Dating Dungbombs

Review Answers:

(A/N: I am quite aware that a fair bit of the reviews for Chapter 13 are from "HIM". Therefore, "HE" should not be mentioned. "HE" doesn't deserve a name. However, I will point this out: Make up your mind on who you are. First "HE" asked to be included and then "HE" goes and insults "HIMSELF". Confusion at its best.)

1. Ic3-An93l said:

- A Daniel Radcliffe look alike?

- Linda will track "HIM" down and kill "HIM".

A: I agree.

-1: I'm afraid that I'm not going to put in a Daniel Radcliffe look alike. Linda and Elizabeth would be too distracted. And besides, I already have something else planned.

-2: Like I've said before ... I'm sure that once Linda finds out who "HE" is, then she'd be very willing to give "HIM" a nice strangle.

2. wandless said:

- You've finally taken me off of that stupid love potion!

- You've gotten me with Michael Corner!

A: :)

-1: Yes, I have taken you off of the love potion, but trust me - that isn't the last of your problems.

-2: Or so you think (haha, I'm just joking!).

3. Legendary DigiTamer Lee said:

- This is a stupendous story written by an exquisite writer

- Harry and Ginny make the best couple, don't they?

A: :D

-1: Aww, thank you! I try. :)

-2: For Harry and Ginny, I have no comment on the situation.

4. lutfun insane ) said:

- Can we have more minor characters? Eg. Fred, George, Ginny, Crabbe, Goyle

- I want one of her songs in her PoV

A: We shall see.

-1: I've put Goyle in this chapter. He doesn't play a huge part (not yet, anyway ...), but it's better than nothing.

-2: Oh dear. I've forgotten to do that. I'll try in the next few chapters.

5. louise said:

- What use is an author if she can't spell well?

- Does this mean Draco doesn't like Lara anymore or is he playing a joke?

A:

-1: You know, if my minor mistakes bother you that much, then maybe I should stop posting chapters altogether.

-2: You've already answered your own question.

6. Rachel Gilding said:

- I would have expected things to be way worse in Chapter 13

- I wish butterbeer was real

A:

-1: They should have been, shouldn't they? But then again, they might just be the setting up for something even worse. Maybe not.

-2: Butterbeer IS real. There's a recipe for it on MuggleNet.

7. POA Rox!!!!!!!!! said:

- I am NOT obsessed with Fonge!

- Thank GOD Fonge's back to normal!

A:

-1: Sure you're not.

-2: Yeah. But does this disturb the balance at Hogwarts? (Just something for you all to think about)

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A/N: Welcome to another chapter of Dating Dungbombs! In this chapter, expect romance! Bravery! Heroes! Villains! Damsels in Distress!

OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit.

This IS Karla's PoV, after all ...

Oh yes, a quick alteration to the romance rules: Little things like (--gasp--) kisses on the cheek aren't counted. I will put them in as freely as I like. :)

I must add an update on our current Hogsmeade situation. In the last chapter, I stated that there wouldn't be any Hogsmeade visits for a while.

I've decided to change that.

From now on, there won't be any Hogsmeade visits.

Ever.

Enjoy!

--Blue (homework in the holidays is a form of torture)

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Chapter 14 - Karla's PoV: The Happy and Horrible Happenings at Hogwarts

I woke up that morning to the beautiful sunlight. I love sunlight - it's so bright and happy. And I reckon that everybody in the world should be like that - bright and sunny.

I had my usual big smile on when I got out of bed, stretched and looked out of the window. The Giant Squid's tentacles were floating lazily on the surface of the lake. There wasn't anybody outside. The reason was probably because I don't like sleeping in that much ... I like to get up nice and early so I can get the most out of the day.

I turned around from the window and looked at everybody else's beds. Apparently everyone else was asleep. Well, they were until ...

"OH MY GOODNESS!" Ashlee jumped up out of bed and pointed to something on the ground. "What's that?" I looked at where she had pointed.

Two steady lines of brown things were moving towards Rachel's bed. I moved closer for a better look.

The things looked exactly like cockroaches, except that they were way bigger than usual cockroaches. I saw their little legs moving towards Rachel's bed at the same time; reminding me of marching soldiers. I drew my head back, my smile still on my face.

"They're cockroaches." I said calmly, pointing at the cockroaches. Ashlee squirmed uncomfortably at them.

"What do we do with them?" she asked, backing away a little bit.

"Leave them there." I shrugged.

"Leave them there?" Ashlee made a weird face. "But they're cockroaches! I hate cockroaches." I scrunched up my face.

"Why would you hate them? They're not bothering us." I said in my reasoning tone. "Besides; what would you do with them?"

"How about ..." Ashlee looked around in what seemed to be fake thinking. "Kill them?" My mouth opened in shock.

KILL them? What had cockroaches ever done to us? They were just going to get some leftover food so they could survive! There was certainly no point in killing them. And anyway, what's so scary about cockroaches in the first place? I mean, they're not as scary as boys or boy germs or swear words!

Ashlee had seen the look on my face.

"What, no good?" she asked.

I had a sudden urge to grab my wand and shove it up her large (according to Louise) nose, but I decided not to. After all, that would not be bright and happy.

"No! Not good!" I said, probably louder than I had intended. As a result, I woke up Linda and Louise.

"Mum! I don't wanna go to school today ..." Linda mumbled before rubbing her eyes.

"Mum ... 10 more minutes - please!" Louise murmured before getting up in bed and shaking her head.

I ignored them both and kept on glaring at Ashlee. Honestly; killing something that didn't do anything to you!

"Well ... How about we just see where they're going." Ashlee suggested. She shuddered a little bit. Personally, I also had no idea why Ashlee would shudder at a little cockroach. They weren't going to have huge teeth and then suddenly bite you to death.

"OK, OK." I agreed.

We both started following the trail of cockroaches. We saw them climb up one of the posts of Rachel's four poster bed. From there, they all crawled over Rachel's blanket to get under Rachel's pillow.

Observing all of this, however, wasn't as easy as it seemed. Ever so often, Rachel would give a snort and then turn over in bed and then moving the blanket; taking some cockroaches with her.

Ashlee gulped. "Let's poke Rachel awake to tell her that there are cockroaches covering her pillow." I looked absent-mindedly at Rachel's hair (which was covered in cockroaches) and then nodded.

Ashlee poked Rachel's back (her back was facing us) lightly.

"Rachel." she said softly. Rachel kept on snoring.

By now, Linda and Louise had successfully gotten up and were staring at us and Rachel's back (which was also getting marked as cockroach country). They both made a face of disgust at each other and then continued looking.

"Rachel." Ashlee said normally; not bothering to whisper. Rachel groaned then kept on snoring. I poked her back, since Ashlee was too scared to touch Rachel's back.

"Oh for goodness sake!" Linda thew up her arms. "Scream at her if you have to; she could sleep through a Sonorous charm." We all nodded. I opened my mouth and decided that my softest yell might disturb her sleep.

"RACHEL!" I yelled. Immediately, Ashlee jumped, Louise clamped her hands over her ears and Linda blinked as normal.

As soon as I had finished yelling her name, Rachel twisted over in bed - wide awake - and sent cockroaches flying towards Linda and Louise. They both immediately jumped out of the way just in time, narrowly dodging a couple of flying cockroaches. I heard a sickening CRUNCH! as they hit the wall. The cockroaches that is, not Linda and Louise.

"What do you want, Karla?" Rachel moaned as she sat up in bed, three cockroaches still crawling around in her hair.

"Could you tell us what's under you pillow?" I asked calmly. Rachel's eyes glazed over.

"Huh?" she asked.

"What's under your pillow?" I repeated.

"Um ... why?" she asked uneasily.

"Rachel, is your head itchy by any chance?" Ashlee asked, coughing and trying not to laugh at the same time.

"Hm, now that I think about it ... yeah, it is!" Rachel said. She ran her fingers through her hair, until she reached a cockroach. "I've got soooo many tangles." Rachel forced her fingers down to the end of her hair, the cockroach clinging onto her hand. Rachel looked at her hand, and then immediately started screaming.

"ARRRRGHHHHHH!!" she screamed, flinging her hand so that the cockroach went flying towards Linda and Louise again. They both dodged (again), but this time I didn't hear the sickening CRUNCH. I'm glad - at least that cockroach didn't have to die.

