L-chan's notes: Wow, a new chapter so soon? Enjoy it. And know how much I appreciate all of you for sticking with this.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 13—Changes

It was a few days later when Tomoyo suddenly asked, "When's the last time you had a haircut?"

Touya glanced at her briefly before turning his attention back to the game on television. "I don't know. It's been a while, I guess."

"Mmm hmm," she murmured as her fingers slid through his thick hair. "It's gotten really long back here. It's almost starting to curl over your collar now." Her hand moved around to brush the dark locks out of his eyes. "And it's really bad here. How can you even see?"

"I manage." It had gotten longer than he liked to keep it, but he'd either been too busy or too lazy to go do anything about it. Besides, he loved the way she'd run her hands through it, which she was still doing as she sat close to scrutinize each overgrown strand.

"I could cut it for you, if you want."

Touya didn't even get a chance to answer. Before he knew what was happening, she'd sat him in a kitchen chair and draped a bathroom towel around his neck. She had a comb in one hand and scissors in the other, which she must have also found in the bathroom, and she crouched down a bit, tilting her head to one side as she tried to figure out where best to begin. "Have you done this before?" he asked, only half-kidding.

Tomoyo carelessly made the scissors snip the air near his ear. "No, but how hard can it be?" She laughed at the flash of panic she saw in his brown eyes. "Actually, I've only ever cut girls' hair before. So, this should be easier, shouldn't it?" After dipping the comb in a glass of water, she pulled it through his hair with a few quick strokes. "Now, hold still."

It wasn't that he didn't trust her, but he still flinched a little at that first snip. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Snip, snip. He could replace another painful memory with a better one. It had been a long time since someone close to him had cut his hair. Was it supposed to feel so sensuous, as she raked her slender fingers through the long strands, and as her warm breath tickled his ear when she leaned close? Snip, snip. Little brown wisps dotted the white bath towel as she worked, quickly alternating between combing and cutting. Snip, snip, snip. "Aren't you going too fast?" he asked, the kidding being less than half this time. He wanted to enjoy this, sure, but mostly he didn't want to have to wear a cap for the next month while a bad haircut grew out.

"Hold still!" Snip, snip. She finished up in the back and moved around to the front again. "Hmm. Well, I guess if you squint a little, it looks okay."

"What?"

She giggled, and she could tell by his exasperated expression that he didn't appreciate her joke. "You're such a baby. I'm almost done." She trimmed the errant strands in front so he could see properly, and then she put her hands on her hips as she examined the finished product. "Pretty good, I think," she said with a satisfied nod. "Go take a look."

Touya went back to the bedroom with Tomoyo following closely behind. His hand absently reached up, and he could tell that while his hair was still fairly thick, it was much shorter. When he looked in the mirror, he had to admit that she'd done a good job. "But wait a second. It's still long in the front." It still fell in his eyes, though it wasn't quite as bad as before.

"Well, I like it like that," she replied. "It's sexy."

He grinned at her before turning back to the mirror. "You think so?"

"Yeah, but don't go by me," she covered quickly, blushing a little. "After all, I think your glasses make you look sexy, too." Why did I say that? And how many more shades of pink could she possibly turn? But it was true. Everything about him was sexy—his dark eyes, his rich voice, his large hands.... She felt the heat in her cheeks begin to spread over her entire body.

"Really?" She looked so embarrassed. It was cute. "Okay, hold on." Touya picked up his reading glasses from the nightstand, sliding them on before he faced her again. "There. Now, I'll bet you're having all kinds of trouble keeping your hands off me."

Tomoyo covered her flushed face with her hands and shook her head, but she was laughing, too. "Oh, shut up." When she finally looked up, he'd put his glasses away, and he was smiling warmly at her. That crooked smile could do all sorts of things to her besotted heart, and right now it was making it turn somersaults. "You've got a little bit of hair on your shirt," she said softly, reaching out with a trembling hand to brush away some of the stray wisps. "Maybe you should take it off."

"Ah, so now I see. This was all some elaborate scheme to get me out of my clothes, wasn't it?" he teased.

Her cheeks found previously unknown shades of red when she realized what she'd said. "I didn't mean... oh, God." It was funny, it really was, but she couldn't seem to summon any laughter this time. There was too much else going on inside her. She felt the heat within her gather into a pulsating ball, and her somersaulting heart had progressed to more complex acrobatics. She didn't know how to handle it all, so she tried to change the subject, sort of. "I've been thinking of cutting my hair, too," she said, and a little too loudly. She turned toward the mirror and held her long tresses up so that the ends barely grazed her shoulders. "Like this. What do you think?"

