Mel: ::cowers:: eep...I know it’s been soooo long, and you guys are absolute ANGELS ::snort:: for waiting this long for our next chappy...but you see, here’s us and then here’s this BIG old wall of writer’s block and procrastination and just BAM! But hey, all’s well that ends well...although this isn’t close to the end and definitely far from well. Please excuse this chapter because I think I made it very bad...

Luth: For all the bloody time we took in posting this chapter, people are probably expecting such a 'dazzling' chapter! Sorry to disappoint those of you with great expectations. However, I, for one, think this chapter turned out, er, halfway decent for the amount of effort that we put into it. We could do better, but hey... We're lazy, and we have other things that we can pretend to be busy with rather than overcome this horrible blockage of writing! Rambling! I apologize...

 Nessa- I'd like to take this time to say, Oops. Been forever I know... Well when your curly typist takes about 4 days to type out 4 words... it takes awhile ::snuggles Mel:: Kidding Chindi. Anywho, I thank thee, loyal readers, if you're still out there, avidly awaiting and fervently clicking the refresh button, sweating, hoping, and praying for a worthwhile update from us nutter brains. Well, I am sorry. Someday, that may come. But for now, you can make do with this! And also, so the dear sweet Ringo doesn't attack me from wherever he is now, Samwise's song was constructed from the base of his song 'Octopus's Garden', Not mine, his brilliance

Disclaimer: The only thing we own is this story...and sometimes gum...we don’t pretend to own our minds, that would be a blatant lie, although quite a funny joke

No elves were harmed in the making of this fic!

Mel: Now, where did they get to?

Luth: You lost them?

Mel: NO... I didn't exactly lose them! It was more of a, uh, misplacing of...

Luth: You're 'opeless! ::looks into the empty room:: GASP! The duct tape's gone, too!

Ness: ::enters with a much-too-pleased-to-be-normal-for-Ness face:: Hey guys! Just had a pleasant dream! They were all bound and gagged, and I was almost going to kill-



Luth: ::cuts off the dream:: Sorry, dear, no time to hear about it... SOMEBODY lost Leggy, Haldir, and the other elves!

Mel: Hey! It wasn't my fault! I remember locking the door! There's no way they could have escaped!

Luth: Really? Well, then, where's the key?

Ness: ::looking uncomfortable and fidgeting with something in her pocket:: Look, a blue moose! ::points to the other side of the room::
Mel&Luth: ::turn to look:: Where?

Ness: ::drops the key::

Mel&Luth: ::turn back at the sound of a key being dropped::

Ness: Uh...oopsie-poopsie?

Mel: ::tries to stay calm:: Nessa, have you been sleep-walking again?

Ness: Yea, uh, about that dream...

Luth: ::in hysterics:: What did you DO!?

Ness: ::snortle...ptee ptee chee::   Run away!!! ::tries to gallop off::

Luth:   ::hockey-tackles Ness:: WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOOOOO?!

Mel:    ::giggle:: Doo doo

Ness: I didn't doo doo anything! 'Onestly!

Luth: ::Shakes Ness like a dysfunctional magic 8 ball who gives bad answers:: What...Did... You... DO?!

Ness:  .::All in one breath::. Well you see I just went into the room and I had ductape right there and and and I hockeyed them into the chairs and tied them up with all the duct tape there... Which was a lot mind you, you could pay a lot for that... But then I taped up their mouths... and hands... and I drew little happy faces on Haldir and some other assorted Elviepoos... And errr-

Mel- And err what to Legsie-pie?!?!

Ness- Err uh.. he wasn't there?

Mel- .::attempted Jim Belushi eyebrow lift::.

Ness- I kinda... errr... Drew red lady-like lips on the ductape covering his mouth, gave him eye shadow, undid his braids, took his quiver, gave him some blush, put tampons up his ears, then *tweak tweaked* the tips of his ears...

Mel and Luth- .::Double-blonde-glare-of-dim-and-doom::.

Enjoy!

