Mel: Here it is! Chapter two! I am sooo excited thank you for everyone who
reviewed!!
Dough Monkey-OMG! I'm soo happy you put me on your fav authors list!!! Wow that just gave a boost to my self esteem! I appreciate and wuv you!!!!! Thank you soo much! Enjoy!
ZombieGurl98-Thanx! I'm glad you liked it! Yah know with all this positive input I'm just gonna float away.......lol well here ya go!!!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, if I did I'd live in Craig or Orlando's house and be rich....blackmail is sweet after all...heh heh!
No Elves were harmed in the making of this fic....BTW I cannot wait for Haldir to come into the story!!!!
Haldir: phcnghhh .::muffled by gag::.
Mel: aww I love you too!
Haldir: .::gets scared puppy dog elf look::.
**
Lord Elrond paced his study restlessly, which was unusual for the normally placid elf.
"With those charming children here, Middle Earth stands no chance against evil. What were you thinking Gandalf?!"
"Do not lose hope my friend" Gandalf said, with that annoying all knowing expression playing across his face," They will be exactly what the Fellowship will need on their quest. In all my long years, I have never seen such unbridled passion in anyone."
"And what happens when they get caught?!"
"I'm abashed, Sir Elrond. How dare you give us the short end of the garlic breadstick?!" Liz mused from the doorway.
"Breadsticks?" Mandi whined, "My tummy is growling like a gorilla on a midsummer's 'Noon."
"Ahh, we have a multitude of commodities to satiate your...gorilla...if desired" Elrod offered.
"Munchies! Sweet!" Sam squealed.
"Aye, we may dine, however, forget naught that we must yet discuss the fate of the world..." (A/N: Nessa apologizes for the usage of Aye but she squeals that she cannae refuse a wee bit o Scottish in tha story)
**
"Dude, what's this brownish stuff?" Mandi inquired. (A/N: No it's not a "Terd...a piece of poo" Thanks Elwood...Nessa)
"That would be Usquenea...a scrumptious infusion of Mirkwood bark, the greenest moss and..."
"Ewwww!" Mandi moaned and slid the plate away.
"Actually..." Sam said, spraying food particles everywhere, "Its not to shabby!" And continued to shovel more in.
"Bleck!" Liz muttered.
"I'll second that!" Chirped the little man who introduced himself as Merry, "I'm much more partial to the fruits and elven breads meself!"
He took up the basket containing the pastries and passed them to the wide eyed girls. They sampled it.
"Holy exploding taste buds on a floating raft this is great!" Mandi nearly jumped out of her seat with satisfaction.
"Almost...Almost as good as the Red Lobster biscuits..."
As Liz dreamed of her biscuits Sam asked the question that had been circulating in her mind, "What if the lobsters somehow laid eggs in the biscuits?"
"Then," Mandi reasoned, "We'd be harboring little bittle baby lobsters in our tum-tum-tummies!"
"I'm gonna be a mommy!" Sam gushed.
Liz smacked her forehead and Mandi dryly said, "Yeah...a sea-food mommy..."
"I'm gonna name one Squi--Liz..." Sam said carefully," I told you before I don't swing that way, so could you PLEASE stop touching my leg?!"
"You lookie here miss muffin! I don't swing that way either! Just because there was that one drunken night where I winked at you does NOT mean I wanted you okay?!? And I am NOT touching your leg!" Liz growled. (A/N: Ness- and yes ladies and GENTS I like the boys...and guys and Johnny Depp who is a totally different category himself)
Sammie shot Liz the I'm-blonde-so don't-mess-with-me-my-vocabulary-isn't- big-enough look.(A/N: Mel- I speak for myself and Mandi when I say I RESENT THAT!) The girls scooted their chairs back, then bent down to look under the table...low and behold under it they found
"Evil Chipmunks of errr...Evilness! AAAH!!!" They cried, bolting from the table faster than that damn old lady wins BINGO. (A/N: Mel- that ALWAYS pisses me off!)
On their way out, the ran into a group of dwarves, literally.
