I'm sick of this story, but I might continue it later. For now, it ends here, with more plot than any of the other chapters combined. Sorry if you like Vetinari. It HAD to be done, because there are too many stories where he appears invulnerable. Of course…he makes a return, but…well…
Vetinari Lovers-Look Away Now!
The sun rose over Ankh-Morpork, sluicing it, revealing its faults to the dedicated observer. From this vantage point, high in the sky, it is possible to see the stark divisions in the city. Neglected, left on their own in the dark pit of storydom, three of the four pretenders to the Patricianship of Ankh-Morpork have 'fortified' their positions. The city, now more than ever, resembles a rotting, mangled pizza, sliced but not eaten. But in the centre, instead of olives, there is rubble. And men, marching out toward the city. Toward the walls of the other pretenders, Chairman Meow's revolution did go.
On a closer view, one simian and two men were travelling toward the erstwhile camp of Meow's 'army', now guarded by just a few men. One was riding some kind of vehicle.
Commander Vimes remembered his latest interview with the bastard. The man who had dared to threaten his people, his family that way. To drive him to this, supporting the one man who had no business ruling the city. And he had always thought it would be a vampire that would do for him. Instead it was a bloody human! Well, a Carcer-like 'human'. So, now he had to give a speech saying that all "Right-minded morporkians" should support Chairman Meow. He had to, or Carrot, then Sybil, then…He HAD to.
He glanced round at the men, looking for anything that could count as a weapon, defining weapon loosely, but his hands were tied behind his back…
Still, there must be something he could do, when that scumbag was just in front of him.
"AH!" Vimes 'slipped'.
…And so did all the carefully arranged marching rows behind him, and the man-thing in front; Vimes somehow managed to swipe his legs and get his head in a lock between his knees, while all the soldiers were falling like dominoes.
Sergeant Angua was drilling the remaining members of AMPWatch, the few who had stayed after Vimes 'left', when the message on what was going on in the centre of the city reached her. Piano, and Otto as well, were 'out on errands' somewhere (possibly together) so she was nominally in charge. There was only one thing she could do. Of course, it would have to be by a roundabout route. They needed to pick up some 'recruits' from the other throne-chasers.
"OK, people, we're going to party at Rust's, then Boggis', then Slant's. And then, we're heading for the palace."
The only way they were going to pull this off was if the back side of the different HQ's were ridiculously underprotected. Which, Angua thought, as her eyes fell on the complete lack of defenses on the river at Ankh, at least one of them was.
Angua, on her own, slid over the wall of Vimes old pile. Avoiding the traps with ease, and the help of her unnatural sense of smell, she was soon into the manor itself, by virtue of a conveniently open window.
She heard voices from the next room.
"-Rust, you can see how you're men are needed so much, and how you will of course contribute some of them to my cause. Otherwise, well, we will win eventually, and what will happen to you then if you don't, it doesn't bear contemplating."
"But, you, you're-"
"Yes. And? Are you going to 'lend' me the services of your men?"
Someone had beaten her here! It was unthinkable. She slammed open the door-
"Alright-you can have 50 men. That's half my garrison here."
Angua ran into the room, to be confronted by a cloaked back. She realised it was Nænorn.
"How the hell did you get in here!?"
"Practice. It always helps."
"Well, if you're so practiced, maybe you would like to do this with the other leaders too!"
"Very well,"
As they finally made their approach toward the palace and Meow's horde, with an army of around 400 people, 350 more than they had started with, Angua wondered how he had done it. Then, she realised she'd rather not know.
Then she saw Vimes.
"Oook,"
"But how do you know they are there?"
"Oook. Ook!"
"You just do. Great!"
"How does he know what are where?" asked Leonard
"He thinks that Carrot and the lady Sybil are buried under our feet!"
"Well, we can find out. I brought my machine-for-digging-through-anything with me!"
"Ook!"
"What?"
"He says, dig!"
"Will do," said Leonard "Get in."
He pressed a few buttons in the leviathan, while Ponder and the Librarian hopped hurriedly aboard. It started shaking, then attacked the Rubble ground with dog-like ferocity. The unnoticed, approaching guards from Meow's camp were, tragically, buried under a hail of flying rubble.
In a few minutes the flailing arms stopped.
"What's happened! Has it broken down!?" asked a terrified Ponder.
Strangely, the Librarian seemed to not be bothered by the machine's sudden halt.
"No. We have broken through to the cellars of the palace."
As he spoke, a young, red-headed man swung up into the machine, brandishing a fallen piece of rock.
"Oh, it's you. I'd thought it was something else trying to kill us!" exclaimed Carrot, upon seeing the Librarian, "Sybil, you can come up"
Before he had said Librarian, Sybil, hampered by her young son, swung aboard.
"Right," continued Carrot "We have to get to Meow's army. They're blackmailing Vimes into supporting them!"
He was met by an anguished stare from Leonard
"The machine is stuck! We can't get out!"
"I could levitate you out." said Ponder, happy at last to have a worthwhile mission.
"Do it!"
Angua listened as Vimes destroyed her force's cohesion. None of the watch, still the core of her army, wanted to go against him, though many knew he was being coerced. They needed a miracle if they were to get through this without a conversion to wholesale communist-dictatorship-ism. She just hoped that someone, anyone, could provide one.
Three things happened at once.
Otto flew in from the east and whipped Vimes away
Carrot shouted "Commander, Sybil and Sam and I are free!"
And the horde of Meow charged.
2000 against 400. It should have been an assured victory. The collaborative AMPWatch force should have won almost without loss. Unfortunately, I refuse to bow to such things as the wishes of my beta readers.
After a few minutes of battle, the AMPWatch force was split into small groups. Each one was being slowly massacred.
Angua stood with her back against Nænorn's.
"Shouldn't be long now," he muttered
Then a pitchfork took him in the ribs, a sword in pierced his thigh and a meat cleaver amputated his arm at the same time. Even the best can be overwhelmed.
And Angua changed, dropping her sword, and charged the mass surrounding her.
The next thing she knew, she was in a small tent, surrounded by friends.
Stupid dog mind! she thought, and changed back to human.
"What happened?" she asked
"Slant decided that it was his duty to defend the 'one true king'," answered Carrot, in a voice dripping with more irony than one person should own.
"I didn't think he had it in him!"
She looked round at the surrounding faces. Some looked sickened - probably from the change. Oops.
"Where's Nænorn?"
"He's-"
"Here," rasped a voice "But I am not Nænorn. My onetime spymaster died in the attack. I am-" His rasping voice cut off, and then a rattling noise came from his side of the tent.
"He was Vetinari," finished Carrot.
A/N: I await any and all reviews. I might continue this story.
Also, 2000 might sound like a lot but the population of Ankh-Morpork is 1000000