AN: Again, I am so appreciative of all your reviews. Your latest ones inspired me to get this chapter out quicker, so here you go! This one has a lot of dialogue, I think that's a good thing?
Chapter Eighteen
I wake to an alarm clock blasting in my ear, knowing that this day is going to be incredibly long. Pulling myself out of bed, I remember that Abby's off today, so I won't get to see her until we get together with the children tonight. I can't wait until then, to finally be able to be with her outside of work, to get to kiss her and not feel guilty about it. Well, except for the fact that the kids will be with us, but I don't really think they'll mind, in fact, I think they have been playing 'match-maker' this last week. I should really talk to Lexi about it first, I'm sure she's going to be thrilled. I think Abby is exactly what she needs as a role model right now, someone who is independent, smart, confident and feminine. Wow, that's my girlfriend, all those things, she's amazing!
I drive up to my house after what was proven to be a long and never ending shift. Thinking about an evening with Abby and the children is really what kept me going all day long. I climb the stairs to my bedroom, wanting to take a quick nap before going over to Abby's; I need to regain some of the energy that I exerted today.
An hour later I am woken up by the door of my bedroom slowly screeching open.
"Daddy?" I pop up, worried that I have overslept and missed our evening. Looking at the clock, I realize that I have just enough time to get showered and ready.
"Yea Lex"
"Can I wear my new skirt tonight?"
"Sure you can"
"You're coming with us all night, right?"
"Yea" Lexi moves over onto the bed and sits down next to me, a shy little smile playing on her lips.
"Does that mean that you and Abby are boyfriend and girlfriend?"
I look at her and smile a little, slightly embarrassed to answer the question. "I think so Lex"
She smiles widely, almost trying to conceal her excitement, but she can't. I can see her happiness clearly, and it thrills me that she loves Abby and Jake. The four of us would make the cutest family. She starts to walk out of the bedroom and stops at the door, turning around and quickly blurting out a question that I know she has been waiting a long time to ask.
"Are you guys gonna get married and then is Abby gonna be my new mom?"
I turn around to face her, placing my hands on her shoulders, gently responding. "Let's just take one step at a time"
"Are you gonna make me a baby brother or sister?" She has a giddy smile on her face.
"I don't know" She gets off the bed moving toward the door, of course turning around to get her last thought in.
"Well just for the record, I'd prefer a sister, but I'll be happy either way"
"Well, I'll be sure to get right on that" I joke with her, shooing her out of my room to get ready to go.
I arrive at Abby's house and am greeted by an excited Jake at the door. He is so adorable, wearing a backwards baseball cap and jean jacket, like a little man. I think to myself that it must be fun to have a little boy. I would raise a sports freak, just like me. I bet my little boy would be agile and fast, smart witted and strong.
Lexi pushes past me and the children run off into Jakes room to play. I follow up the stairs, looking for the queen of the house, anticipation shooting through my body.
"Abby" I yell out to her as I reach the upstairs hallway, not wanting to knock, it seems too formal.
"In here" I push open her door and there she stands at her closet in a pair of tight fitting jeans and skimpy little camisole, I guess she's not done getting dressed, perfect timing on my part. Her back is turned to me, her hair cascading down her arms in lose golden waves. She looks so young and innocent when she wears her hair down. Abby looks back at me and smiles as she stands in front of the walk in closet, trying to decide on what to wear.
"Hey" I say it with a smile, looking her up and down as she peers into the closet.
"Hey yourself" She extends her arm behind her back, reaching for me.
I oblige and walk up behind her, kissing her cheek and wrapping my arms around the front of her, hugging her small frame to my body. This is what I waited all day for, and yes, it was totally worth it. I breathe her in, nuzzling my face into her neck, her hair sweeping across my nose.
"You smell good"
She turns around, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling me down to kiss her. She pulls away for a minute to smile at me, something about her looks so worry free and content right now. I love this stress free environment, being able to kiss her and not feel that were hiding. I can't help but hope it lasts forever. I run my hands up and down her sides smiling down at her, happy to have a few moments alone with her before we spend an evening with the children.
"What?" She's questioning my gaze, I knew that sooner or later I wouldn't be able to stare at her for too long; she might think something is wrong.
"Nothing, I'm just excited to spend the evening with you"
She smiles again and I just can't resist taking her in my arms and kissing her again, passionately this time, I need to feel her close to me. I bring one hand up to cup her face, the other snaking around her waist and sliding down her butt. Okay, right now, I wish we would have had the sitter take the kids golfing so we could be alone. Just as I'm thinking this I turn my head to the door quickly and then focus my attention back on Abby, and then I take a double take at the door where I see two short little squirts smiling huge watching their parents making out. I pull away from Abby, motioning to her that we have an audience as she starts to laugh, I think nervously.
