L-chan's notes: Things aren't going so well, are they? Hmm, I may have to do something about that.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 19—Passing Notes

By third period on Monday morning, Touya still hadn't been summoned to the headmaster's office regarding his affair with a student, so he could only assume that Sonomi hadn't yet followed through on her threat. He refused to let himself feel too relieved. Just because she hadn't said anything didn't mean that she wouldn't. If the call came, then he needed to be prepared. He planned to take full responsibility and protect Tomoyo as much as he could.

The bell rang, and everyone settled quietly into their seats. As Touya pulled out the papers for today's quiz, his dark eyes fell on the one unoccupied stool in the classroom. He wasn't surprised, as Tomoyo's name was on the list of absent students. The explanation given was that she was ill, but he knew why she hadn't come to school. She doesn't want to see me. And I don't blame her.

But Tomoyo's absence was going to affect her grade. She'd been made fully aware of the quiz, and she understood that no make-ups were given. He wouldn't make an exception in her case, no matter how much it hurt him to have to fail her for the day. Great. Now I've failed her twice.

After the quiz, he searched through the stack of last week's lab worksheets, scribbling a quick note on one of them before handing them out. He dropped the paper on Meiling's table and moved on to the next with his usual detachment, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw her look up at him with a mix of confusion and hesitation. Then her eyes focused on the page again. Please see me after class.

And Meiling did so, remaining in her seat after everyone was dismissed. Touya closed the door and pulled up a stool across from her. "She's not really sick, is she?" he asked without prelude.

Again she hesitated, perhaps not wanting to betray her friend's confidence. "No, she isn't," she finally answered with a shake of her head.

Touya sighed and closed his eyes. He knew it. Tomoyo was avoiding him. Well, there was the outside chance that Sonomi was keeping her daughter home from school, but he doubted it. Especially if Sonomi didn't know what had happened Saturday night. He prayed she didn't. "You have history next, don't you? Can you be a few minutes late?"

Meiling looked skeptical. "Normally, I'd be thrilled to miss history, but I'm supposed to take notes for Tomoyo-chan."

"But you can get them from someone else?"

"I guess so."

"Thanks." He wondered if talking to Meiling about all this was a wise thing to do. Well, why start being wise now? he asked himself wryly. "Open your book, so it looks like we're talking about an assignment."

She did, and even picked up her pencil and doodled in her notebook as if she were writing down instructions. "She's really upset," she said after a brief pause. She glanced up from her book and twirled her pencil in her fingers. "That's what you wanted to know, right?"

"Yeah." Touya sighed again and folded his arms on the lab table. "Does she hate me?"

"Not really," she said tersely.

That answer didn't do much to reassure him. It meant that she hated him a little bit. "How much did she tell you?"

Meiling set her pencil down and looked at him with fierce protectiveness in her ruby eyes. "Everything."

So he didn't need to go into detail about what had happened. She knew more than anyone else did, and she was probably the person closest to Tomoyo right now. No wonder she seemed so cold.

"For what it's worth," Meiling continued while he was considering whether to start with an apology or an explanation, "I think you did the right thing."

"You do?" That was surprising. Didn't women usually stick together when something like this happened?

"I think you went about it the wrong way, but I understand why you did it," she clarified. "But Tomoyo-chan can't see that right now. She thinks you broke up with her."

"But I didn't," he replied, and she nodded. "It's just... this is all so complicated, and no matter what I do, it seems like I just make everything worse."

"Well, of course," Meiling said. "You're a man. Your intentions are good, but your execution simply sucks."

Touya was taken aback by her bluntness. She didn't know him well enough to talk to him like that. Other than their relationship as student and teacher, they'd only ever known each other as cousin-of-gaki and brother-of-girl-with-inexplicable-affection-for-gaki. But then he saw the teasing smile that threatened to crack her stoic expression, and he decided not to be insulted. It was just her nature to be straightforward and honest. And, after all, she is right. "Yeah, it does," he admitted. "I've never been very good at this."

"From what I hear, you've done just fine," she said, and this time her sly grin did appear for just a second before vanishing again. "For the most part. But you need to talk to her."

"That's just it. I can't. I can't see her, and I can't call her. I tried." He'd found yesterday that Tomoyo's private phone line was out of service, and she didn't answer her cell phone. When he dialed the main number for the house, the housekeeper had politely advised him not to call again, per Sonomi's orders. How was he supposed to explain or apologize when he couldn't even talk to her? "I was hoping to say something to her today, but...."

"Hmm," Meiling murmured thoughtfully. "Maybe this is a little inappropriate, but I could give her a message for you."

"You'd do that?"

