Chapter Nine:
Jake said several official words of welcome. Of course, he invented them for the occasion. Marco was cracking up the whole time. Jake tried so hard to be serious, but he knew as well as I did how really ridiculous it sounded.
"Applause, applause, cut the red ribbon," Marco said, when Jake had concluded his brief speech. "How long did we just commit to babysitting this thing for?"
An excellent question, Ax said.
Jake and Cassie exchanged an uncertain glance. "Until . . . she can fend for herself?" Cassie suggested hesitantly.
"Are you insane?" Marco exclaimed. "Look at her! She's an ant-snack, for crying out loud! Baby mice are like Godzilla to her!"
"Well . . . "
Okay, we might have thought this out a little more carefully before agreeing, Tobias murmured.
"We'll just watch her until the next Helmacrons come through," Jake said.
"Oh, yeah, sure. There's a bus every two weeks," Marco snorted. "Hey! Helmacron! How long does this 'banishment' last?"
The inglorious sentence is lifelong, the Helmacron replied.
"And when the emcee of that little ceremony said 'may you live for a century,' that was figurative, right?"
Of course! the Helmacron snorted.
"Well, that's a relief."
Without other Helmacrons or real enemies to engage in combat, one's life is not cut so honorably short. On such a mundane planet as this, fifty years is probably the briefest lifespan I can hope for.
We stared. Jake staggered a little as he realized what he had just committed to.
"I am so not going to spend the next fifty years making sure she doesn't get beaten up by butterflies," I muttered.
"Fifty years?" Jake choked.
Indeed.
"Okay," he said. "Okay. No problem."
"No problem?" Marco said. "How is there no problem? Seems to me like we've got a big, Apollo 13-sized problem here, Houston!"
"I meant no problem in that, 'We are in deep, deep sludge,' sort of way," Jake said. Then he snapped into Mister-President mode. "Okay, here's the plan. Ax, you keep her here at your scoop. Tomorrow, after school, we all gather back and . . . do something."
"Listen to that man lead," Marco said.
Prince Jake, I must protest. I do not feel it would be morally right for me to guard the Helmacron. In fact, I object to this whole procedure.
Jake glanced at Cassie, looking for some kind of signal. See, Cassie's sort of Jake's moral barometer. Jake relies pretty heavily on her for advice on how to deal with all of us. I followed his eyes over to her. He was expecting her to tell him whether he should lean towards being firm with Ax, or giving him a break.
But instead of nodding, smiling, frowning, or remaining impassive - any of which would have given Jake a hint - she merely knit her brows in a subtle, helpless shrug. Jake looked away, disappointed.
The whole exchange took maybe two seconds, but it frightened me more than some battles I had been in. Things weren't healthy, if Cassie wasn't cluing Jake in.
"Ax," he said after a moment more of hesitation, "I need you to . . . " he paused, as if he had been interrupted. The forest was silent of voices as he seemed to listen to something.
Private thoughtspeech, of course. I just didn't know if it was coming from the Helmacron, from Ax, or from Tobias.
" . . . I need you to try and remember everything you can about Helmacrons. Any information whatsoever will be helpful."
Yes, Prince Jake.
It was not what he was originally going to say. We all knew it.
Something was definitely weird.
I mean, beyond the fact that alien slugs were invading the planet and we turned into animals in order to stop them.
Something was up with Jake.
"Rachel, you take the Helmacron home tonight," he decided.
I opened my mouth to object. Then I stopped, and thought twice. Ax had already managed to deflect a direct order from Jake. If I refused, things could get real ugly.
Plus, how weak would it look if I wimped out now?
"Sure, Jake," I said. "But do we have a plan for what happens if my sisters see her?"
"Don't let them," he said.
Oh, real helpful.
The meeting broke up quickly after that. Tobias had to go hunting, Cassie had chores. I knew Jake wanted time to plan out his next move. I found myself alone with the Helmacron. Honestly, I think that the others just wanted to get out of there as fast as they could. The situation was a little freaky.
I squinted down at the little alien. I still remembered vividly what Helmacrons looked like up close and personal. I really, really preferred to see them from my own natural size.
For a Helmacron, she had been silent throughout the meeting. I began to wonder if she was dead or something.
"Hey," I said.
Yes, bloated alien?
Well, not dead. Not yet.
"Um, I'm taking you back to my place," I said. "But I'm sort of wondering how I'm going to carry you there."
You expect me to solve this problem? Use your swollen bulk of gray matter!
I stooped down until I was sort of on eye level with her. Except, of course, my eyes were bigger than she was. "Listen up," I said. "If you want to survive long on Earth, you're going to have to learn a few manners."
I mock manners! Manners are for weaklings and aliens! I spit on all manners!
"Case in point," I said. I really didn't want to morph. I didn't feel like losing the green in my hair yet. Finally, I just stuck out my hand. "Climb on up. We're gonna do this the 'Indian in the Cupboard' way."
