L-chan's notes: It seems to be split on whether this is going too slowly or not, so now, in trying to satisfy everyone, I'm sure I'll end up satisfying no one. (I want to get to the mush just as much as everyone else.) Tons of thanks and hugs to all of you reading this.

Disclaimer: CCS was created by CLAMP.

Shadows

Chapter 7—Don't Stand So Close To Me

"Spill."

Tomoyo looked up from her sewing and saw Meiling's ruby eyes glinting with curiosity. She'd invited her vivacious friend to stay over Saturday night so that the house wouldn't feel so empty while Sonomi was still out of town. Meiling more than made up for her mother's absence, since she had the energy of three people. It probably didn't help that they had been eating nothing but cookies and cupcakes all evening while they watched videos and gossiped.

"What are you talking about?" Tomoyo asked, pulling the thread taut and snipping off the excess.

Meiling rolled those expressive eyes and licked the chocolate frosting off one of the remaining cupcakes. "Well, let's see. Since I've been here, we've talked about Syaoran and Sakura-chan, watched movies so we could drool over Noboru Hirase, and you've put up with my rhapsodizing over Tanaka-kun. It's your turn."

Buttons softly clacked against each other as Tomoyo rummaged through her sewing box. She found what she was looking for and rethreaded her needle. "You want me to rhapsodize over your boyfriend?" she teased.

"Very funny. And it's not like it's official or anything," Meiling replied, blushing a little. Since the dance three weeks ago, she and Hiro had gone out four more times for a grand total of six dates, and, amazingly, she hadn't even looked at another boy. Well, not seriously, anyway. "Hey, did you just change the subject on me?"

The other purple button was secured to the fabric, and Tomoyo made another snip with her scissors. "It's exhausting trying to keep up a conversation with you, do you know that? What was the subject?"

The raven-haired girl sighed and poured a tall glass of milk from the pitcher to wash down the gooey cupcake. "You've been working on that for an hour," she said, nodding toward the blue fabric in Tomoyo's hands. "I think it's pretty obvious."

Tomoyo examined her half-finished work. "It is, isn't it?" she groaned. "Oh, God, what am I, ten?" I may as well be. "You're a good kid, Daidouji." Argh! I am such an idiot.

"Boy, have you got it bad." Tomoyo's violet eyes blinked back at her. "Come on, Tomoyo-chan, it's all over your face. Just tell me so I can stop pretending that I don't know."

"That you don't know what?" She was stalling.

With another profound sigh, Meiling got up from her comfortable place on the floor and went over to Tomoyo's collection of photo albums. She pulled one out of the stack and flipped through it. "Ring any bells?" she asked, holding up the book, her index finger tapping against Touya's picture. "Now, tell me everything, because I have had a lot of sugar tonight, and if you hold anything back, the consequences will be frightening."

Tomoyo took the album from Meiling and looked at the photograph. It was a good picture, one she'd taken at Sakura's birthday party last year. She carefully slid it out from under the protective plastic sleeve and made a mental note to find a frame for it. "You knew, huh?"

Meiling settled back against the oversized pillow and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I do sit next to you in his class, after all. You should see yourself. Your eyes follow him from the second he walks through the door, you write down every word he says, and when he dismisses class, your face falls like your goldfish just went belly-up. Well, if you had a goldfish, that is. And you study twice as hard for chemistry than any of our other classes because you don't want him to think you're stupid. And you're not stupid, Tomoyo-chan." She finally stopped to take a breath.

"Wow, you really have had a lot of sugar," Tomoyo said softly. Her violet eyes were still focused on the picture.

"Tomoyo-chan..." Meiling sounded irritated and concerned at the same time, in that way that only she could.

That was all it took for Tomoyo to start talking. She'd wanted to confide in Meiling before, but she'd felt so ridiculous, having a childish crush on him. Now it had grown into something more, and she couldn't keep it inside anymore without it hurting. "What am I going to do, Meiling-chan?" she asked sadly. "I really like him, but he just thinks of me as his kid sister's little friend."