"Why not?" she shrugged. "If it will make her feel better. I hate seeing her so miserable. When she went home yesterday afternoon, she looked like she was going to her death." She left out the part about Tomoyo crying all night, using curse words she shouldn't even know when she wasn't defending Touya or blaming herself for not being mature enough to handle an adult relationship, until she finally fell asleep on the floor, completely exhausted.

His heart clenched anyway. To think that he was putting her through this pain, when that was the last thing he wanted. He'd taken away the little bit of comfort he'd always offered her. He had to tell her something. He had to reassure her that his feelings hadn't changed and that he still wanted to be with her.

"Give me a second," he said as he stood up. He pushed up his glasses with distracted irritation and walked to his desk to get a sheet of paper.

Meiling flipped through her chemistry book and pretended to study while she waited. Her ruby eyes instead stayed on Touya, watching as he wrote and crossed out and crumpled up the paper to start over. He finally made it to the end without crossing anything out, and he chewed the end of his pen as he reread his words. Then he muttered under his breath and folded the sheet of paper in half, stapling it twice against the prying eyes of curious friends.

"Passing notes," he grumbled as he gave the letter to a slightly amused Meiling. "I feel like I'm in high school."

"You are," she reminded him. She held the letter up to the light and tried to see through the thin paper. "You probably should have let me read it first. Although I don't suppose your foot will fit any further in your mouth."

"I sure hope not. But I've got another one, so you never can tell."

She tucked the letter in her red folder as she stood up to go. "I think it will be okay," she said seriously. "She loves you. It would take a lot to change that."

"We'll see," Touya answered, unconvinced. He didn't doubt that Tomoyo loved him, but he was afraid it wouldn't be enough to get them through this. What kind of defeatist attitude is that? he reprimanded himself. Do I have that little faith in us? No, he believed in her. He had to hold onto that. It was the only thing that would keep him going. "Hey, Li," he said before she made it to the door. She stopped and waited for him to continue. "Thanks. And thanks for taking care of her the other night."

Meiling just shook her head modestly. "That's what friends do. Besides, I owed her one." She shifted her books to her other arm and gave him an almost flirtatious smile. "And, you know, if it doesn't work out with Tomoyo-chan, give me a call." He looked utterly shocked for a moment, and she laughed at his flustered expression. "Just kidding. See you later, sensei."

-----

Tomoyo was curled up on the sofa in her screening room, making her way through a large box of chocolates as she watched the video play out in front of her. It was probably the wrong choice, but it was one of the few good ones she had of him. She knew, because she'd spent the entire day rooting through her extensive video collection. This one had been at the bottom of the stack. She couldn't believe she'd forgotten about it.

"I know the truth," the Touya on-screen said to Yukito, and the camera shot cut between the two of them as the movie reached its climax.

Tomoyo watched in rapt attention, though she wasn't involved in the story being told. It was almost like torture, a masochistic mix of pain and pleasure, to watch him like this. Every time he spoke, she remembered the way he'd whispered to her, telling her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her as his large, gentle hands caressed every part of her. Any time he smiled, which, unfortunately, was rare in this movie, she imagined him smiling down at her before he kissed her. And when she looked at him in those period clothes, she could picture the hard, lean body underneath.

She closed her eyes briefly and then shut off the video player. She couldn't take any more. It was bad enough that she'd been dreaming about it. She didn't need to dwell on it when she was awake, too.

She popped another chocolate in her mouth and wrapped her tongue around the chewy caramel center as she thought instead about what had happened since that night. For the first time in her life, she had flat-out lied to her mother, saying that she'd been at Meiling's the whole time. Meiling, good friend that she was, backed up the story. You got what you wanted, Tomoyo said bitterly when Sonomi had picked her up. He doesn't want to see me anymore.

She'd expected her mother to be happy about that, but Sonomi's expression remained impassive and inscrutable.

She didn't escape punishment, nor had she expected to. For her transgressions, her phone was taken away, and she was restricted to the house. She would be driven to and from school every day until further notice, and if she absolutely must go anywhere else for pre-approved reasons, she was not to go unescorted. Her friends could still come over to study, but she was not allowed to receive them in her room, where cell phones could be smuggled in.

Tomoyo had accepted this calmly and proposed a condition of her own. She'd asked again that Sonomi not report Touya to the school board. Sonomi had reluctantly agreed to reconsider but made no promises, which was as much as Tomoyo could hope for.

What a coward I am, she thought now as she sat in the dim room, picking through the remains of her candy comfort. She'd thought that nothing short of a fever would have been enough to keep her home from school, but Sonomi had allowed it. It kept Tomoyo away from Touya, so her mother had to be glad of that.