**

Do your ears point high,

Do they almost reach the sky,

Do you play with little knives,

Do you have fangirl wanna-be wives,

Do you nance upon the snow,

Is your ‘a diversion’ a wee bit slow,

Do your ears point hiiiiiiiigh?”

When the three girls and two hobbits finished their songs, they took deep bows. The rest of the fellowship stared at the ‘performers’. They were completely clueless as what to make of the five songs they had just heard.

”And that was our tribute to Legsie-love,” Mandi informed the others, “the cutest-”

“And dumbest” Liz mumbled

“-elf in the fellowship. Titled Do Your Ears Point High?” As they did after the other tributes, the audience applauded.

“INTERMISSION!” Sam yelled.

“Elbereth, that girl is loud.” Aragorn said, wincing at the volume of the blonde. (A/Ness- Pfftch, loud... That doesn't even begin to describe the excruciating, buoyant, ear-drum-bashing... noise that emits from that chasm of a food entrance... Err I love you anyways mela Mel- gee thanx)

 “Yippee snacks!” Merry and Pippin exclaimed excitedly.

“We have......food.” Liz informed the group, looking over the menu of treats they had compiled on various boulders.

Singing could be heard all around; Frodo was happily humming Ickle Bickle Widdle Hobbit, (Luth: Tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star) Gandalf was loudly mumbling POP, Goes the Wizard (Pop Goes the Weasel... If you didn't get that... Then you should be thwapped with a pineapple, then slowly sawed by a large salmon) through a cloud of smoke, Gimli was, yep you guessed it, grunting...The Itsy Bitsy Dwarf Lord (Itsy Bitsy Spider) and like true stubborn men Aragorn and Boromir pretended to forget how The Noble Dudes of Gondor (The Noble Duke of York) went.

“Wonderful performance ladies, I honestly did not believe you could pull off such a fantastic show, I especially like the decorations.” Gandy stated, looking around at the squirming, chubby squirrels that were dangling by their tails.

Liz stood back nostalgically, arms crossed, enjoying her fuzzy masterpieces, swaying in the breeze.

“Kudos mate! It’s uncanny that you found the supplies to make such realistic squirrels!” Sam beamed, proud of her friend’s ingenuity.

“What materials? I just went hun- err I mean yeah, uncanny...I’m a regular MacGyver.” She replied.

“So what sorts of snacks do we have my ladies?” Samwise asked shyly.

“Well my dear hobbit,” Mandi began, going into a Vana White mode, "We have fillet o’ squirrel, squirrel salad, squirrel gumbo, squirrel au flambé, squirrel steak with a hint of rosemary, and cheese.”

“Hmm...I think I’ll have...cheese.”

Once they were all properly fed, the squirrel left untouched, they got ready for the second half of the show.


**


After a great commotion from behind the bushes (Get out of the gutter would you!) Sam emerged wearing one of those Hello-I’m-your-flight-attendant-and-I’m-wondering-why-you-want-peanuts-when-you’ve-got-a-great-package-already smiles (Hello and welcome back to the gutter, it’s great to see you again, please enjoy your stay.)

“This portion of the night shall include a lovely tune for our bee-low-ved Samwise, a very grammatically incorrect elvish tune, words and phrases taken from Leggy’s diary...HI SWEETIE! Yah know I didn’t think you’d be that rambunctious at your dinner parties...((Pause for astonished and horrified look from Prince Nancling himself))... ahh where was I? Oh yes, the show will also include some side splitting zingers from our very own Lizzie-wizzie-bear.”

A cough emerged from the bushes signaling Sam to shut the hell up, followed by an angry “Exit stage left! LEFT!” as she glided to the right.

The five-o emerged from behind the curtain, err...bush, after a few moments delay due to the fact that Pippin got into a fight with Sam about the color of a ripe strawberry and both had to be restrained before it turned physical. Keeping to their promise, Mandi, not Liz, was the spokesperson.

“Samwise Gamgee, this is for you babe.”