"Sorry ickle dwarven dudes!" Liz hollered over her shoulder, "But there be demonic chippies afoot! Arrggh"
When the girls thought they were far enough away they slowed to a walk and stopped completely when they saw two lone figures, perched upon a secluded bridge, completely immersed in each other.
"Guys," Mandi whispered, "It's he-who-has-too-many-names and his purple princess on the drawbridge of doom!"
"Dun dun duun" Liz inserted...then added, "To walk on the draw bride bears the penalty of death."
"Or at least severe torture" Sam said with a devilish grin.
The teens walked quickly to the bridge, up to the lovely birds of happiness who amazingly enough still hadn't noticed the malevolent girls' presence.
'Of course' Mandi thought, 'it must be hard to focus with somebody's tongue down your throat'
The three snuck up to the couple, getting right up to their ears, yelling
"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
Then promptly pushed the two from the bridge, into the watery depths below. Laughing insanely, they ran off into the night...well more like the palace, but to each their own.
"Just where might you girls be going?" Tinkie winkie...err Lord Elrond said, coming behind them. (A/N: Nessa-Mel you pig!)
"Eemmm...Insane?" Mandi offered nervously.
"Been there, done that, but they were out of the t-shirts." Sam said nonchalantly.
"Well my young charges, it is time we go discuss how you came, and what your purpose here is, in more detail. Please," He beckoned, "Follow me."
Shifting uncomfortably under Ellypoo's piercing gaze, they obliged...with Liz thinking, 'Maybe he wants more than to just discuss...pervy eyebrow man...'
**
"I shall wait until Gandalf arrives to question you. Perhaps he has valuable insight on your tale."
"My dog had a tail" Mandi randomly spouted off, "But it was blind in one eye and ran under a parked car. His tail got caught under the tire. Now he runs around wagging his little stubby."
Lord Elrond was saved from commenting on the young girl's story by the arrival of the Grey Pilgrim.
"Aaah Mithrandir" He began, "Now that you are here, please explain to us all why you chose to summon these ladies to Middle Earth."
"Tis a very simple tale, my Lord."
At this point Sam clamped a hand over Mandi's mouth as to prevent any more peculiarities from erupting, however it may have been the wrong mouth to grab..
"It all began on a dark and stormy eve. The thunder boomed through the hills as if the Ents were playing nine pin. The rain battered, tattered, pitter, pattered upon the roof of the Prancing Pony. The floor boards squeaked and creaked beneath the wandering feet of the men, squished and squelched from the multitude of liquor that frequented the old wood from the tipsy, tin mugs. There was an odor, and odor of pipe, of mead, of sweat, and of need...Need for three heroines to help protect our world! The land we all know and love, Middle Earth."
"Eemmm...Sorry about that...SOMEBODY has a problem with going on long, story telling tangents.." Sam said with a pointed look.
The room looked at Liz with a mix of amusement and confusion.
"Sorry Gandalf darling, please, continue your story ole chap!" Liz chirped.
"Well she had the stormy night part correct" Gandalf Greyham began, with that twinkle of laughter in his eyes, (A/N: Ness- Damn the twinkles Damn them to hell!) "And I was just resting about, when I got a vision...A vision of you, my dear Samantha"
"Eep! I...errr...I swear those weren't mine I was just holding them for a friend!"
"No, no you misunderstand me child. The vision occurred when you bought a certain piece of...I believe it was called cardboard."
"You mean our precioussss?"
"Yes, that is what you called it. I quickly realized that I could see into this alternate world through the eyes of this structure. I also suspected that the enemy would soon gather spies to look upon this world as well. As it turned out, I was right. That 'fly' as you called it was the biggest life form that the Saruman could have travel through the time/space continuum. I felt the evil presence of it the moment it flew into your household. And I knew that you three felt it too..."
"Actually, it was just annoying and it was my nerves, stoopid demon fly." Sam corrected.
"Still, would you attack any other fly with that much ferocity?" With their negative reply he continued, "Just as I suspected. Anyway, once I saw that they had battled and slain the beast."