"Jake, what did I tell you about knocking first" She is completely serious but I can see an underlying smile on her face, she thinks it's kind of funny.
"The door was open mom, besides we already knew you were gonna kiss again, that's why we left you alone in the first place"
"Oh really" She smiles and I let out the breath that I was holding, relieved that she isn't mad about the kids seeing us kiss. Jake leans against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest, like a little adult.
"Can we go miniature golfing now?"
"Two minutes Jakey" The kids walk into the hallway as Abby rolls her eyes at her little smart ass kid and walks over to the closet, slipping on a sheer cotton black top. She turns around walking towards me, a new easiness in her soft expression. We walk out into the hallway together where the children are waiting, Abby immediately walking up to Lexi, kneeling down and pulling her into her arms.
"How was your weekend with your mom, Lex?"
"It was boring. My dad said that maybe I could skip going next month"
"Well that's good for us, cuz we miss you when you're gone all weekend"
I watch the two interact, Lexi holding Abby's hand in hers as they walk down the stairs together. I can tell that she doesn't plan on letting her go any time soon. It almost scares me how much Lexi likes Abby because I know she'll be crushed if things don't work out between us. I focus on brushing those doubts aside, not wanting to be worried all evening that I am going to loose this amazing person. If I thought about that too much, I probably wouldn't even be here, I would be alone and miserable and wishing that I would take a chance.
Hours later we are at the last hole in the miniature golf park, the children starting to get tired after the second round they have played. I walk up to the bench where Abby is sitting, waiting for the kids to finishing goofing off. I sit down next to her and pull her hand into my lap, playing with one of the rings on her fingers. Looking down at her hands, I notice for the first time that she isn't wearing her wedding ring anymore. I don't know exactly when she took it off but I remember seeing it on her finger a couple weeks ago. It was beautiful, and probably a big step for her to remove it. I pick up her hand a lay a gentle kiss on her knuckles and then let her have it back before the kids run up to us, shoving there clubs and balls onto the bench were sitting on.
"Daddy I have to go to the bathroom" Lexi holds her hand out for me to take her and I get up, Abby grabbing my arm, pulling herself up instead.
"I'll take you Blondie" She looks back at me to make sure that I don't mind and I smile down at the two girls, not being able to recall a time when I didn't have to take Lexi into the men's room with me.
"Me too mommy" Jake chimes in and I grab his hand, signaling to Abby that I'll take him with me. We both give each other the same look, a lift of our brows that says, 'look at us, taking care of each others kids!' How cute are we!?
I walk into the men's room, letting jakes hand go, so we can do our business at side by side urinals. We walk out of the bathroom and wait for the girls on the bench while playing with the golf balls that we haven't returned yet.
"Did my mom give you the code?" Jake asks me as I knuckle the golf ball, I don't know what he's talking about at all.
"Excuse me?"
"You know the-
Jake is cut off by the girls walking towards the bench, Abby mumbling a quick 'ready?'
A half hour later the four of us are on the couch together, the children in their pajamas, watching Shrek for the hundredth time. The kids move on to the floor and I look over at Abby, pulling her to me, wrapping her in my arms. She lets her weight fall on to me easily, nestling her head into my neck. The kids look back at us, interested in our interactions. They smile and laugh a little; this is probably the first time they have seen their parents being affectionate with someone other than themselves. I know that Lexi never really saw me kiss Ali; I never had affectionate moments with her, so this is all new to Lexi. I smile at the kids and kiss the top of Abby's hair, whispering in her ear.
"Look at them together," I point at the children huddled under a blanket whispering to each other and laughing; they turn around quickly when they realize that we know they are watching us.
"They're adorable" She says it in a tired voice, causing me to look at my watch to check how late it is. Its eleven o'clock and the children are still wide awake, and I am way too comfortable cuddling with Abby, so I decide to stay put for a little while longer.
An hour later the movie is almost over and I look down at the children, noting that they are sleeping. I then look down at Abby and see that she's starting to nod off as well. I move my hand over her body to wake her a little, whispering lightly into the air, "I should get going"
She stirs a little and lifts her head to look up at me. Our eyes meet as she brings her hands up to my chest into a position to push off of me and get up, but she doesn't. She stares at me for a second, looking into my eyes, her expression innocent and sultry at the same time. I move a piece of hair out of her face, my fingers grazing her lips as she leans into my touch.