“I’d like to be, O’ yesserie,

In Samwise Gamgee’s garden, in the shade.

I would sprout, and sway about,

The breeze a’ ticklin me away.

O what joy, for every plant ahoy!

Loving his shovel and spade.

We would be so happy, Oh trust meee,

In a garden run by ooour...Samwise Gamgee!”

As the notes faded into the night the performers turned to the blushing hobbit the song was dedicated to, who was currently trying to stutter out a thank you.

“Well- It was- It’s too great for me- What my old gaffer would say-”

“Next on our menu,” started Mandi “schedule,” she corrected after a jab in the ribs from Liz, who was currently inspecting a German, I mean Middle Earthian dung beetle and seemed to only be correcting Mandi out of habit. “Our elvish song”

(A/Ness- err... Mel, love... Stop writing when there seems to be 2 computers instead of one, mmk dearie? Mel: ::wobbles:: OKIES!)

“Ro ne Tel’utinu en lokirim.

Ro caellipsa.

Lindor quen, Mani uma lle merna ten’ta?

Ro quen lle sint

En! Neuma!

Ndu I’Karneambara assa’

Yee! Ron rangwa lye?

Uuner uma, n’oiouva, n’dela no’ta

Aiye, I’val en’tinta tengwanda suilpar!

I’tela!”

The fellowship, including Merry and Pip sat there dumbstruck blinking like Christmas lights, until Gimli, being the true dwarf that he is decided to break the silence by saying. “Well, now that that is over.”

“Dina, Usquener.” Mandi replied venomously.

“Now Mandus,” Liz began in a mothering tone, “what did I tell you about controlling your sadistic urges?”

“Do it in moderation?” she said tentatively

“Good girl.”

“As exciting as those lessons were, and believe me they WERE. We need to get back to the show, Liz I’ll open up for a couple of minutes while you get ready, now MARCH!”

“Never again, Mandi, never again, I don’t know what we were thinking when we let her be stage manager. Do you not remember the time she organized the wedding shower for your cows?” Liz said as she made her way back sta- err bush.

“Ooopsies.”

“Bloody possessive, demented control freak....” Liz mumbled.


**


“Ok my fellow, fellowshippers,” Sam began in a game show voice, “this portion of our show is dedicated to something that is good for the heart, and great for the soul. No I’m not talking about Kingsfoil, that’s a weed; I’m talking about laughter ladies and gents, laughter. Now here’s our very own Liz with just what the doctor ordered.”

“AHOY THERE ME HARTIES! And hello to you too Princess Legsalot, I’m happy to be performing for you all, you guys ready?”

::chirp, chirp::

(Luth: that's exactly what goes on in my head during Chemistry...Ness-Geometry over here... And well... not what happens in Physio Mel- Hello Algebra!)

“ALL RIGHT my little cricket friends! You’re always ready! Now being in this fellowship I’ve met a lot of new people, people of different races: elves, men, hobbits, but the most interesting would definitely have to be the dwarves. Dwarves, such hair! Such beards! Such...feminine...braids. Please someone explain the braids! To discern rank maybe? OOH! I’ve got it! Since they don’t have a built in trays, like us lady folk they’ve incorporated new, stylish crumb-catchers! Catchers! That’s bloody well it, OR when they’re having dwarfy-se-”

“BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!”.

“Why’re we out here anyway huh?” she began after the foul beeping convict was bopped on the head, “Ah yes, to destroy the Ring of power, I don’t see why the Sauron fella wants his ring back so badly. I mean if I were a big glowing, orby eyeball hell-bent on DOMinating the world, I wouldn’t be worried about a ring...for my nonexistent finger. I’d be sending my minions out to the ends of Middle Earth for better things...like finger paint or...or VISINE!”


**


As the night grew longer and longer in length until it past its majority and became late, Aragorn stood and addressed the fellowship,

“My companions, as much enjoyment as I have had this night, it is now time to rest for we have a long day’s journey ahead of us tomorrow.”