"WHAT HAPPENED?!" Rachel yelled, immediately flinging her blankets off and then jumping out of her bed.

"Well, there's something underneath your pillow that's so interesting that the cockroaches love them." I said sanely. Rachel, though, looked like she was about to vomit. "Can I have a look?" I moved over to the pillow, but Rachel blocked my way quickly.

"Um ... no." she said nervously.

"Why not?" I raised an eyebrow.

"It's just that ... you can't!" Rachel said desparately.

"Well ..." I pretended to consider what she had just said. "Tough luck." Before Rachel could do anything, I leaned forward and ripped the pillow back.

I was met with an awful stench, yet it was minty at the same time. I looked at the twisted mess before me. It was a funnily shaped light green ... thing. It looked like it was previously a pile of something, but it had melted together to form ... a funnily shaped light green thing.

"Are those ...?" I said, wondering. If they were what I thought they were, then it would have explained a lot.

"What?" Louise asked. Rachel shut her eyes.

"Mint humbugs?" I asked, looking at Rachel. With her eyes still closed, she nodded.

"Correction;" Linda seemed to hold back laughter, "they WERE mint humbugs." Rachel opened her eyes and glared at Linda.

"Ahem." Louise coughed. Rachel looked at her. "You've still got some cockroaches in your hair." Louise soon picked up the mint humbugs and flung it over her shoulder.

"FUC-" Rachel started, but was soon interrupted by Courtney and I. The mental swear detector had gone off, and my mouth opened in shock.

"You said the 'fff' word!" I exclaimed, but not alone. Even though she was asleep, Courtney mumbled the exact same thing as me at the same time.

"Shi-" Linda said faintly, obviously amazed at Courtney's ability to detect swearing even when she was sleeping. My mental swear detector went off again.

"You said the 'sh' word!" I shouted. Again, Courtney mumbled the exact thing as me at the same time. Ashlee raised her eyebrow evily.

"Oh my goodness!" she said very fakely. "Keanu Reeves is outside our door!"

"I LIKE THE MATRIX!" Courtney said, still in her sleep walker voice. I opened my mouth as well. "And boys have boy germs!" We both said at the same time.

"He's outside our door, though!" Louise hinted. "AND he's going to knock!"

Courtney picked up her wand and sleepwalked to the door. Surprisingly, there was a knock on the door. We all froze. Courtney opened the door - we caught a quick glance of Harry - before attempting to shove her wand up Harry's nose.

"Argh!" Harry yelled, before grabbing Courtney's wand before it went too much up his nose. Courtney slammed the door and then went back to sleep.

We all looked at each other. I was going to say something when ...

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!" We all spun around when we heard a voice yell. It was Elizabeth and it seemed that she was swamped with ... cockroaches.

I stared at Elizabeth's bed. The mint humbug/former mint humbug moulded ... thingy had landed on Elizabeth's bed when Louise had thrown it over her shoulder. And the cockroaches seemed to have taken a particular interest in Elizabeth.

"GET THESE THINGS OFF ME!!" she screeched, thrusting the blankets off of herself and then sprinting for the window. I rolled my eyes.

"Useless!" I remarked, shaking my head. They were only little bugs ... there wasn't anything scary about them after all!

"Do something!" Rachel squirmed.

"Hermione!" I called, waking Hermione from her sleep. She sat up drowsily in her bed; eyes squinting.

"Huh?" she asked dumbly. Hermione shook her head and then she opened her eyes properly now and she seemed to have everything focused.

"Hermione, can you get rid of these cockroaches?" I asked nicely, with my smile of course.

Hermione climbed off of her bed and landed on the floor. She looked down at the cockroaches and shook her head.

"These aren't cockroaches." Hermione said; happy to correct and share her knowledge with us. "These are wolfroaches. Wolfroaches --"

"Hermione, just get rid of them." Ashlee interrupted. Hermione, however, ignored her.

"--they're especially ferocious when they --"

"Hermione! We don't need --"

"--as a result, wolfroaches are --"

"Seriously, Hermione, just fix --"

"--and so we must respect wolf--"

"HERMIONE! JUST GET RID OF THEM!"

"--so we can ... Oh. Right." Hermione cleared her throat. She picked up her wand and pointed it at the wolfroaches. "Banissez Hexipiedino!"

Immediately, her wand emitted a shower of green-coloured spray. It landed onto the wolfroaches, causing them to go into a frenzy. They bumped into each other and their little legs seemed to move quicker than normal.

"Hermione ..." Linda gulped as she looked at the wolfroaches. "They look awfully like they're about to blow up." Hermione turned pale.

"Didn't think of that - run." she said, sprinting for the door. We all looked at each other with alarm, picked up our wands, and then followed Hermione out of the door. Louise closed it and leant against the door.

A few seconds later ...

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

We all jumped with every bang. Everybody that was already awake in the common room were eyeing us weirdly, as if they'd never seen 7 girls in their pyjamas standing outside a room where there were rather large explosions coming from inside.

When the explosions had stopped, Hermione tentatively pushed open the door. She gasped, and we all immediately looked inside.

The walls of the dormitory had been completely slathered with yellow goo. Large splats of the yellow stuff were slowly sliding down the walls. It looked like a wolfroach battleground. Surprisingly, Courtney, Lara, Lavendar and Parvati were still asleep.

We all looked at each other, grabbed our clothes and then closed the door, acting like nothing had ever happened.

After we had gotten changed and brushed our teeth, we all headed down to breakfast. Everybody was eating and talking as usual, but I didn't want it to be boring. I wanted people to yell and laugh and talk loudly. Being quiet was so uninteresting!

"GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY!" I yelled at the students. I decided that if anybody was going to start people talking loudly, then it would be me.

But everybody stopped talking altogether and stared at me as if something was wrong. I looked at everyone, confused. What was wrong with them?

"What?" I asked normally. They still didn't say anything. I rolled my eyes at their silence and said what I had just been thinking. "Useless!"

I walked towards the Gryffindor table. As I approached, Harry and Ron looked at each other, grabbed their plates and glasses and walked out of the Great Hall. Wonderful!

I sat down in their vacated seats and started tucking into my breakfast. The usual chatter had started up again and I started smiling normally. Ashlee, Elizabeth, Hermione, Linda, Louise and Rachel joined me at the table and we all started eating.

Hermione pulled out a book (Monter or Monster?: Your Complete Guide to the Rainbow-Loving Plant), Linda was trying to hear Louise as she started talking about something and Rachel was chewing her eggs primly, careful not to puncture her already bruised ego (that's what Lara says anyway). Courtney came down the stairs (her hair covered in yellow spots - but she didn't seem to notice) and sat herself down next to me. She flashed a grin and then started eating. Ashlee and Elizabeth seemed to be discussing something and they were the closest, so I listened in.

"See, Liz, you're just too puny!" Ashlee said calmly as she cut her bacon without any visible forcefulness.

"I am NOT puny!" Elizabeth stabbed at her bacon with her knife after many futile attempts to cut it up.

"Sure you're not." Ashlee rolled her eyes and helped herself to her orange juice. Elizabeth frowned at Ashlee.

"I'll prove it to you!" she she defiantly.

"Yeah, totally." Ashlee said. "What are you going to do? Shove a mint humbug up my nose?" Rachel stopped chewing as her eyes glazed over.

"No!" Elizabeth said. She thought for a little bit. "I'll-I'll-I'll slap you!" Elizabeth held up her arm in warning. Ashlee snorted.

"Fine then, give me your best shot. On one condition." Elizabeth stopped her arm in mid-slap. "You slap me on the leg only. DON'T touch the hair!" Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and then nodded.

She raised her arm underneath the table and I heard a faint slap. Ashlee continued looking calm. She held up her arm and slapped Elizabeth on the leg. Elizabeth immediately jumped up and her leg crashed into the table.

"OW!" she howled loudly, attracting some weird glances. Ashlee looked at me.

"I didn't even hit that hard." she laughed. Elizabeth gave her a death glare.

Elizabeth reached under the table again and slapped Ashlee's leg harder. Ashlee didn't even falter.

"That's pathetic!" Ashlee slapped Elizabeth on her arm.