Even though she wasn't ready to face him, a part of her wished she'd gone. She did want to see him, to give him a chance to explain. And she wanted to apologize for the selfish, childish way she'd acted. But then there was that other part of her, that tiny voice that said it was over. She didn't want to believe it, and so she stayed away in order to avoid confirmation. If he were to treat her coolly and distantly after what they'd shared, she didn't know if she could take it.

But he wouldn't, a stronger voice inside her said. He'd never be so callous and cruel.

There was a tentative knock on her door, rousing her from her reverie. "Ojou-sama, your friend is here with your schoolwork."

"Thank you. I'll be right down," Tomoyo replied automatically. She looked at the candy wrappers in her lap and felt disgusted with herself for finishing the entire box. She chucked the empty container into the trash before heading downstairs to greet Meiling. A friendly face would be appreciated right about now. And it beats talking to the voices in my head like a crazy person.

Only, it wasn't Meiling waiting in the living room.

"Sakura-chan?"

The green-eyed girl looked a little uncomfortable, as if she'd been caught doing something she shouldn't. "I brought you today's notes," she said with a hesitant smile. She held up Meiling's red folder as proof. "I think they're all here. I didn't check."

Tomoyo composed herself, her confused expression giving way to a more welcoming one. "I'm sorry if I seemed surprised. I thought Meiling-chan was coming."

Sakura shifted restlessly on her feet. "Well, I asked her if I could bring them. I thought maybe we could talk for a minute, if that's okay." Her voice held traces of hurt, curiosity, and apology. None of the emotions seemed to dominate her tone, which made Tomoyo wonder how her friend was really feeling, and what she thought of Tomoyo's impossible situation.

"Yes, I'd like that," Tomoyo answered quietly. She felt a wave of relief that Sakura was still speaking to her. She wouldn't have been able to stand losing one of her dearest friends, too. She needed all the allies she could get. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Sure, thanks." This time Sakura's smile was a little cheerier, though it faltered as she sat down.

After requesting the tea, Tomoyo joined the other girl on the sofa and fussily smoothed out the wrinkles in her slacks. "How was school?" she asked too casually. "Did I miss anything interesting?"

"No, it was the usual thing," Sakura replied, pretending to go along. "You know, calculus, history, English, music...." She trailed off and then gave Tomoyo a deliberate look. "Chemistry."

"Sounds pretty dull," Tomoyo said with a pathetic attempt at levity. She awkwardly tried to turn the subject away from the obvious. "I hope Meiling-chan took good history notes. I know how hard it is for her to stay awake in that class."

"Tomoyo-chan," Sakura began cautiously, but she was interrupted as the housekeeper brought the tea tray from the kitchen. It was only after the older woman left that she continued. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to," Tomoyo answered regretfully. There was no point in acting like she didn't know what Sakura meant. "But we had to keep it a secret. We were breaking the rules."

"But you told Meiling-chan," Sakura pointed out, this time with definite hurt creeping into her voice. She absently fiddled with her spoon as if deciding whether to add sugar to her tea. "I know you and I haven't been as close as we used to be, but...."

"I know," Tomoyo said. She sighed and leaned back against the sofa, leaving her own teacup untouched. "It seems so long ago now," she mused. "Back when school first started, Meiling-chan knew I was developing this horrible crush on him. I didn't tell you because it seemed so silly, and I thought it would pass. But it didn't." She filled Sakura in on the piano lessons, which had led to them spending more time together and becoming closer.

Sakura listened silently as everything sunk in. "So, all this time, whenever we all went someplace, and he just happened to come along...."

"It was the only way we could go out together," Tomoyo finished.

Sakura nodded as everything came together. "Syaoran-kun saw it. He said he could sense something going on between you. Why didn't I see it? I feel so stupid."

"I'm the one who's stupid," Tomoyo corrected her. "I should have insisted that we tell you. I really hated keeping it from you, but Touya always said it wasn't the right time to say anything." She huffed a little, remembering how he'd changed his mind without her. "I guess he got over that."

"It's all so unbelievable," Sakura said. "I mean... you and Onii-chan? I don't think I would have seen that coming in a million years."

"Me neither," Tomoyo agreed with a wistful half-smile.

"So, now what?" Sakura asked. "I know there's more to it. Your mother was really upset, and you didn't come to school today. And you look so sad for someone who's supposed to be in love. What's wrong, Tomoyo-chan?" She asked this kindly, taking the other girl's hand and giving it a warm squeeze.

"See, you're not so oblivious after all," Tomoyo tried to joke, but the tremor in her voice betrayed her true feelings. "We've... kind of... split up."

"What? Why?" For someone who'd only found out about this relationship two days ago, Sakura was sure making up for it now.

"A lot of reasons. My mother. His job. Our whole situation. It's just not meant to be, I guess."