The group settled down to sleep, our heroines ::snort:: in a secluded corner

“Well my pernicious, prickly, perpetrators” Liz began in her cheap 50's movie evil villain scheming voice, "It seems our plan has worked, the traveling circus-”

“I KNEW IT!” Mandi cried, “Gimli’s a bearded lady! I had my suspicions ever since he-”

“Ladies,” Aragorn chastised, “please, I beg of you settle down for the night. You will need your rest for tomorrow.”

“Shove it Crookshanks,” Sam said irritated that he thought they were weak, “I dun need nuthin'.”

“Cept hit on the head with a grammar book apparently.” Liz mumbled.

The ladies hunkered down soon afterwards with no further complaint and all was quiet...let’s see how long that will last...

Dun dun dun... Dun dun dun... Dun dun dun... ::blink:: ...I'm done. Thunder clap for good measure.

**

“AHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOO! WHY?! WHY?!”

“Mandi!” cried Liz, “What’s wrong! This had best not be like last time, I am NOT going to spend five hours writing down a list of suspects who used the last of your strawberry scented bubble bath again.” (Luth: It was Samwise! He and Frodo! I know it was!)

“Guys,” Mandi whimpered pathetically, “It was HORRIBLE, she burnt the f-food, the shade, the...the RUM!” was all she could get out before starting to sob uncontrollably.

“BUT WHY?!” Liz demanded, shaking her. “But why is the rum gone!”

“I ::sob:: don’t KNOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!” (A/Ness- Or no to Blair... Quick, someone get that girl a fork for her jelly...Mel- Mmk, I’ll go to Paris, Spain and get one!)

“No.” whispered Sam, pale with shock.” No, it’s not possible, what’re we going to do?”

“We have rum at the Green Dragon.” Pippin said, trying to console the girls, “and ale, and beer, and pipe weed, and sponge cake, oooh! And giant pumpkins!”

“Pippin shh!” Merry ordered, “You’re not helping any.”

And so he wasn’t, our girls looked down right distraught ::snort:: (What is it with all the snorting, Sammie dear?) poor little dears. The wailing of their three banshee chorus flew into the night like a greased badger (A/Ness- BADGER!) out of a cannon for all to hear.

"Did you say sponge cake?" Liz whimpered

“Shh...girls” Aragorn tried unsuccessfully to soothe them. “It will be alright, but you must quiet yourselves, if any of the enemy are near we surely will be found.”

“I DON’T CARE!” Liz wailed and with a flying tackle, the future king of Gondor was down for the count. “Who cares about the stupid enemy?! The RUM is GONE!”

“Legolas!” Aragorn called, nursing his torso “do something, they must be quieted down.”

“How am I to accomplish that?!”

“Sing something to them in elvish perhaps it will help to soothe their nerves. Who knew that rum could be so vital to one’s way of life?” (A/Ness- *wink*)

“I shall try Aragorn, if only to escape your fate. Lady Elizabeth is stronger than she appears apparently.” The elf replied with a smile.

“Silence yourself and sing Legolas.” Aragorn said huffily, still smarting from the ringer Liz put his Oh-so-precious Male Ego through.

“As you wish my lord...

Kaima eithel, n'gorga,

Ten'lle mellonae neva.

Wanwa e'lisse'kamiels,

Ar'lina en'rina.

Kaima eithel”

The two noticed, as the sweet music faded into the distance, it seemed as if the girls had been driven into a hypnotic slumber.

“We must remember this in the future my friend,” Aragorn whispered, “It may prove useful.”

“Aye, especially with Ladies Amanda and Samantha, by the Valar they are a tiring couple of edainmea. You may sleep, I will continue keeping watch.” (Women)


**






Mel: Well? How was it, I hope not too bad. Umm since we haven't updated In FOREVER...deadlines? what are those...yes I am a hypocrite...but a hypocrite with good intentions I figure no time like the present for reviewer thank yous!!

