Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, even the really hot ones.
Chapter 2 nursing a fire demon
I limped to the base of a large tree, and began to climb its knobby branches despite my wounded body. Small smears of blood stained the bark as I finally made it to my destination.
I hadn't seen the kitsune in more that two weeks, and was hoping that he didn't have school today. I never really kept track of the days of the week, and I didn't want to have to wait for treatment. I peered through the clear glass, and to my great irritation saw no one. I was about to turn around and make my way to Genkai's temple where Yukina could heal me when I heard my name being called.
Kurama stood by his bedroom door, having just gotten home, wearing his school uniform, and shouldering his book bag. He had a worried expression, and wasted no time in racing to the window.
Soon the window was open, and he was helping me through. He supported me to the bed where he sat me down, and began to examine my wounds. Without a word or any questions, which I was grateful for, he left the room. Then he returned with a first aid kit, some plants, and a wet towel.
I took off my shirt so he could treat and dress the cuts there and then rolled my pants up so he could bandage my leg. There a large and deep cut went from my ankle to just below the knee. It was only serious for about half the length, but still stung like hell.
He pasted some kind of green mush on it, and began rapping my leg with gauze. I tried to keep any show of pain out of my expression, but he must have noticed how flinched as the gauze pressed the mush deeper into my gash, because he looked up and smiled apologetically.
"I'm sorry if that hurts, but it will make it heal faster, and more efficiently," his voice almost sounded like that of doting mother.
"Hn. Who said it hurt?" I grunted mad that he knew that the pain was affecting me just like anyone else.
His smile only broadened.
"All right Hiei. In any case I'm finished, but I would be happy if you spend the night so your cuts have a head start at healing," Kurama said gathering up the first aid kit, and picking up the towel he had used to clean away the blood.
"Fine."
After he returned from putting away all the supplies he sat down on the bed besides me.
"Hiei would like some ice cream; Mother just bought some?"
"Sweet snow?" I asked fairly sure that was what he meant.
"Yes sweat snow." He said barely concealing laughter.
Of course he knew just how much I adored sweet snow! Why did he even need to ask? Was he trying to embarrass me?
"Sure," I answered nonchalantly hoping he didn't notice the slight excitement in my voice. I just loved sweet snow!
"Okay I go get some," Kurama said before leaving the room.
After about five minutes he returned with two large bowls filled with vanilla ice cream. It didn't take me long to devour my bowl, so Kurama gave me seconds.
I knew he found my unending appetite for sweet snow hilarious, but I didn't care.
Finally we finished, and Kurama left to put away the bowls in the sink. I was left alone to survey his room. It was as clean as ever, and still to my delight smelled like roses. How does he do that? There were no papers on his desk this time, and I wondered if maybe today was Friday. Kurama always said that was the last day of the week he went to school. So perhaps we wouldn't have to go to bed so early tonight. Before my eyes left the desk a hint of red caught my eye. It was a book. It looked familiar. I thought a second then realized that was the book he had been reading last times I came. It didn't seem like that long of a book. I wonder why he is still reading it. He could read something that size in a day.
On that curious note I got off the bed and walked over to his desk. I picked up the book and glanced at the cover. I never really bothered reading much, and had trouble reading the title, at first, then my mind began to work, and I made out the words with ease.
Dealing with Depression
What!? What did that mean..? No way Kurama could be depressed. He always seemed so happy, and he never let his emotions get the better of him. Yet still he had this book, and for quit a while...
Then I began to wonder not if he was depressed, but why I hadn't noticed. I was supposed to be his friend, even if I never said I was, and I hadn't had the slightest clue. Of course there was the fact that he never told me. Was he trying to hide it? There were many things that the fox kept hidden, I guessed this was one of them.
About half way through the book there was a dog-eared page. I hesitantly opened it to the page. I was almost afraid now. I was looking into Kurama's privacy. I always hated people that put their noses where they didn't belong, and this felt somehow wrong, but a part of me still needed to know.
