Chapter Ten:
"Now, listen up. That's my house. I'm going to take you in. But you have to absolutely promise me not to say a single word any time we're inside."
Why?
I looked down at the Helmacron in my hand. "I don't want my sisters or my mom finding out about you."
Because they would be terrified by my Helmacron might, and it would pain you to see them grovel before me?
"Yeah," I laughed. "Sure, that's it."
Since you have proven obedient thus far, in sheltering me from your brutish elements, I shall grant your petition.
"Thanks," I said. Then I realized I had a little bit of a problem. I couldn't go in while holding the Helmacron in my hand. Even if I made a loose fist, Jordan or Sara might notice and ask what I was holding. I couldn't put the little creep in my pocket. I'd crush it as I walked. I stood silently before my house, stumped.
I guess I must have stood there for a while, because the Helmacron interrupted my thoughts. Are you performing some primitive, religious ritual before entering? she asked.
"What? No. I just don't know how I'm going to get you in. You have to be concealed, but safe."
Place me on the interior rim of your titanic ear, simpleton. I shall be both protected and invisible from that vantage point.
"Oh. Yeah. That makes sense." Dumb of me not to think of that. I lifted my hand, and felt a little tickle as the Helmacron climbed up onto my ear.
I am secure. You may proceed, brutish creature.
"Just what I need," I muttered. "Another small, arrogant alien inside my ear, telling me what to do."
I let myself into the house, trying hard to keep my head still. Jordan was on the couch with Sara, watching some anime show. Pokemon or Digimon or Reggaemon or whatever "mon" it was this month. Sara scooted higher on the couch and tilted her head back to see who had come in. "Hi, Rachel!" she yelled.
"Hi," I said.
Maybe you've been wondering whatever happened with Jordan. You might even think that I'd forgotten about her.
Not a chance.
Today was Wednesday. The party was Friday. I had three long days to wait before my sister would be - temporarily - safe from infestation or loss of innocence. And I'm not exactly a waiting kind of person, so I wasn't having any fun, either.
Jordan slid off the couch. "Hey, Rachel! I need to talk to you."
"Not now, Jordan." I headed upstairs to my room.
"Rachel, this is serious!"
I turned to look at her. Great. Just perfect. I had done nothing but try to talk to her for the past few days. Now she wanted to have a heart-to- heart. Now that I had a Helmacron sitting inside my ear.
I was beginning to believe in Marco's irony gods.
I played nervously with a strand of hair by my ear. "Okay," I said. "What?"
"What did you tell Mom about Megan?"
"Nothing," I said. "What are you talking about?"
She set her jaw angrily. It's a habit she picked up from me. "Rachel, I *told* you not to talk to Mom about Megan!"
"Look, I didn't say anything about her. What happened?"
"Mom said I can't go to the party. Because *some*body badmouthed Megan to her, so now she's all, 'I don't want you hanging out with that kind of person' and she said I can't go!"
Mom wouldn't let her go? Sweet.
I probably would have been much happier about this news if I didn't have a tiny alien perched just above and behind my earlobe. As it was, I merely pulled my mouth into an exaggerated frown. "Awwwwww," I oozed sarcastically. "Really? Gee, that's too bad."
Jordan glared at me. "I told you that I'd tell Mom you've been cheating on your homework."
"No," I disputed. I was a whole lot less worried about being grounded than about having to spend extra time doing homework. The Chee could get grounded for me. "You said that you'd tell her about the last ten times I snuck out."
"Twelve," she said.
I felt the tickle of the Helmacron moving in my ear. "Whatever." I turned, and headed upstairs.
"I'm gonna get you in big trouble!" she yelled after me.
Big trouble. Well, sure. I mean, it's not like I was in big trouble already, or anything. Having a tiny, excommunicated Helmacron sitting inside of my ear wasn't being in big trouble. Being one of the six kids that were wanted dead or alive by a whole invading alien empire wasn't being in big trouble. Jordan might get me grounded if I didn't watch myself! Boy, I'd better be careful.
Do you see why I'm not that easily intimidated these days? I mean, Teletubbies doesn't scare me. How callous is that?
"Yeah, okay!" I shouted. I closed and locked my door. "Get out of my ear. Now."
The Helmacron dutifully trotted onto my hand. That was the first . . .
"SHHHH!" I exploded, desperately holding a finger up to my mouth. I had just *told* the little freak not to use thoughtspeech! If she wasn't careful, Jordan and Sara would hear her. And then really, really bad things would happen.
If you'll excuse the pun, all Hell-macron would break loose.
This is private thoughtspeech, O foolish one, she informed me.
"Oh."
As I was saying, that was the first healthy female-female relationship I've yet to see here on Earth.
"You liked that, huh?" I set her down on my dresser.
Indeed. The struggle for dominance was most rewarding. At the sacred mountain, you capitulated to your female leader so easily that I thought you were a male.
"Well, I'm not a male. Wait a minute. My female . . . " I puzzled over this. "I don't have a female leader."
Of course you do. She told you to bring me to this domicile.
What was she talking about? There hadn't been a female. Jake had told me to . . .
"Jake's not female," I said. "He's a male."
No. She contradicted me sharply. This Jake is a female. She is your leader, therefore she is female.
I smiled. "I can't wait to see his face when I tell him that."
