The Ansatsuken Kid Chapter 7: Your Mama's So Fat, the MvC2 Singer Couldn't Take Her For a Ride, a street fighter fanfic

The site of Akuma's makeshift Ansatsuken academy is a curious one. Through the eye of a painter, mind numbingly introspective compositions could be made with the rising mists and the complement of blue-green grass against green-blue moss. If a photographer took snapshots of the area, they would only have to be retouched in Photoshop slightly, with a few filters of the Gaussian Blur, to recreate the soothing, yet haunting, sense of loneliness any person feels once he sets foot here. It's fuzziness falsely indicates the feeling of warmth, here; but it's a very cold place to name home.

Akuma had liked it.

In darkened chambers of meditation, he consulted with himself his slowly depleting power. It is unmistakable that I am dying; that much is obvious. My body's mobility is that of a tortoise, and a day of extended work makes even walking seem greater than moving a god, firmly planted in the earth. But what is more, is that I have stopped trying to better my skills. My impending fate has coaxed me into taking into tutelage that girl, and now, I myself have no time to practice the art I teach. It is as if I am transferring the Satsui no Hadou, from myself to her. It would be bitterly ironic, if I were bitter.

...

But death is the circle made round, and peace is to be found.

Akuma's chambers of meditation wasn't much: it was in a tree. After completely incinerating Gouken's former dojo, Buletta blew up the rest of the site with overenthusiastic Zankuu Hadoukens and her own copyrighted Molotovryuken©. After the swift punishment of having to kick her own ass with a Tatsumaki Senpuu Kyaku, she noted some drastic changes to her body.

"AKU! AKU!!!" Buletta appeared under Akuma's tree with a wide grin on her face. "LOOK AT IT!!!"

"What is it now?" Akuma asked coldly. With that, Buletta flashed Akuma her ass, and it was quite an ass. It was a perfected ass, an ass of unequaled roundness. The sun shone on that ass, and revealed a silk-like texture which had formed on it. She gave her ass a light nudge, and it resonated, not jiggled, with a sound complexity that is impossible to describe. The ass, when felt, had the complexion of butter. What's more, this ass did not smell like ass. In fact, this ass was, in contrast, a complement waiting to be used. If you were to compare, say, a movie to Buletta's new found ass, it would indicate that that movie was brilliant and without peer in its excellence. Buletta's ass was kick ass.

"GUESS WHAT?!"

"Yeah, what else?"

"I CAN SHIT FLOWERS!!!" It was true. She demonstrated by kneeling on the ground. Merely a minute later, a beautiful sunflower was firmly planted in the soil, and almost on cue, a bumblebee came by to pollinate. "DAMN, WHAT A GREAT ASS!!!"

"...Great. Do some more constructive training." Akuma responded, seemingly not the least bit interested. What the hell? I never shat a flower before. The most I could manage was a demon.

"THE FLOWER DOESN'T EVEN SMELL LIKE AN ASS EITHER!!! I HAVE AN UBER-ASS!!!" She flew off into the opposite direction, and continued to massacre the environment with more Hadoukens. Akuma could only sigh.

The hallowed grounds that were left for me are ruined due to her enthusiasm. Now, we must head to my other home. Akuma whistled while Buletta geared up one more Zankuu Hadouken; pointed at Akuma's sole tree. She blew it up, launching Akuma to the ground in a ludicrously hilarious lunge downwards. He cried "OOH AAH, OOH AAH, OOH AHH..." as he fell.

"Oops!" Buletta rushed to her teacher's aid, but Akuma got up, grabbed her arm, and used the teleport move from Dragon Ball Z to head for Akuma's private island, which was recently transformed into an amusement park. Akuma and Buletta found themselves teleported in a coliseum-esque stage where dolphins and seals took center stage. "...hey, where the damn are we?"

"...Oh hell no. These dolphins fucking suck. All they do is screech and when they jump up in the air, they barely reach the damn ball suspended above. Normally you'd pay $50 for a pass to the whole park, and then they kick you in the balls for it by offering this bullshit. I wanna see the dolphin fight the whale, no, I wanna see the seals fight the manatee. THAT'S entertainment. We need some bleeding manatees in this bitch."

