Thanks tindomiel, kangaroo joe, helpful comments!
The Trappings of Democracy
Elsewhere in Ankh-Morpork, the good citizens had a different idea of who should rule the city. From somewhere they had got the idea that all men should be the patrician, and get the vote. The 584th meeting of the Morporkian Institute of Many Rulers, or MIMyR, the true reason Vetinari hated mimes, led by Chairman Meow, was also 'discussing' the matter. Piano Englebert (whose naïve parents had wanted a musical instrument), one of the 'totally equal' lady members, was currently haranguing the chairman
"Chairman Meow, it seems to me that you are putting yourself up to be the next ruler of the city, total and complete, against the will of the people, as if you believe that, although all are equal, you believe you are somehow more equal, as if your views represented those of the entire group. Well I for one do not support your bigoted, capitalist views and don't for a minute believe the rest of this assembly do!" Chairman Meow, shouting over a frenzied chorus of "hear, hear" and other outdated methods of showing support, replied
"I suppose I shouldn't have expected a girl like you to understand the delicate workings of my plan for all the people of this city, but then I foolishly believed that one so gifted in looks would not have been captured by the lures of the capitalist rot-piles. That entire speech was straight out of the mouth of William de Worde!" A second, louder, chorus of support drove her out of the meeting and into the river Ankh (where she set up a fishery and sold the best fish guts in all Ankh-Morpork, and also discovered her musical teeth and numerous other delights...)
William de Worde was also having an interesting day, because as he rushed to the press to get his report on the "Hole of Ankh-Morpork" printed, he had found his path obstructed by a troll, a giant redhead, and, most significantly, a gnome. Under extreme duress, he had been 'escorted' into his own printing office, only to be confronted by the most terrible sight in the world: Sam Vimes with added masonry.
"Good Gods, you look awful! What happened?"
"WHAT HAPPENED!?" Vimes howled, in a freakishly quiet voice, "The centre of the city is destroyed and the patrician probably killed, and you ask me WHAT HAPPENED!?"
"Well, you jus-"
"I look so bad?" again in his trademark 'quiet voice' "I. WAS. THERE."
"What?"
"At the palace. I was there. I survived only with the help of a strangely large whorl" (it could have been a loop, no one knows) "and you are going to help me."
"Help you do what?"
"Set up a worthwhile government. Have you seen the crackpots running for power? There are some fools saying everyone should get the lead, or something, and Slant, Rust and his type are already carving up the city! Vetinari dies and it's like the entire city is out to grab what they can! I can't believe it, it's like we were under Lord Snapcase again; total chaos and madness, with all the scum floating to the top"
"I didn't know you felt so strongly, but why do you want me to help? You hate me and my paper!"
"Yes, but you are one of the few 'True Morporkian Institutions' that are still working, and you do have a printing press. That will come in useful."
"What for!?"
"A barricade."
The Trappings of Democracy
Elsewhere in Ankh-Morpork, the good citizens had a different idea of who should rule the city. From somewhere they had got the idea that all men should be the patrician, and get the vote. The 584th meeting of the Morporkian Institute of Many Rulers, or MIMyR, the true reason Vetinari hated mimes, led by Chairman Meow, was also 'discussing' the matter. Piano Englebert (whose naïve parents had wanted a musical instrument), one of the 'totally equal' lady members, was currently haranguing the chairman
"Chairman Meow, it seems to me that you are putting yourself up to be the next ruler of the city, total and complete, against the will of the people, as if you believe that, although all are equal, you believe you are somehow more equal, as if your views represented those of the entire group. Well I for one do not support your bigoted, capitalist views and don't for a minute believe the rest of this assembly do!" Chairman Meow, shouting over a frenzied chorus of "hear, hear" and other outdated methods of showing support, replied
"I suppose I shouldn't have expected a girl like you to understand the delicate workings of my plan for all the people of this city, but then I foolishly believed that one so gifted in looks would not have been captured by the lures of the capitalist rot-piles. That entire speech was straight out of the mouth of William de Worde!" A second, louder, chorus of support drove her out of the meeting and into the river Ankh (where she set up a fishery and sold the best fish guts in all Ankh-Morpork, and also discovered her musical teeth and numerous other delights...)
William de Worde was also having an interesting day, because as he rushed to the press to get his report on the "Hole of Ankh-Morpork" printed, he had found his path obstructed by a troll, a giant redhead, and, most significantly, a gnome. Under extreme duress, he had been 'escorted' into his own printing office, only to be confronted by the most terrible sight in the world: Sam Vimes with added masonry.
"Good Gods, you look awful! What happened?"
"WHAT HAPPENED!?" Vimes howled, in a freakishly quiet voice, "The centre of the city is destroyed and the patrician probably killed, and you ask me WHAT HAPPENED!?"
"Well, you jus-"
"I look so bad?" again in his trademark 'quiet voice' "I. WAS. THERE."
"What?"
"At the palace. I was there. I survived only with the help of a strangely large whorl" (it could have been a loop, no one knows) "and you are going to help me."
"Help you do what?"
"Set up a worthwhile government. Have you seen the crackpots running for power? There are some fools saying everyone should get the lead, or something, and Slant, Rust and his type are already carving up the city! Vetinari dies and it's like the entire city is out to grab what they can! I can't believe it, it's like we were under Lord Snapcase again; total chaos and madness, with all the scum floating to the top"
"I didn't know you felt so strongly, but why do you want me to help? You hate me and my paper!"
"Yes, but you are one of the few 'True Morporkian Institutions' that are still working, and you do have a printing press. That will come in useful."
"What for!?"
"A barricade."