Thing ONe: New and exciting chapter here.
Thing TWo: Don't kill us for what we do-
Thing ONe: Shut up! You're giving away important plot bunnies.
Thing TWo: Sorry. This isn't our best of chapters
Thing ONe: It's rushed. We needed to get something out.
Thing TWo: Anyway, we have to give some credit to LilyPotter again for the Romeo and Juliet idea.
Thing ONe: For their production of Romeo and Juliet, we took some of the best lines, namely the ones used in Baz Luhrman's Romeo+Juliet.
Thing TWo: We hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: Shakespeare owns Romeo and Juliet, we just butchered, we mean, abridged it. Elton John owns Your Song. "Throw me a Curve" is sung by the Go-Go's. The idea of Justin playing for another team (if you watch Seinfeld, you know what we're talking about) is from Paradigm of Uncertainty, by Lori Summers. The characters we are torturing belong to J.K. Rowling.
Thing TWo's mantra: Ewan McGregor is sexy, John Mayer is sweet, and Prince Harry is rich.
The next Saturday dawned early and bright. The dancers dragged themselves out of bed and into the Great Hall where Lauren was waiting for them with cinnamon rolls, specially made by the house-elves.
In the side room, all the girls were getting into their corsets. Lauren had made them rehearse in their corsets to get used to dancing with them. Parvati and Lavender were lacing Hermione and Padma up.
"Come on," Lavender said, "suck it in Hermione, you've got to be thinnest of all."
Padma, who had been increasingly sick of the corsets, pulled away from Parvati. "I am not going to rehearse with this on today! I am sick of wearing them and I'd like to be able to breath when I dance today. Who's with me?"
All of the girls raised their hands.
"Great." Parvati said, conjuring up some sheets of music, "Take these and follow me."
Lauren was sitting in her director's chair, treating herself to a cinnamon bun, when she looked up to see twenty-odd girls in their camisoles and warm-up pants marching toward her. They all stopped in front of her chair and looked pointedly at her.
"Yes?" Lauren asked.
Padma nudged Hermione. She looked down at her paper and started singing.
Clothes hanger LollipopMagazine Photo op
I'd rather be a pin-up girlThan zero size
Throw me a curve look so fine
The rest of the girls joined in for the rest of the song
Wishing there was less of you?Are you really sure
How much less is more
Girls are shapely by design
Exactly what you've got
Is so easy to adore
Clothes hanger LollipopMagazine Photo op
I'd rather be a pin-up girlThan zero size
Throw me a curve not a straight
Narrow line
Throw me a curve and I'll show you
Mine
Get the message it's divine
Throw me a curve look so fine
Microthin is way too in
I'm not so sure
I'd rather just be me
Seems everybody in the world
Thinks that x-ray girl
Are the only way to be
Yeah!
Clothes hanger LollipopMagazine Photo op
I'd rather be a pin-up girlThan zero size
Throw me a curve not a straight
Narrow line
Throw me a curve and I'll show you
Mine
Get the message It's divine
Throw me a curve look so fine
Throw me a curve not some straight
Narrow line
Throw me a curve don't it look
So divine
Throw me a curve
Throw me a curve
Throw me a curve
Look so fine"In case you didn't catch that" Padma said, slightly out of breath, "We don't want to wear our corsets."
Lauren was trying not to laugh. "A powerful form of protest girls" she said. "All right, you may have a break from corsets"
All the girls cheered.
By the time Harry, Ron, and all the other actors had come in, they were just finishing up "Hindi Sad Diamonds"
"Girl's best friend" Hermione sang in a low voice while Justin came up behind her and said "She is mine" while putting his hands on some-er-interesting places.
"Good thing Justin doesn't exactly, well, go that way." Ron said. "If not, I'd be up there punching him." He looked at Harry. "I'm really glad it was you who got the part, if it was anyone else, I don't think I could've stood it. I'm protective of her, I can't help it."
"And yet you two hold the record for the most painfully short romance of all time." Harry said.
"It's not my fault!" Ron laughed. "Well, technically it is. But at least we cut it off early before things could become too painful." Ron felt like saying 'you two should really get together' but held his tongue, thanks in part to the end of dance practice.