"Stay" Her voice is barely audible, but she definitely said it. We both glance at the kids and then back at each other, trying to determine if it would be entirely inappropriate.
I rub my hands down her back and then pull her face close to me, kissing the side of her lips and bringing her face to nuzzle with mine. I don't answer; I think we both know that I'm not going anywhere. Abby pushes off of me and gets off the couch, walking over to Jake and picking him up lightly. He starts to mumble something as I stand behind her watching the two of them.
"Mommy, can you put me in my Spongebob pj's?"
"You're already in your pjs" She answers back, he's not even really conscious.
"I love you mommy" He mumbles into her ear as she rubs his back, waiting for me to follow with Lexi.
"I love you too angel" She whispers back to him, my heart melting as I climb the stairs behind her. This woman is so amazing with her son; I fall for her even more every time I watch her interact with him. I could watch her with him for hours.
We reach Jakes bedroom, both of us lowering each kid to their beds. I pull the sheets over Lexi, placing her stuffed dog "Rags" beside her and kissing her forehead before walking to the door and waiting for Abby. I watch her kiss Jake on the cheek and then move to Lexi to do the same. She then walks into the bathroom and turns on a small night light, illuminating the room just enough for me to see the speckles of light reflecting off her hair. She walks up to me and pushes my body out the door, grabbing my hand and walking me down the hall to her bedroom. I follow her inside, letting her lead me. Sitting down on the arm chair in the corner of her room, I watch her walk into her closet, leaving the door open.
A few minutes later she emerges from the small room wearing a little pink tank top and a pair of short silk sleep shorts. Its no teddy, but I don't think I have ever seen her look so beautiful. She walks up to me and grabs my hand, pulling me up off the chair.
"Come on" She says it quietly, moving me towards the bed, unbuttoning my shirt and sweeping it off my shoulders. She smiles at me before moving her hands to my belt buckle; it isn't a seductive smile though, it's sweet and beautiful. I think we both know that were not going to have sex tonight. Not because we don't want to, but because it just doesn't seem appropriate yet with the children a couple rooms away.
My pants come down, leaving me in my boxer briefs to climb in to bed next to Abby. She leans over me to light a candle on the end table then reaches to the other side of the bed to switch the light off. She settles down on my chest, her chin resting on her hands that are intertwined on top of me. Looking up at me, she smiles, mouthing a "hi".
"Hi" I whisper back, so content in our position. I rub my hand over her hair, playing with her long locks. "Tell me something about you that I don't know"
"What do you mean?" She looks up at me, her eyes shinning in the candle light.
"Just anything . . . about your childhood, your family, college . . . I want to know you better" She looks into the distance and then back at me, a little bit of worry in her face. She thinks for a while before she talks.
"My mother's been sick my whole life" She says it with out much expression, like it simply is a fact, something that has been accepted.
"With what?" I ask her gently.
"She's bi-polar . . . she never took her meds when I was a kid . . or an adult really. . . But she's been on them steadily for the past couple years"
"What's her name?"
"Maggie"
"And your dad?"
"Steven . . . but I don't know him, I never did. It was just me and my mom and my younger brother, Eric. . . . I was really the mom though; I took care of them both."
"That's probably why you're such a good mother now" I move my hands over her body as we talk, my fingers trailing over her shoulders to her face and then down her back.
"Maybe" She smiles slightly, I think feeling comfortable sharing her past with me. "What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Come on"
I take a deep breath before starting my small speech. "My brother died when I was eleven and my parents were never really the same after that. My grandmother actually is the one that raised me from there, in a house full of servants and butlers. . . I kind of ran from it when I grew up a little and realized that the rest of the world wasn't living that way. . . but my grandmother never really approved of the direction I headed with my career choice"
"What would she have preferred?"
"She wanted me to run the foundation with her, give away money, attend galas"
"Sounds like a blast" She teases sarcastically and I squeeze her arm playfully before speaking up again.
"How did you meet Trent?"
"We met at a bar . . . he came up to me and asked if I was 'Tracy', I guess he thought I was someone he knew"
"That was a line" She looks up at me and raises her eyebrows, agreeing.
"Probably"
"What went wrong?" I play with her hair, twisting it around my finger, my voice coming out gently, almost not wanting to ask but needing to know.