Chapter 9 suicidal thoughts
The breath caught in my throat. Suicide? I couldn't imagine Kurama ever hurting himself. He was smarter than that right? But if he didn't have this problem then why this page specifically marked!? I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. What should I do? Should I talk to him about it? Should I forget about all this, and trust him to work it out on his own?
I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't even notice that Kurama had come back, until I felt a hand resting on my shoulder.
I guiltily snapped the book closed with great haste and put it back on the desk.
"Hiei?" The voice was low and hollow, sounding not at all like Kurama's usual tone.
I slowly turned around carefully avoiding his eyes.
His hand slid off my shoulder back to his side, and we just stood there in silence. I was almost sure he was holding his breath, that ringing began to fill the air.
I looked up, and peered upon Kurama's sorrowful features. I could almost see his thoughts, trying to find a way to explain this. An excuse or something, anything but the truth, but I could tell from the sad smile on his face that all my worries were true. Oh, Kurama...I'm so sorry.
His eyes were riveted on the floor even as he spoke.
"Hiei...don't worry about me...its just a book...and..."He trailed off
"That's a lie. Why didn't you ever tell me? Or anyone for that matter?" I asked.
"I...I..." He couldn't seem to get the words out. I wondered what he was trying to say, and then I noticed a single tear glistening on his cheek. It's that bad?
"Kurama?" I said in an oddly soft voice. Even I was surprised by the amount of concern it held.
"Oh Hiei I don't know what to do!" Then he began sobbing, and I had to sit him down on the bed. I felt bad witnessing my bested friend in such a weakened state.
I laid my hand gently on his back trying to comfort him somehow. I wasn't exactly the best person for this kind of job.
"Kurama what is going on?"
"I-its just so...so hard trying to ignore....him..."
"What?" I asked not expecting what he had just said.
He didn't answer. More tears leaked down his cheeks. The whole picture was so sad.
"I've done so many... horrible things! I-I try to make up for them...but...but...the thoughts are still there. He is still there."
Suddenly I realized whom he was talking about.
"Youko?"
All he could do is nod. So that was it? It must be so hard to have a voice in your head constantly tormenting you. Constantly reminding you of all the things you've done, constantly pushing you to do more. All of a suddenly it hit me hard how strong he must be to live with that, and even more how strong he must be to hide it from everyone.
This man sitting next to me was far different than I thought. I'm his friend I should be here to help him through this. He needs someone. Or he might...I need him.
"Kurama the page marked in the book...have you ever...have you ever tried to kill yourself?"
"Hiei I... I'm sorry..." Kurama said the words barely audible.
Then he rolled up his left sleeve to above the elbow. I grabbed his arm, and turned it over so I could see the underside. small cuts marked his pale flesh, but none to serious. Then just below the elbow was a large scar. Here it was apparent he had caught himself on more than one time, and much deeper. Almost life threateningly deep...
I ran my fingers over his skin causing him to flinch. I sighed.
"Kurama... let me help you."
He turned to look at me. His green eyes glistening like pools, tears still sliding down his face. What a pretty face.
"H-hiei you don't have to...I've dealed with this for a long time...I can survive it on my own."
"Like hell you have! You are my friend. I'm not letting you go through this alone any longer."
He was looking at me surprise written all over his teary face. I wish he wouldn't look at me like that. I know I've never called him my friend before, but its not like I just declared that I love him, and that I wanted to get married and have children. Saying that we were friends, and showing that I actually cared, although highly out of character, wasn't that odd was it? Just because I put up a cold facade, doesn't mean I don't have any emotions.
"Thank you Hiei...You really are a friend."
I was about to say something when all of a sudden he flung his arms around me, and began crying on my shoulder. I sat there stiff with shock. I brought my arms up to push him away. I didn't care how unusually nice I was acting today, but this was a bit too much. Still I couldn't help but enjoy the feel of his warmth against me. I put my hands on his arms, but at my touch his grip tightened, and I realized that maybe he was to fragile right now to be my normal self, so I relaxed a little, and even put an arm around him.