Lauren gathered together all the actors. "Now, we're going to be doing something different today. The theatre in Hogsmeade was finished two weeks early." She paused for cheers. "So as an early Christmas present, we'll be rehearsing down there. Also, tomorrow we won't be practicing Moulin Rouge! either."
"What?" the cast looked around confused. That was the only thing that they had been doing for almost two months.
"We'll be doing a play of my choice, and I'll explain when we're down there." Lauren told them in a pacifying voice. "You have twenty minutes to get down there, so I suggest you hurry." Everyone started breaking out of the group while Lauren shouted above the crowd "And girls, put something on over your warm-up clothes!"
Hermione grabbed Harry and Ron's hands and started pulling them through the crowd. "Hurry up!" she cried.
"Hermione put a jacket on!" Ron said, looking at her bare shoulders.
"Here." Harry said, taking off his cloak, "Wear this."
Hermione was about to refuse, but when the icy December air hit her as the doors opened, she took it. Ron was practically screaming 'Proof! Solid evidence! He gave her his cloak, he likes her!' but once again shut his mouth.
They ran through Hogsmeade, which only took them ten minutes, but they were sorely out of breath by the time they got there. Undaunted, Hermione pushed open the unlocked doors of the new "Hogsmeade Globe Theatre"
She took a deep breath when they got in. "It smells like a theatre," and continued running.
Harry and Ron looked at each other. "What is it supposed to smell like?" Ron mouthed.
Hermione jumped up on the stage and spun around. "I want to live here!" she shouted.
Ron climbed on to the stage followed by Harry who said, "Fine, we'll leave you. Won't miss you much."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
Ron was looking back and forth between them as they repeated the word 'fine' over and over again.
"FINE!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!"
"My gift is my song!"
Hermione stopped arguing. Harry was smiling broadly. Hermione's scowl softened and she joined in. "And this one's for you."
Ron mumbled, "What the hell" and joined in with "And you can tell everybody"
And then all three "That this is your song." They all started singing in a joyful chorus, Harry and Hermione doing their dance while Ron shot brightly colored sparks out of his wand.
It may be quite simple
But now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world
I sat on the roof
And I kicked off the moss
Well some of these voices they got me quite cross
But the sun's been kind
While I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting 'bout these things I do
You see I've forgotten if their green or blue
And well the thing is
What I really mean
You've got the sweetest eyes I've ever seen.
The rest of the cast had filtered in by the time the song was almost finished. They took seats in the front row to watch what can only be called a spectacle. Hermione was being picked up by Harry, though she still wearing his long robes. Harry was singing loudest of all. And Ron was working on having live doves come from out of his wand, although he had already littered the stage with glitter and confetti.
They all finished up with "How wonderful life is now you're in the world!" and Ron shot large red fireworks out of the wand.
The theatre was silent for three seconds, and then broke out in to uproarious applause.
"You three are such exhibitionists." Lauren said. "You must've been born to act. All right, off stage. We have some conferring to do."
Everyone gathered around Lauren. "We're rehearsing regularly today, but what we do tomorrow is for fun, but also as an experiment. We will be performing a different play, with characters similar to your own. I want to see how you can act when you're playing someone like you, but totally different." There was a general murmur of interest. "Now, here's the cast list."
As soon as she said the first name, there were cheers and groans all around
Romeo: Harry
Juliet: Hermione
Tybalt: Draco
Mercutio: Ron
Friar Laurence: Ron
Paris: Draco
Nurse: Sally-Anne
Benvolio: Terry
Prince Escalus: Justin
Balthasar: Colin
Lady Montague: Parvati
Lord Montague:
Lady Capulet: Lavender
Lord Capulet: Justin
Sampson: Morag
Gregory: Colin
Abram: Crabbe
"Yes children, we are doing Romeo and Juliet!" Lauren cried. "Come and get some scripts. You'll notice that some of you have more than one part. Like Draco; you have the part of Tybalt and Paris. Tybalt is like the very violent side of the Duke, while Paris is more lovesick. Ron, you are both Mercutio and Friar Laurence. You've got to split your character in two and find the different strands.