Again he was cut off, this time by Mandi, "Umm Gandy-dude, it was just a fly..."
"As I was saying, once I saw they had slain the beast" he gave them a look to prove his point, "I immediately knew they were in danger. For Saruman and Sauron's wrath would be terrible. I summoned them here, although I suppose it might have been quite a shock to them."
"Very well," Lord Elrond said as he stood up "if that is all then we are finished for tonight. The Council will reconvene tomorrow at 11 o' clock. I want the three of you to attend."
"Awesome!" Liz cried, "French-fry guy I have one question though."
"Yeees?" the elven lord said uncertainly.
"Why did you name the council after yourself, that's rather egotistical of you."
"Now, now Elizabeth." Gandalf said solemnly "It is not up to you to question the motives of the wise. Come along, I shall find someone to show you to your room."
The three quickly left and the other two girls were berating Liz for her rash behavior towards the Lord of Imladris.
"Although," Sam said "I was wondering the exactile same thing. I must brush up more on my Dr. Freud. By the way, Gandy-dude?"
"Yes Samantha?"
"Where the dickens is my elf???"
"Ahh. Master Greenleaf retired quickly after the council was dismissed, I haven't seen him since."
"Hmm...that's ok I'll find him. He can't hide forever. Do you think you could do me a favor though.....?"
"Yes?"
"Can my council seat be next to him. Puh-leaaase .::puppyeyes::."
Yea! Mine too Gandy pleeeeeeease??????" Mandi pleaded.
The old wizard could battle many things but two cases of puppy-eyes proved too much for the Itsari to handle
"Ok! Ok! I'll see what I can do!"
"Yes! We love you Gandalf!"
**
Well.....thats all for chappy 2! Yaaaay! What do you think? Do you like it? Hate it? Let us know!!! We'll update soon! We both have soo many ideas we're really getting excited about this story! Let us know if this was funny enough for you guys ok?
REVIEW!!!!!!
Elves and Spoons,
Nessa Melawen and Luthien
Dough Monkey-OMG! I'm soo happy you put me on your fav authors list!!! Wow that just gave a boost to my self esteem! I appreciate and wuv you!!!!! Thank you soo much! Enjoy!
ZombieGurl98-Thanx! I'm glad you liked it! Yah know with all this positive input I'm just gonna float away.......lol well here ya go!!!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, if I did I'd live in Craig or Orlando's house and be rich....blackmail is sweet after all...heh heh!
No Elves were harmed in the making of this fic....BTW I cannot wait for Haldir to come into the story!!!!
Haldir: phcnghhh .::muffled by gag::.
Mel: aww I love you too!
Haldir: .::gets scared puppy dog elf look::.
**
Lord Elrond paced his study restlessly, which was unusual for the normally placid elf.
"With those charming children here, Middle Earth stands no chance against evil. What were you thinking Gandalf?!"
"Do not lose hope my friend" Gandalf said, with that annoying all knowing expression playing across his face," They will be exactly what the Fellowship will need on their quest. In all my long years, I have never seen such unbridled passion in anyone."
"And what happens when they get caught?!"
"I'm abashed, Sir Elrond. How dare you give us the short end of the garlic breadstick?!" Liz mused from the doorway.
"Breadsticks?" Mandi whined, "My tummy is growling like a gorilla on a midsummer's 'Noon."
"Ahh, we have a multitude of commodities to satiate your...gorilla...if desired" Elrod offered.
"Munchies! Sweet!" Sam squealed.
"Aye, we may dine, however, forget naught that we must yet discuss the fate of the world..." (A/N: Nessa apologizes for the usage of Aye but she squeals that she cannae refuse a wee bit o Scottish in tha story)
**
"Dude, what's this brownish stuff?" Mandi inquired. (A/N: No it's not a "Terd...a piece of poo" Thanks Elwood...Nessa)
"That would be Usquenea...a scrumptious infusion of Mirkwood bark, the greenest moss and..."
