you doing?" Hearing his voice brings an immediate giddy smile to my face and I know that he can tell from my tone that I'm happy that he's called.

"I was just thinking about you" His tone is playful and flirtatious so I play along.

"Oh yea, what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I was having such a good time kissing you in the lounge this morning that maybe we should do it again some time"

I smile into the phone and respond to him slightly seductively. "Well, I never said that we weren't going to"

"Well that's good"

"Actually, I had a pretty decent conversation with Jake about everything today"

"Really?"

"Yea, I think, um . . . I think he's okay with it. . .He likes you"

"Well, that's good, because I like him too . . .and I like his mom also"

"Oh, you do"

"Just a little" We laugh a little bit together, enjoying each other.

"Jake wants to have a sleepover with Lexi this week, that's all he could talk about tonight"

"How about we take them out on Friday, I don't know, miniature golf or something fun like that, and then you can borrow the little princess for the night"

"Oh, I don't know, I might have a date that night" I dead pan it just to tease him, but the line is quiet for a second.

"Oh, um . . . then some other time" He sounds like the world has just ended and I smile to myself, I guess he really likes me!

"John," I whisper it gently.

"Yea"

"I was kidding" He laughs at himself and I laugh with him easily.

"I'll see you tomorrow"

I walk into the hospital early in the morning, tired, but eager to see John. After my conversation with both him and Jake last night, I have decided that I don't want to wait anymore; there isn't a good enough reason. I am moving on and into this relationship and I can't wait another minute to start it! I walk into the lounge, for some reason expecting John to be in there but he's not. I move over to my locker and throw my stuff inside, grab my lab coat and run out fast.

"Jerry, have you seen Dr. Carter?"

"I think he's in the on call room, its been kind of slow" I start to back away before Jerry even finishes and yell a quick 'thanks' over my shoulder.

I open the door to the dark on call room, a thin line of light shinning over the face of the sleeping figure on the gurney. I pad over to him and sit down on the edge of the bed, smiling a little as I rub my hand down his back. He stirs a bit and turns over on to his side, making room for me to lie down next to him. Scooting over onto the bed, I take the room that he has given me and notice as I look at him closely, that he is still completely asleep. I move my head into the crook of his neck and place light kisses on his shoulder, gently waking him a little bit. He breaths into my hair and brings his hands over my body, gently running his fingers over my butt and up my back. He pulls me closer, as I look up at him, noticing that he still has his eyes closed; he still is half asleep. I adjust my position a little bit and peck him on the lips lightly; again and then again to wake him slowly. He pulls his hands up to my face and then captures my lips with his, this time not letting me pull away, kissing me passionately. If he wasn't awake before, he sure is now. He lets my lips go and pulls me on top of him, hugging my body to his, embracing me wholly.

"Hi" I whisper in to his ear.

"I thought I was dreaming" He kisses the side of my face lightly and sweeps my hair out of my eyes, he loves doing that; he's got a thing for my bangs. "You're really here"

"No, it's Dr. Danridge" I whisper it, imitating a seductive tone that she probably would use. He laughs at my joke and pulls me down to trail kisses over my neck.

"You're daring today" He whispers into my ear as I turn onto my side, resting my cheek in the palm of my hand.

"You know what. . . I don't care anymore"

"You don't?" I shake my head, confirming my answer, kissing him again. He looks at me for a minute and smiles, running his fingers down the side of my face; it looks like were getting into a serious conversation here. "Abby . . . I want to be with you"

I smile at his declaration, but inside there are butterflies swarming my stomach and even though I appear calm and collected from the outside, my heart is pounding a mile a minute. I am deciding that right now I have to go for it; I want it.

"Well, I'm ready"

"You are?"

"Yea"

"Are you sure?"

"Have you talked to Lexi about it? Is she okay with it? Does she like me?"

"You know she does"

"I know but, me as Jakes mom and me as your girlfriend are two entirely different things"

"She likes you; I'm not even going to tell you how much, it'll probably scare you off"

"Why?"

"Nothing"

"Tell me" I squeeze his arm playfully, trying to get it out of him. I don't think much is going to scare me off.

"She wants you to be her new mom" I like that, it's adorable, and what I really would like to say is, "gladly!" but now I'm the one that doesn't want to scare him off; so I just come up with a witty comment to respond with.

"Well, how about we see how things go with the sleepover tomorrow and if it goes well, I'll pick up her bedroom furniture on Saturday" He laughs a little as I get off the bed, noticing that I'm five minutes late to start my shift. I start to walk away from him but he grabs my hand, bringing me back to him, pulling me down to kiss him again.

"I got to work" I protest a little bit, mostly because I know that I will never get out of this room if he continues to kiss me like this.

"Why can't you stay here with me all day?"

"You can't stay here all day either, come on" I extend both my hands to him and he takes them, lazily lifting himself off the bed. We walk out the door, Johns hands placed on my hips guiding me into the hallway. There are doctors and nurses passing by, some looking at us, wondering what we were doing in a dark room alone together. That's fine, I'll let them wonder; sooner or later everyone is going to find out that were together, let the gossip begin!