"Oi! You said to only slap on the leg!" Elizabeth protested, rubbing her arm.

"I said that only YOU may slap ME on the leg. I didn't say anything about ME slapping YOU." Ashlee replied, slapping Elizabeth on the arm again.

"OW!" Elizabeth yelled in pain again. Ashlee laughed this time. "Fine; you want to hit hard, then I'll hit hard too!"

Elizabeth raised her arm and - with all her force it seemed - punched Ashlee in the leg.

"That was it?" Ashlee asked. Elizabeth frowned. She (Elizabeth, not Ashlee) had hoped to achieve a more desirable result.

"No!" Elizabeth seemed to try very hard to smash Ashlee's leg, but nothing had even happened.

"Hahah!" Ashlee slapped Elizabeth's leg, leaving a red hand mark.

"Stop it! Please, stop it!" Elizabeth clutched her leg in pain.

"You have met the wrath of Ashlee!" Ashlee gloated triumphantly.

"Shut up!" Elizabeth immediately ducked her head under the table to cradle her leg.

"Do mind your manners, Fields." Draco Malfoy's voice travelled from is usual corner at the Slytherin table. "You wouldn't want anybody to think that you have an attitude problem as well as being an insufferable weakling." Elizabeth scowled at Malfoy before going back to holding her leg.

"Malfoy's an arsehole." Linda asked, voicing what Elizabeth and a few surrounding people had been thinking before. My mental swear detector had gone off, but I decided to let Linda get away with it - this time. Instead, I gave her a firm look.

"I heard that!" Malfoy yelled from the Slytherin corner. And it seems that Linda had heard - which was surprising to us all.

"You were supposed to!" she retaliated. "Arsehole." she muttered again. I opened my mouth open in shock. Once was OK, but TWICE ...?

"You said the 'arrr' word! TWICE!" I protested, but not alone. Courtney had dropped her fork and had said the exact thing as me at the same time. Linda raised an eyebrow.

"There's an 'arrr' word, now?" Rachel asked, pushing her empty plate aside.

"Apparently so." Linda said, somewhat grimly. Rachel snorted and poured herself some orange juice. I gave her a rare frown - I couldn't believed that she had dared to snort at something as horrible as swearing!

I was about to tell Rachel off when --

"What do we have today?' Louise cleared her throat rather loudly, obviously trying to direct the conversation somewhere else.

"Transfiguration, Herbology and Defense Against the Dark Arts." Hermione said immediately, setting down Monter or Monster?: Your Complete Guide to the Rainbow-Loving Plant. She closed the book and started making some progress with her porridge.

"That was quick." Ashlee said, still smiling from her victory over Elizabeth's leg. Hermione shrugged.

"I wonder if Professor Boogie is going to be there." Elizabeth asked, rubbing her sore leg. Then she started whispering. "Maybe I could get some Ashlee repellant spells ..."

The bell rang and we all picked up our bags and made our way to the Transfiguration classroom.

--Transfiguration--

We had all settled down into our seats a few minutes after the bell rang. The class was talking rather loudly (which I was glad about) about random things. I, however, decided to let my eye wonder about the classroom. It was made of large grey stone blocks. The roof of the room held up hooks which supported pewter cages which contained random animals. There was a simple wooden desk at the front of the room that didn't seem to match the cold and medieval style of the room. And on the desk was a whole bunch of tissues. I smiled to myself as the sight of this reminded me of Ashlee (who could never sneeze only once).

"Quiet, please!" Professor McGonagall said, entering the room with a large stack of papers in her arms. She set them down on the table before arranging her hat back at its proper angle. The class eventually silenced. "Now, today we're going to work in our usual partners to transfigure these tissues into insects, bugs and other creepy crawlies." Professor McGonagall picked up the tissues at which I was staring at beforehand and starting handing them to one of the people in the pairs.

My partner was Hermione.

"Now these life forms are harder to transform for some unknown reason. Wands might not agree with the spells at first, but after a while they will get used to it." Professor McGonagall sat down at her desk and pushed aside the stack of papers which had covered her view of us. "You may begin your work." she pulled out a quill and started on the pile.

"Alright, well I suggest we do something like a butterfly." she suggested. I nodded happily; in Transfiguration I did whatever Hermione told me to do because I knew if I followed her then I would get it right.

And besides, I liked butterflies. They were so pretty and glinted in the sunlight. They also fluttered about so much, looking so peaceful and innocent. After all, have you ever heard of a killer butterfly?

"Right." Hermione said, clearing her throat. "Karla, the spell for the butterfly is 'Flutterbilis'. Can you remember that, Karla?" I nodded, not really listening.

"Yes, Hermione." I said distantly. As long as Hermione did the wand work, I would be fine.

"What's the spell?" Hermione asked slyly. I panicked and thought up of the first words that popped into my head. I heard some of the other year students talk about it, even though I didn't know what it meant. I decided to say it - it sounded like the REAL spell, but I just couldn't remember the real one.

"Erm ... is it 'Flirt-with-Willis', Hermione?" I asked innocently.

Hermione's lip started trembling funnily, as if she was trying to contain something. I looked around. Louise and Parvati were smirking like Malfoy and Linda's back was shaking.

"N-no." Hermione's voice was strangely high. "It's not - ahem - 'Flirt-with-Willis', Karla." Oh, OK. So why was she acting all weird?

"Little Karla has grown up." Lara said from behind me. I flipped around. Malfoy was sneering at me.

"What do you mean, Lara?" I asked brightly. What was the point of being gloomy in life? And besides, I suppose it's good to ask questions. It 'broadens your horizons' or something. Hermione had mentioned it before.

"Don't you know what 'flirt' means?" Lara asked incredulously. I shook my head. Was there some sort of hidden joke that I was missing ...?

"What about Willis?" I asked. I had distinctly remembered me saying 'Flirt-with-Willis'.

"Oh, yes." Lara voice sounded clouded. "Can't forget Willis." Malfoy made a funny noise.

"Well?" I asked expectantly. "What does it mean?" Lara leant forward.

"It means to show your interest in dating somebody." Lara explained. My eyes widened in shock. "That 'somebody' would be a boy for you, Karla."

I could have thrown up.

'FLIRTING-WITH-WILLIS' IS DISGUSTING! THIS IS APPALING! My stomach was moving rather unpleasantly. I can't believe that this is what 'Flirting-with-Willis' means! I was going to faint. AND A BOY! BOYS HAVE BOY GERMS! You would be voluntarily subjecting yourself to BOY GERMS!

It's frightening!

"Karla." Hermione interrupted me. "Karla, we have to transfigure the tissue."

I gulped and a few seconds later, started nodding. I would have to deal with this crisis later. For now, I had to work on this transfiguring.

"What's the REAL spell, Hermione?" I asked bravely.

"It's 'Flutterbilis', Karla." Hermione said steadily. " 'Flutterbilis'. Be sure to remember it."

Oh, I'll remember it. There was no way that I was going to forget it after learning what 'flirt-wit--

ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

I picked up my wand and pointed it forcefully at the tissue. I would put all my anger into the spell.

"Flutterbilis!" I said powerfully. My wand shot an orange spark at the tissue.
The tissue immediately started folding itself into the shape of a butterfly before changing colour. The wings were lined with black and the inner bits were orange. Antennae sprouted out from the tip of the butterfly's head. The wings started fluttering and before long, the butterfly was flying around the room; peaceful and innocent.

I envied that butterfly - after the horrifying definition of THOSE words, I didn't feel peaceful and innocent anymore.

I felt like --

"Nice work, Ms Feathers and Ms Granger! 10 points to Gryffindor." Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was inspecting and smiled. Hermione and I hi-fived each other. Professor McGonagall stood up. "I'm needed at the staffroom now for a few minutes. I hope I can trust you all to behave." She gave us a meaningful look and then headed for the staffroom.

Immediately, the class sprang to life. We started chatting loudly again and were laughing as well. People were performing their Transfiguration spells with no pressure.

Ashlee was swinging her wand around, trying to get it to work (she didn't seem to care that her tissue was missing because she could never sneeze just once, as I've mentioned before). Lavender was poking at the flower she had accidentally transfigured her tissue into. Rachel and Courtney, instead of transfiguring, seemed to be concentrating more on how to get away from their partners Crabbe and Goyle.