"I don't understand. There's still something you're not telling me."

Tomoyo was again surprised by Sakura's observation. For a girl everyone had always affectionately called naïve, she could be very sharp. "You saw how my mother reacted," she began, and Sakura nodded. "She told me I couldn't see him anymore. So, after she went to bed, I snuck out and went over to Touya's. I proposed to him, and, well, he turned me down." Sakura gasped at this news but didn't say anything, letting Tomoyo continue the story. "I thought if we got married, our problem would be solved. But then we argued about it. He said he wouldn't marry me because I was too young, and because he could lose his job. And he said he wanted my mother's approval. He doesn't want our families to be estranged again." She left out the part about them sleeping together, even though she'd spilled everything to Meiling. She just thought that it might be uncomfortable for Sakura to hear certain things about her brother. "Then he said we had to stop seeing each other. He took me to Meiling-chan's, and I stayed the rest of the night there." She assumed Sakura had already heard that much from Syaoran. "I haven't talked to him since."

"Wow," Sakura breathed.

"Yeah."

"Wow. I'm so sorry, Tomoyo-chan." Sakura poured another cup of tea and spooned too much sugar into it as her thoughts distracted her. She took a sip, and her face screwed up when she realized she'd ruined her drink. It was all her brother's fault. "I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. How could he do that to you?"

"No, it's okay," Tomoyo replied, grateful for Sakura's anger on her behalf. "He's just doing what he thinks is best. And I don't want him losing his job because of me." That was true, but it didn't change the fact that she thought he was wrong.

"Well, if you want me to beat him up for you...." Sakura offered, hoping to elicit a smile from her melancholy friend. It worked. She grinned, too. "You and my brother. That's just so weird."

"I guess it is," Tomoyo answered. Her violet eyes shone with her old humor for the first time all day as she let out an exaggerated dreamy sigh. "But, God, he's a fabulous kisser."

"Oh, yuck," Sakura said with a disgusted grimace, making Tomoyo giggle. "Maybe we should go over the homework now, before I'm scarred for life."

"Now you know why I told Meiling-chan instead of you," Tomoyo joked. She gave Sakura a quick hug. "I'm glad you came over," she said softly. "Thanks." Talking about all this in the clear light of day had made her feel better, and she could admit to herself now that some of the things Touya had said made sense, even if she still didn't understand exactly how breaking up was a better solution than getting married.

"Any time," Sakura replied with a sympathetic smile. "So, you're coming to school tomorrow?" Tomoyo nodded. "Good, because if it's anything like today was, you'd fall behind for sure." She pulled out her own notebook and handed Meiling's folder to Tomoyo. "Let's make sure everything is there, and I'll try to explain what we covered. Unless it's calculus. You'll have to ask Syaoran-kun about that."

"Got it." Tomoyo opened the folder and borrowed a pen so she could make her own notes as they went over everything. "What's this?" There was a folded sheet of paper in the left-side pocket.

"I don't know," Sakura answered. "Something from Meiling-chan, I guess."

But Meiling wouldn't have stapled it shut. Tomoyo probably should have set it aside and looked at the schoolwork, but curiosity won out over her need to study. She carefully tore the note open, and her breath caught in her throat as she immediately recognized the handwriting. A quick glance at the bottom of the page confirmed it.

Tomoyo—

I'm sorry about the other night. Not for what happened, but how I handled it. I don't blame you for being upset with me. I'm trying to do what's right, but all I do is hurt you. I'm sorry.

I want us to be together. I just don't know how.

But we'll find a way to make it work. I promise. Please be patient with me.

I love you. Don't ever doubt that.

—Touya

He loved her. He wanted to be with her. Tomoyo felt tears well up in her eyes, even though she'd sworn she was through crying. "Oh, my," she said quietly, reaching up to brush away the dampness clinging to her lashes.

"What?" Now Sakura's curiosity was piqued, but Tomoyo didn't answer as she silently reread the note. After the third time through, she smiled and folded the sheet again before tucking it in her pocket.

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Sure," Sakura answered, now both curious and confused.

-----

The doorbell rang, and Touya set his lukewarm take-out container on the coffee table. He wasn't annoyed about his dinner being interrupted. He wasn't hungry anyway.

He opened the door to greet his unexpected visitor. "Sakura?" He should have been prepared for anything, but she was the last person he would have guessed. She hadn't visited him since… well, he couldn't remember the last time she'd been to his apartment.

"Hi, Onii-chan," his little sister said cheerily. "Can I come in?" She held up a pale yellow envelope from a decidedly feminine stationery set. "I have something for you."

And as easy as that, Sakura became their willing new go-between.

-----

Yay, filler! Thanks for reading, and be kind—rewind. Um, I mean, review.