The Ansatsuken Kid Chapter 4: The Text of Gouken?, a street fighter fanfic

No sooner did Akuma walk out the doors of the Church's did Buletta have a small missile pointed at his face.

"You know, I always wondered...why do guys like thinking with their dicks half the time?"

Akuma made a "huh?" sound. Should've taken her missiles too. Damn.

"When guys look at a woman, they think, 'I'd put my dick THIS-' and then they put a big distance in between their hands, to illustrate the distance of the path of the dick in question '-far up her!' And that's how they rank 'em! Dick valve rating! Why the shit is that?" Buletta sighed, but kept her missile locked until she realized that while she was preaching, Akuma was about to release their camels. "Hey, where do you think you're going while I'm threatening you?!"

"Oh, you mean I was supposed to stand there?"

"That's the point, yes!!!" She licked her lips. The sun was overbearing, and her thick hood, while absorbing the sunlight, only made her feel a bit more than uncomfortable in the humidity. But Akuma wasn't impressed by her little rocket.

"Um, okay. But that little bitch-ass missile of yours is for whores. I won't even consider you anymore if you don't put it away." Buletta put her hand to her chin and tried deducing the meaning of his statement: "I won't even consider you anymore..." What, is he gonna go and launch a big ki attack or something? It'd look retarded if I just backed away from him like that... She also took into account the awkward heaviness of this missile. Okay then. I'll just put it away! Akuma's criticism of Buletta's prize projectile was taken to heart; she looked at it with a discerning eye, thought to herself And I'm not a whore, and relinquished it, back into her basket.

"Um but like I was saying...in this world, if you have a cooch, you need to have a body, or at least a cute face because bodies can be bought, but cute faces...like this one here..." Buletta paused to point at her face. "can't be easily replicated." Akuma noted that

"Bitch, your gung-ho ass went against my orders and almost shot up my store. Sure, I didn't know there was a Church's even here, but it's still my store. Yet you have the nerve to talk shit to me? Be gone." Akuma was ready to wander off into a different direction, and even started to dash across the desert in a different direction, but Buletta cried out.

"WAIT! Um, my point is...when does this Satsui no Hadou thing work? The thing with the ass growth?" Akuma stopped running; actually, he wasn't planning on running off anywhere. He just wanted Buletta to get to the point already.

"Answer me this first; why fuck up my business?"

"Because I thought that's what you're supposed to do! Satsui no Hadou, Murderous Intent, HELLO?! Aren't you supposed to clip people left and right?!" Buletta wailed her arms about, trying to demonstrate the frustration of understanding the concept.

"It's that dumb fuck assumption that makes Satsui no Hadou so difficult to teach. Satsui no Hadou is about growing stronger while forsaking human life, but not forsaking human life period. Once anything, natural or not, interferes with your progress, you tear it down. But when you tear the world around you down, you lost the whole meaning of 'it' already. Besides. If you end up mauling a Mickey D's in California, you'll never know if that little boy whose McDonalds Playhouse you fuck up is studying Satsui no Hadou from his gramps, and he kills you quicker than a little girl at a pedophile's convention." Buletta looked away, somehow allowing this to set in. "You understand now?"

"...no!"

"And that's why we're training. Hmm. The desert is making my breath hot and stank. You wanna go somewhere?"

"You say that like we're not stuck in the middle of the Sahara desert."

"Calamari," Akuma corrected

"Whateve-"

"And who said we're stuck?" Akuma grabbed the two camels, poked Buletta with his index finger, and with his free hand placed his other index finger on his forehead. Buletta raised an eyebrow, in doubt of what Akuma was about to do. The wind conjured up last time returned; in response and as reflex, she looked up at him.

"Alright. Watch this: I learned it off of DBZ." It was, merely in that moment alone, that sandstorms were rectified to the pair by fog, haze, and bitter cold. A fitting antithesis to the harsher, warmer, environment thus far. However, with calm comes brevity, as it was difficult for Buletta to realize where she was now. "This is inheritance."

"Inheritance?" Buletta swiped Akuma's finger off of her, and sharpened her eyes to see beyond the haze. Big trees in abundance; it's a forest. She let the detail that Akuma knew how to teleport long range distances finally slip in. "YOU ASS FACED ACCIDENTAL BIG SHIT...ASS!"

