A/N- First up this is a long chapter because I am going away next week for a few weeks and probably won't be able to post the next chapter for a while. I'd like lots of nice reviews when I get back, Okay? Oh and Moving Alongside I hope will get posted on Wednesday- possibly earlier if I get bored.
Oh BTW, My characterisation of certain people may seem off but it's simply my opinion on what would have happened had he been understood and supported instead of being judged.
Thanks to my new reviewers who delurked and left their mark!- Nights star, Lynsey Moffitt, Forbidden_soul, Claire, Sian, Lenna, The Darkness Shadow girl, Eamane-Elanesse, Dagda, Lraine and X5-220. And to my other reviewers who spur me on 50 reviews for this chap!!!!
A/N- Severe angst and tissue warning!!!!!!! You have been warned.
Breaking ties
He stood in front of the mirror readying himself for the fight ahead. He knew that it would be a tough one. The man that he had chosen was a fighter. Well, before he had been a convict he had been a boxer; maybe this one had the proper faith to carry on. He hoped so. It was cold at night and the iciness of the biting air made the chase that much more real. A feral grin crossed his perfect bow lips as he raised an eyebrow to the mirror almost mocking himself. Then he turned, covering his barcode with the edges of his leather jacket, ready to face the unknown for the love of a lady and the penance of a brother.
~~
One of the perks of being in Special Ops was that once a month they were allowed a "movie night" where Manticore laid on a large screen television and snacks and let them sit and watch a few pre-pulse movies to familiarise themselves with both the media and the culture of the world outside.
Alec loved the television and so did the rest of them, it meant that for a few hours they could mentally switch off and let the pictures and images wash over them without the fear of subliminal messaging or brainwashing. Tonight's movie was some sappy movie about a doomed ocean liner called Titanic. So far they weren't impressed.
"Why was she about to terminate herself?" Mets asked stealing popcorn from Flex. "I mean she had a rich husband, great clothes and a ring big enough to form its own website, what has she got to moan about?"
The girls rolled their eyes at him and he was hit by a few pillows.
"I agree," Max said surprising them all. "What is her dealio?"
"She didn't love him and wanted out of the class division," Emma explained patiently.
"So? Ditch the lover overboard, play the distressed fiancé and then when they get to shore, get his money and run away with the pauper." Max shrugged. "That's fair."
Alec laughed uproariously at her diagnosis of Rose's options; a few of the others followed him.
"Max!" Coco rolled her eyes, "Damn girl you are supposed to be a woman, Have some compassion."
"Oh please! That fire I love about you will go out Rose, they'll win," Max mocked the character. "As if! He doesn't love her fire he loves her cleavage."
Alec shifted uncomfortably as the words hit him, the environment sucking the life out of the woman he loved because she felt trapped seemed to hit a little too lose to home.
"Maybe the guy has a point," He defended and Max looked at him incredulously.
"Alec!"
"What I'm just saying!" he held his hands up as the rest of the men groaned at him in disgust. "What?"
"Can someone please quit pulling a freaky Friday with Max and Alec?" Zan asked. "It's getting scary."
They looked at each other in amusement. Freaky Friday was one of the movies that they had watched awhile ago. It had been a favourite, leading them all to name who they would swap bodies with and what they would do during those 24 hours. Biggs, Alec and Flex had sported several bruises after that discussion.
"But Zaaan!" they echoed and everyone burst out laughing.
"You two are supposed to be C.O's," Zan said, shaking his head, "what would the other squads say if they could see you now?"
Alec looked down; he was lying on the sofa with Max's legs draped over his, his arms spread over her shoulder and her hair tangled in his fingers. He had Sunny draped over the back of the sofa with Pix at her back and Anna with her head on Alec's legs and feet on Flex's lap. Drew sat with her back to the sofa and knees nudging Carrot and Dek who were having a thumb war- bored with the movie, Aiden sat in a chair on one side with Zan, his feet kicking out occasionally at B.J who threw popcorn at Coco and Emma who were sprawled on the floor with Mets in front of him. Alec let a huge grin split his lips, "They'd be damn jealous," He nodded in satisfaction and Zan following his gaze, nodded too.
"That they would."
Their enhanced hearing caught sound of a rumble from outside and long legged Coco unwound herself and peered out of the window.
"Heavy SUV, looks like top brass," She yawned and then stilled. "I think Lydecker's back."
Max shot up, her quick movements knocking Alec to the floor as she peered out of the window, her enhanced vision narrowing in on the aging man.
"It is. What's he doing here?"
Alec picked himself up off the floor and dusted off his ass.
"Maybe he's back for more yelling at?"
Alec had been impressed with the fact that Max had gotten away with yelling at a superior officer, in fact she had yelled at the Colonel and she was still alive!
"Maybe he and Renfro are having a little something on the side."
As one they all turned to Carrot, "EWWW!" they all screamed and pelted him with left over popcorn and cushions.
"What?" he asked indignantly.
"Whatever it is, it can't be good," Max said, humour still colouring her voice as she watched the man walk abruptly across the yard.
"Wanna do a little recon?" Alec asked in her ear as he leaned over her shoulder, his breath caressing her neck.
She grinned up at him, "Read my mind."
Lydecker had gone to Renfro's office to talk to her about making his base of operations here in Seattle.
Max and Alec sat in the next room with their ears pinned to the wall, able to hear every word with their superb hearing.
"You know," Alec began conversationally, "for having a facility full of transgenics they don't seem worried at security issues at all. Its sad, and vaguely disturbing how easy it is to over hear everything here."
"Lucky for us," She hissed.
"Yeah maybe we should suggest thicker walls?" he carried on as if she hadn't spoken and would have said more but she elbowed him in the ribs.
"Can you be quiet for ten seconds, dumbass?"
"Is it physically possible? Yes. Is it likely- no," he cheeked and she suppressed a grin.
"I oughta--"
"Kick my ass. Yes I know," He ran a finger over her back, "But you like my ass don'tcha Maxie?"
Alec had decided a while ago that Max was far too comfortable with him. She was almost starting to treat him as a brother and that would never do, especially when his feelings were less than brotherly, so he set out to remind her in small ways that he was a man…and not a sibling. So far he was succeeding in keeping her off kilter. Heated glances and not so casual touches that had her forehead creasing in confusion just made him grin harder.