"I don't know . . . He, . . . he was this suave guy when I met him, someone who I never thought I would have a serious relationship with. He was that guy that would have a different woman on his arm every time you saw him; the one that you wouldn't fall for" She rolls her eyes, chastising herself. ". .but I totally did . . . And I knew it from day one that there was something about him that I couldn't trust, something that told me that this guy wasn't the one that I was supposed to share my life with" She looks down at her hands, drawing circles on my chest and then back up at me. I think I can actually see it in her face, this moment; right now she is opening up, letting me in. "A couple years into the marriage we were both having hard times in our personal lives, but separately . . . My mother, his career . . . It was like we couldn't be there for each other at all . . . I think that's when he started looking for other things that made him feel good, . . probably other woman"
"You don't know for sure?" I ask her lightly, surprised to find out that someone would cheat on this woman. I've only been with her twice and I already know that I could go on happily for the rest of my life with out sleeping with anyone but her.
"I never really wanted to know. . . I could have caught him I guess; checked his cell phone bills, followed him late at night . . . but I didn't want to. I just let it go, I don't know why really. . . But we stayed together even through that . . . It wasn't until I lost the baby that I knew we wouldn't make it"
"Why then?"
"He was relieved. I was in the hospital in so much pain, and all I could remember was seeing him standing over me when I was regaining consciousness. He had this look of relief on his face that we weren't going to have another baby; I don't know if he knew I could see it, but I did. He never wanted to have another baby but he gave in to me because I really did, but when we lost it, I knew that that was my only chance. . . I then decided that I didn't want to have any more children with someone that didn't want them. . . After that we tried to work on it, but things were never the same. I knew that I wanted more and that he couldn't give it to me, so it just went down hill from there."
"How many more do you want?" I ask the question as a quick vision pops into my head. It's me and Abby in matching baseball jerseys, a team of our children spread out on the field, all of them wearing matching baseball caps, embroidered with our family name on it, 'Carter'.
"More what?" She breaks me out of my quick reverie.
"Kids"
"I don't know, at least one, maybe two. . . What about you"
"Yea, I do want more. I never really thought about it until I left Ali, cuz I knew that I didn't want to have any more children with her. She's got to be like one of the worst mothers ever."
Abby expression turns to a sad one for a moment, I can tell that she is hurting for my little girl. "Is that why Lexi doesn't want to go back next month?"
"She left her with a baby sitter the whole weekend she was visiting"
"That's awful" I look down at Abby and in this moment I decide that I want to share everything with her, I feel comfortable sharing the world with her, being vulnerable and showing my upset over the situation. She moves her hands to my arms gently rubbing down them supportively.
"It breaks my heart for her, she's at that age in her life when she needs that mother daughter connection so badly" I sweep my hands over Abbys hair, noting how beautifully groomed she always is, hoping that Lexi will turn out as beautiful as this woman. "I really don't want to raise a tom boy. . . I mean, whose gonna teach her how to shave her legs and talk to her about sex and whose gonna tell her how to use a tampon when she gets her period? Who's going to even explain to her what a period is?"
She looks at me for a long minute and I watch as her lips curl into a playful smile before she responds.
"I'll tell you what, you teach Jake how to do a lay up and I'll explain the period thing to Lexi; and buy the way, you are getting the much better deal here" I pull her face to me, kissing her for a moment, appreciating not only that she has offered to help, but that she was able to make light of the situation as well. I am falling in love, fast.
"I'd have to agree"
We kiss for a little while longer and then settle into a comfortable position holding each other, when I remember something that Jake started to ask me at the park.
"What was Jake asking me about some code earlier at the golf park?"
"God he's funny" She laughs a little and shakes her head. " . . . He's worried that we aren't safe and protected with out a man in the house, so he wants you to have the alarm code so if at any time we need rescuing, you'll be able to get to us . . .I don't know maybe he thinks your superman" She says the whole phrase mockingly, squeezing my muscles and lifting her brow at me.
"Well I could be" I pull her down to me to kiss her, her body on top of mine completely. Hugging her to me, I turn her over, spooning her from behind, moving her hair to kiss the back of her neck. We lay in a comfortable silence for a little while, rubbing our hands over each others bodies innocently. I turn around, letting her go for a second to blow out the candle on the bedside table. Turning back to her I take her into my arms again, Abby turning her head to kiss me sweetly and slowly. She pulls away and cuddles into my chest, her body rising and falling in sync with my breathing. She places a small kiss on my neck before I hear her whisper into the darkness.
"I'm glad you stayed"
I run my hand down her back, trying to pull her as close to me as she can get and then whisper in her ear, "Me too".