"Ewwww!" Mandi moaned and slid the plate away.
"Actually..." Sam said, spraying food particles everywhere, "Its not to shabby!" And continued to shovel more in.
"Bleck!" Liz muttered.
"I'll second that!" Chirped the little man who introduced himself as Merry, "I'm much more partial to the fruits and elven breads meself!"
He took up the basket containing the pastries and passed them to the wide eyed girls. They sampled it.
"Holy exploding taste buds on a floating raft this is great!" Mandi nearly jumped out of her seat with satisfaction.
"Almost...Almost as good as the Red Lobster biscuits..."
As Liz dreamed of her biscuits Sam asked the question that had been circulating in her mind, "What if the lobsters somehow laid eggs in the biscuits?"
"Then," Mandi reasoned, "We'd be harboring little bittle baby lobsters in our tum-tum-tummies!"
"I'm gonna be a mommy!" Sam gushed.
Liz smacked her forehead and Mandi dryly said, "Yeah...a sea-food mommy..."
"I'm gonna name one Squi--Liz..." Sam said carefully," I told you before I don't swing that way, so could you PLEASE stop touching my leg?!"
"You lookie here miss muffin! I don't swing that way either! Just because there was that one drunken night where I winked at you does NOT mean I wanted you okay?!? And I am NOT touching your leg!" Liz growled. (A/N: Ness- and yes ladies and GENTS I like the boys...and guys and Johnny Depp who is a totally different category himself)
Sammie shot Liz the I'm-blonde-so don't-mess-with-me-my-vocabulary-isn't- big-enough look.(A/N: Mel- I speak for myself and Mandi when I say I RESENT THAT!) The girls scooted their chairs back, then bent down to look under the table...low and behold under it they found
"Evil Chipmunks of errr...Evilness! AAAH!!!" They cried, bolting from the table faster than that damn old lady wins BINGO. (A/N: Mel- that ALWAYS pisses me off!)
On their way out, the ran into a group of dwarves, literally.
"Sorry ickle dwarven dudes!" Liz hollered over her shoulder, "But there be demonic chippies afoot! Arrggh"
When the girls thought they were far enough away they slowed to a walk and stopped completely when they saw two lone figures, perched upon a secluded bridge, completely immersed in each other.
"Guys," Mandi whispered, "It's he-who-has-too-many-names and his purple princess on the drawbridge of doom!"
"Dun dun duun" Liz inserted...then added, "To walk on the draw bride bears the penalty of death."
"Or at least severe torture" Sam said with a devilish grin.
The teens walked quickly to the bridge, up to the lovely birds of happiness who amazingly enough still hadn't noticed the malevolent girls' presence.
'Of course' Mandi thought, 'it must be hard to focus with somebody's tongue down your throat'
The three snuck up to the couple, getting right up to their ears, yelling
"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
Then promptly pushed the two from the bridge, into the watery depths below. Laughing insanely, they ran off into the night...well more like the palace, but to each their own.
"Just where might you girls be going?" Tinkie winkie...err Lord Elrond said, coming behind them. (A/N: Nessa-Mel you pig!)
"Eemmm...Insane?" Mandi offered nervously.
"Been there, done that, but they were out of the t-shirts." Sam said nonchalantly.
"Well my young charges, it is time we go discuss how you came, and what your purpose here is, in more detail. Please," He beckoned, "Follow me."
Shifting uncomfortably under Ellypoo's piercing gaze, they obliged...with Liz thinking, 'Maybe he wants more than to just discuss...pervy eyebrow man...'
**
"I shall wait until Gandalf arrives to question you. Perhaps he has valuable insight on your tale."
"My dog had a tail" Mandi randomly spouted off, "But it was blind in one eye and ran under a parked car. His tail got caught under the tire. Now he runs around wagging his little stubby."
Lord Elrond was saved from commenting on the young girl's story by the arrival of the Grey Pilgrim.
"Aaah Mithrandir" He began, "Now that you are here, please explain to us all why you chose to summon these ladies to Middle Earth."