Max shivered and pushed him away unwilling to delve into these strange feeling things again that happened when he got too close or gave her that smile or that look.
Then she heard the one thing that drove all thoughts of Alec and his strong maleness out of her head.
"… and 493 is here in Seattle."
~
Alec heard Max hold her breath and he too waited for Lydecker's next words but all that was said was Lydecker telling Renfro that he was staying in Seattle until they caught him.
He left the room shortly after and Alec waited with bated breath for Max to speak even as they listened to Renfro curse and attack furniture.
After about five minutes of Max staying in the same position he couldn't take it anymore.
"Uh, Maxie, you okay?"
She shook herself out of her stupor and stood smiling blankly down at him.
"Sure, Alec, come on I'm tired."
She walked away with his staring in consternation after her.
~~
A knock startled Lydecker out of his thoughts as he stretched his hands over his head. It was early by anyone's standards and he was tired after driving in late and then spending all day with his contacts.
"Come in," he called and his hand immediately went to the gun hidden in his top drawer. His many years as head of Operations had instilled in him a healthy paranoia and the one thing he lived by was that even people who knocked were out to get him.
The long hair clued him in as she turned to face the man who had made her childhood a hell.
"Max, what do I owe the pleasure?"
"I want to help."
"Help what?"
Her next words floored him.
"I want to help catch Ben."
Lydecker had the irrational thought that maybe they had placed him in Psy-ops and he had lost his mind.
"What?"
"My brother Ben, I want to catch him."
"Yes, I heard you," He just couldn't believe it. "May I ask why?"
Max stood ramrod straight and stared at the fixed point just over his shoulder.
"You have been trying to catch him for years, all of them. I believe that with my help you might succeed. I would be able to persuade him to return of his own free will and come back to us."
Lydecker's eyebrow's raised in scepticism, "Really Max, after all you've said about Manticore you expect me to believe that you've had a change of heart and decided that we are one big family?"
"I've never said anything derogatory about Manticore, Sir!" she frowned.
"Not with your mouth," He glanced into her fury filled eyes and nodded.
"I miss him," She confessed and Lydecker smiled
"Now that I believe," He laced his fingers. "What makes you think that you can find him let alone reach him?"
Max allowed herself a little smile, "I just know."
~~
Alec had been called out of bed at an ungodly…or even unManticore-ly time and hauled in front of Renfro. He assumed that he was to be sent on a mission and cursed her for doing so at this time. Max was vulnerable, emotionally anyway and she needed him around to act as her scapegoat to take her anxiety out on; a role that he relished. She also needed him to joke her out of her dark moods and to smile at and lean in close with her unique scent and make his head spin and…
"494, at ease."
Thankfully his body recognised the drill and made sure his mind was caught up with the fact that Lydecker and Renfro were now in the room with him and he was waiting orders, not daydreaming about Max.
"We have an assignment for you, 494, I realise that it is on short notice and not of your usual genre."
His interest was piqued, not an assassination?
"452 has requested to aid in the capture of rouge X5-493."
Only Alec's training managed to keep his jaw from dropping down in shock. Damn that Shark DNA, it was only when his own body needed to sleep that she was out of his grasp and now she had volunteered for that damn mission without telling him and what the HELL was she thinking?
"Sir," he managed.
"We are aware of your close relationship with 452," Renfro continued, "in your opinion is she a flight risk on this mission?"
"No, Ma'am," The words were out before his brain had time to process them.
Max wasn't a flight risk; she was a pain in his ass.
"I wish I had your faith, son," Lydecker added.
"Since you are no doubt more aware of 452 and her strengths and weaknesses, your mission is to follow her covertly and ascertain if and when she makes contact with 493, and make sure that on the way home they don't get…lost. Under no circumstances are you to reveal yourself to 452 and 493, do you understand?"
"Unless he becomes a threat to her," Lydecker interjected and Alec smirked inwardly as Renfro cringed at his overriding her command.
"Yes, ma'am," He said. "Sir."
So he had to follow Max, without her knowledge or say so, violating her privacy as she met up with his psychotic clone and make sure that they both made it home, all without her realising that he was tailing her.
Oh. Shit.
~
Max hadn't wasted any time getting out of Manticore and into Seattle. She briefly wondered whether to go to the Space Needle just to see what it was like up there but pushed the thought away. She had bigger fish to fry right now. She had the feeling of being followed but she had doubled back and forward more times than protocol dictated trying to lose whatever lame assassin they had sent to make sure that she remained a good X5.
Max had always been the best at escape and evade and knew that no matter who it was she could lose them.
All she wanted to do was to see another brother before she lost him like she had done Seth. She needed to see Ben, see him for herself.
She had walked around the town looking at all of the churches within the last known coordinates that Lydecker had given her.
Lydecker had never been told about the Blue Lady and had never linked her to churches and so he had left this off his map of places to look. Max however had found out that the Blue Lady that Ben had spoken of actually was called Mary.
She remembered the conversation like yesterday.
"Hey Max, can you pass me that test tube. I need to see if X7 DNA needs added Spice."
Max grinned up at Bill and bent to retrieve the test tube that had rolled down the table, the action caused something to tumble from her pocket.
"What's this?" Bill asked and picked up a worn, torn and withered piece of paper from the floor.
Max turned. It was the playing card that the guard had pressed into Jack's hands all those years ago.
"That's the Blue Lady." She explained taking the card away from him and swiping her short hair out of her eyes.
"Blue Lady?" he raised an eyebrow, "Mary?"
Max started, "She has a name?"
"Yeah, some call her the Virgin Mary. She was Jesus' mother."
"Who?" she shrugged and Bill sighed
"Comparative religion. You'll get to that eventually."
"Ben used to say that she'd protect us and keep us strong. She has a burning heart here," She pointed to the fading picture. "And those teeth kept her strong."
Bill frowned, "Faith is well and good Max. Mary was a good woman and if you want to pray or believe in her then okay. Just don't let the lines of reality and fantasy blur because that's when instability and pain come in. Believe but make sure it has basis."
Max nodded, her eyes on the Lady smiling at her.
Well the Blue Lady was called Mary and other people believed in her. This meant that somewhere there would be a place for them to do that. Like this one.
She looked at the board as she passed it.