Jake said several official words of welcome. Of course, he invented them for the occasion. Marco was cracking up the whole time. Jake tried so hard to be serious, but he knew as well as I did how really ridiculous it sounded.
"Applause, applause, cut the red ribbon," Marco said, when Jake had concluded his brief speech. "How long did we just commit to babysitting this thing for?"
An excellent question, Ax said.
Jake and Cassie exchanged an uncertain glance. "Until . . . she can fend for herself?" Cassie suggested hesitantly.
"Are you insane?" Marco exclaimed. "Look at her! She's an ant-snack, for crying out loud! Baby mice are like Godzilla to her!"
"Well . . . "
Okay, we might have thought this out a little more carefully before agreeing, Tobias murmured.
"We'll just watch her until the next Helmacrons come through," Jake said.
"Oh, yeah, sure. There's a bus every two weeks," Marco snorted. "Hey! Helmacron! How long does this 'banishment' last?"
The inglorious sentence is lifelong, the Helmacron replied.
"And when the emcee of that little ceremony said 'may you live for a century,' that was figurative, right?"
Of course! the Helmacron snorted.
"Well, that's a relief."
Without other Helmacrons or real enemies to engage in combat, one's life is not cut so honorably short. On such a mundane planet as this, fifty years is probably the briefest lifespan I can hope for.
We stared. Jake staggered a little as he realized what he had just committed to.
"I am so not going to spend the next fifty years making sure she doesn't get beaten up by butterflies," I muttered.
"Fifty years?" Jake choked.
Indeed.
"Okay," he said. "Okay. No problem."
"No problem?" Marco said. "How is there no problem? Seems to me like we've got a big, Apollo 13-sized problem here, Houston!"
"I meant no problem in that, 'We are in deep, deep sludge,' sort of way," Jake said. Then he snapped into Mister-President mode. "Okay, here's the plan. Ax, you keep her here at your scoop. Tomorrow, after school, we all gather back and . . . do something."
"Listen to that man lead," Marco said.
Prince Jake, I must protest. I do not feel it would be morally right for me to guard the Helmacron. In fact, I object to this whole procedure.
Jake glanced at Cassie, looking for some kind of signal. See, Cassie's sort of Jake's moral barometer. Jake relies pretty heavily on her for advice on how to deal with all of us. I followed his eyes over to her. He was expecting her to tell him whether he should lean towards being firm with Ax, or giving him a break.
But instead of nodding, smiling, frowning, or remaining impassive - any of which would have given Jake a hint - she merely knit her brows in a subtle, helpless shrug. Jake looked away, disappointed.
The whole exchange took maybe two seconds, but it frightened me more than some battles I had been in. Things weren't healthy, if Cassie wasn't cluing Jake in.
"Ax," he said after a moment more of hesitation, "I need you to . . . " he paused, as if he had been interrupted. The forest was silent of voices as he seemed to listen to something.
Private thoughtspeech, of course. I just didn't know if it was coming from the Helmacron, from Ax, or from Tobias.
" . . . I need you to try and remember everything you can about Helmacrons. Any information whatsoever will be helpful."
Yes, Prince Jake.
It was not what he was originally going to say. We all knew it.
Something was definitely weird.
I mean, beyond the fact that alien slugs were invading the planet and we turned into animals in order to stop them.
Something was up with Jake.
"Rachel, you take the Helmacron home tonight," he decided.
I opened my mouth to object. Then I stopped, and thought twice. Ax had already managed to deflect a direct order from Jake. If I refused, things could get real ugly.
Plus, how weak would it look if I wimped out now?
"Sure, Jake," I said. "But do we have a plan for what happens if my sisters see her?"
"Don't let them," he said.
Oh, real helpful.
The meeting broke up quickly after that. Tobias had to go hunting, Cassie had chores. I knew Jake wanted time to plan out his next move. I found myself alone with the Helmacron. Honestly, I think that the others just wanted to get out of there as fast as they could. The situation was a little freaky.
I squinted down at the little alien. I still remembered vividly what Helmacrons looked like up close and personal. I really, really preferred to see them from my own natural size.
For a Helmacron, she had been silent throughout the meeting. I began to wonder if she was dead or something.
"Hey," I said.
Yes, bloated alien?
Well, not dead. Not yet.
"Um, I'm taking you back to my place," I said. "But I'm sort of wondering how I'm going to carry you there."
You expect me to solve this problem? Use your swollen bulk of gray matter!
I stooped down until I was sort of on eye level with her. Except, of course, my eyes were bigger than she was. "Listen up," I said. "If you want to survive long on Earth, you're going to have to learn a few manners."
I mock manners! Manners are for weaklings and aliens! I spit on all manners!
"Case in point," I said. I really didn't want to morph. I didn't feel like losing the green in my hair yet. Finally, I just stuck out my hand. "Climb on up. We're gonna do this the 'Indian in the Cupboard' way."