AN: I have decided to continue this story! After all the feedback from all of you wonderful people, how could I not?! I have had a hard time writting lately, but I think that I can get back into this, I just need your support. So thanks for that. You all made me want to keep going with this story, so here it is, chapter 19. It continues directly from chapter 18, this isn't an epilogue; this story is still not over yet. PS: My spell and grammar check is once again broken, so please excuse any errors.
I wake in the morning to a bright light shinning in through the window, Johns arms tightly wrapped around my waist, his head resting on my breast. I look down at him and run my hands over his shoulders, letting my nails graze the outline of his back. I watch his back rise and fall with his breathing, my thoughts turning to our conversation in bed last night before we went to sleep. I think last night was the first time that I have really opened myself up to John, the first time that I felt comfortable sharing parts of my painful past with someone new. I think it all comes down to the fact that I trust him and feel safe with him. I want him to know me, all of me.
I smile a little and lean down in the bed, bringing my face close to his. I lay one hand on his cheek, his morning stubble prickling my fingers lightly. Leaning down, I kiss him gently, a wave of happiness washing over me. I think I am falling in love; I was never even aware that it could happen this fast.
I stir a little to look at the alarm clock; it's ten o'clock in the morning and I am wondering why the kids are so quiet and what they could be doing. There's no way that they're still sleeping. I move a little bit to get up, worried that the kids are getting into something they shouldn't. I have almost made it off the bed when Johns hand pulls me back on top of him. I turn around and smile at him, letting him bring me back into bed for a minute.
"Where are you going?" He says it in a scratchy sleepy voice, his eyes still closed, wrapping his arms tightly around me to keep me from getting up.
"I was gonna check on the kids; it's late" I kiss his chest quickly before trying to get up again.
"I was up with them a couple hours ago, I made them breakfast and now their watching a movie in the den." Okay, so I have found the most amazing man on the planet! What did I do to deserve this? Oh, that's right; I spent the last nine years of my life with an asshole.
"Where did you come from?" I ask jokingly in disbelief, clearly conveying my appreciation and surprise as I settle back down cuddling next to him.
"I was heaven sent" He jokes around, pulling me on top of him, kissing my lips slowly, rubbing his hands down my backside. I quickly get lost in the moment, not really thinking about the fact that our children are downstairs, and it's me that deepens the kiss. I let my weight fall completely on top of him, my hands inching across his bare stomach. Breaking our kiss for a moment, I lift my chest off of him, letting him pull my tank over my head. I then reach under the covers to free us both from our underwear, then settle back against him, wrapping my arms around his neck kissing him passionately. He opens his eyes for a second and quickly lifts his body up, gently pushing me off of him. I'm confused for a second and then I see what he's doing; he's going to lock the bedroom door. Smart thinking. I watch his cute naked body walk back to me and I smile at him, lying down on my back to allow him to crawl on top of me. He reaches me and pulls me up though, lying himself back down, pulling me to the position I was in before, on top. I kiss him quickly and whisper into his ear, "shh . . .quick" before positioning myself over him to allow him to move inside of me.
A short while later I crawl out of bed and look for my clothing, eager to get downstairs to make sure that the kids aren't ripping apart the house. John lies back in the bed and watches me, laughing at my haste to get down to the children. I have to make sure that the kids are occupied so I don't feel guilty for what just took place here. I throw on a pair of sweat pants and kiss John quickly. "Come down soon"
"After I recover" He yells back to me as I make my way down the stairs.
I reach the children and they are doing exactly what John said they were, watching a movie, still in their pajamas.
"Good morning angels" My tone is of pure joy, I am officially in a wonderful mood. Jake takes his eyes off the television long enough to flash me a quick smile and then offer an embarasing comment. "Hi mommy, you did'nt tell me last night that you were having a sleepover too"
"Oh, I must have forgotten" I blow off his cute coment, turning around to walk into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I wait for the coffee to brew, somewhat in a trance as I watch the liquid perculating.
"Hi"
I jump a little bit as I am pulled out of my trance, turning around to see John leaning against the doorway like he has been watcing me for a while now. He gives me a smile, running his fingers through his morning bed head.
"What are you doing?" I ask him as I approach him with a sly smile on my face.
"Watching you make coffee" He looks up and down my body, smiling as his eyes meet mine.
"Is that interesting?"
"Yes, very" He nods his head at me and grabs my arm, pulling me towards him and wrapping me into his chest.
"What time are you working today?"
"Umm," John pulls his left arm away from our embrace, looking down at his watch and then back up at me. "I'm on in about an hour or so. I actually need to go home soon to meet Lexi's sitter"
"Well I'm off today, why dont you leave her with me? I was gonna take Jake to the park or to a movie or something"
"Im sure she would love that, are you sure you dont mind?"
"I would love her to stay"
Hours later I am driving home with the children after watching them play with each other in the park. They were absolutely adorable today. I love that Jake and Lexi get a long so well, it makes it so much easier for John and I to be together. I love having Lexi around also, she's like the daughter I never had. John has done such an amazing job of raising her but I can tell that she needs some female guidance and I know that it's been on his mind. He was so sweet last night when he was talking about how he was going to teach her to be a lady, he was worried and genuinly looking to me for reassurance. I love that he was able to open up to me about that, I love that he trusts me to know his fears. I love that I trust him with knowing mine.