OUR LADY OF THE SACRED HEART CHURCH
SUNDAY MASS 8:00
AM 9:00 AM 11:00 AM
WEEKDAYS 7:00
PM
REV. W.R. DESTRY
Max nodded to herself and walked in. Since it was the middle of the week, the place was mostly empty and had a quiet feel about it. Like the first library that Max had ever been to. During one of her first missions alone and she had been sent to a library to do some research and once she walked in, one of the hardest things she had ever done was to walk back out again.
Her time with Bill had given her a deep love of books and the written word in a way that Manticore would never know about. Just like Alec with his television, Max loved her books.
Still this place had the feel of that library and she welcomed the quiet as a welcome disruption and change from her turbulent feelings inside.
She walked to the large statue in the front and noticed a little altar in front, burning candles and incense that made her want to sneeze.
There, tucked into a little corner was a handkerchief and something made her want to touch it. Some scent that she recalled from long ago of butterfly shadows on walls and soft breathing next to hers clung to its delicate folds and she reached for it, flipping the cotton over.
Lying in the soft lacy fabric were teeth, blood congealed at the roots testimony to the fact that they had been pulled from live bodies, or rapidly cooling ones; their gruesome reality a stark contrast to the overwhelming serenity of the altar.
Max allowed herself a small smile.
She had found him and he would be back, all she had to do was to wait.
Taking a seat in an aisle about the middle, with her back to the wall and anyone that might try to creep up on her, she waited.
~~
Alec had a devil of a time trying to play catch up to Max. They hadn't been sent to Special Ops because they were fools. She was the best that Manticore had ever had at Escape and Evade and the sheer amount of times that he had lost her scent almost made him give up and he would have done if not for the one deciding factor. This was Max.
When he realised that her trail ended here and she had probably doubled back for what appeared to be the sixth time he stopped dead in the middle of the street and glared up at whoever was laughing at him up there. This was why he didn't see the figure almost crash into him.
"Hey damn fool, watch where you stop!"
He turned to see an angry African- American woman with frizzy hair and an attitude glaring at him from her bike.
"What's your delio?"
"I was just," he started to explain patiently with a charming smile.
"Oh no you don't go flutterin' baby blues at me, I don't swing that way. Now ya nearly made me crash and that woulda made me late and get me canned for you being a fool. Now I almost broke a nail stopping for you so quit acting like a useless male, get offa the sidewalk and I won't haveta come offa my ride and smack your raggedy ass down, you dig?"
"Um, sorry?" he thought it best to apologise to the irate girl, she reminded him of Max for some reason and he had a strange feeling that she really would try to kick his ass. "I was looking for my friend."
"Well unless your lickedy boo's got wings I don't think she's up there," She said sarcastically and got back on her bike.
He sighed and moved out of her way. She did a double take at his sad eyes. She looked him up and down.
"Listen suga, even though I don' partake myself you are a fine male specimen and wit' you looking like you do I doubt your girls gone far."
Alec felt better. The girl was right. Max would be around somewhere, he just had to track around Seattle for a while.
"Hey, thanks."
She smiled, her whole face lighting up with her bright white teeth.
"No problem, suga."
She started to ride away and then half turned on her bike
"Hey boo, you wanna call Him," she gestured up to where he had been glaring when she had mowed into him. "I think he might be screening, try over there," She nodded in the direction of a large building nearby.
Alec was already laughing as the girl rode off.
A church?
Yes because that's where he'd find the girl that he was in love with, who just happened to be a genetically enhanced killer and his insane clone. A church.
He glanced at the picture of Mary on the billboard and the words underneath
OUR LADY OF THE SACRED HEART CHURCH.
Oh well, he needed to have a drink and they had fountains in these places, right?
As he moved towards the doors, he suddenly caught Max's scent and he did a double take.
Well, well, Maxie in Church- how'dya like that?
Maybe He wasn't screening after all.
~
Alec crept in behind a man with a long black coat and hitched behind a post watching the tousled dark hair that he knew so well stare resolutely at the front of the room.
He glanced around and caught sight of a balcony where the church bells obviously had hung that long ago. It was a perfect vantage position where he could stay and watch and still be able to both hear and jump down should she take off. He clambered up to the balcony and sat down making himself comfortable and watched her.
It had always been his favourite past time. Max was beautiful, like all transgenics, but there was just something about her and had been since the first time he had seen her and she had kicked him across the room calling him a jerk. He grinned as he thought of the long way that they had come since then. They were friends, best friends and confidants; they had each others back and trusted each other with their lives. They were family, but not brother and sister and, unless he was mistaken, she was beginning to realise her feelings for him. Maybe soon she'd accept to be his mate and want to be with him the way that he ached for her.
He hadn't even told her that he wanted her for his mate. He wasn't sure what kind of reception that would get from her. He knew that Tara and Carrot had mated; he could always smell them over each other, liked the sappy looks that they gave each other when they thought no one was watching and knew not to touch her now without Carrot's permission; Pix and Chance were talking about it…he just hoped that Biggs never found out.
Max wasn't really aware of the mating thing going on. In a way she had been shielded from that when she isolated herself from her own unit back in Wyoming, and missed all of the pertinent facts about transgenics and their mates. Like that it was more serious than the ordinaries Marriage and that, like animals, it was for life. She remained blissfully clueless and he wasn't looking forward to being the one to tell her about it all.
But then she always did surprise him; maybe she already knew.
Maybe secretly she knew that he'd die for just one kiss, that the press of her lips against his would make him the happiest man alive. Maybe she'd love him like he did for her, with the all consuming passion and fury that filled his veins whenever she came close. The way he would move heaven and earth to make sure that she was safe and happy and the fact that if she died, he would follow, was etched into his DNA along with his charming smile and sexy looks.
She was everything to him and he couldn't imagine a time when she wasn't in his life. It wasn't all sweetness and light, fluff and cuteness and neither was she. But that was what made Max, Max. Her edge, the fire, the sass and angst that was wrapped up in her package. The mystery within an enigma. Even now with her sitting down there yards away from him he could sense her inner light that drew him to her.
Her dark hair was curled down to her shoulder and she wore a black leather jacket that Manticore had no doubt given her to make her blend in with the crowds. Her caramel skin was contrast against the dark red t-shirt that she wore, from that mission in Monte Carlo when Alec had beaten her at speed racing.