Luth: Oh, yes, deadlines... Hate 'em. Nasty little buggers. Oi! All the improper use of such a beautiful language in here! Readers are welcome to find an elvish site to translate, just for kicks and giggles. I'd say it'd be worth it! Unless, of course, you don't want to know the depth of our, er, 'problems'...


Ness- Nasty little buggers... *grin* Err anywho! Sorry for spelling errors *doesn't glance in Mel's direction* Err and sorry it's taken so long for only this to be produced. Hope you liked it!! *cuddles Luth and Mel* We luff you!

Mel- ::sneaks in:: I kinda felt bad about not updating so I figured I’d give elvish translations but shh!

The girl’s elvish song:

He was the Son of Snakes

He had soap

Lindor asked, what do you want for it?

He said, you know.

Look! A trap!

Down the robin’s hole

Eep! Can they understand us?

No one does, never will, don’t worry about it

Behold! The sparkly alphabet soup!

The end!

Mandi’s response:

Silence smelly one!

The Lullaby:

Something to the extent of:

Sleep well, do not fear,

for your friends are near.

Be lost in sweet dreams,

and songs of memory.

Sleep well.

Thank you to:

Radioactive Bubblegum:

Mel- ::bounce:: YAY! THANX! ::bounce:: more people with multiple personalities...we need a club!!! WOOOOOOOOT!!! Here’s the more you requested, hope it’s up to par!

Ness- Hmmm more... More nap time... Well any nap time would be nice *err* Right! Hehe thanks for reviewing my mildly-multi friend! Hope we're making you smile ^_^

Luth- Yes, MPD aka, More People Disturbed...inside my head! Mwahahaha! Thanx for your wonderful reviews! And thank you, and you, too...

AMBER:

Mel- WOOT! Down with the humorless bunch! Heh heh, I have discovered the loveliNess of Johnny Depp FYI...and yeah that has absolutely no correlation to whatever the review was about but woot! Sorry this took so long, kinda my fault...kinda the writer block’s fault...I took your advice about the pen and paper right beside the bed...thank you I have some interesting ideas already for the Lothlorien chappies and BEYOND! Blonde moments rock btw!

Ness- heheheh My gooberly Amber, how I lovest thee! Giving Sam ideas for the bed, eh? That had to be a chuckle XD Had to, sorry love! Hahahaha Thanks for being our little guinea pig, rat thinger... And my personal councilor at time. You rock, you really do. FYI- Dom apparently is a smoker now... odd... Just thought you should know... Thanks Amberpie, don't get in any strange accidents and not get in the news while you’re out mmk?

Luth- Heh, obviously, I don't know you like Ness and Mel do... but thank you for the reviews, nonetheless!

Cheryl:

Mel-Teehee! Woot to the Leggyluvrs! But I must say my heart is deeply attached to the Marchwarden...Leggy is just the prince of my fantasies ::wink:: we updated...now it’s your turn!

Ness- Hey look, Snape and Lupin? Together? Can it be? YES! haha We can doooo it! I believe in us! hahaha Thanks for reading our story, time to plug yours.  GET IT TYPED!

Luth - Boo! Thanks for reading our lovely story. (I really suck at this sort of thing, and I'm sorry)

ElvenQueenWren:

Mel-I concur with you on a couple points as well...the books are definitely better, Tolkien is pure genius. This isn’t really a point but at my work (cashier at a grocery store...oooh the glamour) I saw a guy that could’ve passed for David Wenham I was like star struck! Umm...while I must testify that Legolas is definitely more than mildly attractive, although movie-wise a bit on the dense but deadly side, I am not a fangirl that will bawl over the fact that Orli is getting married (which he’s not...from what I hear they’re taking it ‘slow’) I have no chance, I only wish to ogle...and slightly maim given the chance...Craig Parker is my lust object, I bequeathed Orli to Luth. The violets are bad comment is supposed to MEAN violence is bad...this is a true story...don’t ask it’s safer that way. And to end it my granddaddy was in fact a VERY wise Irish man, apparently I act just like him at times.