"Now, listen up. That's my house. I'm going to take you in. But you have to absolutely promise me not to say a single word any time we're inside."
Why?
I looked down at the Helmacron in my hand. "I don't want my sisters or my mom finding out about you."
Because they would be terrified by my Helmacron might, and it would pain you to see them grovel before me?
"Yeah," I laughed. "Sure, that's it."
Since you have proven obedient thus far, in sheltering me from your brutish elements, I shall grant your petition.
"Thanks," I said. Then I realized I had a little bit of a problem. I couldn't go in while holding the Helmacron in my hand. Even if I made a loose fist, Jordan or Sara might notice and ask what I was holding. I couldn't put the little creep in my pocket. I'd crush it as I walked. I stood silently before my house, stumped.
I guess I must have stood there for a while, because the Helmacron interrupted my thoughts. Are you performing some primitive, religious ritual before entering? she asked.
"What? No. I just don't know how I'm going to get you in. You have to be concealed, but safe."
Place me on the interior rim of your titanic ear, simpleton. I shall be both protected and invisible from that vantage point.
"Oh. Yeah. That makes sense." Dumb of me not to think of that. I lifted my hand, and felt a little tickle as the Helmacron climbed up onto my ear.
I am secure. You may proceed, brutish creature.
"Just what I need," I muttered. "Another small, arrogant alien inside my ear, telling me what to do."
I let myself into the house, trying hard to keep my head still. Jordan was on the couch with Sara, watching some anime show. Pokemon or Digimon or Reggaemon or whatever "mon" it was this month. Sara scooted higher on the couch and tilted her head back to see who had come in. "Hi, Rachel!" she yelled.
"Hi," I said.
Maybe you've been wondering whatever happened with Jordan. You might even think that I'd forgotten about her.
Not a chance.
Today was Wednesday. The party was Friday. I had three long days to wait before my sister would be - temporarily - safe from infestation or loss of innocence. And I'm not exactly a waiting kind of person, so I wasn't having any fun, either.
Jordan slid off the couch. "Hey, Rachel! I need to talk to you."
"Not now, Jordan." I headed upstairs to my room.
"Rachel, this is serious!"
I turned to look at her. Great. Just perfect. I had done nothing but try to talk to her for the past few days. Now she wanted to have a heart-to- heart. Now that I had a Helmacron sitting inside my ear.
I was beginning to believe in Marco's irony gods.
I played nervously with a strand of hair by my ear. "Okay," I said. "What?"
"What did you tell Mom about Megan?"
"Nothing," I said. "What are you talking about?"
She set her jaw angrily. It's a habit she picked up from me. "Rachel, I *told* you not to talk to Mom about Megan!"
"Look, I didn't say anything about her. What happened?"
"Mom said I can't go to the party. Because *some*body badmouthed Megan to her, so now she's all, 'I don't want you hanging out with that kind of person' and she said I can't go!"
Mom wouldn't let her go? Sweet.
I probably would have been much happier about this news if I didn't have a tiny alien perched just above and behind my earlobe. As it was, I merely pulled my mouth into an exaggerated frown. "Awwwwww," I oozed sarcastically. "Really? Gee, that's too bad."
Jordan glared at me. "I told you that I'd tell Mom you've been cheating on your homework."
"No," I disputed. I was a whole lot less worried about being grounded than about having to spend extra time doing homework. The Chee could get grounded for me. "You said that you'd tell her about the last ten times I snuck out."
"Twelve," she said.
I felt the tickle of the Helmacron moving in my ear. "Whatever." I turned, and headed upstairs.
"I'm gonna get you in big trouble!" she yelled after me.
Big trouble. Well, sure. I mean, it's not like I was in big trouble already, or anything. Having a tiny, excommunicated Helmacron sitting inside of my ear wasn't being in big trouble. Being one of the six kids that were wanted dead or alive by a whole invading alien empire wasn't being in big trouble. Jordan might get me grounded if I didn't watch myself! Boy, I'd better be careful.
Do you see why I'm not that easily intimidated these days? I mean, Teletubbies doesn't scare me. How callous is that?
"Yeah, okay!" I shouted. I closed and locked my door. "Get out of my ear. Now."
The Helmacron dutifully trotted onto my hand. That was the first . . .
"SHHHH!" I exploded, desperately holding a finger up to my mouth. I had just *told* the little freak not to use thoughtspeech! If she wasn't careful, Jordan and Sara would hear her. And then really, really bad things would happen.
If you'll excuse the pun, all Hell-macron would break loose.
This is private thoughtspeech, O foolish one, she informed me.
"Oh."
As I was saying, that was the first healthy female-female relationship I've yet to see here on Earth.
"You liked that, huh?" I set her down on my dresser.
Indeed. The struggle for dominance was most rewarding. At the sacred mountain, you capitulated to your female leader so easily that I thought you were a male.
"Well, I'm not a male. Wait a minute. My female . . . " I puzzled over this. "I don't have a female leader."
Of course you do. She told you to bring me to this domicile.
What was she talking about? There hadn't been a female. Jake had told me to . . .
"Jake's not female," I said. "He's a male."
No. She contradicted me sharply. This Jake is a female. She is your leader, therefore she is female.
I smiled. "I can't wait to see his face when I tell him that."