She was cute when she was mad, she was just what he wanted, and she was…talking to another man. What?
He tuned into what they were saying.
"You sniff out honeys in a church?"
The man smiled softly and removed his scarf and Alec heard her soft
"Oh."
"Father Destry. I noticed you've been sitting here a long time. Since yesterday, if I'm not mistaken"
Alec glanced up in surprise, he had been so deep in his musings that he hadn't noticed that the day had faded and night had fallen to give way to the early hours of morning and the sun seeping in through the stained glass windows giving everything an ethereal look. It was actually kind of magnificent.
Max glared, "Is there some kind of time limit?"
Alec wanted to chuckle- that was his girl.
"Not at all. Our doors are always open. Look, I don't mean to intrude, but when people who don't come to church suddenly show up, it's usually 'cause they're carrying around something they need help with."
"I'm okay."
Alec snorted and then paused as the sound caused a pigeon that had been tapping at his feet to glare up at him. Resisting the irrational urge to poke his tongue out at the bird he turned back to the conversation.
"Do you think there are some things that are . . . unforgivable?"
Alec's throat went dry. What did she mean, he edged closer wanting to know that answer himself.
"God's forgiveness has no limits."
"That's big of Him."
Alec had the same opinion. He had killed Rachel and Simon and countless others, could he ever be forgiven for that? He knew that wasn't what she had meant.
"He forgives things that you or I may not be able to forgive--in others, and in ourselves. See that confessional?" Father Destry went on. "It's not easy walking in there . . . but you feel a whole lot better walking out."
"Thanks anyway," Max's voice told him in no uncertain terms that the answer was no.
"Thing about carrying around secrets is . . . they have a tendency to get heavier," and with that he walked away, leaving Max and Alec to both think about his words.
They both had secrets, maybe not from each other so much but they did have things that they wondered about. Things like life and death and following orders and maybe what would have happened if their upbringing had been different. The way he had seen with Rachel and she had seen with Laura and Bill. The things that he had done had started to weigh heavily on him and he knew she felt the same.
He glanced down again at her curls and watched her shoulders slump as the heavy thoughts hit her too. The pigeon at his feet stopped to stare at him as if it could feel his thoughts and commiserated.
Then a sharp glance bought her head up and he stilled as the incomprehensible happened.
Ben arrived.
~~
Max looked up to see Alec walking down the aisle and her first thought was anger, anger that he had followed her and then relief that he knew her so well and she didn't have to go through this alone. When he bypassed her without a glance and walked up to the altar, her heart pounded loud in her head.
It wasn't Alec.
The barcode that showed as his lean shoulders marched proved that it was 493. Her blood raced.
Ben.
He was here, she was here, and she had found him! The elation waned as she forced her paralyzed limbs to move.
She managed to get up from her seat and walk up behind the man. How she had somehow forgotten that he would look like her best friend was beyond her.
He was staring with deep reverence at the statute of the lady when Max came up behind him.
"Ben," She said softly, cautiously and he spun around fixing her with his dark green eyes.
He searched her face for some sign as to who she was, but seemed to come up with nothing and then his eyes met hers and his widened.
"Max?"
"Ben, why are you doing this?" she asked quietly.
"You know why." He searched her eyes and she saw something in their depths; a darkness that she hadn't seen before, not madness but loneliness. He didn't need her to tell him that what he was doing was wrong; he needed understanding from someone who could understand and slowly she smiled.
"Yeah I do."
The darkness lifted from his eyes as she didn't judge him and when he opened his arms she flew into them hugging him tightly.
They were soldiers, of course she understood.
"Predator."
"Prey," she followed the track and nodded pulling back to glance into his familiar green eyes.
"Dammit, Maxie, I thought you were dead. We all did. Jondy said you fell through the ice and didn't come back up," His face was brightened by the little boy grin that always got Alec out of his scrapes and it reminded her for the first time of the boy who made shadow butterflies to keep her happy.
"I did, it was freezing," She teased.
"How did you escape?" he asked excitedly and her face fell.
"I-I didn't. They caught me Ben."
He tensed and cast his gaze around as if expecting Manticore to be behind her ready to catch him.
"Caught you?" he asked when he didn't see anything but shadows.
"Sent me to Psy-Ops and Reindoc. I'm still there."
Sympathy colored his face and he touched her cheek softly.
"Sorry, Maxie. We would have come for you."
"I know," she said holding his hand with her own, "I'm all right. I missed you so much."
His expression cleared, "Well Zack is gonna have a cow when he finds out!"
"Zack's okay? I heard about Seth."
Ben nodded. "Yeah," his own eyes dimmed with the thought of his dead brother.
"We tried to find out what happened but it was getting dangerous," He choked and then she saw the expressionless mask slam down on his features. Soldiers weren't supposed to have feelings like that. They were supposed to accept the loss and move on. But he was finding it hard. Ben had always been more sensitive than the others and Max knew how close Seth and Ben had been and she grasped his hand tighter conveying comfort. He smiled, knowing what she was doing.
But speaking of dangerous.
"Ben, you have to stop the killings. Lydecker is getting close to you. If he finds you they'll put you in Psy-Ops. You have to stop."
"I'm a good soldier, Max," his little boy voice stunned her.
"I know. The best," She reassured him, "You're doing what we know best, what we were made to do and you do it well, Ben."
His mouth quirked in a little smile as she affirmed that what he was doing was right.
"The Blue Lady will protect me; I have faith in the lady."
"I know," she soothed and stroked his blonde hair. "She will and so will I. I believe in you, Ben, I always have. I can tell Lydecker that you fled somewhere else but you have to stop making it so easy to track you, and Ben?"
Ben ducked his head, his thoughts swirling around his head. Max believed in him? For so long he'd been on his own on the outside. Zack had ensured that they didn't form any attachments or even kept in touch with each other in case they were caught. He was constantly having to move, constantly on his guard and had no one that he could talk to. There was no one to answer his questions or explain what he was supposed to be doing or set rules and guidelines for him. Manticore had always told him what to do, who to be -- be a better soldier, be an assassin, up at 0700, bed by 2100, food here, training there. The routine had been what drove him, helped him. Once he had been thrown into the world, there were no rules, no instructions, and he was suddenly lost. The freedom that appealed to the others had scared him to his core. He'd tried so hard to make sense of it all, but after the pulse, no one had any answers and things went from bad to worse. Ben grew more and more afraid and tried to get close to others only to have Zack come in and take him away. Drop him somewhere new and leave again.