The next hour or so he just cried in my arms. I don't think he even noticed how weird this was for me of all people to even be this close to someone or be this nice. He just cried, his face on my shoulder, soaking my cloak in salty tears. After the initial shock of him being this close I slowly began to enjoy his heat, and the breath against my neck. His body was shaking slightly from all the pent up emotions that he seemed to have used all his energy to hide away.
From the first moment I had met the kitsune I was taken by his beauty, and the intelligence that went with it. It was a lethal combination, and he was also highly skilled. I found myself falling for him despite my denial. I was the ruthless Hiei, and I needed no one. The forbidden child loved by no one, and never to love an other, but I was wrong. I finally realized that the feeling wouldn't go away, and in truth by then I didn't want it to. The feeling I had for Kurama was warm, and when times got really bad it was there to keep me going. Now I denied nothing that my heart felt. Still I kept my feelings to myself. Now with him so close, and so weak, I had to show great self-control not to take advantage of him.
Finally I noticed that his harsh breathing had turned light, and that he had exhausted himself to the point where he had fallen asleep.
At first I just let him sleep, resting against shoulder, but then I reminded myself how awkward it would be if he woke up. I was cradling him in a bit more than a friendly way, so with great reluctance I gently pried him off me.
I laid him the correct way on his bed, and removed his shoes. I hoped he wouldn't mind that I left him in his uniform. I definitely was not changing him! I then pulled the blankets up around his shoulders so he could stay warm. His face was already dry, but his eyes were a little puffy, and red. I leaned down unable to resist, and brushed my lips lightly across his cheek. He made a small noise, but continued to sleep.
Deciding that I wanted to be there when he woke up, and the fact that originally I was going to stay anyway, I went and found the spare blankets from his closet, and started making a bed on the floor. I smiled inwardly, this time he wouldn't be able to convince me to take the bed.
Wow that was on of my longer chapter! Was that depressing? Actually I thought is was more funny than sad...but I do have a weird sense of humor. I don't think this was as depressing as some stories. Oh yeah don't get mad at me because I made Kurama depressed in this story, and all suicidal. It was just one view on him that I have so...I decided to write a story about it.
I limped to the base of a large tree, and began to climb its knobby branches despite my wounded body. Small smears of blood stained the bark as I finally made it to my destination.
I hadn't seen the kitsune in more that two weeks, and was hoping that he didn't have school today. I never really kept track of the days of the week, and I didn't want to have to wait for treatment. I peered through the clear glass, and to my great irritation saw no one. I was about to turn around and make my way to Genkai's temple where Yukina could heal me when I heard my name being called.
Kurama stood by his bedroom door, having just gotten home, wearing his school uniform, and shouldering his book bag. He had a worried expression, and wasted no time in racing to the window.
Soon the window was open, and he was helping me through. He supported me to the bed where he sat me down, and began to examine my wounds. Without a word or any questions, which I was grateful for, he left the room. Then he returned with a first aid kit, some plants, and a wet towel.
I took off my shirt so he could treat and dress the cuts there and then rolled my pants up so he could bandage my leg. There a large and deep cut went from my ankle to just below the knee. It was only serious for about half the length, but still stung like hell.
He pasted some kind of green mush on it, and began rapping my leg with gauze. I tried to keep any show of pain out of my expression, but he must have noticed how flinched as the gauze pressed the mush deeper into my gash, because he looked up and smiled apologetically.
"I'm sorry if that hurts, but it will make it heal faster, and more efficiently," his voice almost sounded like that of doting mother.
"Hn. Who said it hurt?" I grunted mad that he knew that the pain was affecting me just like anyone else.
His smile only broadened.
"All right Hiei. In any case I'm finished, but I would be happy if you spend the night so your cuts have a head start at healing," Kurama said gathering up the first aid kit, and picking up the towel he had used to clean away the blood.
"Fine."
After he returned from putting away all the supplies he sat down on the bed besides me.
"Hiei would like some ice cream; Mother just bought some?"
"Sweet snow?" I asked fairly sure that was what he meant.
"Yes sweat snow." He said barely concealing laughter.