"I don't think so." Meiling grabbed the last cream-filled cookie from the plate and twisted it apart, handing half to Tomoyo. She dunked it in her milk glass and bit off the soggy section. "He watches you."

The cookie stopped halfway to Tomoyo's mouth. "What do you mean?"

"Just what I said. Yesterday, during lab, he watched you. Don't tell me you didn't notice." Tomoyo shook her head, her eyes wide with disbelief. "I swear, you two have that whole don't-look-when-the-other's-looking thing down to an art," Meiling muttered before she continued. "When he came to our table, he answered every one of my questions thoroughly. He never does that. And even though he was talking to me, he looked at you the whole time. And today, too, he couldn't keep his eyes off you. If his eyes had been his hands, you would have had to slap him." Thinking about that, she closed her eyes and grinned wickedly. "Mmm, or maybe not. Doesn't he have great hands? And you know what they say about men with big hands."

"They wear big gloves?"

"That too," Meiling joked with a sly wink.

The two girls dissolved into giggles, and for a minute, Tomoyo felt better. But the feeling didn't last long. She leaned her head against her friend's shoulder with a hopeless sigh. "It's all moot anyway, isn't it? Even if there was a one percent chance that he liked me, isn't there some kind of rule against students and teachers... socializing?"

"That's never stopped anyone we know, has it?" Meiling pointed out. "Just don't get caught. Besides, you won't always be a student."

She wanted so much to believe that Meiling was right, that Touya might be interested in her. But if I get my hopes up, and we're wrong... "You know, we're assuming an awful lot here."

"Then we need to find out for sure. You said you're going over there tomorrow afternoon, right?"

Tomoyo nodded and picked up her sewing again. "So, I guess I should finish this, huh?"

"That might be too subtle, not to mention childish. You need to send him a clear signal."

"Like what?"

-----

"Can we take a break?" Tomoyo asked just a few minutes into their lesson.

"Sure, if you want," Touya answered. They hadn't been working for very long, but she did look a little tired. She'd probably been up late last night.

"Good." She stood up from the piano bench and went to sit on his bed. Only instead of simply sitting like she did before, she lay down on the blue comforter, stretching with the lazy, graceful movements of a cat, and he could have sworn he heard her purr. "Come sit with me." She patted the space next to her, giving him her most alluring smile.

It had the desired effect. He swallowed hard. "I don't think—"

"I won't bite." But she looked like maybe she would.

Against his better judgment, he sat down, perching at the very edge of the bed and staring straight ahead at the pale yellow wall. He felt the mattress shift, and then her arms were around his neck from behind, and her soft breath tickled his ear. He stiffened and tried to pull away. "What are you doing?" he asked incredulously, his voice cracking like a twelve-year-old's.

"Don't be afraid," she whispered.

"I'm not afraid," he choked out as her lips brushed against his ear.

"Then why won't you turn around?" She stopped just as quickly as she'd started, and the warm circle of her arms was gone. The mattress creaked again as she moved away slightly and sat back on her knees. "Don't you like me?" she asked pitifully.

Now he turned around and looked at her. Her head was bowed, and her veil of hair hid her eyes. "Of course I do."

In a flash, her arms were back around him. "I knew you did."

Before he knew what was happening, she kissed him. He was too shocked to do anything, even as her kisses became more ardent. She took his arms and put them around her waist, and that's where they stayed, because they wouldn't obey him and let go. He held her tightly as he slowly began returning her kisses. He couldn't help himself. He was getting tangled in the web she was spinning around him. "We can't do this," he said, even as he was kissing her.

Her hands were between them, unbuttoning his shirt. "Yes, we can." She pushed his shirt open and ran her fingers over his hot skin. "You know you want to." He was helpless as she lowered her head and kissed his chest. "Say it," she whispered. "Tell me you want me."

It didn't matter anymore if it was wrong. He pushed her down onto the bed. "I want you," he murmured, kissing her with urgency. She just laughed.

And then a loud buzzing noise came from somewhere.