"Don't you dare," he said, suddenly coming up behind her. She hadn't known he was so close. He pulled her hands away, and her lavender hair spilled down her back again. "I like it long."

"You do?" The words came out as a shaky whisper. Her attempt to get back in her comfort zone had failed. She was sure that he could hear her heart pounding. He was still holding her hands, and she knew her palms were damp, but she didn't want him to let go.

"Oh, yeah," he whispered back, turning her around to face him. "It's very..." He brushed a feathery kiss against her forehead. "...very..." His lips landed briefly on the tip of her nose. "...sexy." The last word was little more than a breath as his mouth covered hers.

Her arms went around his neck, and as their kiss deepened, she felt him move forward into her space, forcing her to back up. She took one slow step backward, and then another, and he continued his subtle pushing until she bumped into the edge of his bed. His hands gently guided her downward, and she held on to him as her feet lost contact with the floor.

He refused to think about what he was doing as they stretched out together on the blue comforter, their mouths greedily tasting each other. He leaned over her and wedged his knee between her legs, telling himself that all he wanted was to be closer to her. If he wanted to make out with his girlfriend, well, that certainly wasn't a crime. They'd done it several times before. He just couldn't let it go any further than that. But it was going to be hard to remember where the line would need to be drawn, especially when she pulled him even closer and teased him with that soft tongue of hers.

Her hands slid down over his shoulders, and her fingers brushed over some stray wisps of his brown hair. "Touya... you still... hair... your shirt," she managed to whisper in the brief milliseconds when their lips weren't touching. He grumbled something about a nuisance before quickly yanking the shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. She didn't know if that was what she meant for him to do, but once she felt his warm skin beneath her hands, she couldn't remember ever wanting anything else. She hadn't touched him like this before, and her fingers were eager to explore every hard plane as he resumed kissing her, making her dizzy in the most wonderful way. It was a good thing she was lying down.

He barely held back a groan from the pleasure of feeling her touch turn from tentative to confident as she slowly ran her hands up and down his bare back. That line just kept getting pushed farther and farther back, and he was finding it difficult to care. He mentally snuffed out the big flashing lights that told him that danger was ahead. He wasn't an inexperienced teenager anymore; he could stay in control. He'd know when it was time to stop. For now, it all just felt too good, and having her soft little body in his arms was all he wanted.

She was going by feeling, because that was all she could do. Anything that felt good, anything that felt right, she wanted. Each time they kissed was more exciting, more electrifying, than the last. Even now, when his lips were simply caressing hers, there was an underlying urgency to it that made her heart go crazy. His fingers tenderly brushed over her cheek, and she sighed into his mouth. Then it felt like he was slowing down, and when he lifted his head, she was afraid he was going to stop. She tightened her arms around him, and her eyes pleaded with him to continue.

He was definitely in dangerous territory now, especially since she wasn't shying away. Why wasn't she stopping him? It wasn't a question he considered for long. His hand was still on her cheek, and then it slowly moved down to her neck, all while his brown eyes remained fixed on hers. His fingers hovered over the top button of her pink blouse, and her violet eyes shone with absolute trust as she looked back at him. He almost wished she'd push him away, but, in this particular instance, almost wasn't very much.

Their breath mingled sweetly as he slowly unbuttoned her blouse, and when he reached the bottom, he tugged the blouse free of her skirt. He kissed her again, rolling onto his side and pulling her with him. His hand slid beneath the thin cotton to stroke her back as his lips moved against her neck. She gasped when his hand pressed her closer to him, because she could feel the heat of his skin against her own. Their combined heat set off sparks someplace deep inside of her, and that fire needed to be stoked. She instinctively fit her body to his and wrapped a leg around him as their mouths met again.

His hand was now roaming up and down the back of her thigh, a little higher each time, pushing her skirt out of his way. She kept her leg draped over his, and the higher his hand moved, the higher her leg hitched around him. He had a handful of her skirt clenched in his fist as he kissed her harder, and he let go of the fabric to slide his hand under the skirt, cupping her little round bottom. The fact that she wore cotton panties vaguely registered in his brain, but he couldn't think about that. If he did, he would go mad. He reluctantly extricated his hand from beneath her skirt and placed it on her back again.

She could feel lingering traces of heat from every place he'd touched her, like she'd been marked somehow. Her head was spinning from all of these new sensations. Their kiss continued as he trailed his fingers down her back, and she echoed his movement, loving the feel of his hard muscles beneath her hands. It didn't matter that it was all too much. She still wanted more.