"Now, I know that some of you don't have parts, especially the dancers. You're lucky. You get to sit back and watch what will be an interesting performance. You've got Today and until two o'clock tomorrow to practice. I don't want you to have memorized it, but I want you to be comfortable in your parts. We'll just run through it with scripts. No worries."
Everyone nodded. "And Harry and Hermione" Lauren added. "You two will have to snog for real tomorrow."
Harry started looking around, anywhere but at Hermione. Hermione was blushing.
"Okay everyone, let's start." Lauren said. "Get backstage now. We're going to do Roxanne"
Later that day, Harry and Hermione were in the Leaky Cauldron having Butterbeer and doing homework.
"I want to propose a bet." Harry said suddenly.
Hermione considered. "All right."
"I want to see how long we can go before people realize we're dating." Harry said. "Should be fun."
"So, what you're saying is that we have to hide that we're in love for more than just safety reasons." Hermione asked, looking shocked. "Okay, I'm in."
They shook hands, and went back to their homework, as though the discussion had never happened.
The next day all the actors gathered in the theatre. And thus began the Hogwarts version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hannah came out first, as the narrator
Hannah: Two households, both alike in dignity
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life.
Then Terry, Colin and Morag came out, all awkwardly holding swords and scripts. They weren't used to playing parts that weren't madcap; so needless to say, it wasn't the brightest of performances.
The fight scene went amazingly well since almost no dialogue was needed.
The play went on. It wasn't fine theatre, but it was fun to watch. But Ginny Weasley wasn't watching the play exactly.
She was sitting with the dancers, watching Draco Malfoy as Paris. She sighed. He really was irresistible. Too bad he was going after Hermione. She knew that she'd have no chance with him, especially since he hated her (but she thought that was even more romantic) and she was a sixth year. But a girl has every right to drool, doesn't she?
Harry was feeling especially nervous. He had to kiss Hermione on stage, something he knew was coming soon, but they had been stalling doing it for a while. Lauren had told them that they only had to kiss in rehearsals when they were comfortable with it. But now they had to do it in front of everyone, and they still didn't want everyone to know. And thee was no chance this would be a chaste kiss on the cheek. Harry had kissed Hermione, and there was no chance of not snogging. So in other words, they were doomed
The play moved on, slowly at first but gaining speed. Before Harry knew it, he and Ron and all the others were at the party. And that meant that he would be kissing Hermione soon.
Mentally shaking himself, Harry snuck up behind Hermione and took her hand
Harry: If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this;
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss
Hermione: Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss
Harry: O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do!
The pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair
Hermione: Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.
Harry: Then move not while my prayer's effect I take
Thus from my lips, by thine my sin is purged
Hermione: Then have my lips the sin that they have took.
Harry: Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again
Then Harry kissed her.
This was one of those classic, long, movie, clinging, lots of tongue kisses. The sort of thing that you might blush about in mixed company. This might have been how Shakespeare had wanted it, but even Lauren hadn't been expecting this kind of passion.
Finally, it seemed like ages, Harry and Hermione broke apart, both looking at the ground. It was lucky for them that Sally-Anne came on stage to get Hermione for her scene, otherwise there might have been an interesting confrontation coming up.
As they both left the stage, Ron whispered to Ginny, "Either they like each other, or Hermione and Harry need to win an Oscar."
The play continued. The kiss had been really the most exciting thing, it seemed to the cast& crew that the Bard had a tendency to run on a bit. Some of the scenes were pointless, and others were unintelligible. Lauren was starting to wish she had given them the Baz Luhrman copy of Romeo+Juliet.
Then it got really exciting during the rally big fight scene. Both Ron and Draco were very good with swords. They never really found out how Harry was since his complex fight choreography was to a) be kicked a lot and b) stab Draco. By the time Draco was lying dead on the floor and Harry had just shouted the lines "Either thou or I, or both must go with him" the entire cast was up on their feet cheering.