Touya woke up, momentarily disoriented as the real world came back into focus. The novel he'd been reading had fallen to the floor and was lying next to the sofa. He never fell asleep in the middle of the day like this, but he hadn't been getting enough sleep at night. This was the third time he'd dreamt about Tomoyo, and each time it only got worse, if a dream like that could be called bad in the first place. In this case, it was very, very bad.

What am I going to do? He had to stop thinking about her like this. Yesterday he'd caught himself staring at her in class, and he could only hope that no one had noticed. Especially her. He could accept that he was attracted to her, but whatever he was feeling went beyond mere physical attraction. How the hell did this happen? God, it's like I'm obsessed. She's just a girl. A sweet, beautiful—

The doorbell sounded again. "Just a second," he called. He picked up his book and tossed it on the coffee table. With a deep breath, he went to the door and turned the knob.

Tomoyo was surprised by his disheveled appearance. His blue shirt and khaki pants were wrinkled, and his brown hair was sticking up on one side. His glasses were resting low on his nose, slightly crooked. "Is this a bad time?" she asked. "We did say two, right?"

He ran a hand over his hair and tucked his glasses in his shirt pocket. "Yeah, we did. Sorry. Guess I fell asleep." He stood aside and gestured for her to come in.

He couldn't even remember what she looked like in his dream, but he knew it wasn't like this. She was wearing a simple green dress, and her hair hung in two lavender braids over her shoulders, the ends tied with cream-colored ribbons. She just looked, well, really adorable. He groaned silently. I'm not going to be able to do this anymore. I can't be alone with her. But what the hell do I think is going to happen?

"Sensei?" she said, pulling him out of his thoughts. She was shifting nervously from one foot to the other. "I really appreciate everything you've been doing for me. Since you won't let me pay you for the piano lessons, I've been trying to think of something else I could do for you. I remembered that you said you sometimes get lonely at night, so I thought..." Her words trailed off, and she looked a little embarrassed. "I thought you might like some company," she finished in a rush.

Oh, my God. Is she saying... no, she can't be. Is she? Oh, God. His heart started beating faster, and he opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Just tell her no, and tell her you can't see her outside of class anymore. While he was trying to put two words together, she held up a small gift bag. He took it without thinking, still wondering what he was going to say. When he pulled the item of the bag, he just stared at it for a moment, and then he burst out laughing.

Tomoyo didn't know how she expected Touya to react, but she didn't think he'd laugh. She looked at the blue teddy bear in his hands. It didn't look funny to her. She'd worked hard on it. But Meiling had advised against giving it to him. Maybe she was right, she thought. This probably wasn't the best way to convince him that I'm not a kid anymore.

Touya actually had to wipe away a tear. I can't believe I thought... "I'm sorry," he said, hoping he hadn't hurt her feelings. "I just... never mind. Thanks. This is really sweet of you. It's a cute bear. Did you make it?" He had to keep talking so he wouldn't start laughing again. I guess this is what lack of sleep does to a person.

She nodded. "You know, when we were in elementary school, we used to say that a bear's birthday was the day you tied a ribbon around its neck and gave it a name." She didn't tell him what else they used to say about giving someone a handmade teddy bear. That's just a children's story, anyway. She pulled the ribbon from one of her braids and handed it to him. "It's a little silly, but you should give it a good name."

His fingers lingered against hers as he took the ribbon from her. He looked at her, then at the bear, touched that she'd done this for him. "I will," he said softly. "Thank you." I can't stop seeing her. It's my problem, and I'll just have to deal with it. But she can't know how I feel. Hell, I don't even know how I feel.

He tied the ribbon in a neat bow around the bear's neck. "How's that?"

"Very nice."

"I think so." He gave the bow a last tug and nodded in approval, then set the bear on the bookcase for the time being. "Would you like some tea?" He needed to wake up and get his brain working properly. "And I've got some cake, too, if you're hungry."

"That sounds good."

Tomoyo followed him into the small kitchen and sat down while he got everything ready. She didn't think she could flirt with him like Meiling had suggested without looking like a complete fool. But she couldn't think of any other way to find out how he felt about her. He was always friendly with her, but where was the line between being friendly and flirting? Life was so much easier when I was ten. Or even when I was fifteen.