My eye had reached Louise. She lifted her wand with determination and licked her lip.

"Romulurochsis!" Louise said. I was sure she had accidentally bit her tongue when she was saying the spell though - it didn't sound ... right.
But apparently it was. A jet of brown light spat itself out of Louise's wand and hit the tissue. The tissue then started twisting about. Some of it gradually disappeared whilst some of it stretched out. When it was finished, the end result was ...

A wolfroach.

I started laughing to myself. This was going to be fun!

I looked around the room. Rachel's eyes had glazed over when she had seen it and Elizabeth gulped heavily. Then Elizabeth looked like she had an idea.

"Ron." she said, giving Ron a poke in the back. I won't even start on how disgusting it is to touch a boy!

Ron turned around. "What?" he asked Elizabeth, who pointed to the wolfroach. Ron's eyes widened.

"A wolfroach!" Ron exclaimed. He looked at it with a continuing look of terror. "Oh my goodness."

"What?" Elizabeth asked eagerly.

"Can't you see it?" Ron rubbed his eyes.

"See what?" Elizabeth asked, confused.

"The wolfroach! It wants me to do the conga!" Ron said, his voice quivering.

Harry looked up from Ashlee. "You tell that wolfroach, Ron!" he said seriously.

"OK." Ron said weakly, before falling into a dead faint. He seemed to be as terrified of wolfroaches as he was of spiders.

Elizabeth, however, obviously wasn't deterred by this bug. She merely brought up her hand and flicked it off the table. Then she went and got another tissue from the front.

After she sat down, Professor McGonagall entered the room, back from her trip to the staffroom.

"Please, Professor!" Hermione said, raising her arm.

"Yes, Ms Granger?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"Ron's fainted!" Hermione pointed to Ron, who was lying on the floor.

"Oh." Professor McGonagall had seated herself at her desk and was now looking over it to the fainted form of Ron. "Just leave him there, then."

--Herbology--

When Ron came to, the bell had already rung and we were going to Herbology. Harry and Hermione helped him up, grabbed his and their own books and then followed the crowd.

"I swear it is was telling me to do the conga!" Ron mumbled feverishly. He had one arm slung over Harry and another over Hermione, who I believed had a fever as well, considering that she was LETTING Ron lean on her.

"Yes, I'm sure it was, Ron." Harry said as he tried balancing Ron and his bag.

After a few minutes, we found ourselves at the Greenhouses. Professor Sprout in her usual dirty robes was standing outside Greenhouse 3, smiling happily at us all. She searched around her robes until she found what she was looking for - a key shaped in a flower. Professor Sprout pressed the key into a groove shaped exactly the same as the flower and then pressed the petals in a special order. The door clicked open and we all stepped in.

The greenhouse was warm as usual when we entered. We put all our bags down at the sides and then rolled up our sleeves.

"Right, chappies!" Professor Sprout directed us to a long table with strange looking plants on them. They looked weirdly like ... mini gumball machines. Professor Sprout was at the beginning of the table. "Come to the table. Hurry on, now!"

"You call this a plant?" I heard Lavender Brown mutter to Parvati Patil. Parvati shrugged.

I looked at the closest plant to me. It was a shiny yellow (ahh, my favourite colour!) one with the a glass ball on top. I looked inside the ball and saw ...

Piles and piles of lollies! My mouth watered as I saw them. They were all there - fizzing whizbees, watermelon wonders (which start out watermelon and then change to any flavour you think about), mini sugar quills, pink snowballs (round wafer chocolate with whipped cream inside and coconut and pink icing on the outside) and star sucks (star shaped gummis which turn your tongue rainbow coloured and then have the colours burst into different colours).

The plant (if you could call it a plant) had a simple little silver button on it, a coin slot and a receiving tray. I turned to Courtney.

"Beautiful, beautiful, Courtney!" I said as sweetly as possible.

"Yes, Karla?" Courtney asked, as though she knew what I was going to ask.

"Have you got a sickle that I could borrow?" I asked.

"What for?" she replied.

"I want a lolly." I pointed to my yellow plant. Courtney leaned over to my plant.

"There's no lollies there." she said. I scowled.

"Of course there's lollies in there!" I maintained. "Don't be a --"

I leant over as I was talking and looked into the ball of the gumball machine. There weren't any lollies anymore! Now, there was just a swirling mist like the crystall balls in Divination.

"But, but --" I tried. That wasn't fair!

"Now, this is a Memosion Plant," Professor Sprout said once that we had all quietened down. "This might look like a normal gumball machine to the untrained eye or muggle, but to an experienced wizard, this is a plant that combines both memory and illusion."

I looked at the plant and sighed. I was just in the mood for a pink snowball.

"Now, can anybody tell me why the Memosion Plant very strongly resembles a muggle gumball machine?" Professor Sprout asked. Like clockwork, Hermione's arm shot into the air, easily sending Rachel's hair fluttering.

"The Memosion Plant resembles a gumball machine as it easily entices people to eat one its magical lollies." Hermione explained rapidly. Professor Sprout nodded. "The lollies are not really lollies at all, but capsules filled with other people's memories. As soon as a person touches the silver button, a random memory is automatically added to the jar."

"Ahh, couldn't have put it better myself, Ms Granger!" Professor Sprout smiled as Hermione turned a shade of pink. "Take 15 points for Gyffindor."

Hermione beamed and Rachel clapped her on the back.

"Now, see the fog swirling around in the ball part of your Memosion Plant?" Professor Sprout waved her hand to the plants. "This is sort of like an illusion saver for the plant. Something you could compare the illusion saver to is a screensaver on a muggle device called a computer. It basically allows the plant to use less energy as Memosion Plants thrive on memories. When a person eats one of the magical lollies, the crystal ball will show the memory. I strongly advise that only one person should eat a memory lolly at a time per group. Otherwise, the plant will become confused and then break. When the person spits out or finishes the lolly, the memory will disappear."

I zoned out and started thinking. What would a memory in a pink snowball taste like ...?

"Are there any mint humbugs in there?" I heard Rachel mutter when Professor Sprout paused to take in air.

"The Memosion Plant doesn't require any currency to be inserted into it. The coin slot is just to mislead people. To receive a memory lolly, you simply press the little silver button and it will come out." Professor Sprout pointed to the silver button that I had seen earlier. "Now Memosion Plants can contain fun memories or bad memories. That is why they are hard to find, but we're lucky that the groundskeeper Hagrid and the centaurs of the Forbidden Forest grow these plants and are willing to share."

"That giant oaf actually has a purpose - barely." Malfoy sneered with Crabbe and Goyle who laughed stupidly.

"Unlike Malfoy who doesn't have a purpose at all." Ashlee murmered to herself.

"I will now separate you all into groups of 5." Professor Sprout said. "Each group will have one Memosion Plant and they will all eat one lolly. And don't worry, I've charmed these so that nothing especially ... scarring ( - Harry gulped at this - ) will be relived and that only your group's memories will be seen if only your entire group touches the plant before any one person. The charms, however, will not protect you from embarrasing moments." As she said the last statement, everybody looked at each other nervously.

"What does this mean?" Linda asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"It means that one of you might find out about the Draco and the silk --" Louise started but then stopped when she saw us looking at her eagerly. She cleared her throat and decided to change the subject. "How did you hear Professor Sprout, Linda?"

"Huh?" Linda asked.

"How did you manage to hear Professor Sprout?" Louise said in a louder voice. "I thought you were deaf." Linda's mouth opened reproachfully.

"I am NOT deaf, thank you very much!" She said indignantly.

"Then what are you?" Elizabeth asked, springing into the conversation.

"I-I just ... I just have selective hearing." Linda said, crossing her arms. We all snorted at this and then waited for Professor Sprout.

"Right, these names have been chosen at random." Professor Sprout picked up a piece of paper. "Lavender Brown, Hermione Granger, Ernie McMillon, Blaise Zabini and Dean Thomas."

This went on for a while and I decided to stop listening (or in Linda's mind, start 'selective hearing') until I heard my name being called.

"Karla Feathers, Louise Houston, Justin Finch-Fletchly, Gregory Goyle and Sally-Anne Perks." Professor Sprout read.