"Tis a very simple tale, my Lord."
At this point Sam clamped a hand over Mandi's mouth as to prevent any more peculiarities from erupting, however it may have been the wrong mouth to grab..
"It all began on a dark and stormy eve. The thunder boomed through the hills as if the Ents were playing nine pin. The rain battered, tattered, pitter, pattered upon the roof of the Prancing Pony. The floor boards squeaked and creaked beneath the wandering feet of the men, squished and squelched from the multitude of liquor that frequented the old wood from the tipsy, tin mugs. There was an odor, and odor of pipe, of mead, of sweat, and of need...Need for three heroines to help protect our world! The land we all know and love, Middle Earth."
"Eemmm...Sorry about that...SOMEBODY has a problem with going on long, story telling tangents.." Sam said with a pointed look.
The room looked at Liz with a mix of amusement and confusion.
"Sorry Gandalf darling, please, continue your story ole chap!" Liz chirped.
"Well she had the stormy night part correct" Gandalf Greyham began, with that twinkle of laughter in his eyes, (A/N: Ness- Damn the twinkles Damn them to hell!) "And I was just resting about, when I got a vision...A vision of you, my dear Samantha"
"Eep! I...errr...I swear those weren't mine I was just holding them for a friend!"
"No, no you misunderstand me child. The vision occurred when you bought a certain piece of...I believe it was called cardboard."
"You mean our precioussss?"
"Yes, that is what you called it. I quickly realized that I could see into this alternate world through the eyes of this structure. I also suspected that the enemy would soon gather spies to look upon this world as well. As it turned out, I was right. That 'fly' as you called it was the biggest life form that the Saruman could have travel through the time/space continuum. I felt the evil presence of it the moment it flew into your household. And I knew that you three felt it too..."
"Actually, it was just annoying and it was my nerves, stoopid demon fly." Sam corrected.
"Still, would you attack any other fly with that much ferocity?" With their negative reply he continued, "Just as I suspected. Anyway, once I saw that they had battled and slain the beast."
Again he was cut off, this time by Mandi, "Umm Gandy-dude, it was just a fly..."
"As I was saying, once I saw they had slain the beast" he gave them a look to prove his point, "I immediately knew they were in danger. For Saruman and Sauron's wrath would be terrible. I summoned them here, although I suppose it might have been quite a shock to them."
"Very well," Lord Elrond said as he stood up "if that is all then we are finished for tonight. The Council will reconvene tomorrow at 11 o' clock. I want the three of you to attend."
"Awesome!" Liz cried, "French-fry guy I have one question though."
"Yeees?" the elven lord said uncertainly.
"Why did you name the council after yourself, that's rather egotistical of you."
"Now, now Elizabeth." Gandalf said solemnly "It is not up to you to question the motives of the wise. Come along, I shall find someone to show you to your room."
The three quickly left and the other two girls were berating Liz for her rash behavior towards the Lord of Imladris.
"Although," Sam said "I was wondering the exactile same thing. I must brush up more on my Dr. Freud. By the way, Gandy-dude?"
"Yes Samantha?"
"Where the dickens is my elf???"
"Ahh. Master Greenleaf retired quickly after the council was dismissed, I haven't seen him since."
"Hmm...that's ok I'll find him. He can't hide forever. Do you think you could do me a favor though.....?"
"Yes?"
"Can my council seat be next to him. Puh-leaaase .::puppyeyes::."
Yea! Mine too Gandy pleeeeeeease??????" Mandi pleaded.
The old wizard could battle many things but two cases of puppy-eyes proved too much for the Itsari to handle
"Ok! Ok! I'll see what I can do!"
"Yes! We love you Gandalf!"
**
Well.....thats all for chappy 2! Yaaaay! What do you think? Do you like it? Hate it? Let us know!!! We'll update soon! We both have soo many ideas we're really getting excited about this story! Let us know if this was funny enough for you guys ok?
REVIEW!!!!!!
Elves and Spoons,
Nessa Melawen and Luthien