"Something on your mind?"

She looked up as he set the tea and cake in front of her. "No, not really," she answered. "I just feel bad because you're always feeding me. Next time, I'll bring something." She picked up her fork and took a bite of the moist yellow cake. "Mmm, lemon?"

Touya nodded as he refilled his cup. He needed more caffeine. "It's the same recipe my father uses, but for some reason, mine never turns out quite as good as his." It seemed like the first cup he'd gulped down was starting to kick in, and his thoughts were finally returning to the realm of the appropriate.

"How is he? I can't remember the last time I saw him."

"Really? I thought you went over there all the time."

She poured a little milk into her teacup and stirred it slowly, her eyes down as if the swirl of white blending into the brown liquid was the most fascinating thing she'd ever seen. "Not anymore," she replied softly.

There was that look again. The one that said she'd been hurt. Why didn't I put it together before? "What happened? Did you and Sakura have a fight or something?"

Tomoyo shook her head as she looked up at him. "No, she's just busy, that's all. She has her clubs and her cards and Li-kun, not necessarily in that order," she said with a wry half-smile. She told him how she and Sakura had grown apart recently, and she acknowledged her own fault in not being as good a friend as she could be. "I don't know why it's so hard. Things just changed slowly until we weren't close anymore. It's been a long time since we did anything together, just the two of us. I miss her."

Touya knew about that all too well himself, how two people who were once so close could suddenly become strangers, but he repressed those thoughts before they could fully form in his mind. "You should tell her," he said. "She probably doesn't even realize that things have changed. You know how she is. If you don't tell her how you feel, she won't know." And then one day, it might be too late.

Where have I heard that before? "That's just what I said to Li-kun to start all this in the first place."

"Ah, so you're the one. Now I know who to blame," he teased.

The little half-smile was joined by its other half. "Seemed like a good idea at the time," she joked with a sheepish shrug. Then her smile turned wistful again. "I'm happy for them. I try to be, anyway, and most of the time, I am. They're so perfect together, anyone can see that. But sometimes I feel, I don't know, maybe jealous, which is petty, or maybe..." She sighed. "I just don't know. God, when did life get so complicated?"

"Welcome to adulthood," he said sardonically. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

Her delicate eyebrows arched slightly. Did he just call me an adult? "It's not so bad," she answered, and she gave him her most charming smile, looking straight into his eyes like Meiling had told her to do. Only he didn't seem to get it. Well, it was worth a shot. I guess I can add flirting to the list of things I'm no good at.

"No, I don't guess so," he said as he cleared away their dishes. He left them in the sink to take care of later. "Ready to get started?"

"Lead the way."

They walked back to his bedroom for her lesson. A fragment of his dream came back to him, and he gave himself a mental shake to banish the image. "Have you been practicing?" he asked as they sat down on the piano bench.

"When I can," she replied. "I've been using the piano in the music room before choir rehearsal."

"Good. Oh, I finally found another book for us to use. That other one was pretty juvenile."

"I thought it was kind of cute. I'm going to miss the happy faces."

He laughed. "Me, too. Okay, show me what you know."

They worked for the next hour, going over things they'd worked on previously and then moving on to new skills she had to learn. He continued to sit by her, since he didn't need to guide her fingers as much anymore, but she still tried to touch him as much as possible, following Meiling's advice, brushing his arm or leg with hers innocently as she played. Sometimes he acted like he didn't notice, and sometimes she felt him flinch. She frowned to herself, wondering if she should just give up before she made a complete fool of herself. We obviously made something out of nothing, getting caught up in our little schoolgirl fantasy. No more sugar binges for either of us.

He wished again that the piano bench was wider. He needed to be further away so that she couldn't touch him, not because he didn't like it, but, because, God, he did. Does she even know what she's doing to me?

"How was that?"

He didn't have a clue. He hadn't heard a note for the last several minutes. "Not bad," he improvised. "You're really doing well for someone who's only been learning for a couple of weeks. I'm impressed." He hoped that she had done well, because otherwise she'd wonder if his ears worked properly. Well, it had to be somewhat true. Someone with her musical talent would probably pick this up fairly quickly.