My mouth fell open. Not only ONE boy, but TWO! This is ... this is not justice! I felt like I was going to be sick - not only did I have to work with them, but I also had to share their memories!

"Right, well why don't we get started?" Louise suggested. Not making any eye contact with the boys, I led the group to the yellow Memosion Plant that I had seen earlier.

"I wanna go first." I said. I should; after all ... boys! Louise nodded and the rest shrugged. I rolled my eyes at their intelligence.

"Go on, then." Louise said. I started reaching forward but then stopped. After that memorable definition in Transfiguration, I had decided to listen to the finer points of information (even if I missed out on the bigger parts).

"We all have to touch it first, otherwise we'll get other people's memories." I said, doing an uncanny impersonation of Hermione.

The group nodded and then we all touched the Memosion Plant. The crystal ball started glowing brighter and brighter and then suddenly stopped. I looked inside of the ball and saw five different candies. In fact, there was even a pink snowball in there!

I eagerly pressed the silver button and received ...

A mini sugar quill.

My smile faltered slightly, but I perked up nontheless. At least I actually got a lolly!

I popped the mini sugar quill into my mouth and started sucking. Mmm ... sugar quill ...

I was only sucking on the mini sugar quill for a few seconds though, because before long the lolly lost its flavour. I scowled - I was rather enjoying the flavour, but now I directed my attention to the crystall ball, as did everybody else.

The illusion saver on the Memosion Plant diseappeared instantly. The fog grew thicker and thicker until it started flickering. Then colours suddenly appeared and started swirling. I looked down deeper into the ball and found myself staring at one of Hogwart's hallways. A little figure came into view. I squinted. It was Justin Finch-Fletchly.

I looked at Justin, who had a blank face. I think he was trying to figure out what kind of memory it was.

The figure of Justin became bigger. We all watched it start walking down the hallway. It looked like Justin was waiting for somebody.

And he didn't have to wait for long. A girl - who I recognised as Hannah Abbott - came walking to Justin. Real life Justin suddenly turned an extremely red colour - like the colour of my hair.

"Hannah." Crystal ball Justin said. "I was waiting for you."

"I'm sorry." Crystal ball Hannah babbled. "Snape gave us so much homework and --"

"Don't worry about Snape now." Crystall ball Justin insisted. "This is about us." I suddenly felt very sour and then tensed up. Where was this leading?

"Us?" Crystal ball Hannah asked, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Crystal ball Justin explained, "that I like you, Hannah. A lot." Oh my goodness.

"Really?" Crystal ball Hannah looked away. "Well to tell you the truth, I've always liked you, Justin." I shot Real life Justin a disgusted look. He looked away and out of one of the Greenhouse's glass walls.

"That's great to know." Crystal ball Justin, I noticed, had moved closer to Crystal ball Hannah. "For a long time I've wanted to do something to show you that I liked you." Oh no.

"Like what?" Crystal ball Hannah asked. She moved forward. My mouth felt dry. They weren't going to ...?

"Like this." Crystal ball Justin closed the gap between them and then --

We never found out. I had spat the lolly out of my mouth.

Louise and Sally-Anne howled in disappointment, as if Justin's love life was some sort of soap opera. Goyle was too busy blinking stupidly and Justin had turned so red that it looked like he was a part of Mars.

"What did you do that for?!" Louise asked, ready to swat me over the head.

"I didn't want to torture myself!" I said. "Do you know how disgusting that could have been?!"

"But-but--"

"NO!" I said, shutting Louise up. "It was a BOY, Louise, a BOY!" I flung up my arms to emphasize my point.

"A BOY, yes!" Louise said. Then she pointed at herself. "And this a GIRL who's about to EXPLODE if you do not pick up that lolly and SHOVE IT BACK INTO YOUR MOUTH!"

"Exactly!" Sally-Anne crossed her arms next to Louise.

"Why do you want to find out what happened, anyway?" I asked them, kicking the mini sugar quill around in the dirt. "Why would you want to see a bunch of people ..." I made some weird hand motions.

"It's like a soap opera, Karlee!" Sally-Anne said, proving my soap opera theory right.

"My name's Karla." I said.

"That's not important!" Sally-Anne swished her hand unimportantly. "What IS important is what happened after that!"

"Why don't you ask Justin?" I asked, pointing to Justin, who was currently trying to hide under the table.

"Good idea!" Louise and Sally-Anne ducked underneath the table. Goyle was still blinking stupidly.

"ARGH!" Justin leapt out from underneath the table and headed for Goyle. "Get away from me!" Louise and Sally-Anne were pursuing Justin in search for the truth.

While they were doing this, I found Hannah Abbott working with Seamus Finnigan on her own plant. This was a girl who had (I'm presuming so, anyway) KISSED a boy! Yes! Kissed! I walked up to Hannah and patted her on the shoulder. She turned around and smiled at me happily.

"Oh, hello, Karla!" Hannah said merrily as Seamus started staring at the illusion saver in the plant.

Words could not fully describe the feeling that was currently running through me. I merely shook my head and sighed. But I tried some words anyway.

"You poor child." I muttered, shaking my head. Hannah frowned at me as I walked back, evidentally confused.

By now, Louise and Sally-Anne stopped running and then came back to the plant. Justin let out a sigh of relief and came to the plant as well. Goyle kept on blinking.

"Who wants to go next?" I asked. Louise and Sally-Anne gave an evil glare to Justin before Sally-Anne stepped up.

"I want to." she volunteered. We all nodded (except for Goyle who was still blinking) and watched as she pressed the silver button. I looked down; Sally-Anne had received a star suck. She popped it into her mouth and immediately started looking at the crystal ball; the illusion saver immediately disappearing.

The scene was the Great Hall during dinner time. It looked like most of the students and some of the teachers had already gone off to their common rooms/quaters. The crystal ball, however, focused on a pudding in a corner.

I squinted. Oops, it wasn't a pudding ... more like Goyle.

Crystal ball Goyle was busy stuffing his face with cakes and ice-cream next to crystal ball Crabbe, who was doing the same.

Mm ... cake and ice-cream ...

I shook my head and started looking back into the ball.

Crabbe and Goyle didn't really seem to talk - more like used grunts in place of talking.

Grunt. Grunt? Grunt. Grunt! Grunt, grunt, grunt. GRUNT! Grunt.

I looked at the crystal ball in boredom. It looked like nothing more than a normal food fest (must ... have ... cake!), until Malfoy stepped into the picture.

I could have thrown up in digust. Malfoy, of all people! And this was the second memory in a row from the boys!

Disgraceful!

"Still stuffing your faces, eh?" Crystal ball Malfoy asked, cutting through my thoughts. I glared at him through the glass.

Grunt.

Grunt?

Grunt!

Grunt.

"I'll say that's a 'yes', then." Crystal ball Malfoy sneered. Then he leaned in close to Crabbe and Goyle. "There's something interesting that's come to mind."

Grunt?

Grunt?

"Whatever I say next will NEVER leave us." Crystal ball Malfoy looked at them in a deadly manner, as if daring any one of them to defy him. My ears perked up. Ooh, this could get interesting.

Grunt!

Grunt!

"OK." Crystal ball Malfoy watched Crabbe and Goyle continuing to eat after a while. "There's somebody in Hogwarts here that's managed to ... catch my eye."

Grunt?! ... Grunt.

Grunt?! ... Grunt.

"Yeah, I know that somebody already has," Malfoy said, as if he knew that the grunts Crabbe and Goyle let out were actually words. "Lara, you know. But there's somebody else."

GRUNT!

GRUNT!

"And I feel rather ashamed of myself." Malfoy shook his head and let out a heavy sigh. "A Gryffindor! And one of the H.E's!"

I grimaced and then raised an eyebrow. 'H.E's'? That was awfully weird, not to mention ... HORRIBLE!

Grunt?

Grunt?

"Well I'm guessing that you want to know who it is." Crystal ball Malfoy watched Crabbe and Goyle continue eating.

"YES!" Louise yelled at the ball, attracting a few weird looks.

"Then again, why should I tell you?" Crystal ball Malfoy leaned back into his chair and stroked his chin. "If I did, then you'll probably never remember it ever again."

Grunt!

Grunt!