His first murder had been an accident. He'd been foraging for food when he had heard a scream down an alley. Running, he'd seen a young girl being attacked by a gang of men. He'd raced in without another thought and set about kicking them away and let the girl go. He'd forgotten his strength in the exhilaration of the fight and before he knew it, the ring leader was dead in his arms. Looking down at the broken and bloody body of the cocky man, Ben felt at peace. This is what he had been trained to do. He was trained to fight and survive. Not to forage and scavenge, but to rise above it all. Manticore would provide him with what he needed. So he started to hunt, hunt those who hurt others, sort of a post-pulse Batman. Then, of course, the clincher: one girl who he had rescued called him an Angel sent by the beloved Lady.
Ben had remembered the saviour of his youth and felt shame that he had left her behind in Manticore. He set about making amends in the only way that he knew how. Sacrifice of his victims, testing their faith and taking their teeth to feed her strength.
It seemed to work and he felt better for a while as he knew that the Blue Lady was watching him, smiling down on him with approval. So why was he still unhappy? Why was he still confused and alone? Other people found love -- hell, Tinga was married -- so why wasn't he allowed someone? The longer he had without answers made his faith waver and he was forced to find bigger sacrifices in the hopes that the Lady wouldn't leave him. He needed her to believe in him.
Now, Max was saying that she understood and she believed in him. Max knew him in a way that the Blue Lady couldn't. The Blue Lady hadn't been there when they'd killed the convict that day. She didn't know what it was to crush out someone's life, or take them down the way that Max did.
Maybe Max was the answer. Maybe the Blue Lady was finally rewarding him for his devotion, by giving him someone he could be with.
His thoughts were interrupted at her sigh and he glanced up.
She waited until he caught her eyes again, "Don't hate what you do. Don't give them your barcode, don't hate yourself. You are what they made you. If you hate it so much, become something different, something better than what they chose. You're free."
She knew why he had given them his barcode. It was Zack's fault, Zack with his high and mighty ways telling them that Manticore was evil, that they should be glad to be out of there. He felt guilty for being sad for leaving. He did hate what he was, what he did, and felt so damn conflicted because of what he was doing was right, why did he feel bad? Nothing did make sense and he told her so.
"I don't feel free, Maxie, nothing makes sense out here. We never should have left," he confessed.
"Do you want to come back?" she paused almost horrified at the thought.
"No!" he burst out, "They'll put me down there with them, the Nomilies."
She nodded, that's what they had done to Alec.
"Then you have to leave. Lydecker knows you're here. He'll find you. You have to go."
"Come with me," He urged and grasped her hands. "Together with your training and my experience, he'll never find us, Maxie. With you, I wouldn't be alone, I wouldn't feel so bad. I wouldn't have to kill. Please don't leave me alone again, Max."
If Max was his reward then it meant that he was done killing for he had appeased the Blue Lady. He would have his someone there, someone who knew him and loved him and would be able to help him to become something more; the person that he had always been afraid to be, the person that Manticore had told them that they couldn't be.
~~
Max's jaw hung half open at his desperate plea; go with him?
For a moment she couldn't even form a thought. Go with him? The escape had been Zack's idea originally and without him there coaxing them on, the notion had fled from her. Manticore, however twisted, was home. Home is where the family is. She had a new family now, Special Ops and Unit 8 were her family and she loved them dearly. Sweet Techie, fun Pix, adorable Chance, bright Sunny and Alec.
God, Alec. How could she leave him? She needed him in her life, couldn't be without him, he was her…what? Friend was too small a word for someone whose existence you relied on. Alec… She knew she could trust him he'd never hurt her, he would never turn his back on her and she had feelings for him that went beyond what she could say. She couldn't leave him, not now.
"I-I can't Ben, I'm in too deep they'd never let me go."
"Please Max, please. We could go anywhere; do anything, just me and you. I could show you where the others are. We could both finally be free," He stroked her face and kissed her forehead. "We'd never have to be afraid or lonely again."
"Ben I –," she didn't know what to say. For so long she hadn't even thought about escape and now he stood in front of her offering her freedom and the chance to see her siblings and she wasn't sure if she could. As much as she loved her new family, this was Ben. Thoughts of family raced in her head; Sunny's face becoming Syl's, Carrot becoming Ash and Zan becoming Zack. How was she supposed to choose between her two families? Was it even possible? Her heart pounded as she thought of choosing one or the other and it was like a physical pain. She had to make a decision; she couldn't just leave it like this. Who did she need more? The answer wasn't as clear as…
She touched his damp cheeks as tears ran down his face.
"Please, Maxie, I need you."
Max's eyes closed at the longing and desperation in his eyes as he knew that he was losing her. He was her family and he was hurting, not only himself but others. He needed help, needed her guidance and presence like she needed Alec. What would he do if she left him? How would she feel if Alec left her? Her eyes flew open as he touched her face and she met his scared and hurt gaze and her heart broke.
And suddenly there was only no decision to make and she closed her eyes in pain.
He needed her.
She loved him and he needed her.
"We'll have to go now," she said resigned but torn at leaving her home and family to be with him, to help him, to save him, and his face lit up a beatific smile that reinforced her decision, no matter how it pained her. Special Ops would be fine without her; they were soldiers, whereas Ben was still very much a lost little boy. They'd be fine and Alec…oh god she couldn't think about Alec or she'd crumble.
She barely heard Ben's reply as her stomach clenched in raw pain.
"Ok."
~~
Alec watched with bated breath as she had gone up to the vicious killer and even he was shocked when the man spun around with his face.
Max called his name and after a few desperate seconds he returned the gesture and breathed her name like a prayer in the silent church.
He had almost thrown up when Max had gone willingly into Ben's arms and held him tightly whispering to him something that Alec couldn't hear.
Then big brother Ben laughed and pulled away, "Dammit, Maxie, I thought you were dead. We all did. Jondy said you fell through the ice and didn't come back up."
Maxie, Alec mocked; his heart hurting at the easy familiarity that had taken years for him to build up with her taking only seconds for this man.