But no matter how boring 'Romeo and Juliet- Really Long and Uncut' was, they were enjoying themselves. The actors were learning, the dancers were having fun watching, and everyone was enjoying the life that was brought into it. Hermione was really enjoying the fight with Justin, since she had never had much of a chance to fight with her parents. She felt like she was getting her aggressions out by yelling at her 'father'.
By six, it was almost all over. Harry was kneeling in front of Hermione (who had been but on her grave, really a table) and giving his last lines.
Harry: The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!
Thy drugs are quick
This with a kiss I die.
And he kissed Hermione softly and slumped down in feigned death.
Then Hermione woke up (at the most inconvenient of times really, if she had been two minutes sooner, neither would've died!) and saw Harry 'dead'.
Hermione: Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!
This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die.
And then Hermione was dead. And the play was over.
Everyone was on their feet clapping, even Harry and Hermione, newly risen from the dead.
"So what did you think?" Lauren asked.
"I think that ending was better than Moulin Rouge!" Ginny shouted out.
"Why?"
Ginny thought for a moment. "Well, they both died, they'll be together forever. In Moulin Rouge! only Satine dies, and Christian has to be without her."
"Couldn't he date someone else?" Justin asked.
"But she was his first love, and she died in his arms. He'll be depressed for life. How could he date again?" Padma asked.
"But couldn't he move on?" Harry asked.
"All right, enough discussion!" Lauren said. "Go, get food. Talk about it at dinner. Go bore your friends with the gory details!"
And they all did just that.
Then Hermione had to go to the Auror's meeting. We really would like to tell you about it. But we can't. What's discussed there will be important, and we can't give ANYTHING away. It would be evil. Really, you would hate us. We know that you want to know about who was there, what they were wearing, what cocktails were being served, but we can't tell you. In fact, we weren't allowed in. Not on the VIP list. So let's move on to…later. After the meeting.
Hermione was smiling as she came into the common room, and was going up the stairs when a voice startled her.
"Where were you?"
It was Harry. He was sitting on a chair with a concerned look on his face. "Where were you, I was worried?"
That's when Hermione remembered she was supposed to meet Harry. She had forgotten to reschedule. But she couldn't tell him where she had been. "I was in the library."
"No you weren't" Harry said, catching her lie. "I checked there. You had me worried. Where were you?"
"I was out." Hermione said, knowing this wouldn't pacify him.
"Hermione, you can tell me. You don't have to lie to me." Harry said, walking towards her. "I was so scared that you were lying unconscious in a dark hallway or something. I was just about to go to Dumbledore."
"Nonsense Harry. That's overkill." Hermione said, a little too airily. "And I really can't tell you where I was. So if you'd please go, I need to sleep."
"Why can't you tell me?" Harry asked, eyes narrowed. "You used to tell me everything, why the sudden change? It's me, Harry, your best friend."
"I don't need to tell you everything." Hermione said snappily. "There are some things that I should keep to myself."
"But we were supposed to meet three hours ago! You broke a promise and I need to know why." Harry yelled.
"No you don't!" Hermione yelled back. "Why should it be your business."
"Because I'm your friend, that's why. When you're friends someone, you're allowed to tell them things!"
"Well I'm not telling! And I hate you!"
"I hate you!" Harry yelled, his face red.
"Get out of here!" Hermione yelled, pointing at the door. "Don't you dare tell me what to do Harry Potter. Just because you save the world doesn't mean you're the boss."
" Well you know what? We're over! I hate you. Goodbye!"
"Goodbye!" Hermione yelled back as the door slammed. She ran upstairs and wrote something on a piece of parchment and gave it to her owl. The owl flew off to the Slytherin Tower. There were only five words on it.
I've thought about it; yes.
Thing ONe: You can shoot us now.
Thing TWo: We apologize for everything.
Thing ONe: We really do *shields self from rotten tomatoes and bullets*
Thing TWo: Even though you might be a little brassed off at us, you can still review. We like reviews.
Thing ONe: And they won't stay apart for long. The breakup is all part of the mast plan
Thing TWo: As is Hermione's going out with Draco.
Thing ONe and TWo: Now that you've read, you really should review and another chapter will be posted by Thing ONe and Thing TWo.