Ness- *cough* Err... Bad thing to call Mel a fangirl, or a cheerleader... She freaks and gets on the debating self protection side... (Mel-and why shouldn’t I Ness? Insult to my intelligence level as far as I’m concerned)*silently agrees then gets thwapped and yelled at* She is very into the books too mind you... But... yes... Sometimes, surrounded by the two squealing blondes I just want to... Err... Hey look, pie. Yes I made the mistake of sitting betwix the two at ROTK... My arms are bruised, as well as my bubble. Constant reaching in front of me to grab each other and moan. *oi* Anywho, thanks for reading... Chocolate paint, whipped cream, ductape... Save me I am now GONE hahaha

Luth-  I completely agree with almost everything Mel said, so there's no reason to repeat. But I will say this... I really don't care if Orli gets married to that bit- err, whomever. I don't care that I'll never ever have a 'chance' unless I kidnap and brainwash him. I don't even care if his sexual preference is the same as mine (i.e. if he likes the boys) as my brother is constantly telling me. But, yea, he's just one of those people who are fun to look at, at least in my opinion.  And the fangirlNess is just for the story, more or less. I admit, Mel and I do get very, err, happy... but this story is an EXTREME exaggeration, mostly for kicks and giggles. But, thanks for the reviews, just the same! O yea... and about the violets... That's just something I say very often. Usually when Ness hits Mel, and I grab Ness and lecture her on how bad 'violets' are. Meaning, of course, violence.

Lady Pirate 54:

Mel- But of COURSE you can be in the story! Umm, I for one though have this thing with user names in stories...dunno why. So if you wanna be in the story, just send us an email at elfluvr2931@yahoo.com and give us your first name, a slight description of how you want to appear looks wise, and an interesting hobby or something of yours! Strider does seem to take the brunt of Ness’ anger huh? Sorry aboot that!

Ness- Sorry Miss Pirate... I meant no offense to the King, but I feel he is QUITE strong enough to take it... He's all strong and muscly and buff and... rangery... *sigh*

Luth- Hmm... wasn't your name just AnimeGirl? Or something like that? EEP! Good news! I got Mel and Ness to like InuYasha! Yay!...if indeed you are the Anime Girl. New episodes! ::is having trouble staying in seat because of excitement:: Thanks for the reviews! (Gawd, I love Yasha! Can't wait till we get to a certain well in a certain place! ::wink, wink::)

Drazy:

Mel- ::smacks:: Teehee, can’t have you dazing during your ::dazes off:: -JOLT- during

your thank you! Blondes UNITE! WOOOOT!!! Thanx love!

Ness- *shakes head* More dazing, pausing in the middle of sentences blondes. I surround myself with you all so I don't feel so bad when I blank out ^_^  Thanks for reading! And yes, you blondes have hilarious moments, especially when you don't realize what you've done wrong tee hee

Luth- YAY! Another blonde! What's with this stereotype, though? I mean, Mel and I are blonde, but we're also very intelligent. It's probably just because people are always making stupid...comments...about...being... hey look! ::just stares and doesn't let anyone know what to look at:: Oops. Uh, Teehee?

LeaMarie F. Rocket:

Mel- Here ya go love! Interesting is fun, no other way to be! Thank ya!

Nessa- If by interesting you mean "O my cheese how are these girls not in the padded rooms yet?" Then yes, you'd be right ~_^ Glad we caught your interest and continue to, we try!

Luth- In the words of Captain Jack Sparrow, "That's very interesting" thereby meaning that interesting is a good thing. ::shrugs:: don't ask... Thanks for the review!

Lili:

Mel- Short, sweet, and to the point review beautiful darling I love it! The total opposite of myself who rambles on....and on...and on...and on...and ::smacks:: shutting up

Ness- Wow I understood internet speak! We will continue as quickly as our little hairy bums can carry us!

Luth- Well, since you were polite, and did say "pls"... I suppose we can continue (slowly, but hey...) Thanks for the review.