"I did, it was freezing," she said in a teasing tone.
"How did you escape?" Ben seemed eager to know and Alec waited for Max to drop the bombshell.
"I-I didn't. They caught me Ben."
Yes they did, Alec thought with some satisfaction, Thank hell.
"Caught you?"
"Sent me to Psy-Ops and Reindoc. I'm still there."
Ben reached up and touched her cheek softly and Alec clenched his hands into fists, his insides screaming for the man to get his hands off her. Max was his.
"Sorry, Maxie. We would have come for you."
Yeah and they would have got you too, Alec thought childishly. Bitter at the thought of Max sharing something with this stranger.
"I know. I'm all right. I missed you so much."
Alec swallowed at her tone; she rarely spoke that softly and with that much emotion to him. Jealousy raced through him.
"Well, Zack is gonna have a cow when he finds out!"
"Zack's okay? I heard about Seth."
"Yeah, we tried to find out what happened but it was getting dangerous."
We found out, Alec wanted to point out. Me and Max found what happened.
"Ben, you have to stop the killings. Lydecker is getting close to you. If he finds you they'll put you in Psy-Ops. You have to stop."
On some level he had known that she wasn't going to bring Ben back to Manticore but hearing it still made him suck in his breath and he hoped that Manticore hadn't had time to put a tracer or radio in her jacket. This was treason and could end her up in Psy-Ops or worse.
"I'm a good soldier, Max."
His tone floored Alec. What was he talking about? He was performing ritual murder, for heaven's sake. How was that being a good soldier?
"I know. The best," she soothed him with her touch, "You're doing what we know best, what we were made to do, and you do it well Ben."
"The Blue Lady will protect me; I have faith in the lady."
What Lady? Alec was beginning to think he was missing out on some essential inner dialogue here because they seemed to be having a completely random conversation.
"I know. She will and so will I. I believe in you Ben, I always have. I can tell Lydecker that you fled somewhere else but you have to stop making it so easy to track you, and Ben?" She soothed and stroked his blonde hair in a way that was like a physical punch to Alec.
It seemed a mockery of everything that he had ever felt for her. He wished and yearned for her acceptance and her touch and yet she gave it freely to another with his face. He wanted her to speak to him with that love in her voice but so far had been denied. At this point he hated Ben in a way that he had never done before.
"Don't hate what you do," she continued. "Don't give them your barcode, don't hate yourself. You are what they made you. If you hate it so much, become something different, something better than what they chose. You're free."
"I don't feel free, Maxie, nothing makes sense out here. We never should have left."
Too damn bad.
"Do you want to come back?"
Alec stilled, not certain what to make of that. Did she want Ben back at Manticore? On one hand, it would mean that she had a member of her family and that she was happy, but on the other hand it would mean that she would no longer need Alec so much.
Thankfully Ben put an end to that painful train of thought: "No! They'll put me down there with them, the Nomilies."
"Then you have to leave. Lydecker knows you're here. He'll find you. You have to go."
"Come with me."
Alec's heart froze in his chest.
No.
"Together with your training and my experience, he'll never find us, Maxie. With you with me, I wouldn't be alone, I wouldn't feel so bad. I wouldn't have to kill. Please don't leave me alone again, Max."
For a second Alec was almost embarrassed that his brother was so whiny and then his brain caught up, the words processed and he had a sharp intake of breath as he waited for her reply.
He could see Max's back but not her face, he needed to see her face. How can I tell what she's thinking if she doesn't turn around? Alec thought desperately. She couldn't leave him…them…him, she couldn't.
"I-I can't Ben, I'm in too deep they'd never let me go."
I'll never let you go. Never.
"Please Max, please. We could go anywhere; do anything, just me and you. I could show you where the others are. We could both finally be free." Ben stroked her face and kissed her forehead tenderly. "We'd never have to be afraid or lonely again."
Please don't, Max.
While one twin begged her to go, one begged her to stay.
"Ben I –"
Say no.
"Please, Maxie. I need you."
I need you.
"We'll have to go now," she said and his heart broke.
No.
Alec didn't wait for them to leave; he jumped with transgenic athleticism off the balcony and blocked the doorway.
"I'm sorry, but you're not going anywhere."
~~
"Alec?" Max gaped at he landed in front of her. She recognized the set of his face and realized that he was angry and scared. He had heard her and Ben. He had been sent by Manticore. Asshole. His being here made things so much harder, if she had never seen him again, she could have done it- could have left without a backwards glance but he was right here. In front of her and every little excuse to stay flew back in her face. It was Alec, her pain-in-the-ass can't-live-without-him, sidekick.
"Move," she ordered half-heartedly, her heart aching at the thought of him doing just that.
"No can do," he said, his words apologetic but his eyes anything but.
"Alec, move it," she tried again, her voice on the verge of breaking.
"What's going on, Maxie?" she heard her bewildered brother ask from behind her and she clenched his fingers tighter in her own, strengthening her meager resolve to do this.
"Yeah, Maxie?" Alec mocked. "That's what I wanna know."
"Lydecker sent you?"
She didn't really need to ask, since she knew anyway that he was the only one who could have authorized Alec being out. She glanced away at the suddenly empty church. There had only been one or two people there at this time of day but they had gone, probably to work, to earn a living, and now it was empty and as quiet as a tomb and she heard her words echo.
"Yup," He rocked on his toes. "I got to go find Max and Brother Ben."
"Yeah, well, it's the two of us against you, so move it," Ben said, the stranger with his face had unnerved him at first and made him wonder if he was, in fact, crazy. But Max's casual acceptance of his presence calmed him and he felt blessed that she was at his side. The man glared at him and he grinned back, it was odd to have a living mirror but he had lived in San Francisco, he'd seen weirder things. In fact he was intrigued, he wondered what this man was like, and did he have faith. He wondered what it would be like to literally hunt himself and then felt shame as he glanced at Max's tense figure. He didn't have to do that anymore, he had Max.
Max was staring hard at the man with his face and Ben studied him harder. In appearance they were almost exact replicas but this man didn't have the same dark feel that Ben felt in himself. He envied him for that.
"No," Alec barely spared him a glance. "See, Good ol' Deck trusts me about as much as he does you, Max, so odds are he's on his way here. Now."
Max cast frightened eyes back at a suddenly pale Ben.