"Thanks," Tomoyo said sweetly. She turned to him with that cute little smile of hers. "Now it's your turn. Play for me?"

Touya nodded, but she didn't get up and go sit on the bed like she did before. Maybe she just wants to watch while I play. It's a good way to learn.

She loved the look of concentration that came over his handsome face as he got ready to play. It was very serious and determined, and she could see his mind working behind his dark eyes. She knew that whatever piece he chose would be just right, and it would sound beautiful. Hearing him play was like receiving a special gift, a gift just for her.

He tried to think of something that he could play easily from his end, without needing the upper octaves. The song that had been running through his mind for the past couple of days worked its way down to his fingers as they began moving over the keys. It was a mellow, jazzy rhythm, the chords low as he played the tune from memory.

She didn't recognize the song, but she felt like she should, like it was important. "What is that?"

"It's an American song I like," he answered. He'd listened to the disc last night, and the lyrics of this particular song had stayed with him, even though he'd heard it a dozen times. Before, he'd thought the words were nice enough in a vague sort of way, but now they meant something to him. They reminded him of her, and that was precisely why he shouldn't be playing it. And he definitely shouldn't be singing it, softly or otherwise, with its lyrics about a woman who had taken over his dreams, and about how he wanted to sleep just to see her and feel her touch.

The last note hung in the air before it faded, and he turned to her. She met his deep brown eyes, and their gazes locked for what seemed like an eternity. Neither of them moved, or spoke. Then he slowly, so slowly, leaned toward her, and her lips parted in a silent gasp.

He saw his reflection in her violet eyes before they drifted closed. She lifted her face, and those full lips were just inches from his own. He could almost taste them. Her floral perfume and the warmth of her body, so close to his, were overwhelming. Tempting. Waiting for him.

It took every ounce of strength he had to move away from her.

She heard him curse, and when she opened her eyes, he was standing with his back to her. "I think you should go now," he said quietly.

Her heart was beating like a hummingbird's wings. He'd almost kissed her, and she'd wanted him to, wanted it so badly that she couldn't believe it didn't happen. She had to take a deep breath before she could speak. "Is that what you want?" There was a slight waver in her voice.

Hell, no. "Yes."

She blew it. She'd practically begged him to kiss her, and she'd thought he wanted to, but she was wrong. He didn't even want her here. I'm so stupid. Now I've ruined whatever chance I had. "I'm sorry," she said softly as she started for the door. He still wouldn't look at her. "I didn't mean... I'm sorry." She hoped she wouldn't start crying until she was halfway down the block, or at least halfway down the stairs.

Even after Tomoyo was gone, Touya still stood there, his head down and his fists clenched at his sides. He'd come too close to crossing that line. He'd wanted to kiss her. Hell, he wanted to do more than just kiss her. He wanted to touch her, hold her. Would she have let him? Maybe. But there was also the possibility that she wouldn't, and the consequences could be devastating to their fragile friendship. Oh, yeah, like things are so much better this way.

He let out a loud, frustrated groan before going to lock the front door. If he'd been wearing shoes, he would have kicked the door, hard and repeatedly, until he felt better. Maybe he needed a cold shower, or a stiff drink, or to run around the block until his legs cried for mercy. Anything to stop feeling like this. Instead, he just slumped against the door wearily. "Why is this happening?"

From across the room, Tomoyo's bear looked at him as it sat on the bookshelf. He picked it up and studied it as if it held the answer to his problem. "So, what are we going to do?" The bear remained silent. It was worth a try. "Yeah, I don't know, either." He idly petted the bear's blue fur, which was made from a soft velvet. It had purple buttons for eyes, and the cream ribbon around its neck was a good complement to the other colors. Tomoyo had obviously spent a lot of time making it for him. The stitching was impeccable. It had to be more than a simple gift. It was a message. He just didn't know what the message was.

You should give it a good name, she'd said.

Touya regarded the bear carefully, and as he looked at those big purple button eyes, only one name came to mind.

"Tomoyo."