Going Under A Recca no Honoo Fanfiction By Ladyknightsaiyu

I don't want your hand this time

I'll save myself

Maybe I'll wake up for once. Not tormented, daily defeated by you. Just when I thought I reached the bottom

I'm dying again.

Chapter 1

/The blood, The helplessness. Clink/

Mikagami Tokiya woke up, panting heavily, adrenaline coursing through his body. Cold sweat had plastered his tank top to his back.

/"Mifuyu!!! To-tokiya!!/

Tokiya sat up, shuddering as the aftermath of the nightmare washed over him. Soon, it settled into the back of his mind, waiting, ready for another night, another dream. Oblivious to the loud crashing and cries of an woman in pain coming from one of the apartments to his left, Tokiya reached out a pale hand and tapped the radio button.

I'm going under... Drowning in you

I'm falling forever, I've got to break through

I'm going under.

Tokiya leaned his head against the wall. His matted, silver hair fell limply across his shoulders. More crashes and screams followed the chorus. Tokiya turned up the music, shutting out the world, concentrating on the lyrics.

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

So I don't what's real and what's not

Always confusing the thoughts in my head

So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again.

"Turn down the music, punk!" a man's voice echoed from his right. Tokiya turned the music even louder. Amy Lee's soprano voice etched the words into his mind.

I won't be broken again

I've got to break

I can't keep Going under.

I'm dying again.

As the song ended, Tokiya switched the radio to 'off' and pushed the covers off his knees. His apartment was a mess. A rickety wooden dresser was piled with all sorts of clothes. Spread in the corner of his room was a pile of CD's from black-cased rock bands to white and pastel-colored classical. A dirtied, cloudy window cast strange patterns around his room, illuminating only half, causing the other section of the apartment to be left in perpetual night. Mikagami made his way to the shower. The hot water pounded his back and washed off the layer of sweat on his body. A black bottle of shampoo tilted on the bathtub rim, on the verge of falling. He scooped it up and squirted shampoo into his hand, massaging it into his hair. Rinse. Repeat. Tokiya glanced around, slightly annoyed at the fact he couldn't find the conditioner. His artic blue eyes caught sight of a white flash. The conditioner bottle. After rinsing the conditioner out of his long hair made black by the water, he reached out and turned the knob on the shower far to the right. Frigid water poured over him. Mikagami did not flinch. Instead, he let the water clear his mind of the memory of the nightmare, still vaguely present in his mind's eye.

Fifteen minutes later, he left his apartment and was walking along the east side of the building when a dot of red caught his eye. Mikagami turned on his heel. Patches of small red flowers had sprung up. A hint of memory. Mifuyu.

"Tokiya, see this flower, here? It's called the 'Bleeding Heart.'"

Tokiya's mind screamed, begging for some kind of distraction to erase the death of Mifuyu.

"I don't think its bleeding, Tokiya. See, its rejoicing?"

And he gave it to his mind. He stood, long legs stretching and walked over the flowers, inner self smiling at each satisfying crunch of petals.

I'm dying again. I can't keep going under.

TO THE READERS Hey. Yeah. This is Toki back with a new story. Originally I wrote this story in my beloved Notebook. Then the almighty, beloved Notebook disappeared into the land of all the things that I lose. sigh I don't know where it went. So, therefore, I am trying to rewrite the story based on my many rereadings of it. Hopefully, I can reconstruct a work that is almost as good as the original. Gomen for the absence of action in the first chapter. I wanted to show how degraded Mi-chan's life has gotten. Mainly, this story will be about him finding hope and the strength to go on. Pairings: Rai/Fuu Recc/Yan Kur/Neo Maybe some Ganko-Kaoru but I dunno.

This will also focus a lot on the Mikagami-Yanagi relationship. No, not romantic relationship. I want to show how much he loves her as a sisterly- brotherly sort of love. I want to show the bonds between them and how she helps him restore his life. Maybe I am just ranting. But that is why I disapprove of Mi/Yan couplings. No NO NO NONONONONONO!!

Its like me marrying my brother. Try, no!! Ungh/. Must go to the pool now. Maybe I will have Mi-chan go to the pool Ah, the bishiness.. I WANT A MICHAN WAAAAAA

Toki Signing off