"Come on, Max, you're Special Ops, do you honestly think that they are just going to let you go?"
Ben looked at her with interest, Max had always been the baby of the group, and it was nice to see that she had taken care of herself.
"You're Special Ops, Maxie? Way to go."
Alec rolled his eyes at the randomness of that comment.
"You think they'll let you leave? They are still looking for the ones that escaped in '09. What do you think they'll do to someone they've spent millions on to train and teach? Think, Max."
Max shook her head, trying to sort through her feelings and thoughts.
"Let us go now," Ben demanded and Alec's jaw tightened.
"Can't do that."
"Screw their orders, Alec!" she yelled her whirlwind thoughts too hard to be contained any more. Her loud explosion startled the birds out of their hiding place and distracting Ben from his intense perusal of his twin.
Alec whipped out a gun from his back pocket and they faced off.
"Don't make me do this," he begged with his eyes.
Max's world, which had been crumbling since she had seen Ben, suddenly snapped and all she could see, all she could feel was narrowed down to Alec and the gun.
"I'm not," she whispered, unable to tear her eyes away from her best friend at the end of a gun barrel.
Ben stared wide eyed between them as Alec tried a different tact.
"You can go," he gestured to Ben, whose mouth dropped in shock. "But she stays."
Max had felt a strange mixture of relief amidst the numbness at his allowance for Ben to go, but when he said that she had to stay her world swung again.
"We tell them that he didn't show then we can go back, like nothing's happened. You've seen him, you know he's safe," Alec said clearly.
"No. I need her," Ben began but Alec swung the gun in his direction
"Shut the hell up! I've lost enough because of you."
Ben stared at the familiar green eyes and realised that he wasn't the only one that needed Max; that loved Max.
"Alec, he needs me," she tried to reason through her tight throat.
"Needs you for what? Bring the full force of Manticore down on his neck? Face it Max, if you run with them they will never stop hunting you both down and you'll get him caught and they'll kill him and dissect him to find out what went wrong," he spat bluntly. "Do you want to be responsible for his death? Trust me; you don't want to live with that guilt."
"No," she whispered, knowing that he was right, that what he said was the truth. They would look for her and they would find him.
She turned to Ben, tears on her face; a mixture of relief and sorrow.
"I promise I won't let them have you," She vowed and leaned up to kiss his cheek softly.
Ben stared down at her and smoothed her tears away. She would have left with him, she did love him and her staying wasn't a betrayal. She was doing this to protect him, something that the Blue Lady hadn't done. He knew that she would die to protect him. She loved him and believed in him in a way that the Blue Lady could never have, she knew him. She approved of him and had given him something tangible to cling to, something better than Manticore and the Blue Lady. To him that was worth more than she could ever have imagined.
"Its okay, Maxie, don't cry," He kissed her eyelids and smirked as he saw Alec flinch behind her. "I'll find you," he promised quietly, not sure that she could hear him over the small sobs she was making.
He pushed her away and walked up to the man that held his face.
Alec dug in his pocket and threw some cash at Ben. He knew times were tough on the outside, and like it or not, Ben was his brother - more so than Max's.
"Get out of town, and for God's sake, stop the dentistry thing. It's creepy."
Ben took the money and with one last longing look at Max raced away into the bright day.
Alec tucked the gun away in his back pocket.
"Max."
She held up a hand and cut him off with a look that bordered on hatred
"Don't, just don't."
"Max, I'm sor –"
"Shut the hell up!" she screamed her hands shaking hard and her voice cracking.
The gun was tucked away, out of sight, but she could still feel it there between them. Back in the depths of her memory, the shadow of Eva stirred with her blank face staring blindly at Max as she hit the floor, the gunshot ringing in the air. The taste of blood in her mouth swept over her as she bit down on her lip trying to dispel the memory. It was pushed aside to be replaced by the echo of the shot and hollow scream that they thought had been Seth's final gasp. Max felt bile rise in her throat as the silver gun in Alec's waistband became Lydecker's handgun as he shot her. Her hand flew to her stomach as the phantom bullet entered her, just as she remembered from '09. Guns had changed her life, shaped her world by plunging it into darkness: the death of a sister, the death of a brother and her own failure, the loss of her family and the decent into the deepest depths of hell, Psy Ops, Unit 6 and Wyoming.
Guns were her nightmare, she had tried to master them by becoming a crack aim and she had never thought that one would betray her again, never thought that one could so easily shatter her world again.
She had been wrong.
If you had asked her a moment ago who could she rely on more than herself, who would always be there for her and who would never hurt her, she would have said Alec without a doubt or hesitation.
But he had pulled a gun on her, tried to threaten her life, her friend -- the only one that she had trusted implicitly would have shot her, sent her to that dark place and turned his back on her. She felt ice slip down to her core and she forced her shield back in place. She had relied on his existence, trusted in him and had been hurt, now she had to live with that even as she wanted to break down in tears.
"My whole life all I've ever wanted to do was find my family. I finally did and you have just made me lose one of my brothers. That was probably my last chance at having him near me. Don't think I'm ever getting over that."
She couldn't tell him what was really wrong. She could no longer trust him with that, she couldn't trust that he wouldn't tell Manticore her weakness.
In the bitter heat of hurt, a small voice within screamed desperately for her to stop and see the pain etched into his face, but under the fury of forgotten memories it was lost.
He swallowed, "I know."
"Get out of my sight, I can't even look at you right now," She turned on her heel and marched past him her eyes swimming in hurt and as she walked down the street she heard him whisper after her.
"I'm sorry, Max, sorry for everything."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chaosti- I know, six months would have been too much. Uh but talking about things unraveling. The whole Max as Lydeckers wife thing creeped my out big time- not putting it here. Ew.
Regan- Lydecker likes to keep his enemies off kilter- makes for a good tactician. As for Eyes Only- he's important soon- unfortunately.
Nat452- it was short because I was holding this back for ya! Huge ass chapter. As for the kiss…yeah I'm evil.
Sigma1- hopefully this will make up for the shortness of the last. Although you have more of a wait between now and the next. Oops.
AcidBurn- LOL, you break easy! Aw, its not desperate, its endearing and I'm glad that you like it so much. Eye candy ahoy but watch this space!
Geminangel- Nah, she's not a traitor. LOL, you don't like Lydecker? Aww but he's such a…yeah okay fair point.
