"Explain to me again why we are here?" Severus asked, deeply disturbed at
Lucius' show of affection for this ridiculous muggle toy. They were in line
at a McDonald's to get as many Happy Meals as they could get their hands
on. Or at least as many as Lucius could. Severus wanted no part in this,
but seeing as he always was dragged into Lucius' asinine plans, he had no
other choice but to allow himself to be whisked away to this dingy fast
food "restaurant".
"It's rather simple, Severus. We are here to purchase the latest addition to the Beanie Babies Family. We have to get the new Sammy Sosa bear with a collectible baseball cap!" Lucius said with a crazed light in his eyes. At this, Severus saw no point in arguing. He would let Lucius do whatever he pleased, as long as Severus himself had as small a part in it as possible.
"Couldn't you have found a less—uh—public hobby?" Severus said, looking around at the people standing in line with them. There were all sorts of deranged-looking people waiting just as eagerly as Lucius to get this new horror.
"Like hoarding pudding?" Lucius raised an eyebrow. Severus glared.
Lucius and Severus waited as patiently as they could under the circumstances, but they found it hard to ignore the heavy-set woman behind them who kept pretending to "bump" into them whenever they edged ahead in the slow moving line. Once Severus thought he felt a hand run across his backside, but quickly ignored it. That woman looked like she could have been related to Hagrid.
They couldn't help but feel extremely relieved when they finally exited the stinking "restaurant". Even Lucius grumbled in agreement when Severus declared that nothing short of a threat from the Dark Lord would get him in there again. The smell was awful.
As they walked to the nearest secluded alley to Apparate away, Severus thought he saw a rather large shape moving behind them, but every time he turned to look, the shadow would pass just out of his range of vision. Disconcerted, Severus looked back to Lucius to say something, but found that when he turned around, Lucius was gone.
"Oh God," muttered Severus. "That horrid beast's got a hold of Lucius and I'm going to have to take it down..." He grimace at the prospect of having to get anywhere near that creature, then thought of what the thing must be doing to Lucius at this very moment and shuddered. He started to prowl around, looking for any signs of a struggle. He took out his wand.
He saw it. A trail of grease from the McDonald's bags led him to what he was searching for. He found Lucius locked in a death battle with the large woman who had molested Severus in line at the McDonald's, his face twisted in a grotesque expression of fear and disgust. Poor Lucius looked like he was fighting a losing battle.
The woman was apparently trying to undress Lucius, which was proving not too difficult due to her mammoth size. Lucius was doing his best to struggle out of the woman's grasp, but he stood no chance against this beast.
Severus used the element of surprise in trying to free his poor and probably forever mentally scarred friend. He snuck up behind the beast and hid behind some trashcans. Thinking quickly, he sent a jet of water from his wand into the beast's face and jumped from his hiding place. The Behemoth of Lard set off at a slow jog, fleeing from this tiny man with the Devil's power.
She did not get far. Severus cast a Stunning Spell and it hit her in her monstrous back. She came tumbling down and hit the ground with a resounding crash of stinking flesh against concrete. So ended the Beast.
Lucius collected his and the Beast's Beanie Babies and Disapparated with Severus. What ultimately happened to the Beast, they never knew. But I can tell you this: Lucius never bought another Beanie Baby again...
"It's rather simple, Severus. We are here to purchase the latest addition to the Beanie Babies Family. We have to get the new Sammy Sosa bear with a collectible baseball cap!" Lucius said with a crazed light in his eyes. At this, Severus saw no point in arguing. He would let Lucius do whatever he pleased, as long as Severus himself had as small a part in it as possible.
"Couldn't you have found a less—uh—public hobby?" Severus said, looking around at the people standing in line with them. There were all sorts of deranged-looking people waiting just as eagerly as Lucius to get this new horror.
"Like hoarding pudding?" Lucius raised an eyebrow. Severus glared.
Lucius and Severus waited as patiently as they could under the circumstances, but they found it hard to ignore the heavy-set woman behind them who kept pretending to "bump" into them whenever they edged ahead in the slow moving line. Once Severus thought he felt a hand run across his backside, but quickly ignored it. That woman looked like she could have been related to Hagrid.
They couldn't help but feel extremely relieved when they finally exited the stinking "restaurant". Even Lucius grumbled in agreement when Severus declared that nothing short of a threat from the Dark Lord would get him in there again. The smell was awful.
As they walked to the nearest secluded alley to Apparate away, Severus thought he saw a rather large shape moving behind them, but every time he turned to look, the shadow would pass just out of his range of vision. Disconcerted, Severus looked back to Lucius to say something, but found that when he turned around, Lucius was gone.
"Oh God," muttered Severus. "That horrid beast's got a hold of Lucius and I'm going to have to take it down..." He grimace at the prospect of having to get anywhere near that creature, then thought of what the thing must be doing to Lucius at this very moment and shuddered. He started to prowl around, looking for any signs of a struggle. He took out his wand.
He saw it. A trail of grease from the McDonald's bags led him to what he was searching for. He found Lucius locked in a death battle with the large woman who had molested Severus in line at the McDonald's, his face twisted in a grotesque expression of fear and disgust. Poor Lucius looked like he was fighting a losing battle.
The woman was apparently trying to undress Lucius, which was proving not too difficult due to her mammoth size. Lucius was doing his best to struggle out of the woman's grasp, but he stood no chance against this beast.
Severus used the element of surprise in trying to free his poor and probably forever mentally scarred friend. He snuck up behind the beast and hid behind some trashcans. Thinking quickly, he sent a jet of water from his wand into the beast's face and jumped from his hiding place. The Behemoth of Lard set off at a slow jog, fleeing from this tiny man with the Devil's power.
She did not get far. Severus cast a Stunning Spell and it hit her in her monstrous back. She came tumbling down and hit the ground with a resounding crash of stinking flesh against concrete. So ended the Beast.
Lucius collected his and the Beast's Beanie Babies and Disapparated with Severus. What ultimately happened to the Beast, they never knew. But I can tell you this: Lucius never bought another Beanie Baby again...