"Yeah, might as well." Crystal ball Malfoy continued to watch Crabbe and Goyle eating casually. He cleared his throat. "The person that I like aside from Lara is --"

The memory disappeared. Confused, I looked around; Sally-Anne had spat out the lolly and was now quickly covering it up with dirt. She kicked it under the table.

"Ha!" she said, pointing a finger at me. "That should teach you to spit out the lolly before we tell you too! Louise - come! We must bask in my glory." I blinked at her. What?

"You did that so you could get back at me?" I asked slowly. Pfft! There wasn't any point in that - I couldn't care less if Malfoy liked somebody else (the thought of liking somebody like THAT was horrible, by the way). The only time that I would know was when it could be used as ... useful information.

Meanwhile, Sally-Anne seemed to ignore me.

"Louise!" she called. "Where are you? I got back at Karla, so now you will come and marvel at my genius ..."

Out of nowhere, Louise came charging at Sally-Anne, who didn't seem to notice and was looking in the opposite direction. With that, Louise tackled Sally-Anne to the ground.

"What did you think you were doing?!" Louise asked, looking as if she was ready to strangle Sally-Anne crazily.

"I was getting back at Karla!" Sally-Anne managed to say.

"Look here, you idiot!" Louise then pointed her finger at herself. "I want ... no, I NEED to know if Draco likes me!"

GROSS!

"He probably doesn't!" Sally-Anne said off-handedly. Louise put her hands around Sally-Anne's neck.

"Take that back." she said in a tone that was slow and a mixture of deadliness and seriousness.

"No!" Sally-Anne said. Louise tightened her grip.

"TAKE THAT BACK!" she yelled.

"What is going on over there?" Professor Sprout said suddenly. Louise and Sally-Anne both got up and looked around innocently.

"Nothing." they both said in unison in a fake tone. Professor Sprout looked at them and then at our group before moving on to the next group.

"Let's just keep going, OK?" I suggested. "We've only got two more people to go." I blinked. For a moment, I felt like a red headed and happier version of Hermione.

It's a very weird feeling.

"Fine." Louise stood around the plant as Justin pressed the silver button.

He had received ...

A PINK SNOWBALL!

This was not fair! I get a measley little mini sugar quill and he gets a delicious, sweet PINK SNOWBALL!

Justin popped the pink snowball into his mouth and started sucking. The illusion saver in the Memosion Plant disappeared and then was replaced with a corridor. It had a shiny blue lino floor and blue walls. There were large glass windows which displayed a view of gravel and a volleyball net. There was a tree bearing dark maroon leaves down below and a series of stairs were covered with bags, students and food.

Then I realised where this place was.

It was my old high school from Australia.

I looked at Louise, and she had realised it too.

The view travelled up the hallway until it reached a series of lockers. It turned the corner and was met with ...

ME!

Oh yes, and a few other unimportant people, compared to me.

Crystal ball Linda was busy taking her books out of her locker and loading them into her navy blue school bag on my left. Crystal ball Louise was on the right side of me and was planting weird kisses (using her fingers) on a picture of an ugly boy with blonde hair.

"Don't you ever leave me again!" Crystal ball Louise said to the picture.

Now I remembered! When we were still in Australia, somebody had kidnapped Louise's picture of that ugly boy (what was his name? Tom, was it?) that she was in love with. Then we returned it and she was giving it weird kisses.

Crystal ball me was currently searching through my dark blue bag for something.

"Courtney!" Crystal ball me yelled. Crystal ball Courtney looked up.

"Yes, Karla?" she asked.

"I've lost my keys!" Crystal ball me announced. Cystal ball Courtney rolled her eyes.

"Again?" she asked.

"Yes!" I said, dropping my bag onto the floor.

Crystal ball Linda had finished piling books into her bag and had closed her locker door. Crystal ball Louise was sighing at her picture.

"Come on, let's go to the Front Office." Crystal ball Courtney said, leading the way. Crystal ball me grabbed my bag and then followed her.

The memory faded away - Justin had finished the pink snowball.

Thank goodness; I wouldn't have wanted anybody to see something ... incriminating.

We sped through Sally-Anne's rather boring memory (she was feeding her cat Zelda) after Louise had eaten a watermelon wish. (A/N: The truth is that I seriously could not be bothered to write about Sally-Anne's memory.)

Goyle pressed the button on the plant after a while. A fizzing whizbee popped out and Goyle greedily stuffed it into his mouth. He started sucking.

The illusion saver disappeared and transformed into a room. The room had a counter, a mirrored wall and a series of cubicles. I blinked. We weren't going to go through with the memory of somebody going to the toilet, were we? I gulped.

"Oh no." I heard Louise say. I peered down into the ball immediately and saw Louise there, carrying what seemed to be a shaker filled with what I presumed was salt.

What was she doing with salt in a bathroom?

I watched and listened as Louise instructed DRACO MALFOY (of all people!) to take off his shirt and then hand it to her.

This was beyond disgusting.

This was insane.

I continued watching as Crystal ball Louise shook out some salt onto the salt. She grabbed some paper towels and started scrubbing against the shirt with what seemed to be all her might.

I looked at Real life Louise incredulously. Real life Louise was staring at a bug that was crawling up the wall, transfixed.

Then all of a sudden, Crystal ball Louise stopped scrubbing. She looked a bit terrified, honestly. Crystal ball Louise held up the shirt and to her horror (but my entertainment) it had a HUGE hole in the middle.

I couldn't help it. I started howling with laughter.

Real life Louise glared at me and then continued looking at the bug.

I looked back at the crystal ball to find Crystal ball Malfoy yelling at Louise. He had the shirt on, and the hole was still there. I snorted.

The memory fadded away - Goyle (being Goyle) had finished the lolly rather quickly.

"Right, chappies!" Professor Sprout said, just as we had finished. "Now it seems that there have mostly been no arguments or disagreements, so I think that 15 points per house would be suitable. Pack your bags and clean yourself up - the bell is about to ring."

--DADA--

We got to the DADA rooms quietly. The memory revealing session during Herbology might have revealed much more than we had intended (and I'm not talking about Sally-Anne's memory of her feeding the cat).

I sat down in my seat and opened my DADA exercise book. The entire class wasn't speaking at all. Everybody was trying to regain their composure.

Professor Boogie swept into the room, his robes billowing out behind him.

"Good morning, everybody!" he said brightly to us all. We looked back at him in silence in return. He frowned. "Let me guess - Divination? Who's dying this year?"

More silence. Professor Boogie seemed to catch people giving everybody else suspicious glances; wondering if their memories could be kept a secret.

"Well, where DID you just come from?" he asked.

"Herbology." Hermione answered hoarsely. She cleared her throat. "We just worked with Memosion Plants."

"Ahhh ..." Professor Boogie gave us an Albus Dumbledore smile. "I see. Well, I do hope that you're all recovering well because our lesson has officially begun. May I introduce ... the Pan Di Zenzero!"

"Bless you." Courtney said.

"No! The Pan Di Zenzero is a creature!" Professor Boogie pointed to a cage that was covered with a sheet of material.

"Can we see it?" Rachel asked eagerly. I think she was hoping it was a form of mint humbug.

"I was just about to reveal it, Ms Gilding." Professor Boogie swept over to the cage and then pulled off the sheet of material.

Inside the cage was about the strangest thing you could have called a creature.

It was a gingerbread man.

The class snickered.

"Professor, the gingerbread man has eaten the Panda Nero." Harry snorted. A small crowd around him tittered.

"Ahh, no, Mr Potter!" Professor Boogie pointed to the gingerbread man. "This IS the Pan Di Zenzero!"

We all looked at Professor Boogie incredulously and with raised eyebrows.

"Sir, that's a GINGERBREAD MAN." Ron said, emphasizing the words 'GINGERBREAD MAN'.

"Quite right, Mr Weasley." Professor Boogie gave another Dumbledore smile. "The Pan Di Zenzero is a creature which is literally the walking, talking form of a gingerbread man."

"I don't see it walking or talking." Malfoy muttered.

All of a sudden, the gingerbread man sprang to life and tried pushing itself through the bars of the cage. We all leapt back in shock.

"Are you calling me disabled?" The Pan Di Zenzero asked in a high voice. It's gumdrop eyes morphed into a scowl.

"I could be." Malfoy sneered at the gingerbread man.