I look into the rear view mirror, glancing at the kids playing with each other in the back seat. They are whispering to each other, I think so I cant hear them, but they dont know that I can. They are talking about John and I. Saying something about how I am going to be Lexi's new mom. I smile a little bit as I keep one eye on them in the backseat, hearing Lexi ask Jake, "Do you want a baby brother or sister?" I watch as Jake looks my way and then whispers back to Lexi. "Yea, my mom one time was gonna get me one, but then she did'nt." I look back at the road remembering Jakes confussion when I told him that he wasnt going to have a baby brother or sister after all. He was sad and he did'nt understand, and there was now way I could explain to a three year old what had happened.
I turn the corner and I am knocked out of my thoughts by the soft sound of Lexi's voice again. "Well I wanted to be a big sister but my mom said she did'nt want to have another baby . . . but if my dad marries your mom then you can be my little brother"
"You could call me your brother now, and I could call you my sister" Jake offers with a spring of excitement in his voice. They are so damn cute, planning out their lives together.
"Maybe I can be the flower girl at the wedding. I was a flower girl one time and I wore a pink dress with bows in my hair"
I pull into our driveway, smiling a little and shaking my head at the children. I wish life was as easy as they think it is. I wish they could stay this innocent; there lives would be so much easier if they did'nt know all the hurt and the pain that their parents have gone through. They could have such better futures if they never learned from us, if they never knew all the mistakes we made. I want so badly to set a good example for them, to once and for all show them what a loving relationship should look like. I dont even think they understand what a marriage entails; they never saw their parents in love, they never saw an example of what a real happy family life should be. I would give anything to make them understand that; to show them what family love is all about, to teach them that marriage and partnership is more than just doing the family laundry and tucking them in together at night. I want them to know what true love is, to have happy parents that enjoy raising their children as a couple. I never had that when I was a kid; I never had two loving parents to set an example for me, and I can't help but wonder if that's why I could'nt set that example for my child either.
I walk into the house somewhat in a daze, visions of life as an all american family popping in and out of my head. I cant help but picture all the things that the children were talking about, a life with John and our children; little Lexi as our flower girl at the wedding, a new born baby in a crib next to our bed. I smile at the thought of a future with Lexi and John and worry slightly that I am rushing into this too fast. I push those thoughts out of my head though, there is no point in worrying about this, I need to just let myself go. For once, I need to let go. I am suddenly snapped out of my reverie by the children running up the stair case, the souls of Jakes shoes lighting up with each step that he takes.
After the children have eaten diner, they are parked in front of the television watching cartoons as I clean up the kitchen. The door bell rings and I suddenly perk up, excited to see John, wanting him to hang out for a while with me and the children. I walk over to the door and look at my reflection in the hall mirror first before opening it.
"Hi" I greet him with a smile on my face. I think this guy makes me glow.
"Hi" He pulls me to him and kisses me and I can't help but think that this is how things should be. I love this greeting, I crave it. I never got it with Trent, it was always just a tired hello and quick nod of our heads.
I grab Johns hand and walk him into the living room where the children are, Lexi running up to her daddy to kiss him hello. He picks her up and kisses her head, the little blondie wrapping her legs around his waist.
"Did you have a good time with Abby and Jake today?" He smiles at her and runs his hand over her hair. I love the way he loves her.
"Yea, we went to the park and played video games and ate popsicles."
He kisses his little girls cheek and puts her down, grabbing my hand and bringing me back closer to him. I pull him over to the couch and yank his hand to sit down and relax with us, giving him a tilt of my head that says that I want him to stay a while.
"How was your shift, busy?"
"Nothing out of the ordinary. How was your day with the kids?" We sound like such a comfortable couple, an on looker might think that we have been together forever and that these children are ours together. I smile at the thought of that before answering him.
"It was good. I love having Lexi around, she's an angel."
"I'll take credit for that" I smile at him and pull his hand into my lap, bringing him closer to me to cuddle on the couch. We sit in a peaceful and comfortable silence for a while, watching the children playing video games and laughing with each other. A few minutes later Lexi gets up and moves to the couch, wanting to sit with her daddy and me. I pull her into my lap and lean back against John, cuddling Lexi to my chest, playing with her long blond hair. I stroke my hands over her head, my fingers combing through a couple of knots in her hair. I look down at her and notice a littlle butterfly patch on the back of her t-shirt, my fingers grazing over it, I cant help but start to wonder what it would be like to raise a little girl. I continue to watch the screen on the the television, some little ninja man kicking through a gate and then making his way up to a castle. Jake loves playing this game. Pulling Lexi's hair into a braid, I feel Johns hands on my back, rubbing up and down over my shoulders and down the sides of my arms.
"That looks pretty" He whispers in my ear as I grab my own rubber band to secure her hair. I think that he likes watching me bond with Lexi, I know he thinks that I am good for her.
"Hmm?" I look back at him, not fully aware of what he was saying.
"The braid . . . She always asks me to braid her hair but I dont know how"
I squeeze his leg and smile gently, cuddling closer to him, pulling Lexi with us. A moment of silence goes by, the three of us resting comfortably on the couch, when suddenly the sounds of a crash escape from the television.
"I died!" Jake throws the remote control on the floor, stomping over to the couch, tired of trying to beat the game tonight. He scoots me over, meandering his way onto the sofa, sitting on top of me and John. I move over happily for him, John keeping one arm around my shoulders, the children cuddling in the middle of us. I look over at the man sitting next to me, a glimmer in his eyes, and I can tell that he's thinking the same thing that I am. This is wonderful, the four of us huddled on the couch, so close that we are all almost falling of of it, but we would'nt have it any other way.