Of course he knew just how much I adored sweet snow! Why did he even need to ask? Was he trying to embarrass me?
"Sure," I answered nonchalantly hoping he didn't notice the slight excitement in my voice. I just loved sweet snow!
"Okay I go get some," Kurama said before leaving the room.
After about five minutes he returned with two large bowls filled with vanilla ice cream. It didn't take me long to devour my bowl, so Kurama gave me seconds.
I knew he found my unending appetite for sweet snow hilarious, but I didn't care.
Finally we finished, and Kurama left to put away the bowls in the sink. I was left alone to survey his room. It was as clean as ever, and still to my delight smelled like roses. How does he do that? There were no papers on his desk this time, and I wondered if maybe today was Friday. Kurama always said that was the last day of the week he went to school. So perhaps we wouldn't have to go to bed so early tonight. Before my eyes left the desk a hint of red caught my eye. It was a book. It looked familiar. I thought a second then realized that was the book he had been reading last times I came. It didn't seem like that long of a book. I wonder why he is still reading it. He could read something that size in a day.
On that curious note I got off the bed and walked over to his desk. I picked up the book and glanced at the cover. I never really bothered reading much, and had trouble reading the title, at first, then my mind began to work, and I made out the words with ease.
Dealing with Depression
What!? What did that mean..? No way Kurama could be depressed. He always seemed so happy, and he never let his emotions get the better of him. Yet still he had this book, and for quit a while...
Then I began to wonder not if he was depressed, but why I hadn't noticed. I was supposed to be his friend, even if I never said I was, and I hadn't had the slightest clue. Of course there was the fact that he never told me. Was he trying to hide it? There were many things that the fox kept hidden, I guessed this was one of them.
About half way through the book there was a dog-eared page. I hesitantly opened it to the page. I was almost afraid now. I was looking into Kurama's privacy. I always hated people that put their noses where they didn't belong, and this felt somehow wrong, but a part of me still needed to know.
Chapter 9 suicidal thoughts
The breath caught in my throat. Suicide? I couldn't imagine Kurama ever hurting himself. He was smarter than that right? But if he didn't have this problem then why this page specifically marked!? I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. What should I do? Should I talk to him about it? Should I forget about all this, and trust him to work it out on his own?
I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't even notice that Kurama had come back, until I felt a hand resting on my shoulder.
I guiltily snapped the book closed with great haste and put it back on the desk.
"Hiei?" The voice was low and hollow, sounding not at all like Kurama's usual tone.
I slowly turned around carefully avoiding his eyes.
His hand slid off my shoulder back to his side, and we just stood there in silence. I was almost sure he was holding his breath, that ringing began to fill the air.
I looked up, and peered upon Kurama's sorrowful features. I could almost see his thoughts, trying to find a way to explain this. An excuse or something, anything but the truth, but I could tell from the sad smile on his face that all my worries were true. Oh, Kurama...I'm so sorry.
His eyes were riveted on the floor even as he spoke.
"Hiei...don't worry about me...its just a book...and..."He trailed off
"That's a lie. Why didn't you ever tell me? Or anyone for that matter?" I asked.
"I...I..." He couldn't seem to get the words out. I wondered what he was trying to say, and then I noticed a single tear glistening on his cheek. It's that bad?
"Kurama?" I said in an oddly soft voice. Even I was surprised by the amount of concern it held.
"Oh Hiei I don't know what to do!" Then he began sobbing, and I had to sit him down on the bed. I felt bad witnessing my bested friend in such a weakened state.
I laid my hand gently on his back trying to comfort him somehow. I wasn't exactly the best person for this kind of job.
"Kurama what is going on?"
"I-its just so...so hard trying to ignore....him..."
"What?" I asked not expecting what he had just said.
He didn't answer. More tears leaked down his cheeks. The whole picture was so sad.
"I've done so many... horrible things! I-I try to make up for them...but...but...the thoughts are still there. He is still there."
Suddenly I realized whom he was talking about.
"Youko?"