As much as he loved feeling the warm, silky skin of her back, his hand once again grew restless. He rolled her onto her back again as his hand moved between their bodies, and his index finger hooked around the front clasp of her lacy pink bra. He knew that with one quick flick, the fabric would separate for him. And if he did that, then how much further would he go?

He slowly slid his finger away from the clasp and rested his hand safely on her waist instead. He dragged his lips away from hers and moved them near her ear. "We have to stop now," he whispered.

She could feel him trying to pull away from her, and she held him tightly. Her leg remained firmly wrapped around his, and the hand on his back slid beneath the waistband of his jeans. She heard his breath expel shakily at the touch. "I don't want to stop," she answered, trembling from a heady combination of trepidation and need. She'd never felt these things so strongly before, and there had to be a way to ease this exquisite aching inside of her.

He closed his eyes and pressed his face to her neck, breathing in her sweet scent. "God, Tomoyo, don't say that," he murmured. "Don't do this to me." He gave her leg one last squeeze before letting go of her and rolling onto his back. His eyes were still closed, and he tried in vain to calm the pounding of his body.

Her cheeks were still flushed as she sat up and ran her hands over her hair, not knowing what else to do. When things started getting too physical between them, he always pulled away from her, and she wondered if she was doing something wrong. "Don't you want me?" she asked.

He turned his head to look at her. Her now-wrinkled blouse was still hanging open, and her lips were swollen from the ferocity of his kisses. He groaned silently and looked away again. "Are we still keeping track of stupid questions? Because I think you deserve bonus points for that one."

"Then what's the problem?"

Touya actually laughed at that. It was a frustrated croak of a laugh, but it was either laugh or go quietly insane. "You have no idea," he answered, sitting up next to her now. He shook his head, chuckling to himself in a sardonic kind of way. "God, you're so young."

Tomoyo felt the sting of his insult. The difference in their ages wasn't something that could be ignored, but he'd never thrown it in her face like that before. It made her feel like a stupid child. "No, I'm not," she replied indignantly, but inwardly she cringed. That was exactly how a child would have responded.

"You are. You have no idea," he said again. He shoved his hands through his hair and let out a long sigh. "You don't know what it would mean, how everything would change. You just don't know."

He kept saying that. "I know about sex," she informed him haughtily, but she knew she still sounded like a petulant little girl, whining because the candy she wanted had been taken from her. Of course she knew all about sex. The mechanics of it, anyway. The what and the where and the why. But she was only just beginning to understand how it felt, both physically and emotionally, and she wanted him to be the one to show her how beautiful it could be.

God, were they seriously having this conversation? "You do," Touya replied skeptically. He gave her a sideways glance, which was a mistake, because her disheveled appearance wasn't helping him stick to his resolve. "You know all about it, and you're ready. Ready for the pain and the consequences and the fact that you will never be the same again." He had to think about things like this, for her sake. And for his, too. He'd never been with a virgin before, and he wasn't sure if he was ready for that responsibility and its consequences. On the other hand, he sure as hell didn't want anyone else touching her. It made his stomach twist into knots and the bile rise in his throat just thinking about someone else.... He couldn't even think it.

Tomoyo flinched at his condescending tone, but she hated to acknowledge that, in a way, he had a point. Okay, so maybe I don't know everything. How can I? She wouldn't say that out loud, of course, so instead she turned the tables on him, he who was apparently so wise in these matters. "So, how old were you?"

"Sorry?" He pretended not to understand, but he knew exactly what she was asking. And she was too smart to let his feigned confusion distract her from the very valid point she was about to have in her favor.

"You say I'm too young. How old were you the first time?"

He really did not want to tell her, because it would throw his argument completely out the window. But he wouldn't lie to her, either. She deserved the truth, and he looked her straight in the eye when he answered her, because she deserved that, too. "Fourteen," he admitted sheepishly.

"Fourteen," she repeated with breathy astonishment. She didn't know what she'd expected him to answer, yet it made perfect sense, if she would have taken the time to think about it. Then she would have realized that, maybe, he knew what he was talking about. Instead, she just resented that he presumed to know what was best without even considering her feelings. "And you say I'm too young?"

"But that was different."

"Why?"

Don't say it, he warned himself. Don't say it! "Because I'm a guy." Idiot.

She just stared at him, her mouth open. She was completely gobsmacked. Did he really adhere to such an archaic double standard? Did he have that little respect for her? "I can't believe you said that to me. I can't believe you would...." She couldn't even finish her sentence. She stood up and refastened her blouse, getting a couple of the buttons in the wrong holes in her haste, but she didn't care. She had to get out of there.

"Tomoyo, don't...." His own words trailed off as he got up to follow her, stopping only as an afterthought to grab his shirt and pull it back on. He muttered a couple of choice curse words under his breath as he entered the living room. "Tomoyo."