Restive Nature- Thanks, I am glad that you picked up on that. Lydecker was such a master at Manipulation. But hey talking about conflict between old and new family glares suspiciously have you been reading my notes? Plus I have to use that as a chapter heading- The cold war- Love it!!!!
Kat461- Bumfluff- another, actually quite gross name for facial fuzz.
GivenAlias- yeah there are some authors I have waiting to update for months- years! ahem Zac ahem Sue Max and Alec kissage….yeah not just yet.
Nights Star- well better late than never, and I always love to see new reviewers names! Lol, I think everyone knows my take on Max by now so I wont rant about writers and their evil Max's. What revision? Yeah I am a Brit, I know my language comes across sometimes in that!
Claire- Yeah more of Lydecker, he's playing a more important part in this last few chapters as I missed him! How's this for Ben? Competition!
Poo- Stop jumping- you'll make yourself seasick and then wont be able to read! Nah couldn't possibly make Alec's life harder could I? I'm not evil…ahem. Deck has reasons and they'll be clear soon! As for the 09er wait and see! Oh and the MFA- I love the idea! LOL.
Lynsey Moffitt- I update whenever I feel like it- normally once a week for Moving Ahead and Once or twice for Moving Alongside depending on how long the chapters are. I'm glad that you review and like it so much, cheers pet!
Nora- Not entirely sure what language that was but thanks. I'm waiting for all my warnings to come and then I'll post them for ya.
Talichernin- I don't hate you, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy tormenting you! Things get heavier now so sorry but torture is underway- hate me if you will!
Lynn- Yeah between this, Moving Alongside, trying to get out more Coming to Terms, The Bet, In My place and me packing to go away I'm surprised you got that! LOL.
Jynx- Yeah ten days- shame the next one will be a while longer. evil grin As for Max…ooh torn between a rock and a hard Alec.
Acb- Thank you! Someone not blasting me for it being too short! And I hope that this chap answered your questions. If not- ask again. I bet if she knew she'd be kicking herself- who wouldn't want to kiss Alec? Its not ass kissing- its motivational approval J
Ting- Of course Ben is here. He's cute, adorable and insane- what's not to love?
Forbidden_soul- Yeah I'd feel sad but I don't! Keep reviewing and I'll keep posting. Although threatening me with hate mail- not really motivational.
Raven- Yup, ass biteage be here. Ben is such a great storyline and it had to be used! Of course Alec is persistent!
Sian- A kindred spirit, I love angsty moments- obviously- so expect more of those! Thanks for the review.
Cheeza- Hope I answered some of your questions in this chapter. There is a connection between Ben and Alec after all! UST at its finest!
Kim- Short and sweet… not like me.
Messymissy- Damn girl you got some q's! Uh the Ben thing is answered here. The 09ers come in soon, rebellion against Manticore is not on the cards, Love Lydecker! Eyes Only appears soonpluh!, I need him for cannon fodder, Jealousy is fun and I think most reviews was 53 but it seems more for this chap- I'll get back to you on that!- PHEW!
Moonlite Star- Cheers pet, glad it amused!
Natasgi- Nah I have a mission for Ben so he can't be there just yet!
Arwen- amy- Oh Logan is gonna get his ass kicked. JC must have been on drugs. Had to be.
Fangedangel- Cheers pet, Deck knew how to push the right buttons to get what he wanted!
1red1- Foiled! LOL, love that! Yeah I didn't want their first kiss to be- did she mean it or was it comfort. Urgh! I think she's getting some idea.
Pure insanity- more Max and Alec interaction in MAL!
Stormvind- Why you little voyeur you!
La Vito- Read my mind…or my notes another suspicious glance More m/a sweetness soon!
Lenna- Aw bless ya, hope you liked this chapter too, long but bittersweet!
SGOU- stands quietly until she finishes her rant. Okay take a deep breath and say it with me- Manticore is evil, Alec is hot. Manticore is Evil, Alec is hot. Calm now? Oh good. I always want to hug Alec and even more so at the end of this chapter.
Lanlie- Yeah it was short. I admit that. Not crazy she says as she backs away slowly- Uh Seth is dead. Sorry. Oh Ash! Yeah wait for it…
Allison Lightning- Max will meet Logan but their relationship snigger is a mystery. (well it was to me in the show!)
Jade-K- Must be in the genes, slim, pouty lips, Shark DNA, guilt factor. Sad isn't it.
The Darkness Shadow girl- I am proud and accept your review with thanks, Hmm 10 million dollar/pound hand and brain- I like it! Oh and Pix has been such a wise ass! He said Renfro was a lesbian and then he put cellophane over her toilet seat.
MirellaM- I had too much to add to put the eval in there as well, might do it as a flashback if you want to know though. The opportunity was snatched! I feel cheated conveniently forgets that she wrote it
Eamane-Elanesse- Thank you, I was never one for M/L so I do write M/A a lot. I'm glad that you enjoy the OC's as well. Have you checked out Moving Alongside? Any constructive criticism is more than welcomed at any time!
Dagda- I dislike Logan but he is useful in this…for a while anyway- then I can think of a graphic way to kill him. More coming up, thanks for reviewing!
Ganko- Yeah I kinda of surprised people with these mal and mah but I hope its keeping it fresh and not making it drag. If it gets that way- you'll have to tell me!
Kattie- Yeah I will be updating at my site soon and I'm so pleased that you like my pictures too! As for MFA- I'm beginning to take the idea seriously! LOL!!!
Jamie's Spawn- Nah it's okay, Uh something good to happen? Fayth shrinks back and looks for somewhere to hide…before she remembers that she is a product of the kick ass generation Got a wait for that, hon. As for the twin thing- Deck is a craft man- he knew how to get the info from Max.
Elfie- Uh I think yes to all of your questions and I hope that I addressed if not answered them in this chapter. Here's the build up to why Ben killed- Was that Okay?
Lyndsay- Cheers pet- screaming at the computer is a good sing for a fic writer! Ben's appearance…see above!!!!
Lraine- Thank you, I preferred Season 1 Max who wasn't a whiny madam and hope io keep true to her character.
Yakiem- Cheers pet!
X5-220- More Max and Alec action- uh yeah- soon honest!!!! Keep reading!