"...wow. Aku, you're really cynical when it comes to theme parks. ... Which one is this, and why the hell did we teleport?"

"This is Six Flags Gouki's. This used to be my personal island...until one day, it got jacked from me while I was asleep. And we're here because you fucked up my home away from home. That grand old dojo was sacred...and now, the spirits of Goutetsu and Gouken will never let me rest...you suck."

"Well, you're a penis breath too!" Buletta gave him a raspberry.

"You stick that tongue out one more time, and I'll blow off your head with a fireball, and while you're gasping for your last breaths, I'll rip that tongue out of your mouth."

"...Yes sir."

The day was sunny. A photographer wouldn't use blurs to capture the vibrant colors of this tropical scene, however. Everything about this environment felt sharp. Yet, steaming hot. A complete and utter contrast to the peaceful serenity that was the site of Gouken's old dojo. There were many tourists and park patrons in attendance today, and this became more apparent when the seats filled up quickly at this particular dolphin show. Buletta and Akuma had never seen so many fat white people in their entire lives. They were crowded in, so they had to whisper to each other to talk.

"Hey, Akuma, why all the fat people?" Buletta asked while observing her surroundings. The dolphins were seen nonchalantly drifting in their tank, at peace with all. Their trainer, and the host of the show, was about to enter the center stage from below.

"It is the way of Six Flags all around the world. It boggles my mind."

"Damn! Fatasses abound! I wanna see THEM fight the whales!"

"Hell yeah."

Buletta's ears perked; she heard a familiar voice, somewhere. She looked to the left, the right, and finally to the center stage; an eerily familiar looking blue skinned girl with a happy, giggling piece of paper on her head, was addressing the crowd as the presentation's host. Oh, fuck. Hsien-ko!... The Chinese ghost seemed to be doing well, and Buletta had never known she was a marine biologist. Leesee...who had the bounty on her again? Oh yeah, the fucking Ghostbusters! I figure I could rush in now and blow her away, have Aku deliver me to NY, and I'll be able to collect that nice $50 grand...a little short, but still sweet for the little effort. Akuma slapped.

"I know you. You're thinking about wandering from the path again!" ... However, Akuma's slap extended too far; intended for Buletta's wandering eyes, instead hit a fat person sitting next to her. This fat person was no ordinary fat person. She was an obese champion of the fight, a pure martial artist in her own unique obese art. She was...Your Mama. Your Mama stood up, offended by Akuma's slap, eclipsed the sun, and darkness engulfed the entire island.

"OH HELL NAW, YOU DID NOT JUST SLAP ME WITH YOUR RAGGEDY ASS," boomed Your Mama. Your Mama was so fat, Akuma would have had to Raging Demon her three chins before she would get knocked out. That wasn't the course of action Akuma wanted to choose for this unexpected fight.

"Your Mama! This is neither the time or the place for combat." Akuma stood tall and spoke strongly in Your Mama's face, while everyone in the stands cowered in fear. In order to make themselves less appetizing, the dolphins in the tank even threw up in vein attempts to lose weight. Buletta, however, smirked.

"Damn, she's fat."

"OH, YOU WANT TAH START SOMETHING WITH ME, YOU -LITTLE- BITCH?" Your Mama bellowed. Buletta extended her hands, glowing a ki ball.

"Yeah...you know, I haven't sniffed fresh blood in a long time!" Buletta was excited to use her Ansatsuken skillz on a live enemy this time.

"...you sniff blood? You can get high off that shit?" asked Akuma.

"...OF COURSE YOU CAN'T! It's a ... psychotic thing, that's all!"

"Are you sure? I mean, if you can get high off blood, I don't see why I can't."

"DAMMIT, WHY DO I HAVE TO GIVE LESSONS TO THE TEACHER HERE?! Sniffing blood isn't about getting a high, it's about fulfilling those morbid desires inside of you to kill, kill, and kill again!"

"Hey, watch out. She's about to stomp on you."

"Huh?! Where'd she go?!" Your Mama disappeared, leaving Buletta looking left and right for her. The crowd hightailed it out of the show once they noticed that Your Mama had leaped into the sky, and was going to land.

"GAMMA CRUSH!" hollered Your Mama.

***