"Well you're wrong! WRONG!" The Pan Di Zenzero hopped around the cage and started yelling. "NOT ONLY CAN I WALK AND TALK, BUT I CAN HOP AND YELL!"

"Great, stuck with all the psychotic animals in DADA." Lara said to herself.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING PSYCHOTIC?!" The Pan Di Zenzero had stopped hopping and yelling and had started giving Lara an evil glare.

"You." Lara said defiantly. The Pan Di Zenzero looked extremely angry.

"Well then, this is for you!" With that, the Pan Di Zenzero spat something at Lara that hit her on the forehead.

"Ow!" Lara clutched her forehand and pulled off the thing that the gingerbread man had spat at her. It was a gumdrop.

"You piece of shi--"

My mental swear detector went off.

"You said the 'shh' word!" Courtney and I said at the same time.

"Shut up!" Lara grumbled, rubbing her forehead.

"Yes!" the gingerbread man was laughing like as if it were somebody who had just conquered the world.

"OK, I think that's enough." Professor Boogie grabbed the sheet of material and covered the cage again with it. "As you've probably already seen, the Pan Di Zenzero creature is rather ... in need of anger management courses."

"I can agree with that one." Lara groaned. Malfoy smirked next to her.

"There is no spell to calm down the Pan Di Zenzero. More of a certain subject you can bring up with it. Then it will be happy to talk to you without physically assulting you." Professor Boogie explained. "I won't say it right now, it might overhear, and I want you to all try. I'll write it down for you. Be sure to copy it down into your books."

Everybody opened their workbooks and then dipped their quills into their ink pots.

I watched as Professor Boogie wrote three words onto the board in his loopy writing.

'The Muffin Man'.

I wrote it down like everybody else.

"Alright, now, when I lift the sheet of material now, I want you to try to calm it down." Professor Boogie leaned over to the sheet of material.

"Calm me down?!" the Pan Di Zenzero yelled. "You can't calm me down! I'm already calm!" There was a dent in the fabric - the Pan Di Zenzero had spat out a gumdrop again at the fabric.

"Good luck." Professor Boogie added before tugging the sheet off.

"Ahh! So you've come back for a second dose, have you?" the Pan Di Zenzero laughed like a maniac. It laughed so hard that the icing lining his figure began to shake.

"Courtney." Professor Boogie said quietly.

"Do you know ... the Muffin Man?" she asked. The Pan Di Zenzero froze.

"I know the Muffin Man!" The Pan Di Zenzero said sanely. "The one who lives on Hoorey Lane?"

"Well ... er ..." Courtney decided to add in something interesting about the Muffin Man. "Did you know that the Muffin Man is having an affair with the Glowing Guilt Girl?" (A/N: A 'Glowing Guilt' is a chocolate like the Ferrero Roch... well you know)

"The Muffin Man?" The Pan Di Zenzero asked, astonished.

"The Muffin Man!" Courtney yelled, looking like she was losing control of herself.

"I think that's enough, Courtney." Professor Boogie covered the cage with the sheet of material. He looked at his watch. "Oh dear, it seems that I can't manage to fit in anymore people to talk to the Pan Di Zenzero if I want to make the progress with hexes that I wanted."

It didn't really look like anybody was complaining.

"What hexes, sir?" Ashlee asked eagerly.

"Well, today we have the Snot Hex, the Ant Hex and the Underwater Stun." Professor Boogie said, writing the names of the spells on the board. "Now these spells are to only be used for defensive purposes ONLY." he gave us all piercing stares.

"Fat chance that will happen." Linda whispered.

"OK, the Snot Hex is when your opponent's nose literally flows of - ahem - snot." Professor Boogie held up a book which showed various witches and wizard with snot pouring out of their noses. "If the Snot Hex is used with particular force, then the opponent's nose might actually explode. However, this does not hurt them."

"This could come in handy." Louise muttered to herself as she wrote down everything that Professor Boogie was saying.

"The spell for the Snot Hex is Emeralnasil." Professor Boogie explained. "The counter hex is Restnasil. I want you know to practise the Snot Hex on the person next to you. Hurry though, we don't have much time for the other spells, otherwise."

We turned to the person next to each other.

"Emeralnasil!" Hermione said as she pointed her wand at Ron.

"Emeraldnasal!" Ron said, pointing his own wand at Hermione. This didn't work, however, and snot began pouring out his nose.

"Restnasil!" Hermione said. "That's disgusting."

"Emeralnasil!" I said, pointing my wand at Courtney. Courtney's nose began emitting snot. "Cool." I smiled.

"Emeralnasil!" Courtney hexed, and my nose felt weird. It was like having a runny nose, except that you couldn't do anything about it, except for the counter hex.

"Restnasil!" we said at the same to each other. The snot flow stopped and we smiled at each other.

"EMERALNASIL!" we heard a loud bang from the back row and swivelled around.

Linda (poor child) had unfortunately been seated next to Malfoy and he had co-incidentally enough became her partner. She had quite angrily blasted the hex at him and was rather pleased at the results.

Malfoy's nose had exploded and snot began pouring everywhere.

"Oy! Ghive thet back!" Malfoy said in a thick voice - obviously without his nose, he couldn't talk properly.

"Ew." Linda shuddered. She looked at the snot in disgust. "Restnasil." she said. The snot stopped and his nose came back.

"Emeralnasil!" Malfoy said as revenge. Linda's nose exploded and snot flowed freely.

"Ghive THET back!" Linda said in an equally thick voice.

"Hmm ..." Malfoy seemed to be thinking it over. "Well ..."

Some snot splattered onto his hair.

"Oi! Not the hair!" he said. "Fine! Restnasil."

The snot stopped and Linda's nose came back. She sighed in relief and then gave Malfoy a glare.

"Right, good, everybody!" Professor Boogie said. "Hurry along we must! Next is the Ant Hex. The Ant Hex makes your opponent feel like ants are crawling up their bodies. The hex is Anticious and the counter hex is Mortinous. Practise quickly, please!"

Next thing we knew, people were wriggling and squirming around in their seats. I had overdone it a tiny bit and had sent Courtney writhing on the floor.

"Sorry, Courtney!" I said.

"Ants! Ants - they're all around me!" Courtney said fearfully. I rolled my eyes.

"Mortinous." I said, waving my wand. Courtney got up and then did the same to me.

I was torn between feeling ticklish and feeling horrified. Ants were crawling all over me; their little legs forever crawling. Then again it felt kind of ticklish.

"Mortinous." Courtney said. The feeling immediately stopped and I got up.

"Thanks." I said.

"Your welcome." she smiled.

"OK, OK! Last but not least is the Underwater Stun." Professor Boogie said rather hurriedly. "The Hydro Stun not only stuns your opponent, but also covers them in a torrent of water. When the stunned person comes to, they will believe that everything is underwater and will attempt to swim their way around, resulting in a fair few bruised egos."

"This could CERTAINLY come handy." Linda muttered so that Malfoy could overhear, who scowled in return.

"I suggest that we don't practise the stun now. However, I will provide you with the spell. I trust that you will use it appropriately." Professor Boogie looked at us all. "The spell is Hydrostupefy and the counter curse is Drenervate."

At that moment, the bell rang and we all started talking.

"There's no homework!" Professor Boogie announced over the din.

Alright!

--Lunch--

We all sat down at Lunch that day with some useful information (the memories and the new spells). When the food appeared, we all started piling food onto our plates.

"I wonder why DADA was so hurried today." Ashlee said as she forked some salad onto her already full plate. We all shrugged.

"Maybe Professor Boogie had some ... business to attend to." Harry smirked. Ron snorted and kept on eating his chicken.

"Really?" I asked. "What kind of business?" I was wondering why Harry and Ron were smirking like that.

The two of them exchanged glances and looked down at their plates. Ron was going as red as the tomato he had just speared with his fork and Harry seemed to be clearing his throat more often than usual.

"Well?" I asked expectantly, pouring myself some water from the jug.

"I've kinda noticed that Professor Boogie has been spending a lot of ... time with Professor Budd." Harry explained slowly.

"Professor Budd?" Hermione interrupted. "Isn't she that new Herbology teacher?" Harry and Ron both nodded.