"You're really trying to stretch the limitations of your profanity, aren't you, Cunt nipples?" Akuma instinctively dashed in one direction, dragging Buletta along by her hood. "Bad fog. Don't get lost." Trying to keep up with Akuma, Buletta's legs started aching from trying to keep up.

"I'M NOT GONNA GET LOST, AND WARN ME NEXT TIME!!!" By the time she felt a cramp head up to her stomach, Akuma stopped, grabbed Buletta, and chucked her into an old shack-like shelter, an old wooden structure meant to serve as housing, which couldn't be seen through the fog.

"This is my inheritance. I'll go attend to the matter of our camels by dropping them off in some zoo. You will have time to compose yourself, and walkabout. This is where I hope...to die, and for you to see clearly the path before you. Get acquainted to it." Before she could even think about asking the more obvious questions, Akuma vanished again. Get acquainted with this?! The karate demon's a shitty comedian...damn, this is probably the most ghetto house I've been in since Grandma's little shack in the forest, and even that was made of brick, after we fucked up that wolf at least. And the only door here was that screen door! I just got flung through it. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness of this shelter, she noticed that it was more than a bit bigger than she had initially assumed. In fact, she even saw a hallway, and another screen door perturbing, unscathed, unlike the other one. Well, maybe...at least there's more than one room. As curious as the fairy tale archetypes before her, Buletta introduced herself to this room. She was greeted by a nearly blank room, the only property in it being a desk, a bookshelf, and several books (presumably knocked off the bookshelf) on the desk. Yet, there was still apparently nothing to do in this shaky "home" besides meditate. Reading a book in this room would require taking it to the recently broken screen door outside, and with such little daylight scorning through the stubborn murkiness, reading any book would prove to be an annoyance. She tried it.

Buletta gathered the books on the desk, and went out to read. Light poked out of the massive hole through the door like a giant ray, but she found the mist uncomfortable to read through itself. So, preferring herself to stay in the shadows of the shack while extending the books into the light, she obscured herself in darkness. Perhaps, one could look at this image discerningly, and think that our heroine found spiritual oneness in the emptiness of light forsaken shadows in a man forsaken excuse of a house, but forsaken may not be the word Buletta wants. I'd rather it be that the shade is fuzzy, was her own comment on the matter of the comfort of loneliness, upon her own meditation on it.

The first book was entitled Shoryuken: Study of Chance Standing written by one "Goutetsu." Buletta skimmed through its yellowed pages; it was quite an old book, perhaps a classic that could be sold on the Internet for the price of what it would cost for Buletta to buy her dog a plush new home. Ah, her dog, Harry. A shame he wasn't there. "Launch subtle ki burst beneath upon fist's contact with opponent...a creative option would be to enflame the fist with ki, a most unsubtle touch...is known to scar..." Buletta verbally gestured a "huh?" What's a ki? she fancied. Sounds like a fish.

The author of the second book was not a one-hit wonder, the term applicable only if his study on "Shoryuken" was a hit. As indicated on another book, he has also published what seemed to be a collection of poetry. Ha Dou Ken read the title cover, apparently Goutetsu's second published work. Skimming the excerpts however, Buletta learned that Ha Dou Ken was not a series of clever analytical haikus; rather it was another bizarre study. "The Hadouken resembles a fist enflamed while shot...it is difficult to master homing Hadoukens, as each individual Hadouken must have a greater amount of meditated ki to launch...the Hadoukens are peculiar in that they do not cause burns..." Buletta shelved the book quickly. What the fuck? was the only thing she conjured to describe that text.

The Journal of the Tatsumaki Senpuu Kyaku was the title of another of the books. "A light burst of ki beneath to hover above the ground for an extended period...spin your leg counter-clockwise..." was what Buletta could manage through a single skim. So, uh...yeah. Counter-clockwise. She tossed these books aside, but maintained interest upon reading the final book's title: Satsui no Hadou: How I Did It, an anthology or sorts edited by several names unfamiliar to Buletta, besides the prolific Goutetsu's. Where's the part about the ass? I wonder if it says anything about busts... She opened it.

***