All he could do is nod. So that was it? It must be so hard to have a voice in your head constantly tormenting you. Constantly reminding you of all the things you've done, constantly pushing you to do more. All of a suddenly it hit me hard how strong he must be to live with that, and even more how strong he must be to hide it from everyone.
This man sitting next to me was far different than I thought. I'm his friend I should be here to help him through this. He needs someone. Or he might...I need him.
"Kurama the page marked in the book...have you ever...have you ever tried to kill yourself?"
"Hiei I... I'm sorry..." Kurama said the words barely audible.
Then he rolled up his left sleeve to above the elbow. I grabbed his arm, and turned it over so I could see the underside. small cuts marked his pale flesh, but none to serious. Then just below the elbow was a large scar. Here it was apparent he had caught himself on more than one time, and much deeper. Almost life threateningly deep...
I ran my fingers over his skin causing him to flinch. I sighed.
"Kurama... let me help you."
He turned to look at me. His green eyes glistening like pools, tears still sliding down his face. What a pretty face.
"H-hiei you don't have to...I've dealed with this for a long time...I can survive it on my own."
"Like hell you have! You are my friend. I'm not letting you go through this alone any longer."
He was looking at me surprise written all over his teary face. I wish he wouldn't look at me like that. I know I've never called him my friend before, but its not like I just declared that I love him, and that I wanted to get married and have children. Saying that we were friends, and showing that I actually cared, although highly out of character, wasn't that odd was it? Just because I put up a cold facade, doesn't mean I don't have any emotions.
"Thank you Hiei...You really are a friend."
I was about to say something when all of a sudden he flung his arms around me, and began crying on my shoulder. I sat there stiff with shock. I brought my arms up to push him away. I didn't care how unusually nice I was acting today, but this was a bit too much. Still I couldn't help but enjoy the feel of his warmth against me. I put my hands on his arms, but at my touch his grip tightened, and I realized that maybe he was to fragile right now to be my normal self, so I relaxed a little, and even put an arm around him.
The next hour or so he just cried in my arms. I don't think he even noticed how weird this was for me of all people to even be this close to someone or be this nice. He just cried, his face on my shoulder, soaking my cloak in salty tears. After the initial shock of him being this close I slowly began to enjoy his heat, and the breath against my neck. His body was shaking slightly from all the pent up emotions that he seemed to have used all his energy to hide away.
From the first moment I had met the kitsune I was taken by his beauty, and the intelligence that went with it. It was a lethal combination, and he was also highly skilled. I found myself falling for him despite my denial. I was the ruthless Hiei, and I needed no one. The forbidden child loved by no one, and never to love an other, but I was wrong. I finally realized that the feeling wouldn't go away, and in truth by then I didn't want it to. The feeling I had for Kurama was warm, and when times got really bad it was there to keep me going. Now I denied nothing that my heart felt. Still I kept my feelings to myself. Now with him so close, and so weak, I had to show great self-control not to take advantage of him.
Finally I noticed that his harsh breathing had turned light, and that he had exhausted himself to the point where he had fallen asleep.
At first I just let him sleep, resting against shoulder, but then I reminded myself how awkward it would be if he woke up. I was cradling him in a bit more than a friendly way, so with great reluctance I gently pried him off me.
I laid him the correct way on his bed, and removed his shoes. I hoped he wouldn't mind that I left him in his uniform. I definitely was not changing him! I then pulled the blankets up around his shoulders so he could stay warm. His face was already dry, but his eyes were a little puffy, and red. I leaned down unable to resist, and brushed my lips lightly across his cheek. He made a small noise, but continued to sleep.
Deciding that I wanted to be there when he woke up, and the fact that originally I was going to stay anyway, I went and found the spare blankets from his closet, and started making a bed on the floor. I smiled inwardly, this time he wouldn't be able to convince me to take the bed.
Wow that was on of my longer chapter! Was that depressing? Actually I thought is was more funny than sad...but I do have a weird sense of humor. I don't think this was as depressing as some stories. Oh yeah don't get mad at me because I made Kurama depressed in this story, and all suicidal. It was just one view on him that I have so...I decided to write a story about it.