"Yeah. Professor Sprout couldn't handle so many students." Ron said, stuffing his face with some bread.

"Anyway ... I've seen them two walking, talking and laughing together a lot around the school." Harry said.

I looked down at my plate and made a look. This talk was putting me off of my food.

"A real life soap opera." Ron nodded, agreeing with Harry.

"Professor Boogie and Professor Budd ... they seem to go together quite well." Hermione remarked off-handedly.

"Except Professor Boogie is an ugly loser and Professor Budd is cool." Linda added casually.

"That wasn't very nice." Courtney said.

"Live with it." Linda shrugged. Courtney scowled at her.

"It's an unlikely match, though." Hermione added, ignoring Linda and Courtney.

"Who else were you expecting?" Ashlee laughed. "Boogie and Edusa?"

Everybody (even me) gave each other horrified looks. EWWW!

"Edusa?!" Rachel nearly spat out her lunch. "Do you know how gross that is? She could be his grandmother! AND she's terrifyingly BLEUGH."

"Speaking of un-human creatures ..." Harry grabbed his bag and pulled out something. "This is for you, Ashlee. To replace your rather ill-fated Aragorn doll."

We all looked over and saw Harry holding a rather ugly and nearly bold rubber figure. It had huge, bulging blue eyes and gnashing teeth. The only piece of clothing it had was a tattered loincloth. It resembled a human ... except it just wasn't natural. It stood on a large rock (compared to it) and was holding on to some sort of ledge. Harry handed it to Ashlee, who was sitting next to him.

I thought it looked like an alien.

Ashlee, however, eyed the rubber thing with a huge smile on her face.

"GOLLUM!" Ashlee went and grabbed the thing off of Harry, who now seemed to be rather relieved that she hadn't strangled him after her poor Aragorn doll met a ... minor hiccup (OK, OK, it kinda blew up). "Oh, wow!"

She started moving its body parts (being extra careful with the head) and tapped Gollum's bulging blue eyes with a fingernail.

"THANKS, Harry!" she said estatically. "Oh, I could just kiss you right now!" Now, now, we wouldn't want to push it THAT far. Harry turned magnificently red.

"Erm ..." Harry mumbled, looking off into a different direction.

Ashlee jumped up and then ...

KISSED HIM ON THE CHEEK.

I dropped my fork and choked on my food.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Courtney and I screamed together.

The entire Great Hall looked at us immediately. Harry was turning so red it looked like he was about to explode, just like Ashlee's Aragorn doll.

"YOU KISSED A BOY!" Courtney and I said in unison. Ashlee's eyes glazed over and she blinked, as if she had just realised what she had done. Or, she was in love.

"Huh?" she asked, dazed.

Courtney, however, didn't seem to notice this. She grabbed her glass of water and upended it over Ashlee's head.

"Snap out of it!" Courtney yelled and slapped Ashlee.

"Ow! That hurt!" Ashlee protested, rubbing her cheek.

"You deserved it!" I said. HONESTLY! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HER?! KISSING A BOY! I wouldn't have been surprised if somebody told me that Snot Hex had disconnected something in her brain. I felt sick. This couldn't be happening. This was absolutely NOT real.

"I did NOT kiss Harry!" Ashlee maintained, performing a simple drying spell onto herself.

"HA!" Courtney said sarcastically. "SURE you didn't."

"Don't lie to us, Ashlee!" I crossed my arms and Courtney did the same. "We have witnesses everywhere." I flicked my hand at the stunned group around us. Speaking of stunned group, I finally decided to try and take in how people had reacted.

Courtney and I were obviously horrified beyond belief.

Elizabeth had ducked under the table, sobbing.

Linda was blinking a lot.

Rachel seemed to be twitching.

Louise's eyebrows were raised, as if she didn't believe that that had happened either.

Lara didn't seem to have noticed.

Hermione was smirking.

Ron was shaking because he was laughing so much.

Harry had turned a brilliant scarlet colour, and was looking off silently in the opposite direction of everybody else.

Ashlee was playing around with her Gollum doll.

Speaking of Ashlee, it seemed that she had found a new addition to her Gollum doll. Where the rock was, there was a separate button. She smiled and pressed it with glee.

"My precious!" A dishevelled and hoarse voice was emitted from the rock.

"Oh, wow!" Ashlee said happily, obviously oblivious to the fact that we were all in shock.

Something must have happened to her or something for her to have KISSED A BOY! I would spit at that (if spitting wasn't such a bad habit - but not as bad as swearing)!

The poor child.

--After Dinner--

After an awkward three more lessons and dinner, we all retired to the common room. They were rather awkward because:

1) Ashlee had kissed Harry

2) We were too scared and/or scarred to talk about 'the incident'

3) Ashlee was carrying around her Gollum doll to apparently "show it the view"

Meanwhile, the walking Lord of the Wrings advertisment had gone upstairs to change into her pyjamas. Harry remained in the common room, reading a magazine about Quidditch. Some of the group was sitting with Harry and talking or reading. Another part of the group had joined Ashlee and decided to change into their pyjamas.

We had only been watching the fire for about a few minutes when a piercing scream stirred up the Gryffindor Tower.

"No!" Ashlee's voice could be heard echoing from the dormitories. "No, this can't be happening! IT CAN'T!" I had a strange feeling of de ja vu.

"Is she really THAT slow?" Linda scrunched up her nose. "Did she really take THAT long to realise that she kis--" Linda looked over Harry, who's Quidditch magazine was now upside down and who's face was redder than the fire we had previously watched. Linda cleared her throat. "Did she really take that long to realise that she was involved in THAT situation?"

"NOOOO!" Ashlee ran down the stairs, clutching her Gollum doll. "What have you done?!" she pointed at her doll. It looked the same as usual.

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked.

"Listen!" Ashlee pressed the little button that was in the stone that Gollum was standing on.

"My precious!" the Gollum said. Then the voice went all squeaky and stuff, before saying, "Harry!"

Harry looked up from the upside down Quidditch magazine and gave Ashlee a funny look.

"What's that all about?" Elizabeth asked.

"Listen again!" Ashlee, even though she was visibly distraught over her doll, pressed the button again.

"My precious Harry!" the Gollum said. Oh my goodness.

"Ashlee, you sick freak!" Lara exclaimed from her spot on the carpet. "Aren't you taking things a bit quick here?"

"WHO DID THIS TO MY GOLLUM?!" Ashlee roared. "And, what do you mean, Lara?"

"Well, you just kissed -" Courtney and I gasped and blocked our ears. "- oh live with it, Courtney and Karla! You just KISSED him at lunch and now you're making you're Gollum doll say that it loves him as much as YOU love him?"

"I DON'T LOVE HIM!" Ashlee argued, completely overlooking the fact that Harry was sitting right there next to her; Quidditch magazine again upside down.

"Sure you don't." Lara smirked. Malfoy must have REALLY rubbed off on her.

"Oh for goodness' sake!" Hermione jumped up. I had a nagging feeling that this was going to turn into a really bad soap opera where everybody declared their undying love for each other. "Repairo!" the spell hit the Gollum doll and Ashlee smiled.

"Now why didn't I think of that?" she asked herself and then smiled. "Thank you, Hermione."

"You're welcome." Hermione grinned.

"Better test it out." Ashlee said, pressing the button.

"My precious Harry, won't you marry me?" the Gollum asked in the same voice. Harry looked like he had fainted.

"AAARRRGGGHHH!!" Ashlee screamed, running back up the stairs and into the dormitory, still carrying the doll.

Back in the common room, Courtney and I looked at each other and smirked. We promised each other without actually saying it that we wouldn't tell anybody.

After all, if Ashlee caught word that Courtney and I had bewitched the Gollum doll, she wouldn't be very happy.

You won't tell anybody, will you?

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A/N: Yet another (hopefully) spectactular chapter done! Review, review. Give me your suggestions, comments, feedback, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM (flame me and I will personally hex you to Hogsmeade and back), etc. Who's chapter should it be next?

Anyway, thank you for reading!

Have fun!

--Blue - School is back and tell me who's celebrating; I will hunt them down personally and deal with them accordingly.

P.S. Did you REALLY think that there would NEVER EVER be anymore Hogsmeade weekends in the future of Dating Dungbombs? If so ... you really need to learn how to be less gullible.