She was standing there, by the door, with her head down. How was it that just a few minutes ago they'd been so close, and now she felt like they were right back where they started three months ago? No, they were even further back than that. "I'm not some stupid little girl," she said. She felt tears form in her eyes, and she hated herself for letting that sign of weakness show. She was a stupid little girl.

"I know you're not."

"Then stop treating me like one!"

"I'm not! I—" Touya started to walk toward her, but her whole posture was defensive and closed off. Her arms were crossed over her stomach, and although her chin was now raised, she wasn't looking at him. "Tomoyo, I don't want to hurt you." Her only response was some sort of disbelieving huff, and it cut him deep to know that he had hurt her. "But you just don't know."

"Then tell me!"

He hated himself at that moment, because as she stood there, trying not to cry, a small part of him wanted to push her up against the wall, toss up her skirt, and just show her. He didn't know how to make her understand, and he was screwing everything up. "This isn't something I can take lightly. I'm not like that. Sex isn't casual. It's a deep emotional commitment, and one I want us both to be ready for. It will change who you are, and I can't explain how, because it's something you just have to go through to fully understand. And this isn't the right time for us. Don't you see, that if we made—" He couldn't say it without picturing it, so, for the sake of his sanity, it was better that he didn't. "And if you regretted it, if I hurt you... God, I wouldn't be able to take it. I love you too much."

Tomoyo had wanted to tune out his lecture, but those last words shocked her right out of her sulk. She stood very still as the words echoed in her mind, not even daring to breathe for fear that she'd only imagined them. The only sound in the room was that of their hearts restarting at a faster beat, because they'd both stopped when those words were spoken. When she finally looked at him, it was clear that he'd shocked himself. "What did you say?"

He raked his hand through his short hair, wondering where those words had come from. But he knew. They came from his heart, and they'd been there, fighting their way out for who knows how long, refusing to be denied any longer. Because they were the honest-to-God truth. "I said that I'm in love with you."

Now she was crying, and it wasn't pretty, silent-tears-sliding-down-her-cheeks crying. She sobbed, and her body shook from the intensity of her manifested emotions. But she didn't cover her face or turn from him again. Everything that she was feeling showed plainly in her eyes. It was as if she'd been stripped naked, shivering and vulnerable, so that he could see her very soul.

Touya wanted to believe what he saw there, but before he could even form the words to say anything to her, not that he had the slightest idea what to say, Tomoyo ran to him. She threw her arms around him and buried her face against his shoulder. "I love you, too," she whispered as he cradled her trembling form against him. "I love you so much."

There were a hundred different ways he could have reacted upon hearing those words. All of them involved him being elated that she felt the same way he did. But there weren't fireworks going off or any other clichéd expressions of excited happiness. There was no relieved laughter or other cathartic release, like her crying. Instead, he felt... at peace. It was something he hadn't experienced in a long time. There was a quietness, a sense that everything was right, that things had clicked into the places where they belonged. She'd said that they were supposed to be together, and now he knew without a doubt that she'd been right.

He wouldn't fool himself by thinking that things were perfect. Their situation was still complicated, to say the least. But whatever happened, they would face it together.

He tenderly stroked her hair as her sobs quieted into sniffles, and then into a few shaky deep breaths. She nestled closer to him, feeling safe and protected. They stood that way, not speaking, and let the moment surround them. She took in every detail, from the subtle scent of his cologne to the steady sound of his heartbeat, from the way his lips brushed against her hair to the soft texture of his shirt against her cheek, so that she could preserve this memory like the precious treasure it was. If she'd asked, she would have found that he was doing the same, memorizing the way she fit in his arms, the incredible warmth that emanated from her, the exact shade of her pink blouse, and... the rumbling sound her stomach made.

He chuckled when she burrowed even closer to him out of embarrassment. "Hungry?" he asked softly.

Tomoyo giggled self-consciously and looked up at him, wiping her reddened eyes. "Apparently."

Touya laughed again and gave her a quick kiss. "If you want to stay, I'll get us a pizza." She nodded, and after one more hanyaan-worthy kiss, he reluctantly let go of her to go find the phone.

She stood there smiling to herself as she listened to his voice coming from the other room. Already she felt like a different person, like her life had been significantly changed. And it was wonderful. She was in love, and he loved her back.

She couldn't wait to tell Meiling.

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Well, we'd all been waiting for it. I hope you now understand that the importance of any "filler" was to build up their relationship. And I hope it was worth the wait, so drop me a review and let me know what you think. Thanks, gang!